There are so many skills that contribute to managing your child's behavior. One that often stumps parents is what to do the moment your child acts poorly. The skill of Correcting Behaviors is built to support that. You can access free tools and resources to help you use this skill our website www.smarterparenting.com
What do you do when you issue a consequence for negative behaviors, and your child accepts it, but there is still something that needs to be fixed? This podcast answers that question.
Are you looking for the secret sauce to change a child's behavior? It's Role-playing!
A newly released study found that new experiences helped to change a child with ADHD's brain. This finding is super exciting as it gives credence to using behavior skills to help a child better manage a diagnosis or reduce negative behavior. It also confirms that a child can learn new behavior and replace poor behavior with positive behavior.
When a child Role-plays they are essentially creating a new experience for the brain--which often becomes the new default response.
We can talk to our children about what they did wrong or what they need to do next time, but until they Role-play it, they will have difficulty remembering for the next time.
Effective Praise is simultaneously one of our least requested BUT most taught skills. Many parents come to us saying, "I just need to know what consequence will fix ___" but our coaches know from piles of research and years of experience that a consequence isn't going to magically fix that. Parenting Coach Kimber Petersen explains why Effective Praise is one of the greatest tools for creating change in your home and is actually the unexpected magic wand that can turn things around for your family.
When one child takes all the focus and attention because of behavioral issues, it can be difficult for the whole family. Often a child who isn't causing problems may be overlooked, or a child may act up to get their parent's attention.
In this episode of the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, walks parents through what they need to do when this happens in their family.
Parents will find the suggestions invaluable in ensuring each child's individual needs are met.
One of the critical lessons we teach at Smarter Parenting is Preventive Teaching. There is so much power in preparing your child, setting expectations, and practicing something before they face it in real life. In a world with so much risk, how do we teach our children to be safe or to seek safety when they're not feeling it? Parenting Coach Kimber Petersen talks about having hard conversations with your children about discerning who is safe and who is not. These are conversations that children, young and old, need to hear, so listen in to learn where to start.
Is your child with ADHD expressing violent behaviors? Are you wondering how to best deal when they are out of control?
If so, this podcast teaches parents what they need to do when their child becomes violent or out of control.
When your child is out of control, the goal is to help bring them safely back into control. We want to do this by using the steps of Observe and Describe. When you use the skill of Observe and Describe, you are teaching your child how to deal with their powerful emotions in a productive and not destructive way. Observe and Describe also helps us keep our feelings and response in control which is so important.
You can learn more about Observe and Describe on the Smarter Parenting Website.
If your child is a danger to themself, others, or property, get professional help.
In today's episode, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses five tips for parents dealing with tantrum behaviors. These tips include focusing on the behavior and not the issue of the tantrum to refocus the child on adjusting the behavior, eliminating the audience, maintaining composure for the parent, describing the expected behavior, and praising for even minor compliance. The parenting skill, Observe and Describe helps a parent deal with challenging behaviors.
Today's podcast gives hope to parents who worry about their children with ADHD being successful long-term as Issac Eaves join us.
While many view ADHD as a handicap, we believe ADHD can be a superpower.
As a child with ADHD, Isaac struggled, especially with schedules. His struggles lead to the creation of the Joon App, which helps children with ADHD manage schedules and to-do items in a way that makes them feel successful. It also works with children who do not have ADHD as it makes completing everyday tasks fun and exciting.
Children with ADHD operate differently. When we acknowledge that they need different tools, we help them develop their superpowers.
You can find the JoonApp here.
Siope discusses the new challenge for parents that previous generations of parents have not had to deal with, namely, electronic devices. More and more children are acting out when asked to stop using electronic devices. What can parents do to help their children navigate their use of devices and the need for a positive environment in the home? Using the skill of Decision Making, parents and children can learn how to set up productive ways to work through the challenges of children using electronic devices.
Continuing our mini-series of breaking down the Smarter Parenting skills is skill number 4: Effective Communication. Communicating with your child or even your partner can be improved by practicing this simple skill. Often we hear parents AND children report that the other person just doesn't listen. This skill helps both sides feel heard and valued, allows you time to process your thoughts fully before speaking, and helps you work together on solving problems.
Role-playing can make parents nervous. In this episode, we talk about ways you already see Role-plays at work and how easy it can be to use them. It's amazing to see some of the immediate changes that can happen after a parent Role-plays an expectation. Think about it, would you bring your child to the soccer playoffs without ever practicing? No way. So why do we expect them to behave in certain ways without any practice?
Many parents give a consequence expecting it will stop the behavior and are surprised when it doesn't.
Giving an effective consequence isn't easy. In fact, for a consequence to work, it needs to include five key elements: Immediacy, Size, Frequency, Importance, and Varied.
The best way to teach a child isn't through consequences. Because consequences focus on the negative, they can damage your relationships with your child and cause them to have issues with self-esteem and self-doubt. The best way to get a child to create lasting change is through rewards.
Rewards give a child power and encouragement to change because it focuses on what they will receive. Rewards build relationships and set your child up for success.
For more information about giving consequences or rewards, visit SmarterParenting.com
Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini answers more parenting questions about children who struggle with out-of-control behaviors. Such as why it takes a child with ADHD so much time to do simple tasks. How children with ADHD are motivated differently than neurotypical children. Concerns about the future of children with ADHD.
Siope answers questions parents have sent in to Smarter Parenting regarding how to deal with various issues such as: co-parenting, constant arguing, how to use rewards effectively, why boys are more frequently diagnosed with ADHD as opposed to girls, etc.
Kids with ADHD can have difficulty setting and accomplishing goals.
In today's podcast, ADHD expert Siope Kinikini shares three things that will help a child, or anyone, with ADHD, be successful when establishing goals.
The three things covered are: How to set appropriate goals. Basing outcomes on feelings vs. actions Anchoring goals
We want to give our children the tools to handle school, work, and relationships. When they use the skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method), they are using those tools that will allow them to find success.
You can learn more about Decision Making on Smarter Parenting.
In our series, we are reviewing the skill of Observe and Describe and how it helps bring clarity to communication between parents and children. This helps both the parent and child reach better understanding in both positive and negative situations that can lead to better communication and the resolution to problems.
For the next few weeks, we will review the skills taught on Smarterparenting.com.
This week we are focusing on the ABC's of Behavior.
The ABC's of Behavior is a tool parents can use to figure out why a behavior is happening and then take the appropriate steps to keep the behavior from happening again or promoting repeat behavior.
The ABC's of Behavior stands for: A-Antecedent. The Antecedent is what was happening before the behavior.
B-Behavior. It is what happened or the action.
C-Consequence. This is what follows after the behavior. It can be either positive or negative.
When parents can understand why a specific behavior is happening, it is easier to address the root cause in a way that helps a child learn and grow.
Visit SmarterParenting.com for more information about The ABC's of Behavior
Do you ever feel like electronics are taking over your child's life? Do they have a problem getting off their phone, tablet, computer, game, or TV?
It can be tricky to help our children learn how to use electronics appropriately, as we must teach them how to use them in a beneficial and not harmful way for their growth.
In today's podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses ways to set boundaries around electronics and their usage.
One of the things families can do is use the SODAS Method to determine how and when members should use electronic devices. When we make it a family decision, they don't feel like there is a double standard with one set of rules for grown-ups and another set for kids.
Have you ever tried to get your child to clean their room, and they aren't interested, and that lack of interest causes tension, and you don't want all that tension?
Motiving your child can be incredibly frustrating.
The SODAS Method can make helping your child easier.
Everyone is either motivated by intrinsic or external factors. When we do something because we like doing that activity, that is called intrinsic motivation. External motivation is when we don't necessarily like doing the action but want what comes from it. For example, we may not enjoy studying for a test, but we like the grade we get when we do.
Understanding how and what motivates our children can make a world of difference--especially when it comes to having them do things they may not like or want to do.
It's why we love using the SODAS Method, as it helps us determine what the best way to motivate our children is. The SODAS Method can be tailored to specific situations and children as each child is different in what will encourage them. You may have a child who will do homework without external motivation because they like the process of learning. In contrast, you may have a child who needs external motivation because the learning process isn't enough.
You can find more about the SODAS Method on the Smarter Parenting website.
https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/decision-making-sodas-method/
Bedtime can be a battlefield for most families but especially for families managing ADHD. But, why is it a fight? What needs to change? Do you as the parent have appropriate expectations? In this episode we break bedtime into three different phases, after listening consider what phase isn't going well in your home. You can focus on one area or you can dive into a bedtime makeover and tackle all three. Whatever you decide, one of your greatest tools is consistency so remain consistent and your bedtime will improve.
Join Siope in talking about the brain and how Role Playing makes a big difference when learning new things.
If you wake up on the morning of your dentist appointment with the motivation to make up for the last six months through one really great teeth brushing session it's unlikely you'll make a difference. Much of our health and well being is built up of small, daily choices that culminate into a meaningful impact. Our relationship with our children is no different, one enthusiastic lecture does not carry the weight of small daily interactions. This episode talks about how you, as a parent, can make a meaningful change in your world through small, but important, moments.
In this episode Siope breaks down Effective Communication and how you, as a parent, can apply Gottman's principle of Bids for Connection to your parent-child relationship.
Siope discusses the often connected relationship between ADHD and ODD, including the criteria for ODD and how to use Effective Praise to help with both problems.
It is always recommended to work with a mental health professional in your area as well if you need to help. Coaching is available to help support your efforts in the home and with your child.
Feel free to sign up for coaching on the Smarter Parenting website.
When you have a child with ADHD it can be so challenging to manage impulsive behaviors. In this episode we talk about how to use the skill Correcting Behaviors to help guide you through what to do when your child is struggling with a boundary you've set.
So many parents want to skip straight to "what do I do when my child acts out??". What you do BEFORE and AFTER the problem behavior really matters which is why we teach the skill Correcting Behaviors. While this is the content that most parents are wanting to jump straight into we want to remind you that this is only a small part of creating change. If you are struggling with a problem behavior it won't change from correction, the change is going to come from Effective Praise, Preventive Teaching, Effective Communication, and the many other skills that we teach. Correcting Behaviors is simply to maintain a boundary that has already been set, so its important but its not the most important part of the journey.
Learn how to customize chore charts to the needs of your child with some simple considerations. Siope shares insights into things parents can do to spruce up the effectiveness of a chore chart and emphasizes the need for parents to use the skill of Effective Communication in the process.
A chore chart can be a helpful way for children to do things they need to do without having parents constantly monitoring their children however, most parents believe just writing the tasks that need to be done is enough. Learn some additional ways to make a chore chart work for your child, their age, and their development.
Today's podcast welcomes guest, Amanda Neely, who works as a professional parent in a treatment program for teens. Amanda has been a parent to her own toddler, a guardian to her teenage siblings, and a professional parent for dozens of kids needing treatment and support. Amanda shares how the Smarter Parenting skills she's learned have changed her life, and the lives of the kids she raises. Listen in to hear her talk about how she's gained confidence and her best tips on where you can start.
In this podcast you'll find out why "Strength Based" is such an important framework in the mental health field and why you, as a parent, need to use it too. Raising kids comes with a hefty dose of humility, there is so much that parents do and learn as they raise kids. It is easy to get lost in what isn't going right when frustrating behaviors arise, but have you stopped to notice what is going right? Or paused to consider that it just might be okay that things aren't going as planned? This podcast helps you break down those moments and find more strength as a parent.
What is Complex ADHD and why should parents be aware of it? The diagnosis of ADHD may not give parents a complete understanding of their child's behavior. Understanding the limitations of a diagnosis of ADHD and that something more could be contributing to problem behaviors can help parents find better solutions to help their children.
Siope explains what Complex ADHD is and how using the skill of Observe and Describe helped a family deal with oppositional behavior.
How can you talk to your child about ADHD? How can you communicate with extended family members who may not understand ADHD what it is without judgment? During this podcast, Siope discusses the approach recommended for talking to children and teens about ADHD and how to communicate about it with family members that may not understand it.
Focusing on the skill of Effective Communication throughout this podcast episode which can be found on the Smarter Parenting website.
Listen in as Siope breaks down decision paralysis and how it effects anyone, but especially those with ADHD. Siope offers simple, effective solutions as you work to overcome decision paralysis in your home.
Today's podcast addresses the hard conversations that parents around the world are facing: how to make sense of the world when things seem so chaotic. This is such a difficult time for children to understand what is happening or feel safe. Siope and Kimber talk about using Effective Communication and child led questioning to navigate challenging conversations. Listen in and then check out the free resources they reference at www.SmarterParenting.com
Role-playing is a powerful tool to help your child learn new behaviors. In this podcast, Kimber, talks about the importance of role-playing to correct negative behaviors, when to do it, and how. This is a great way to begin the process of making permanent changes to your child's misbehaviors.
Role-playing specifies the appropriate behaviors you would like to see your child accomplish as well as help them become confident in doing so. Smarter Parenting has a brief 6-minute video of how to role-play effectively with each step using examples. You can access the video lesson role-playing here.
The last in a series of three podcasts on "Love Languages" presented by Kimber where she discusses how to use parenting skills while keeping in mind the way your child will better connect with you.
Kimber discusses the final three topics: Gifts, Quality Time, and Acts of Service with the skill of Effective Communication.
Understanding how your child communicates and accepts love and feedback can greatly improve your effectiveness as a parent. Using skills and understanding physical touch and words of affirmation are discussed in this second in a series that covers "Love Languages."
The first in a series of podcasts on Love Languages and the Parenting skills from Smarter Parenting to improve the connection you have with your children.
Being an effective parent is much more than following a checklist. To be an effective parent you need to understand how your child works and then adapt to that. This adaption is called the artistic side of parenting.
The skills taught on Smarter Parenting help parents combine the technical and the artistic side of parenting allowing parents to be successful.
Are you an adult who has ADHD or think you may have ADHD? This podcast is for you as ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses ADHD in adults and tips for managing it.
When they receive an ADHD diagnosis for their child, many parents may recognize having similar symptoms or challenges, especially when they were younger, and believe they have ADHD.
Recognizing that you may have ADHD can allow you to understand the challenges your child may face.
If you suspect you have adult ADHD, you can get diagnosed by your health care provider. ADHD in adults looks different from ADHD in a child, and often, adults with ADHD have learned to live with/manage their symptoms.
To be diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, the symptoms must be severe enough to cause issues in everyday life.
There are multiple options for adults to manage their ADHD, including medication, various therapy, and coaching. One resource we recommend for adults is the book Fast Minds: How to thrive if you have ADHD (or think you might).
The more you can manage your ADHD symptoms, the better help you will be to your child in managing theirs. This is why we love the skill of Role-play. Because those with ADHD can be easily distracted or inattentive, telling them what they should do isn't as effective as showing them how to do it and then practicing.
By practicing, you are engaging all the senses, allowing your child to be more effective and successful doing it on their own. You can find the free video tutorial on Role-playing at SmarterParenting.com.
Today's podcast goes over how an ADHD diagnosis is reached. What other issues may also be present, and how parents can use skills to create connections with their children.
A diagnosis does not cover all the symptoms and will not look the same for every child. Some children may present more of one symptom and not others. Getting an official diagnosis allows parents to adapt better to serve their child's needs.
Often children with ADHD may also present additional symptoms that aren't ADHD, such as anxiety or depression. The order of treatment will depend on what symptoms are most severe.
Often, children with ADHD may feel judged or different, so it's important to foster connections, especially when acting out. The skills on Smarter Parenting are all about helping parents find ways to connect with their children.
We know that connecting with our children, especially when they are angry, tired, or acting out, can be challenging, so we love the skills so much. The skills give you the steps needed to create connections while being calm and present and not making things worse.
You can create an excellent and healthy relationship with your child that will benefit them their whole life!
Learn more about the skills today! You can find the free skills at SmarterParenting.com
If you want a better relationship with your child, learn how to give Effective Praise.
Effective Praise isn't complicated, but it will change how you see your child and how your child sees you.
Effective Praise helps you see--and recognize--what your child is doing well. Noticing what our child is doing well can be challenging for most parents, especially in the everyday hustle and bustle.
Because we have so much on our plates as parents, it's easy to focus on what our child needs to do differently so that life is more manageable, whether that's doing their chores or not talking back, or a million other things.
Most parents fail to understand that the most significant change comes when focusing on the positives and not the negative. When we focus on positives, our child feels noticed and understood, which means they are more likely to repeat that behavior.
Parents who use Effective Praise consistently have found the relationships with their child improving--even relationships that were difficult previously.
You can change your relationships with your child, and Effective Praise is how you do it.
The steps to Effective Praise are:
Show your approval or find a positive.
Describe the positive behavior. Be specific.
Give a meaningful reason to repeat the behavior.
Give a reward (option)
You can learn more about Effective Praise at SmarterParenting.com
Successful adults are those who have learned how to be resilient. If you want your child to be successful in the future, you need to teach them how to be resilient.
Being resilient means helping them approach new situations and setbacks in positive, not negative, ways.
Some things that resilient children do:
The free skills on SmarterParenting.com help parents teach these vital traits to their children.
If you haven't checked out part 1 of this series, we recommend going back and listening to episode 167.
Raising resilient children is something that parents hope to teach their children. Today's podcast discusses three things parents can do to prepare their children to deal with problems, conflicts, and growth successfully. Today's episode is part one, and next week's podcast will finish up the discussion.
To raise successful children, they need tools that help them make sense of and understand the world around them. They need tools for making choices and decisions. They need tools for communication. They need tools that help them understand the long-term consequences or rewards of actions. They need tools to help them understand and describe what they are feeling.
The skills on SmarterParenting.com can do just that. They teach parents precisely what to do to set their children up for success.
When we give our children tools, it makes raising them easier. When they know how to deal with problems, conflicts, and emotions healthy, they are less likely to act out negatively or seek unhealthy attention.
As parents, we can be terrible about practicing self-care. Practicing self-care is vital in helping us be our best.
When we don't practice self-care, we give less than our best to our family. Self-care allows us to recharge and refocus, enabling us to tackle everything we are required to do better.
It can feel like we have no time for self-care or that practicing self-care is selfish. It is not. It is so important!
Yes, practicing self-care may require sacrifices and simplification. Still, the benefits for you and your family will be well worth it as it sends a message to your child that they need to establish healthy boundaries and know their limits.
You wouldn't want your child continually running on empty. You shouldn't either.
When added stresses are added to already busy schedules during the holidays, it can be even more challenging to find the time for self-care. Instead of forgoing self-care, put it on the calendar! Use the SODAS Method to help you determine activities and times that will work for your schedule. Activities for self-care could include a walk, eating a treat, checking social media, talking to a friend, watching a TV show, reading, yoga, journaling, etc. The possibilities are endless. Just find something that works for you and gives you the recharge you need.
Putting it in the calendar does a couple of things. First, it makes it easier to take the time to recharge. Second, it shows everybody the importance of time for yourself. Sometimes it can be easy for our kids to think of us as the energizer bunny with unlimited ability to give and give. Which we all know isn't true.
We hope you'll make self-care an important part of your parenting routine!
Do you want to be the best parent you can be? Smarter Parenting is here to help you!
Our goal is to help strengthen and improve relationships while giving our children the tools to navigate their lives successfully.
The skills on Smarter Parenting have been used for over 50 years by agencies worldwide to help families succeed. The skills work with children of all ages and abilities. They will work with your child too!
There is a lot of parenting styles and advice out there. Some of it good. Some of it not so helpful.
On extreme ends of the spectrum, two common parenting styles are authoritative parenting and permissive parenting. These parenting styles can teach our children unwanted lessons and long-term behavior.
Science has proven that a parenting style somewhere in the middle is the most effective.
The most significant difference between Smarter Parenting and other parenting styles is our focus on teaching. While we would love our children to know how to behave or listen to us or make the right decisions, those things do not always come naturally. We have to show them how to do it.
The skills Smarter Parenting teaches shows parents how to be both firm and kind while teaching our children what is expected of them.
Children need boundaries as boundaries make them feel safe and a sense of the world. They also need compassion and understanding as they learn how to deal with new emotions and situations.
The best way parents can learn to be better is through skills that balance firmness and kindness. The skills found on Smarter Parenting teach parents how to do just that. The skills are universal and give parents the confidence to handle any parenting situation with compassion, understanding, and fairness.
The skills we teach at SmarterParenting.com are:
- THE ABC'S OF BEHAVIOR: Helping parents understand why behavior happens and what they can do about it.
- OBSERVE AND DESCRIBE: Helping parents remove emotions from situations, and a child knows exactly what they are doing.
- ROLE-PLAYING: This helps a child understands how to react in situations by teaching how they should behave.
- EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: Helping families communicate so that everyone feels appreciated and valued.
- EFFECTIVE PRAISE: Helping a child feel valued and seen.
- PREVENTIVE TEACHING: Preparing a child for future situations that may be difficult or tricky for them to navigate.
- FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS: Getting a child to listen, do and take responsibility.
- CORRECTING BEHAVIORS: Correcting a child when they've done something wrong in a way that strengthens, not damages relationships.
- DECISION MAKING (SODAS METHOD): Teaching a child to make better decisions by seeing the pros and cons.
- EFFECTIVE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES: Reducing negative behavior by encouraging a child to learn instead of punishing them.
- EFFECTIVE POSITIVE REWARDS: Encouraging repeat positive behavior by acknowledging what they are doing well.
The skills we teach on Smarter Parenting are all free. Check them out today!
Many children struggle with managing expectations and emotions during the holidays. The behavior skill of Role-play teaches children what is expected in various situations--from holiday shopping to parties. Knowing how they can appropriately respond when they are overwhelmed or excited can go a long way in reducing the meltdowns or craziness they may feel.
The holidays can be a truly magical time for children. That magic, though, can bring new stress or unmet expectations that can be challenging for a child to manage if they haven't been taught what to do instead. For example, if you don't want your child to touch every toy they see at the store, they will need to know what to do instead. They may need to keep their hands on the cart or stop quietly in front of one toy to get a better look as long as they don't pick it up or touch it, but they won't know what to do if you don't practice it with them before you go to the store.
Role-playing allows a parent to address any concerns before they arise. Addressing potential issues while your child is calm and receptive gives them the tools needed to display the appropriate behavior in that specific situation.
Once a child is overwhelmed or too excited, it can be hard to bring them to a calm state. Role-playing keeps a child from escalating too much.
Role-playing will reduce your stress and increase your enjoyment of the season.
Nothing pushes most parents' buttons more than when their child argues when asked to do something.
When a child argues, it can often quickly escalate, pulling in all sorts of wrongs, emotions, and even personal attacks.
When a child is arguing, it is not the time to teach them life lessons or what they should be doing. Instead, your goal should be to deescalate the situation and get your child to a point where they can accept your answer or do what was asked.
The biggest thing is to remember that an argument takes two and that if you, as the parent, don't engage, your child can't argue. The skill of Following Instructions helps parents take a break from the situation by focusing on the original issue and not being drawn into tangents or arguments.
Once a child is calm, you can address the thoughts and feelings brought up during their argument. It's important that our child feels able to express their ideas and feels. We just want to teach them to do it appropriately, and arguing isn't appropriate.
We hope you'll reach out to us on social media for more information about Following Instructions and how to use it to stop arguments.
Effective Praise is powerful in teaching our kids gratitude. Effective Praise teaches us to recognize effort and change and then express why that effort means something to us.
Effective Praise is more than just telling someone, "Good job." Rather it's telling them exactly what they did well--no matter how little that progress may be.
For example, your child may struggle cleaning their room. Instead of focusing on what they haven't done or didn't do well, Effective Praise allows us to focus on what they did well, such as, "I can see you took a lot of time to organize your books, and that shows me that those things matter to you and that you want to take care of them."
By acknowledging what they have done, we motivate our children to continue to make progress while reducing the amount of time spent nagging them to do something.
As we show our children that we appreciate what they do well, they will be more likely to apply that same mind frame to friends, teachers, coworkers, and even family members.
You can find the skill of Effective Praise at SmarterParenting.com. We invite you to learn it and start using it in your family, and you will be amazed at how it transforms your outlook and relationships.
Setting healthy boundaries with family or friends can be a challenge, but doing so is essential.
Healthy boundaries are nothing more than a contract. I will do this, and in return, you will do that. Unhealthy relationships are those where the contract is uneven, or someone is infringing on a boundary.
Learning to operate under a new boundary can be challenging for many using under an outdated contract or boundary. Your parents may still be working under a parent/child contract that doesn't consider that you're an adult with children of your own. Or an older sibling may still think it's their place to offer advice because they've "been there."
Overtime boundaries will change. The boundaries that were in place when you were ten will have changed as you became 18. Changing boundaries does not mean that the previous contract was unsuccessful, and adjusting boundaries means focusing on growing relationships.
It's also important to teach our children what healthy boundaries look like for friends, family, and peers which will help them have greater success in the future.
When learning how to better communicate with others, don't start with the most complex subjects. Begin with relatively easy topics and then progress to the more difficult issues as you become better acquainted with the skill.
Setting healthy boundaries with family members will significantly improve relationships. Let us know how it goes or any struggles you experience as you set boundaries with family.
It's no secret that when one child is diagnosed with ADHD, it impacts everyone in the family.
Children without a diagnosis may start to act out, become resentful of the time and attention that one child may be receiving, or question why what they do right goes unnoticed.
Using the skill of Effective Praise can change the dynamic of the family. Effective Praise shifts the focus from what is going wrong to what is going right, which is powerful.
Effective Praise promotes repeat positive behavior, and it also encourages a child to change their behavior as kids like receiving praise.
Effective Praise changes behavior because it does two things. First, it is specific in what your child did well, and second, it gives your child a reason that matters to them why they should continue the behavior.
When parents combine those things, magic happens. Children not only want to be acknowledged for what they are doing right, but they also want a reason to continue that behavior. The motivation for behaving well can be additional time on the computer or tablet, more time with friends, the ability to make more decisions independently, etc. The list is truly endless, and it will depend on your child and their personality.
To learn more about Effective Praise, visit SmarterParenting.com
Many children--and-adults-with ADHD struggle with time management and need strategies that will set them up for success.
Children who can learn strategies can better transition to adulthood and be successful in work, school, and their personal lives. Children who don’t discover time management strategies will often struggle with substance abuse and failure in their work and personal lives.
Avoidance, procrastination, and distraction are all symptoms of ADHD and can be more comfortable for a person than getting things done or facing difficult situations. Those with ADHD often don’t like dealing with difficult feelings.
In this podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, discusses his struggles with ADHD as a child and what strategies he has implemented that have been life-changing.
The two strategies that both children and adults with ADHD can implement today are the time-boxing method and the SODAS Method.
Because those with ADHD can have difficulty seeing the big picture or determining priorities, the time-boxing method helps them decide what they need to do. By visually seeing what needs to be done, they are more likely to do it, as those with ADHD often thrive once they begin.
The SODAS Method helps remove the emotion from situations and keeps them focused on the present.
Using these two methods will help you or your child with ADHD play to strengths and find successful outcomes.
You can learn more about the SODAS Method here.
If you'd like personalized help implementing time management strategies for you or your child, we can help. Sign up for Parenting Coaching and let us create solutions that will work for you!
Halloween is such a magical time for kids. In all that excitement kids can make unsafe or unwise decisions.
As parents, we don't want to ruin the day's magic, but we do want them to be safe. We want them to remember to stay safe when street crossing the street. We want them to respect others' property and be polite, and we want them to stick to areas we are comfortable with.
Because there is so much stimulation happening for children on Halloween, we must practice what we want beforehand. If we want our children to respect others' property, we need to show them what that looks like. For example, if we don't want them walking on the lawn, we need to take them out and physically practice walking up to the door and back on the sidewalk and not cutting across a law. If we want them to be polite and say please and thank you, we need to practice it with them.
Another part of keeping kids safe during Halloween is understanding their individual needs. For some kids, large crowds or "scary" looking houses may present a problem, so showing them how to respond to those situations will be extremely helpful to avoid meltdowns and anxious feelings.
The more you can prepare your child for what may happen on Halloween and how they need to respond, the better the actual night will go.
It's not unusual for kids to have days where they don't want to go to school, but what happens when your child flat out refuses to go?
The reason why your child is refusing to go to school could be because they are being bullied or made to feel unsafe. They may be experiencing high anxiety levels due to a new class, subject, or major changes to friends or family situations such as a divorce, death, or loss of a good friend. They may be experiencing depression, or they may have a learning disability that they are ashamed of.
It is essential to figure out what is causing their discomfort before addressing appropriate courses of action. We recommend using the skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) to help you and your child together determine what should be done.
The SODAS Method allows you to see the pros and cons together, making a plan on what to do less overwhelming.
When making a plan, remember it's about what is best for your child and not necessarily what you want. While you may want your child in school full-time, a half-day may be in their best interest. Or your child may benefit from therapy or medication.
Once you make a plan, it's okay to revisit the plan in a week, month, or six months to determine if it's still effective or if it needs to be modified.
You can learn all about the skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) on SmarterParenting.com
Does your child throw tantrums? They are not doing it because they hate you, though sometimes it may feel like that. Instead, your child is feeling/dealing with large or unfamiliar emotions and doesn't know how to handle what they are going through, so they resort to anger, frustration, crying, or even silence.
Coping skills allow a child to better process what is happening safely. When using a coping skill, the goal is to bring a child back into a neutral or calm space.
There are hundreds of coping skills, also called calm down strategies, ranging from crumpling up a piece of paper to yoga or visualization. What will work best for your child will depend on various factors, such as how they learn and what they are naturally drawn to.
Teaching a child a coping skill in the middle of heightened emotions will not be effective. It's crucial to determine coping skills and to practice them at neutral times. Doing so will allow your child to become familiar with how those coping skills make their body feel.
Involving children in learning coping skills allows them to feel more invested in using them when they are upset. You can help them determine what coping skills would work best for them using Decision Making (SODAS Method).
Teaching children how to coping with unfamiliar feelings and situations will benefit them throughout their entire life. Successful adults are those who have learned how to manage when things become overwhelming or stressful.
Coping skills are beneficial for kids who have ADHD as it helps them process what is going on around them and brings them back to the present.
In today's episode, Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini gives parents practical advice for keeping family life balanced.
We all want what’s best for our children, and often we feel that means giving our children various opportunities to grow and cultivate talents. Yet, for many parents, managing numerous activities and schedules in addition to everything they need to do can feel overwhelming.
It is okay for parents to take stock of what is happening and make adjustments, including reducing their child’s activities, if needed. No one in the family benefits if mom or dad is grumpy, tired, or overwhelmed.
Parents should evaluate all extracurricular activities on whether they are essential and what the family can do. If you’re trying to figure out what is the best for your child and your family, we recommend using the SODAS Method to help you determine the best course of action.
The SODAS Method allows you to see the pros and cons, which will enable you to make the best-informed decision for you, your child, and your family.
You can find more information about the SODAS Method on the Smarter Parenting website.
Kids are growing up with access to online, and parents must help them navigate that safely.
A one-size-fits-all approach to internet safety and usage isn't realistic. Your child's age and needs should determine screen time and internet usage and recommend using the same rules to both your child's online and virtual environment.
Parents should be monitoring what their child is doing online. You should be familiar with what apps, games, and websites they are visiting and what they are teaching. There are a lot of apps and articles that can give parents an idea of what their child is doing online. One we recommend is Common Sense Media. Parents can find additional app recommendations in the show notes at SmarterParenting.com
As they grow, how they interact with apps and online may change. It's essential to have continued conversations about what is appropriate and inappropriate. Effective Communication allows both parents and children to have meaningful, healthy, and productive discussions regarding time limits, usage, and how they spend their time online, creating healthy digital literacy.
As technology becomes more ingrained in our lives, the recommendation for a child's use of technology has changed and will continue to change. What type of media your child is accessing is more important than how long they are accessing it. For example, it's better for a child to play an interactive learning game for three hours than playing a non-learning game for an hour.
While thinking about everything you need to teach your child about online safety may feel overwhelming, remember you don't need to teach everything all at once. It would be best if you were having ongoing conversations that you adjust and revisit as needed. You can do this!
For more information about online safety, don't forget to check out this episode's notes on SmarterParenting.com
This episode is one you don't want to miss!
With kids returning to school, we could all use a little help in establishing, or reestablishing, routines that work for our family.
In today's podcast, Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen shares practical tips families can use to reduce stress and frustration regarding back-to-school routines, including opening up the lines of communication better and teaching them responsibility through family meetings.
Kids thrive on routines. They feel safe when they know what they should do—having patterns that work builds trust and strengthens relationships.
When establishing routines, it's vital to look at both the needs of the family and what is realistic. The worst thing you can do is to develop practices that create more issues and problems.
Establishing routines should be a collaboration between you and your child. When children have a say in routines, they are more likely to follow expectations. Having them create routines is a great way to help them learn critical thinking skills and responsibility.
Regularly evaluate routines to determine if they are working. Don't be afraid to make adjustments if practices aren't working.
As parents we tell our children "no" a lot. Those "no" answers are because we're tired, distracted, or have reached decision fatigue.
There are times when we need to say "no" to our child, but more frequently than not, there are times when we say no that we can say "yes."
Determining when we can say "yes" to our children's requests will help them gain confidence and strengthen your relationship.
When you're saying "no" to your child, ask yourself these questions about if you can say "yes."
Is it safe? Is it reasonable? Is it best for my child?
If you can answer "yes," it's okay to change your mind and to change a "no" answer to a "yes" response.
There will be times when "no means no," and your child needs to accept that, but you also have to be able to enforce it. A child knows when a "no" answer doesn't mean "no."
Using the skill of Preventive Teaching helps you prepare your child for getting and accepting a "no" answer.
You can learn more about the skill of Preventive Teaching at SmarterParenting.com.
We are excited to introduce our newest Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen!
Kimber comes with a wealth of knowledge in dealing with difficult and challenging behavior using the Teaching-Family Model.
You will be hearing more from Kimber in future podcast episodes and she is available for coaching.
Are you feeling judged as a parent? In fact, many parents feel judgment when it comes to how they are parenting.
Join Parenting Coaches Siope Kinikini and Kimber Petersen as they talk about why parents are feeling judged and what they can do about it.
We are all going to receive judgment about our parenting. Someone is going to think we are doing too much or not enough. The goal is to be able to receive that judgment and determine if it applies to you.
As the parent, you know your child and what they need best. What has worked for another child or another family may not work with yours. That is okay. That's how it should be. The most effective parenting happens when parents can adapt to the individualized needs of their children.
Often when we receive criticism or suggestions on parenting, it can be challenging to hear and causes us to get defensive or dismiss the advice.
The skill of Observe and Describe helps us stay grounded. Instead of getting all frustrated or upset, we can recognize how we are feeling, which allows our brain time to process what was said and how it made us feel.
We love how Observe and Describe can help us work through the internal dialogue that we may be having about situations. For example, if you've ever taken a young child to the store late at night, you know that people are often formulating judgments in their mind. With Observe and Describe you can remind yourself, "I know this person is looking at me and making a judgment about me bring my child to the store, and this makes me feel anxious. They don't know that I spilled the formula container, and there is no longer formula for their nighttime feeding. Keeping my child feed is more important to me than feeling anxious about what someone thinks."
The great thing about Observe and Describe is that it is a skill that can be done anywhere and doesn't need any special tools.
Parents, you're doing a good job! Hang in there. You've got this! On our website, you will find additional information and suggestions for using Observe and Describe.
We are excited to welcome our newest Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen! Kimber brings a substantial wealth of knowledge and experience about what parents need to handle challenging behavior and improve their relationship.
We are excited for you to join us!
One of the questions we get asked frequently is how to deal with parenting differences, especially if co-parenting is involved? No two parents see eye to eye on everything. But parents can find common ground when dealing with their children as we want what is best for our child.
When parents find common ground, focus shifts from "I'm right, you're wrong" to "What is best for our child?". This shift is powerful as it allows parents to move past emotion and focus on their child's needs.
A lot of differences in parenting can be addressed by using the skill of Effective Communication. The skill of Effective Communication accomplishes two things. First, it puts both parents on the same page, which is essential because sometimes, what we say is not what we mean, leading to confusion and frustration. Effective Communication removes those barriers and helps everyone feel appreciated and valued. Second, we are no longer swayed by emotion because we are more interested in understanding the person than being proven right.
When someone feels valued and understood, they are more likely to work together and compromise.
Effective Communication is a skill that can improve all relationships. We challenge you to learn this skill and begin using it on everybody you meet.
We know parenting differences are complex, but they don't have to be unsurmountable. We can help! Sing up for coaching and let Kimber and Siope provide tailored solutions for your unique situations.
We all have weaknesses. Often though, those weaknesses can be strengths if we change how we look at them.
For example, the strength of a child that argues is that they feel confident in expressing their feelings and they know what they want.
The strength of a child who walks away during conflict is that they know their limits and don’t want to increase friction or say something they would later regret.
The strength of an indecisive child is that instead of rushing into decisions that could harm themselves or others, they take the time to look at all possible options logically.
When we can change our viewpoint and shift our perspective regarding what our child is doing, it will pay huge dividends.
One way that parents can shift their focus on see weaknesses as strengths is to use the skill of Effective Praise. Effective Praise lets a child know that you see the good they are doing and not just the bad, which gives your child confidence that you can help them.
If you want your child to change, praise them. Children respond to Effective Praise. You can find the skill of Effective Praise on the Smarter Parenting website.
Children with ADHD need help learning how to manage their time as many struggle with Executive Dysfunction. Executive Dysfunction means that they have difficulty planning, focusing, paying attention, remembering instructions, and performing goal-oriented tasks.
With the right tools and strategies, children with ADHD can thrive when completing tasks and managing their time.
When helping your child with time management, it’s essential to evaluate their strengths and weaknesses. For example. If your child has trouble concentrating when it comes to doing homework due to being easily distracted, remove potential distractions by creating an environment that helps them focus. If your child has difficulty remembering tasks, a system of smaller instructions with built-in rewards for completion will help your child be more successful.
Many kids with ADHD have found using the SODAS Method and timeboxing to be incredibly beneficial.
The SODAS Method helps children understand the pros and cons of a course of action and allows them to make decisions that are not emotionally driven.
Timeboxing allows a child to focus on a task for a certain amount of time, rather than until the task is completed. Using this method gives children a sense of control over their time as well as helping them with future thinking and goal completion.
You can learn more about the SODAS Method at SmarterParenting.com.
When it comes to parenting, no two parents will do it the same, often leading to conflict as you try to prove to the other parent that "you are right."
Each parent brings a different history to their parenting and thus a different response. You may think that your partner is too soft or demanding regarding consequences or rewards, and they may feel the same.
Just because you were raised one way doesn't make it the best way to raise your child. When parents can approach parenting differences with an attitude of "What is best for my child?" vs. "I'm right, you're wrong," they can come up with solutions that are in the best interest of their child. That solution may be different for each child as each child is different.
When you focus on your child's needs and strengths, it will be easier for you to find common ground as both of you want what is best for your child.
The skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) guides parents on how to find the best solution by showing the positives and negatives for actions.
You can find the skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) on the Smarter Parenting website.
If you know someone who would benefit from this podcast, please share it with them!
Your child is not their diagnosis.
A diagnosis is a framework for how your child's brain works. A diagnosis does not usually tell you how to address the symptoms your child may be experiencing. No two children with the same diagnosis will manifest symptoms the same. Some children with ADHD will struggle with impulsivity, where other children may not.
By focusing on the behavior rather than the diagnosis is crucial in addressing the problem areas.
One of the skills we love to teach parents to use is Decision Making or the SODAS Method. Often when presented with a problem, we may think we have limited options. This belief is often especially true when we receive a diagnosis for our child and feel that that diagnosis is defining our child.
Using the SODAS Method, we can look at specific problems and develop solutions tailored to our children that will best address their needs.
For many parents having their child no longer defined by labels empowers the child to grow and develop.
You can find Decision Making on the Smarter Parenting website.
If your child experiences extreme emotional responses to small events, such as spilling their milk or getting touched, they may be experiencing emotional dysregulation.
Emotional dysregulation means that their brain has difficulty distinguishing between events and their severity. In simple terms, it means that their brain often equates all experiences such as spilling their milk or losing a significant game with the same seriousness putting their body into fight or flight.
While it can be challenging to remember when your child is in the middle of a tantrum, emotional dysregulation is not a lack of parenting skills or a child being disrespectful to you as a parent.
When a child is experiencing emotional dysregulation, your goal as a parent should be to help them understand what is happening and give them tools to calm down and refocus. The behavior skill of Effective Praise does just that as it allows your child's brain to pause and reset by acknowledging that you are present and that you are here to help.
While it may seem counterintuitive to give your child praise while throwing a tantrum as you don't want to encourage their negative behavior. Effective Praise refocuses where your energy is being placed and keeps you from being drawn into your child's fight or flight response. Instead of focusing on what they are doing wrong, which only adds to their fight or flight response, you acknowledge their emotions while giving them something good to focus on instead of the strong negative emotional response they are experiencing.
For example, during a tantrum, a child may pause to take a breath, sit down, lower their voice, throw something with less force, etc. All of those things are positives that can--and should be--acknowledge.
When parents use Effective Praise to deal with emotional dysregulation, they will see changes in how they respond and how their child responds to the situation.
You can find more about Effective Praise on SmarterParenting.com.
If you need help knowing what to praise your child for, our Parenting Coaches are here to help. Sign up for Parenting Coaching and we can create an individualized plan for you.
The symptoms of ADHD and trauma are very similar. Frequently kids who have been diagnosed with ADHD also experience trauma.
Symptoms of both ADHD and trauma include:
- Inability to focus
- Lack of social connections
- Poor memory
- Emotional dysregulation
- Interrupted sleep
- Impulsivity
- Restlessness
Trauma can come from death, loss, bullying, experiencing a natural disaster or traumatic event, or physical, mental, or sexual abuse.
When a person is dealing with trauma, they often have difficulty processing what happened, so their mind and body live in a constant state of fight or flight as they continually relive what happened, which is exhausting and scary for children.
If your child has experienced trauma, we recommend seeking professional help in addressing the cause of the trauma.
When a child is in flight or fight mode, parents can use the behavior skill of Observe and Describe to help refocus on what is happening in the present.
Using Observe and Describe tells your child, "I'm here. I see you. I know you're struggling. You're safe. We can get through this together."
For show notes and transcript of this episode visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
If you've given your child a task only to find out later that they've built a fort, read a book, or used their tablet instead of doing the job, welcome to parenting a child with ADHD.
Kids with ADHD get distracted easily. It's just a fact. They get distracted not because they aren't bright or motivated, rather because staying on a task is not something that comes easily or naturally to them, so it's essential to give them specific techniques that help them.
These techniques can include charts, visual aids, point systems, timers, and an environment that reduces distractions.
For example, if you want your child to clean their room, but they have a TV, computer, tablet, or phone, those distractions will make it harder for them to do what is needed. Instead, by removing these items or blocking access to them and having a step-by-step guide to cleaning their room, you make it easier for your child to do what they are supposed to.
The techniques will help reduce the distractions and make it more likely for them to do the job, but they still need consequences if they don't.
The skill of Effective Negative Consequences helps you determine consequences that matter to your child. If screen time or time with friends is important to your child, losing them motivates them to do better in the future.
The goal of Effective Negative Consequences is to teach your child, not to punish your child. You can find more about the skill on SmarterParenting.com.
No parent likes giving the same instruction over and over again only to have it ignored. When parents reached this stage, they think their only course of action is to get their child's attention by yelling.
While yelling may get your child's attention, it can initiate their flight or fight response that will make it more difficult for them to do what you wanted of them in the first place.
There is a better way to engage with your child that creates connections. You develop better relationships with your child by investing in behavior skills and teaching your child your expectations.
The behavior skill Following Instructions teaches your child how to listen and do what you want them to do without either of you getting frustrated or angry, reducing stress and frustration.
Think of what your family life would look like if when you asked your child to do something, they did it without complaining? Wouldn't that change the whole dynamic of your family?
Teaching a new behavior skill requires work and time, but we promise that the long-term payoff will be incredible. It will change how your family interacts. You will find that your home is a calmer, happier, and more wonderful place.
Parenting stretches our abilities and, quite often, our confidence. It doesn't take too many tantrums for many parents to realize that they don't know how what to do. Then, just when you may think you finally have something figured out, another child with another personality comes along.
Parenting doesn't have to be such a struggle. Our goal at Smarter Parenting is to help parents feel confident in their ability to handle any parenting issue or challenge in a way that builds, not destroys, relationships.
The behavior skills we teach are a blueprint for better parenting. They show you what you can do to keep situations from escalating out of hand.
Every parent can use a little help as there is no such thing as a perfect parent. It's okay to admit that you need assistance, and recognizing that does not make you a bad parent.
The more parenting tool you have, the more confidence you will feel in your parenting! We can't wait to help you become an incredible parent.
Visit SmarterParenting.com for these amazing parenting skills.
When a child cannot control their own emotions, it can be easy for parents to step in and do it for them. While it may help our child in the short term, it isn't a long-term solution. When parents "control" their child, it can lead to resentment and an inability to function in the real world without parent intervention. Instead, parents need to show their kids what they need to do to control their emotions.
Parents help kids control their emotions by teaching them specific skills that help them address what they are dealing with without losing control. When children have these skills, they have options instead of acting out.
The behavior skills we teach on SmarterParenting.com will give your child confidence, increase their self-esteem, and make your life easier as you aren't constantly stepping in to "fix" everything.
As you give your child more tools, you strengthen connections with your child, and they will feel that you have their best interest in mind.
When children feel that you believe in them and trust them, they will often do what they can to build on that, which will have huge dividends as they grow and they know that you are a safe place for them.
To learn more about the skill discussed in this episode, visit SmarterParenting.com to begin learning the skills that will reshape the interactions you have with your child.
When it comes to discipline, parents shouldn’t use corporal punishment. Corporal punishment is any physical, mental, or emotional pain inflicted on our kids
While corporal punishment may be effective in the short term, it can have adverse long-term effects. For example, studies have shown that children who have received physical punishments are more likely to show aggressive behavior as they grow older.
When we react with anger when overwhelmed or frustrated, we teach our children that it is okay for them to act that way when they feel overwhelmed or frustrated.
Children need discipline, but the aim of discipline should be to teach our kids, not punish them. When we teach them how to behave, we can prevent future problems as we are showing them a better way of doing things. When we teach, we are investing in a better and stronger relationship with our children.
Dealing with defiant behavior can be difficult for many parents. They may feel that their child will never make any improvement, and dealing with defiant behavior will be forever a part of their family dynamic.
We 100% know that behavior skills can improve defiant behavior. To improve a child's behavior, though, it requires a parent to make some changes too.
It can be easy to think that defiant behavior is all our child's fault without realizing that our behavior or reaction may make their behavior worse. Are we too strict, and are they craving out some freedom? Are we too lenient and have learned that they can get whatever they want by acting out? Do we not listen and jump to conclusions when they are trying to explain something?
It's vital to evaluate what is happening in the home that may be contributing to your child's defiant behavior. You may think you're doing everything right, but your child may need something different than what you are doing.
Because every child is different and has different needs and it's essential to make sure we address their needs. If their needs aren't met, they will try to get those needs met through other means--often through defiant behavior or acting out.
When parents are willing to make changes to help their child, then your child is more likely to find success as you are adapting to what they need. We should be asking ourselves, "What does my child need from me to make the change permanent?" and then make the changes.
When parents make changes, it changes the dynamic of the whole entire family and will improve your child's behavior.
You can find a transcript and show notes for this episode on SmarterParenting.com
We’ve heard so many parents say, “My child doesn’t do anything right.” Even the “worst” kids do things right. In fact, they may be doing a lot right. If we‘re focusing on the “bad,” that will be all we see, and we will miss what they do well.
The skill of Effective Praise helps parents acknowledge what kids are doing well, even if it’s small. When we focus on the positive, we will see things change as our kids will respond to the praise and acknowledgment of what they’re doing right.
Using Effective Praise is different than just offering general praise. General praise is sayings like, “Good job,” “Way to go,” “I’m proud of you.” While all of these sounds great, they won’t change your child’s behavior because they don’t tell a child anything.
On the other hand, Effective Praise helps a child understand what they are doing well and why they should continue it. Effective Praise is specific and tailored to your child and what they are doing.
Effective Praise sounds like, “Good job putting away your shoes. When you put away your shoes, you will know where they are, and you don’t have to spend time looking for them when you want to play with your friends.”
The hardest time to praise our children is when they are misbehaving, as it can be easy to think they don’t deserve praise. That is when you need to praise them! Remember, a child acts out because they are dealing with large emotions that they don’t know how to express. When you praise positive behaviors during a tantrum, it shows them they have options other than misbehaving and that even though they are acting out, you still love them and want to help them.
You can find the skill of Effective Praise on the Smarter Parenting website.
Many children with ADHD also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Understanding the difference between these two diagnoses will help parents better understand how to help their child.
Whether your child has ADHD, ODD, or both, the skills we teach on Smarter Parenting will work to help improve your child’s behavior. How you implement the skills will change depending on your child’s diagnosis because your child will need different things depending on their diagnosis.
Do you wonder if your child has ODD? All children can have moments of difficulty when they are angry or argue. Children with ODD show persistent anger, moodiness, arguing, defiance, or vindictiveness towards you or other authority figures. Their behavior goes beyond normal child’s behavior.
Children with ODD tend to angry, irritable, argumentative, or defiant and deliberately annoy, upset, or blame others for their mistakes. Children with ODD tend not to take responsibility for their actions, making them less likely to respond to consequences as they don’t believe they did anything wrong.
Instead, they respond well to Effective Praise as it reinforces their self-motivation and self-rational.
Children with ADHD do respond well to Effective Negative Consequences as children then tend to act without thinking.
We love the skills of the Teaching-Family Model because no matter what diagnosis your child has, they can help.
We know that implementing the skills when your child has a diagnosis can be challenging. If you need help, we offer individual coaching tailored to your child and your specific situation.
Sign up at SmarterParenting.com/coaching
We can’t wait to help you!
Recognizing our parenting weaknesses can be challenging. It is never easy to admit that how we are parenting may not be working.
All parents struggle at times when it comes to parenting. We all come with our own baggage when it comes to parenting.
Struggling as a parent does not make you a failure. If you are struggling, it just means that something needs to change. Lasting change requires work and often doesn’t happen overnight.
This can be especially true when trying to implement a new behavior skill with our children. We may not see a behavior skill working right away and assume that the skills don’t work. They work!
Because each child and each family is different, it may take longer for it to click with a child or for a family to develop the consistency they need to create change.
Parents that stick with learning new behavior skills will eventually see incredible, long-lasting outcomes. Parents who are diligent in using the skills of the Teaching-Family Model report increased family harmony, stronger relationships, improved communications, increased confidence, and a belief that they have prepared their child to be a good human being that contributes to society.
If you are struggling with your parenting, let us help. We want your family to thrive. With Parenting Coaching, we can help you come up with a tailored plan that will work for your family. Don't wait to improve your family. Sign up today. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Are you feeling burnt-out as a parent? Is that burnout affecting your relationship with your family?
Parental burnout is more common today than previously due to many factors that previous generations didn't have to deal with.
Parenting has changed and raising kids isn't always easy. All parents struggle at some point with feeling overwhelmed, dealing with communication or behavior struggles.
When we feel burnt-out as a parent, it can cause us to become emotionally distant from our family. It can lead us to not finding happiness in being a parent. It can lead to us feeling isolated and alone. It can make us feel unsupported.
It's important when we are struggling as a parent to be able to reach out and connect with someone else. To build a community that supports and lifts us when we are feeling overwhelmed. This community could include your partner, family members, friends, or neighbors.
If you are one of those parents who feel that you are doing it all and that you're getting no support from your kids, we recommend implementing Preventive Teaching.
Preventive Teaching helps parents set expectations of what they expect, shows kids how to do it, and lays out the rewards and consequences if they do or don't do the behavior.
Children need expectations. They thrive when they know what is expected of them as they learn how to navigate the world around them. Without teaching them what to do, it's hard to expect them to know what you want them to do.
Having expectations and then following through with rewards and consequences will strengthen your relationship with your child. When a child acts out, often it is because they are seeking an emotional connection. It's their way of asking, "Are you there? Do you love me? Are you still going to love me when I mess up?"
Parenting is a hard job. We at SmarterParenting.com are here to support you. We want you to feel empowered and confident in your parenting abilities. You can do it. You are not alone!
You can become a parenting master who knows how to help your child best. It just takes a little practice.
We hear from parents constantly that Role-playing, aka the practicing, is the hardest part of learning a new skill.
The practicing is where the magic happens. Practicing allows your child to create muscle memory and be confident in what they need to do. Practicing is where you will see how well your child understands what is taught.
When we are little, it's common for us to practice new things. We practice them in school. We practice them at home. As we grow, though, we practice less, which can make Role-playing a new skill awkward or uncomfortable.
Practicing doesn't have to be scary. Practicing should be fun!
There are many ways to practice something new, including using games or activities. We encourage parents to be creative when practicing with their children. Some methods will work better depending on your child.
We've turned picking up clothes into a game. We've used reverse Role-plays where we've become the kid, and the kid has become the adult. We've used props and puppets. We've also done Role-plays where we didn't use anything special.
As you practice with your child, your child will become comfortable practicing and will be more inclined to practice new things in the future.
We know you want your child to be successful. Adapting a practice to your child's needs is what parenting masters do, as it focuses on helping your child find success.
You can learn more about practicing at https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/role-playing/
Have you ever wondered how to help your child when they are out of control? Are you unsure of what to do when your child is tantruming or defiant, and nothing seems to be working?
On today's podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini is joined by Naomi Halterman, director of training at Utah Youth Village. In this episode, they discuss what parents can do to help their child when their child is feeling out of control by using the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model.
Dealing with a child who is throwing a tantrum is never easy as it requires a lot of patience to get them back into control. A child's tantrum can involve anger, crying, defiance, or even ignoring you and will look different in younger kids versus older kids.
When teaching to a child's tantrum, remember that your goal is to help them get to a state where they can do what is asked of them without resorting to tantrum behaviors. No matter what tantrum behavior they are experiencing, how you address it remains the same.
You address tantrum behaviors by giving them small instructions to calm down and continually give that instruction until they comply.
Giving the same instruction repeatedly without a child doing it is hard for many parents. Providing the same instruction repeatedly without getting angry or frustrated signals to your child that they have permission to calm down and that you aren't mad with them for feeling overwhelmed and out of control, which is very comforting to your child.
You're going to enjoy listening to Naomi and her experience with working with the Teaching-Family Model. We can't wait for you to take a listen.
To learn more about the behavior skills talked about in this episode, visit SmarterParenting.com.
Creating a safe space where our children can talk about anything takes work but is incredibly important in building and strengthening our relationships.
Our kids will have questions about complex topics, and if they don't feel they can come to us, they will seek out answers elsewhere and may get information that is incorrect or goes against our belief system.
Children ask difficult questions because they are trying to make sense of the world and their place in it. We want our kids to feel comfortable asking difficult questions and need to permit them to do so.
We understand that sometimes these complex topics are triggering and can cause parents to have an emotional response or to shut down. As parents, we want to create gates, not walls, when our children approach us. Gates allow us to guide and understand where walls teach our children that what they are curious about is a problem.
The skill of Effective Communication helps parents create those gates by helping both parties feel listened to and understood. Effective Communication works with children of all ages and can be used when discussing any topics. When parents use Effective Communication, they permit their children to talk about important things to them, which, in turn, fortifies their relationship. You can find the skill of Effective Communication at SmarterParenting.com
When your child receives an ADHD diagnosis, you may think you understand what parenting them will look like. What happens when it doesn't? What do you do when your child doesn't have "typical" ADHD symptoms. How do you help them?
There is no such thing as a "typical" child--every child is unique and needs something different, often making parenting challenging as you try to figure out what they need.
While most people think of ADHD, they tend to associate hyperactivity as the primary behavior. ADHD behaviors involve more than just hyperactivity. A child with ADHD may be inattentive, have difficulty focusing, lack self-control, or have anger issues.
When parenting your child, whether or not they have ADHD isn't what you were expecting, the parenting skills we teach at SmarterParenting.com are your solutions.
Parenting skills allow you to address your child's behavior in positive ways that encourage growth and development instead of resorting to tactics that damage your child's relationship.
When you have proven parenting skills, you have the resources you need. Parenting skills help you separate your child from their negative behavior.
What do we mean by this? When a child is acting up, it can be easy to think, "They are terrible, They are mean, etc.," instead of understanding that they aren't the behavior. They aren't "bad"; they are just having difficulty processing what is happening. When we approach a situation with this mindset, we can use solutions that help our child do better in the future.
How does this work? Suppose your child is getting upset when talking to you. Instead of matching their voice tone, you can use Effective Communication to deescalate the situation as your helping your child see why they may be upset because they feel like they aren't being heard.
If your child with ADHD has problems focusing, you can use the skill of Decision Making to give them options of things they can do when they're starting to lose focus that will help them refocus, showing them they have multiple ways to react to situations.
We can't emphasize enough the confidence that parenting skills will give you. You will feel empowered and know that no matter what your ADHD child throws at you, you will be able to handle it. Parenting doesn't have to feel lonely and hard.
Learn the tools you need today to better address your child's ADHD diagnosis!
If you've seen an increase in negative behaviors since the beginning of the pandemic, you are not alone.
The uncertainty and change in routine have been difficult for many families, especially for children, as they don't know how to deal with all the changes happening around them appropriately.
Kids thrive on routines as those routines allow them to feel safe and in control while understanding the world around them. When patterns are altered and keep are continually adjusted, they often don't know how to process them.
Children act up because they're feeling overwhelmed, worried, scared, sad, frustrated, stressed, etc. Understanding why they may act up allows parents to address better the root cause of what is causing their problematic behavior.
If you understand that they're acting up because they're feeling overwhelmed, you can create daily opportunities for them to meditate or take a break. If online school is causing them frustration or stress, you can implement procedures to reduce those feelings. If they're sad because they're not seeing friends or missing out on things they love, you could create online or different opportunities for them.
The skill of Following Instructions helps a child to feel in control because they understand what is expected of them. Following Instructions is can be used with children of all ages--including teenagers.
Following Instructions is one of the first behavior skills we recommend parents teach because it provides such a framework for all the other behavior skills.
Following Instructions provides the following benefits for children. It allows children to know precisely what they are supposed to do, which reduces stress and frustration. It meets your child at their level by enabling parents to break down complex instructions into small steps. It gives your child confidence that they can accomplish tasks. It allows you to focus on the good things your child is doing, ie completing a job, which shifts negative behavior sooner.
You can find the behavior skill of Following Instructions at Smarterparenting.com
Neurodiversity believes that children with ADHD, Autism, or other neurological diagnoses don't have a learning disability. Instead, they learn differently. Processing information differently does not make them stupid or "bad." Understanding that they learn differently allows parents to empower their children.
By reframing your child's diagnosis, we can frame their challenges as differences rather than deficits.
It is especially true when it comes to challenging behaviors. If you have had a hard time improving their behavior, it's not because they're inherently bad, but rather how you're communicating with your child isn't how they learn. The great news is that you can help them move beyond their negative behaviors to more positive behaviors using the Teaching-Family Model.
The Teaching-Family Model is influential in changing behavior because it incorporates different learning styles, setting a child up for success. It doesn't matter if your child has ADHD or not; all can find success when you use the Teaching-Family Model skills.
When parents continually teach and reinforce the skills taught on SmarterParenting.com, they help their children create new pathways in their brains. These new pathways will allow your child to perform the task independently and generalize what they have learned to other situations.
Creating new pathways doesn't happen overnight and will require a lot of teaching on your part, but the outcomes will save you stress, time, and frustration for both you and your child in the future.
On SmarterParenting.com, you will find the short video skills lessons that will set your child up for success. These video lessons are entirely free.
It’s normal to love our children and want to do anything for them, but not always like them because their behavior makes life difficult.
When your child’s behavior drives you nuts, you may wonder what you can do or what you need to focus on to help your child change their behavior.
One of the reasons children act out at home is that they feel safe, and part of feeling safe is testing boundaries to figure out the world around them, which is a good thing.
When we give into a child’s demand, it signals to them that this is something they can come to expect, so being consistent is so important.
When parents are constantly changing the game plan, it’s confusing for children and can cause them to act up. The more consistent you are, the safer your children will feel, reducing the need for them to act up.
One reason kids may do well at school, but then not so well at home, is because most classrooms operate with consistent schedules and expectations.
As a parent, you can create the same structure that works for your family at home. Part of creating that structure is making sure you understand your limits and taking breaks as needed.
If you are frustrated or overwhelmed, you aren’t able to help your child and often make the situation worse.
We can provide individualized help in setting up a structure that works for your family by joining the Smarter Parenting club.
How kids see time is very different than how you see time. Understanding this will be so helpful when you are dealing with giving instructions.
Children see time as happening slowly, while adults see time as happening quickly. This is due to children getting more visual stimuli versus the stimulus that adults are receiving. When you get more visual stimuli, time appears to pass more slowly.
Your child is absorbing so much information every moment of the day, which is why your child moves "slowly" when getting ready, doing their chores, or doing their homework.
This concept is especially true when you say something to your child like, "We need to leave in 15 minutes," or "You have 5 minutes to complete this chore." Those measurements of time will mean something completely different to your child than it will to you. Because of this, your child doesn't understand why they are in trouble, or you're getting frustrated when the time is up because, in their mind, they still have time.
When interacting with your child, remember there will be a disconnect between how you see time and how your child sees time. Using the ABC's of Behavior, you can help give your child's perception of time a structure that allows you both to get on the same page, reducing frustration.
Are you looking for solutions to parenting challenges?
The behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model taught in this podcast are the solutions to your parenting needs!
Need help with tantrums? You can use the skill of Correcting Behaviors or Preventive Teaching.
Need help creating a better connection with your child? You can use Effective Communication or Effective Praise.
Need help reducing a problem behavior? You can use Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards.
The wonderful thing about the Teaching-Family Model is that there are multiple skills parents can use to fix problems depending on what needs their child has and what outcomes the parents are looking for.
The ability to use multiple skills allows a parent to customize how they respond, leading to increased success.
The Teaching-Family Model's goal is to create confident parents by giving them all the tools you need to deal with any situation.
For over 50 years, hundreds of families worldwide have turned to the Teaching-Family Model's evidence-based skills. Parents continue to use the skills because they work! Learn more about the Teaching-Family Model
Have you wondered what is the difference between coaching and therapy or tried to determine which would be best for your family?
In this episode, we discuss the difference between coaching and therapy and how you can determine your child's needs.
Therapy is focused on healing from mental health issues and the difficult emotions you're feeling because of your mental health issues. Mental health issues include the diagnosis such as depression, anxiety, Autism, trauma, and PTSD. A therapist is someone who is licensed to address these specific issues.
On the other hand, a coach is someone you go to when you want to get unstuck and set achievable goals. A coach helps you replace unhealthy or unsuccessful habits with new ones.
Both coaching and therapy can be beneficial to your child. Many parents will do both coaching and therapy as a way to address difficulties more comprehensively.
The goal in deciding between coaching, therapy, or both is to determine what would be the best course of action to address what your child struggles with.
Smarter Parenting only provides coaching. When you sign up for a coaching session, you will learn how to implement the Teaching-Family Model's behavior skills to address specific behavior issues by getting a tailored plan specific to your family's needs.
Coaching allows us to help families all over the world improve relationships and find success.
If your family could benefit from coaching, sign up for the gold or platinum level of the Smarter Parenting Club.
We can talk to our children about racism, religion, politics, sex, drugs, or social issues without the conversations turning into a heated debate.
When topics are challenging to discuss, we tend to avoid talking about them.
We need to talk about these crucial issues. Change doesn't happen until we can talk about these issues without getting defensive or emotional.
You don't have to know everything, or even agree, but being able to really listen to your child's concerns and answer any question honestly is vital in creating an atmosphere of trust and acceptance.
Talking about complicated topics isn't easy for most children. If you respond with anger or frustration, they will stop coming to you for advice.
If they don't feel comfortable talking to you, they will find someone they do feel comfortable talking with, and you may not always like the advice they receive.
The skill of Effective Communication is life-changing. When a child can feel heard and understood, even if you don't always believe the same, they will value your opinion, and your relationship will grow.
Effective Communication shows you how to remove the emotional response from communication. Doing this allows you to listen to understand instead of listening to respond. Using Effective Communication will enable you to find common ground, see multiple viewpoints, and better understand others' experiences.
It can be frustrating and disheartening at times to find resources, and even information about resources within school systems. There is hope!
Today, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, speaks with attorney Catherine Michael to learn about the laws and options available to provide the appropriate resources and accommodations your child needs to succeed in school.
Sometimes schools and educators don’t know what resources are available or what they are legally required to provide for your child.
It is never too late to help your child get the resources they need. Help and hope are there for you and your child.
Catherine Michael’s Kindle book “The Exceptional Parent's Guide to Special Education Law and Advocacy” is available at Amazon.com.
As parents, we may feel that we need to be the ones that hold it together for our families. That we need to operate at inhuman levels all the time and that we're not allowed to feel less than that.
If this pandemic has taught us anything, it's been that it's okay not to be okay all the time. As a parent, you are allowed to have emotions and to feel them. You are allowed to need breaks or have an off day.
These things do not make you a terrible parent. They make you a real one. They make you a relatable one.
Sometimes, by keeping it all together all the time, we are sending the wrong message to our children. We may see it as being strong, but our children may learn that it's not okay for them to struggle and have off days. Or that it's not okay to discuss difficult topics.
Which is not what we want them to learn. We want to help our children learn how to manage their emotions and fears in healthy and productive ways instead of sweeping them into a corner or covering them up.
When parents can be real and vulnerable and articulate their fears and concerns, it is very liberating for kids. They feel they have a safe space to discuss their thoughts and feelings, especially when parents can use Effective Communication.
We're going to get through this. You're doing a fantastic job dealing with everything that's happening. And it's okay to take those breaks and eat the chocolate!
As this pandemic wears on, we feel the exhaustion of constant changes and frustration that things aren't back to normal.
How we need to parent has changed. Finding success now means being able to adapt and change our expectations.
If you are still insisting on parenting how you did pre-pandemic, you are only setting yourself up for failure. Even when the pandemic is over, things won't go back 100% to what they were before.
There is both a technical and an artistic side to parenting. The Teaching-Family Model skills are effective, both pre-pandemic and pandemic, because they address both the technical and artistic side of parenting. The technical side is the actual steps of the skills, which never change. That consistency is essential in helping your child feel safe amid change. The artistic side of the skills is how you implement them to address your child's individualized needs. The flexibility allows your child to feel seen.
This combination is powerful in helping you adjust as the needs of your children change, which creates a stronger bond with your child.
You can do this! We have such faith in you. We know you want to be the best parent possible because you're listening to this podcast and making needed adjustments.
When things get upended, we want to find a sense of normalcy for ourselves and our kids. This need for normalcy has been especially needed over the last year as parents have dealt with a global pandemic, economic hardship, school closures, and racial and political tensions.
When dealing with all of these events, is it even possible to offer normalcy? Yes.
You will not be able to offer normalcy in everything--it just isn’t possible. You can find specific things to provide normalcy, such as morning or bedtime routines, exercise routines, chores, family schedules, family outings, etc.
For example, you may be doing school online, but you can still practice your in school morning routine by having them get ready for the day and having them leave the house and then come back in as it signals to your child, “Hey, nothing has changed even though how we do school has changed.”
Having a sense of normalcy is essential for kids who struggle with changes in routines and feel anxious or out of control when those routines change.
Adhering to routines allow your children to feel safe, secure, and in control even when situations change. Routines also give your child permission to understand what is happening around them, but in a way that feels safe and comfortable.
Routine and structure are important, but especially when things are unpredictable.
Hi, friends. Checking-in as we know that the world feels very chaotic right now and it can be hard to know how to best handle the chaos.
This is a bonus episode of the ADHD Smarter Parenting podcast. We felt like it was important to reach out to you and to help you navigate everything that's happening in the world today. Along with the pandemic and all of the other things that have been happening around the world, this is a trying time for parents and especially for children. I wanted to give you some tips and suggestions on things for you to consider as you navigate this difficult time.
There's specifically three things I want you to be aware of. Number one, be aware that you are the filter for your children. The way things are transpiring and the way that things are happening, they are seeing the world not only for themselves, but also through the filter that you give them. So be careful and be aware of the way that you present the information, the way that you share the information, and the way that you react to the information that you are seeing. It's important for you to understand that you are giving your child permission to behave in the same way. Be aware.
Now, the second thing is, if your child is struggling and you are struggling, the best thing you can do is to listen. Take some time to ask some questions and just listen. If you know the skill of Effective Communication from Smarter Parenting, you realize that step number four is where you actually start sharing your perspective on things. There are three steps before that that require you to focus and to listen. So if you get stuck, ask questions, listen, probe, find out more, understand a little bit more about what's going on.
Now, the last thing I want you to keep in mind is something that was shared with me that I thought was fantastic. It's the advice given by Mister Rogers. I don't know if you're familiar with Mister Rogers back in the 1960s and '70s. He was a pioneer in children's programming and helped children learn about difficult topics through his show on PBS, the Public Broadcasting Service.
He says that whenever there are difficult times, it's important for you to help your children look for the helpers. Now, I want you to think about that. Looking for the helpers, who are the helpers around us? Who are the people that are reaching out and helping other people? You can help your children navigate this difficult time by helping them recognize the helpers that are out there.
Let me give you a brief example. When I'm watching the news or I am listening to the radio and there's so much going on, I don't find a lot of reporting on the helpers that out there, or really an in-depth look at the helpers. There's a lot of ranting, and raving, and screaming, and tantrum behaviors that is happening on the news. But, I was able to recognize that within my own community, as I went to the store, as I would visit the office or a different place, or even go somewhere for supplies, that there are people out there who are the helpers.
I went into a grocery store and surprisingly, the cashier was very positive and very helpful, asking if I had found everything, asking if I had a good day. Just really there, present in the moment. That's somebody who's a helper, that's somebody who is looking out and making a connection with somebody on a daily basis. You can find the helpers. They're around you, you just have to pay attention, and sometimes you have to learn how to tune out the noise from other people who are just louder than they are and you'll find helpers all over the place. These can include essential workers. I did go in to get a shot in a medical clinic, and even there, the person giving me the shot, the nurse was extremely kind. Very, very kind and thoughtful. She's a helper. The cashier at the store was a helper. I had a neighbor drop off some treats just because, that neighbor's helper. There are helpers.
And if we focus and help our children focus on recognizing who these helpers are, it really does make a difference in getting them to understand our time and giving nuance in context, that even though we struggle and there are really a lot of things happening in the world, that there still is good out there if we look and if we find it. It's the same principle with your own kids. When we look for the good, we will find the good. So consistently look for the good and Effectively Praise them.
I'm offering these as suggestions for you during this tumultuous time that we are living in. Not only during the pandemic and school shut downs and so much more, these are things that I really wanted parents to keep in mind. I will talk to you again on the podcast later. That's it from me, have a good day. Bye.
When one child requires more attention, it can throw the family dynamic off or cause other children to adopt the negative behaviors to get increased attention. As a parent, it can be hard to navigate how to deal with all the family's needs in a way that works for everyone. When things aren't balanced, often parents feel a lot of guilt and stress, and in trying to make things fair or right with their other children, they may actually be inadvertently adding to the imbalance.
Our children have different personalities and different needs. As a parent, we want things to be equal for our children. We think we are equal by spending equal amounts of time, giving equal attention, or dealing with them in the same way. Fair doesn't mean equal. In fact, for some children, too much time actually could make them feel anxious or nervous. What is important is that how we interact with them fulfills their needs.
Convey this idea to our children that fair doesn't mean equal is essential. Once children understand this, often attention-seeking behaviors will decrease.
When a child requires a lot of attention, it's helpful for parents to reframe that negative behavior. Finding the positive from that behavior allows you to help them turn that into strengths instead of using it negatively. For example, suppose a child is upset. In that case, you can reframe that as they can advocate for themselves, which allows you to find opportunities where they can positively advocate for themselves. These two things will go a long way in changing the dynamic in your family for the better. Don't forget to join the Smarter Parenting Club. Get access to exclusive materials, and at the gold and platinum levels, coaching.
If you're struggling feeling like you're failing as a parent, this podcast will give you hope!
What parent hasn't thought, "I didn't think I'd be like this as a parent"? Because raising kids isn't always easy as kids push our buttons and test boundaries, and, sometimes, we don't always respond how we wish we would.
You don't have to live with guilt or regret. Becoming the parent you want to be is possible. Yes, really! Change is possible, and you can set your family and your relationships on a new course by learning the behavior skills we teach on SmarterParenting.com.
When parents have a toolbox full of behavior tools, they can feel confident knowing they can handle any situation in the best way possible. The same goes for your kids. When they learn behavior skills, they understand they have options for how they respond, allowing them to make better choices.
We want you to succeed. We want to help you become the parent you want to be. You can do it!
Smarter Parenting continues the story about how Effective Communication helps survivors of human trafficking in Africa and allows them to begin the healing process; and how the same outcome is possible for kids with ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, etc.
Children who have experienced trauma have difficulty trusting adults and discussing that trauma. Effective Communication provides a safe space for them to feel comfortable talking about what they have experienced.
Effective Communication is a powerful tool because it can deepen relationships, no matter what a child is experiencing. Effective Communication allows a child to feel heard and understood, which in turn enables them to open up and discuss difficult topics.
Families that have open lines of communication are able to discuss difficult subjects and situations in constructive ways that lead to solutions instead of arguments and judgment.
The Teaching-Family Model allows parents to tailor their interactions with their children to find success. It is used by agencies and families worldwide because the Model is culturally and individually sensitive.
Don't forget to check out the skill of Effective Communication on SmarterParenting.com.
Today's episode covers a challenging topic, human trafficking, as we share how we've taught the Teaching-Family Model skills to help aftercare organizations in Africa help survivors.
An estimated 2.5 million children and adults worldwide are victims of human trafficking each year. A staggering number that many organizations are looking to reduce. Those rescued often go through an aftercare program that allows them to learn how to heal, how to prevent it from happening again, and learn skills that will enable employment.
We have worked with various organizations to help the survivors through recovery by providing resources and teaching them the skills of the Teaching-Family Model. Our mission at Smarter Parenting is to heal and elevate families around the world. One of the reasons various agencies have approached us is that the Teaching-Family Model is proven to work with kids who have experienced trauma and is culturally sensitive. Because we have chosen to fulfill our mission mainly via the internet, this has allowed organizations worldwide access to materials that aid in successfully implementing these skills.
For more information about our work in Africa, please visit our website.
We are passionate about sharing the Teaching-Family Model skills because we know it helps families worldwide. If you haven't yet visited SmarterParenting.com to learn the skills, we invite you to do so.
In this episode, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini answers parents' questions about anxiety and helping kids focus, especially when it comes to remote learning.
While kids are amazing and adaptable, remote learning has been a challenge for many as it has required them to learn new skills and take a different role in their education. This shift has been more comfortable for some kids, while others have struggled with online learning as the pandemic has increased their anxiety.
If your child struggles with staying focused during remote learning, you may wonder what you can do? The good news is that you can make some small changes to help your child better pay attention. These strategies include:
- Reducing distractions.
- Getting out excess energy before they start.
- Allowing them breaks.
- Making doable to-do lists that help them stay on task and understand what they need to do.
It would be best if you tailored strategies to your child's needs and personality. It may take some time to figure out exactly what will best help your child pay attention.
When teaching your child focusing strategies, we recommend that you use the skill of Preventive Teaching and Role-playing. Using these two skills better helps your child understand what they need to do and gives them experience using these strategies. The more you can Role-play behavior and expectations, the easier it will be for your child to do it when they need to.
If your child becomes distracted during online learning, use the skill of Correcting Behaviors to help them refocus and get back on track. Correcting your child’s behavior can be tricky for a lot of parents. You can find free resources on Smarter Parenting that will help.
If you want help individualizing focusing strategies for your child, sign up for the Smarter Parenting Club.
Understanding how the Teaching-Family came about and how it's been used to change children and families helps parents better understand the Teaching-Family Model's power in their lives.
In this episode, Eric Bjorklund, President of Utah Youth Village, talks about how the Teaching-Family Model came to be, the research that's gone into proving its effectiveness, and how it's used worldwide. He shares stories of how he's used the Teaching-Family Model as a dad and the difference it made in his relationships with his kids, and the success that Utah Youth Village has witnessed.
Smarter Parenting is a division of Utah Youth Village and was created to help families worldwide access the power of the Teaching-Family Model.
The Teaching-Family Model was developed in the 1960s to deal with children who had challenging behavior. The researchers found that they could teach children how to be successful long-term by teaching them specific behavioral skills that allow them to learn, grow, and change. By focusing on the good a child is doing, you will start to see incredible results.
Since the 1960s, the Teaching-Family Model been used by agencies, schools, and parents worldwide to address all types of behavior.
The Teaching-Family is not only for kids with problematic behaviors; any child and family can benefit from using the behavior skills you will find on SmarterParenting.com.
The success of the Teaching-Family is due to its focus on relationships and helping the child do better by teaching them what they should do and allowing them to change.
For a short video of the history of the Teaching-Family Model, watch this video.
For more information on the Teaching-Family Model, we hope you'll check out the resources available on SmarterParenting.com.
For help implementing the Teaching-Family Model in your family, sign up for parenting coaching.
Creating family routines that work are tricky enough during the best of times. With the constant changes to work and school schedules brought about because of the pandemic, it can be hard to feel like you're finding a routine that works for your family.
When determining a schedule, take into consideration the needs of your family and their personalities. Does your family do better on more or less structure? Do your kids do better when given some freedom? Are they more of a morning or an evening person?
Understanding your family's needs will help you create a schedule that works for how your family functions. If your family likes a lot of structure, a routine with very little structure won't be effective.
Because of the different needs of your family, you may need multiple schedules. That's okay. The purpose of a family routine is to help each family member in a way that works for them.
Don't feel guilty if your family routine doesn't look like popular routines. It's okay to have more or less structure than someone else or do things differently. Remember, no routine will be useful if it doesn't make sense for your family.
Helping your child understand the routine and what is expected of them is crucial in making that routine work. The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching helps you do just that. When a child understands what is expected of them and how they need to respond to certain things, they are more likely to do it independently.
You can find the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching on the Smarter Parenting website.
Don't forget to join the Smarter Parenting Club. You will have access to incredible parenting resources that will help make your life easier.
Have you ever given a consequence that hasn't worked? We know we have.
Implementing consequences that work to change behavior can be difficult for many parents. Often, we continue to give consequences repeatedly that don't work, which only increases our frustration level.
Learning how to give consequences that work is made easier when parents use Effective Negative Consequences. Effective Negative Consequences gives parents the 5 elements they need to make a consequence work for their child.
Giving consequences that work is difficult because no two children or situations are the same, even though we often treat them the same.
Parents may struggle with consequences because consequences are often given as an emotional response where "grounding them for a year" seems like a good idea. Consequences given as an emotional response don't tend to be as effective because they are often too big.
When you give consequences that are too big for the behavior, often you aren't able to follow through. That teaches your child that their negative behavior doesn't matter as they will not truly get a consequence for their behavior. Which only leads them to repeat the action.
When parents use the five elements of Effective Negative Consequences, it signals to their child a few things.
First, it signals that you are disappointed in the behavior and not in them. This distinction is crucial as it allows you to strengthen your relationship even when you're giving them consequences.
Second, it allows them to see that you value them as a person. When you give tailored and essential consequences to your child, you are signaling that they matter to you.
Third, it helps them know you're interested in helping them change and be better. The purpose of a consequence is to teach and not to punish.
If you need additional help learning how to give consequences that work, sign up for parenting coaching. Both the gold and platinum tier of the Smarter Parenting club provides coaching.
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Children with ADHD often deal with other issues, including anxiety. The combination of both ADHD and anxiety can make it doubly hard for them to effectively handle situations where they're expected to behave a certain way.
Teaching them anxiety management strategies allows them to plan for and deal with situations in a way that reduces their anxiety. Anxiety management strategies don't have to be complicated. The most successful calming strategies are those that your child can do no matter the situation.
Some calm down strategies include breathing techniques, visualizing feelings, and physical grounding.
When teaching them calming techniques, it's essential to work with your child and model what you would like them to do. By modeling what they need to do, your child understands what is expected, removing confusion.
Using the ABC's of Behavior, you can find ways to address situations before, during, and after. The more you can help your child address situations early using anxiety management techniques, the more successfully your child can handle their anxiety.
You can find the ABC’s of Behavior on the Smarter Parenting website.
If you need additional help dealing with your ADHD child’s anxiety, sign up for parenting coaching. Both the gold and platinum tier of the Smarter Parenting club provides coaching.
As parents, we want things to be fair when we give rewards or consequences. Fair does not mean the same, however, as no two children or situations are.
Individualizing rewards and consequences improves their effectiveness as it shows your child that you are interested in what they value. It also makes sure you're giving a reward or consequence that matters to your child. For example, one child may see not playing with friends as a consequence, where another might see that as a reward.
If the reward or consequence doesn't matter to your child, it will not help them learn.
The goal of rewards and consequences is to teach your child what you expect. They should never be used to punish your child. Punishing always goes to the extreme, which is less effective than starting small and adding consequences as needed.
When you focus on teaching your child, it helps your child move forward and know what to do next time. This knowledge increases their self-confidence and ability to make wise decisions.
Giving rewards and consequences that are different can be a struggle. By following the five components of Effective Positive Rewards or Effective Negative Consequences, you are better able to find individualized solutions that work for your child.
You can learn more about Effective Positive Rewards or Effective Negative Consequences at Smarter Parenting.
Giving more effective consequences and rewards require parents to understand the difference between values and interests.
Values and interests are separate and serve different purposes, especially when helping change your child’s behavior using either Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards.
Values are what you believe and what you want your child to learn—things like confidence, hard work, honesty, kindness, and integrity. Interests are things that you like to do—such as playing sports, music, or travel.
Parents should use interest to help teach values when giving an Effective Negative Conseqeunces or an Effective Positive Rewards. For example, parents can use the interest of time with friends to teach the values of purpose, hard work, honesty, accountability, or responsibility. By combining both values and interests, you will be more successful.
Effective Negative Consequences and Effective Positive Rewards are two sides of the same coin and can both be used to change behavior. Which one to use will be determined by what you need to teach. For some situations, a consequence may be the best course of action for a particular behavior. For many children, though, Effective Positive Rewards are more effective in changing behavior than consequences. Many children may be more motivated to earn extra time if they come by curfew than by losing time if they’re late.
It’s essential to sit down and evaluate the values you want to teach your children, as this will give you a better game plan for using their interests to do so.
If you’re struggling with using interests to teach values, we recommend joining the gold or platinum level of the Smarter Parenting Club. Both of those levels allow for coaching and individualized help and solutions.
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If there is one podcast we recommend listening to in the wake of what is going on globally, this is it.
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Many have lost the ability to discuss topics they feel strongly about with someone who doesn't share their viewpoint without it turning ugly. Cancel culture, name-calling, fear of retribution, and lack of civility are alive and well.
This lack of civility is dangerous because it doesn't encourage growth or moving forward. Instead, we become even more passionate about what we believe.
We don't have to agree with someone, but we can learn to communicate openly and safely that fosters understanding. We must teach our children how to do this as we want a world where our children can express themselves and allow others to do the same.
Our view of the world is shaped by what we have experienced, and we view those experiences as sacred. When those beliefs are attacked, it can feel very personal, which creates an emotional response.
When someone believes something different from us and presents that viewpoint, it creates internal feelings of conflict as we don't like having what we believe challenged. This is called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance makes us feel uncomfortable when a different viewpoint is presented. There's inner turmoil to figure out where this person is coming from and why they believe what they believe, so often, it is easier not to wade into, but rather to become defensive and dismissive as we see it as a way to protect what we believe.
What parent doesn't want their child to feel comfortable coming to them and talking about sexuality and sex, what they believe (even if it's different than you), cause and movements, politics, and life-choices? If you haven't created a place where understanding can occur, these will not be productive conversations. Instead, these conversations could lead to a breakdown in relationships.
Effective Communication breaks down barriers and the emotional response we have, which allows us to get to a place where we can find solutions and understanding. Effective Communication will enable us to create a safe space to discuss difficult topics without it getting personal or argumentative.
Stephen R. Covey said, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply."
Effective Communication shows us how to listen and understand where the other person is coming from. Remember, you don't always have to agree with what they say. When you know where someone is coming from, you are more likely to find solutions and understanding.
Let’s use Effective Communication to create connections instead of division.
To learn more about Effective Communication, visit the Smarter Parenting website: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-communication/
The Smarter Parenting Club wants to help you take your parenting to the next level!
https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
With three tiers, you will find the level of help your family needs. The Silver Tier is our self-coaching where you will have access to recorded coaching sessions, the Smarter Parenting course, weekly Q&A sessions, as well as exclusive club content.
The Gold Tier gives you access to everything in the Silver Tier plus one coaching session a month with our Parenting Coach.
The Platinum Tier includes everything in the Silver Tier plus 3 coaching sessions a month with our Parenting Coach.
We can't wait to see you in the Smarter Parenting Club. Join today!
Not on the same page as your partner when it comes to parenting? You are not alone. How do we get on the same page is one of the most frequently asked parenting questions we receive.
No two parents’ parent the same. Because of life experiences, including how they were raised, it’s not uncommon for parents to have different parenting styles and priorities. The goal is to find ways to work through parenting differences and find solutions that both parents are happy with and implement.
If you and your partner can’t agree, it leads to inconsistent parenting practices. Inconsistent parenting practices are problematic for children as it sends mixed messages, and they are never entirely sure what they are supposed to do and who they should follow. For example, if you believe that your child must do chores, but your partner doesn’t, how does your child know what to do?
When dealing with conflict resolution, Harvard University’s course on conflict resolution recommends the following things: (https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/conflict-resolution/conflict-resolution-strategies/)
When parents use these strategies, they can find solutions that work for both parties. Using these strategies in conjunction with Effecting Communication and Decision Making (SODAS Method) helps parents do just that.
Effective Communication allows you to feel heard and understood, while Decision Making helps you find solutions that work for both parties.
You can find the skills on the Smarter Parenting website: https://www.smarterparenting.com/
If you need specific help finding solutions for getting on the same page, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
Most children don't like being corrected. For some children, that correction can be difficult and paralyzing. Children who struggle more than normal with being corrected may be suffering from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria means that they don't handle rejection well and get very upset if someone criticizes them, often to the point of focusing only on the criticism. For example, you could give a hundred positives about something they did well, but all they will remember is the one small criticism in a 100 positives.
Children with ADHD tend to be more prone to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and can believe they are a problem instead of having a problem.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is real and can cause difficulties in relationships, school, and jobs. They tend to blame themselves, focus on the negative, or have trouble believing any praise given to them.
Correcting Behaviors' goal is to help them see that the correction doesn't mean they are a terrible person as the Teaching-Family Model skills are relationship-focused.
By being faithful to the steps, your child can see and understand that correction doesn't happen willy-nilly, but rather you are on their side to help them learn. It also helps them to realize that you are not here to punish them.
Correcting Behaviors can be incredible in helping your child deal with their Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
If you're struggling with knowing how to correct your child best, sign up for coaching in the Smarter Parenting club and let us find tailored solutions for your family.
For full show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
As parents, we have limited time to invest in our children. We can, though, make our investment count--even with limited time. How? By focusing our energy and efforts on the areas that will create the most return by using Effective Praise.
Effective Praise helps you focus on what your children are doing well, no matter how small, and letting them know what you saw.
Using the skill of Effective Praise builds your relationship in multiple ways.
Effective Praise doesn’t require huge effort or time, but we promise the return will be incredible.
Learn how to give Effective Praise by visiting SmarterParenting.com: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/
If you need one-on-one help to implement Effective Praise, join the Smarter Parenting Club: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
Following Instructions builds the foundation for a successful life.
Following Instructions reduces frustration, arguing, and talking back. It keeps kids focused on what is expected of them while preparing them for the future.
Following Instructions helps parents build and repair relationships with their child as it reduces conflict and helps the child achieve success.
Learn more about Follow Instructions: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/following-instructions/
Under the best of circumstances, children can have a hard time staying focused and staying on task. What kids--and families--are experiencing during this time is not normal.
Having to frequently check-up on your child and correct their behavior can exacerbate the pressure you're under. When parents feel overwhelmed, it can be easy to respond in ways that we can make the problems worse, so it's important to learn Correcting Behaviors' skill.
The way we correct our child can either damage or strengthen our relationship with them. Because of this, it's essential to be strategic in how we address problems.
When a correction is given with love and trust, your child will grow up feeling that way. If corrections are given from a place of anger or frustration, your child will grow up feeling that they are the problem instead of believing they have a problem that needs to be solved.
If you are struggling with addressing certain behaviors, we recommend creating a script of what you will do or say. Having a script allows you to stay focused on what needs to happen and not get distracted.
If you are struggling with helping your child during the pandemic, this is the podcast for you!
If you're looking for individualized parenting help, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
As parents, we want to teach our children to function without us. We want them to know what to do in any situation. We want them to be able to be an advocate for themselves. We want them to be successful at school, work, and in their relationships.
If we want our children to know what to do when we are not around. We have to Role-play it, and then Role-play it repeatedly until they are comfortable and know how to do it. Without practice, it is hard for children to remember what they are supposed to do as our brains only remember so much information at a time. It’s the practicing that makes something real to a child, not the words we tell them.
Role-playing is an often underutilized skill, but it is one of the most important ones in preparing our kids for the future. You can Role-play with both young children and teenagers. You can Role-play any situation, from making friends, knowing how to interview for a job, or what to do when someone is mean.
Role-playing doesn’t require any fancy equipment; it just requires us to be consistent.
If you're looking for help, we have the Smarter Parenting Club. Join today!
Welcome to episode 100! We are so grateful for all of you and look forward to the next 100 episodes!
We are excited to announce the Smarter Parenting Club. We know that families have different needs. The Smarter Parenting Club aims to meet families where they are, with three different levels. You will have access to exclusive content, podcasts, videos, coaching, and so much more in the club.
Sign up today! We can't wait for you to join us. Club.Smarterparenting.com
Giving consequences that work can be tricky. Frequently when giving a consequence, parents tend to go to the extreme, which leaves parents nowhere to go if it doesn't work.
A consequence aims to teach our child. Consequences are not punishments. When giving a consequence, parents should ask themselves, "What is the least amount of consequence to get my child to stop the negative behavior?"
Consequences must meet the five components of Effective Negative Consequences.
- First, the consequence needs to be immediate and should happen as soon as possible after the negative behavior.
- Second, it needs to match the inappropriate behavior.
- Third, you need to be able to follow through with consequences every time the negative behavior happens.
- Fourth, you shouldn't give the same consequence for all negative behavior.
- Fifth, the consequence should mean something to your child. If the consequence doesn't mean something to your child, they have no motivation to stop their negative behavior.
Learn about Effective Negative Consequences on SmarterParenting.com
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
We can’t wait to see you in the Smarter Parenting Club!
One of the best ways to create connections with your kids is to acknowledge what they are doing. We all want to feel that someone sees us.
Observe and Describe is a beautiful tool to help parents deepen connections with their kids as it allows them to describe what is happening without judgment or emotion. This is especially helpful when children struggle to communicate or if communication tends to be hostile.
When you use Observe and Describe with your child, or anybody for that matter, it signals to them that you are present and that what they are doing matters to you. This knowledge will strengthen your relationship as they will feel that they can come to you about anything, and you will be there for them.
The more you use Observe and Describe, the more your children will reciprocate and show you the respect and understanding you are showing them. Which will help them to better understand and communicate with all people they come in contact with.
The world can be a challenging place for children, but knowing you see and appreciate what they are doing will go a long way in helping them feel secure with themselves and their place in the world.
Even though Observe and Describe is simple to do it holds so much power. For more information on Observe and Describe visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
We are excited that we will be launching the Smarter Parenting Club. Stay tuned for details. Sign up today. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Helping kids go back to school, whether in person, online, or a hybrid, is different this year.
Knowing how to best deal with all the new challenges and unknowns can feel overwhelming. How do you keep your kids safe from Covid-19? How do you balance online learning and work responsibility? How do you keep kids focused?
In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini tackles those very issues and shows parents what they can do to find solutions that work for their family and their situation.
You can prepare and help your child find success this year. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean that it can’t be a great year.
This is a podcast you don’t want to miss!
For additional resources, full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting club and get access to exclusive content. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
You can feel hopeful for the future. Yes, even in trying times, it is possible to feel that the future has incredible opportunities.
Every generation has faced struggles and challenges that have required new thoughts and preparations. Those who thrived were those who learned how to prepare for future challenges.
You can do the same. You can help your child do the same too.
Think of yourself as an airplane pilot. When you're able to predict and prepare for what is happening ahead, it's comforting to your child. Not only do they see that they can trust you, they also feel empowered because they have things they can do to weather what is coming up.
It's exactly what the skill of Preventive Teaching does. It allows you to prepare your child for anything that may happen in the future and gives them strategies that they can use that will work. When children feel prepared, it will reduce anxiety and increase their confidence.
You will love this podcast. You will feel comforted by the fact that you can help your child and have a bright and beautiful future.
Sign up for a coaching session through the Smarter Parenting Club and be filled with hope for the future of your family. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club!
It’s only natural for children to seek out situations where they feel confident, competent, independent, and autonomous. As discussed in the previous podcast, many children turn to video games to help fulfill these needs. Parents can counter the positives children receive from playing video games by using Effective Praise.
Effective Praise can increase your connection with your child as it teaches you how to validate the good things your child is doing. When children feel approved by their parents, it increases their confidence, competence, independence, and autonomy, which strengthens the emotional bond you have with them.
Getting praise signals to your child, “Hey, my parents are proud of me. My parents see what I’m doing well. I like it when they notice it. I want to keep doing this so they continue.”
As that bond strengthens, the benefits will be that your child listens to you more. They will spend more time with you. They will seek out your advice.
We can’t stress how important giving Effective Praise is.
One of the steps of Effective Praise requires parents to give their children a reason why they should continue the positive behavior. This step is hard for many parents. Most of us, when giving a reason to behave a certain way, give a reason that’s meaningful to them and not always to the person they are talking to.
When parents are able to give their child a meaningful reason, they are more likely to repeat that behavior as they feel like they are getting something out behaving that way. It can take some trial and error to figure out the things that are important to your child. If you’re struggling to figure out what is motivating your child, look at how they spend their free time or money. Those tend to be things that matter to them.
This podcast will be so insightful in helping you create a better bond with your child.
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
One of the questions Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini gets asked frequently is how to help kids deal with video game addiction, and in this podcast, he shows parents how they can help their child by using Effective Praise.
Why are video games so addictive? They are designed to fill four psychological needs in your children, trust, confidence, mastery, and autonomy, and fulfill these needs time and time again. The more kids play, the more they want to play because playing video games makes them feel good. It's also why kids can have a hard time when they are required to quit as they may not be getting the same level of reinforcement in the real world as they are getting from the virtual world.
A study on why video games are so addictive can be found here.
http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2010_PrzybylskiRigbyRyan_ROGP.pdf
Effective Praise fulfills your child's need for trust, confidence, mastery, and autonomy, which, in turn, allows them to thrive in the real world. Parents who use Effective Praise consistently give so much to their children and their children thrive.
For many parents, the hardest thing about using Effective Praise is knowing where to start. Sign up for Parenting Coaching session through the Smarter Parenting Club and let Siope Kinikini help you come up with a game plan. https://club.smarterparenting.com/ For full show notes and transcript, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
How do you communicate with a child who doesn’t want to talk? In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini answers what parents can do when experiencing tension in communication.
When our children are having difficulty communicating, it’s our job to help them learn how to do it. Often that requires us to reframe our thoughts on what is happening. It can be easy to take their lack of communication as a personal slight, do not. Instead, see it as an opportunity for growth and understanding.
Children can be resistant to communication because they don’t know how or don’t feel comfortable giving their opinions because they’re afraid of how someone will respond.
Creating a space when they can communicate will be difficult for many parents as they will want to feel that space with their thoughts instead of allowing their children to express themselves. But the best thing you can do is to create this space as it will allow your child to open up and truly express themselves. This podcast will show you the steps you need to take to make this happen as it won't always be easy or natural.
Your child can learn to communicate and do it well. For full show notes and transcript, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Sign up for the Smarter Parenting Club https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Most of us communicate to be heard, not necessarily to be understood.
Think about that for a second. Think about how much time and frustration we could reduce if we changed HOW we communicated. We would no longer spend as much time arguing or fighting, and we would see our relationships improve and our kids--and others--would like being around us.
What parent wouldn’t want that?
It’s not easy to change how we communicate. The behavior skill of Effective Communication gives parents the steps they need to communicate in a way that allows for comprehension.
This is so so important. When someone feels genuinely listened to and heard, they are more likely to open up about issues, come to you for advice, and seek solutions.
Comprehension doesn’t mean that your child will always agree with what is being said, but they will understand why something is in place.
When everybody feels heard and understood, incredible things happen.
Learn the skill: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-communication/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Sign up for the Smarter Parenting Club and let Siope Kinikini help you improve your communication. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
In this episode, we continue our discussion on how Role-playing creates change and increases confidence in children and adults. If you haven’t listened to Part 1, we recommend you go back to episode 91.
https://adhd.smarterparenting.com/e/ep-91-creating-change-while-increasing-confidence-part-1/
All of us have biases based on our life experiences. These biases can make it hard for us to see another person’s viewpoint, which can hinder communication. One of the benefits of Role-playing is that it allows us to feel empathy for another person which helps us break down our biases. By understanding where someone is coming from, we can focus on building better relationships as we can improve and positively address things. This is especially important for helping your child with ADHD as they tend to see the world differently, and understanding how they see it goes a long way to understanding and finding solutions.
These biases also come into play in how we process the good or bad that someone is experiencing. When good things happen, we believe that it’s because of something we’ve done, and when bad things happen, it’s due to external forces.
Using Role-playing to increase empathy and understanding will have a ripple effect on your family and your relationships. If you are unsure how to use Role-playing, we hope you will join the Smarter Parenting Club where Siope Kinikini will be able to walk you through Role-playing and what you need to do to help your family find success. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Let Siope Kinikini help you find solutions and create success. Join the Smarter Parenting Club!
https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Have you ever expected your kid to behave a certain way and then got frustrated when they didn’t?
We have.
Just because you know what to do at a restaurant or greet someone, doesn’t mean that they do. Kids act up because they don’t know how to act. If you want them to behave a certain way, they need to be shown how, and they need to practice.
It’s why Role-playing is so helpful for children. Role-playing allows them to know what is expected and helps them practice until they feel comfortable doing it. Feeling prepared will increase their confidence and reduce feelings of anxiety or frustration.
We can teach behavior skills on Smarter Parenting, but without Role-playing, they won’t be successful.
In part one of our podcast on Role-playing, Parenting Coaching Siope Kinkini helps parents understand three benefits children will gain when using role-playing.
The first benefit is that they will gain an understanding of social situations and how to respond. They will know the difference in interacting with friends versus interacting with a teacher.
Second, they will learn what vocabulary to use in different situations. The words we use will be different when talking to our friends’ verses when we speak to a teacher or a boss.
Lastly, it will teach them empathy and understanding. When a child can see things from the other person’s point of view, they are more likely to create solutions that benefit both sides.
Role-playing is so powerful. We can’t wait for your family to use it and harness its power.
In the Smarter Parenting Club we walk you through making Role-plays successful. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club and let us help you better respond to frustrating situations.
When parents are dealing with frustrating situations, their ability to make decisions is reduced. In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shares with parents how to use Observe and Describe to minimize decision fatigue.
We all have the same amount of energy to spend on making decisions. As the day goes own, we have less energy to spend on decisions, creating decision fatigue. This decision fatigue is especially true for a child with ADHD, as the choices they make throughout the day require more energy.
How can Observe and Describe help? Observe and Describe takes that decision-making equation out of a situation. Knowing that you will be using Observe and Describe is one less decision you need to make, which allows you to spend the energy where it’s needed.
Observe and Describe is excellent for allowing parents to take a step back and focus on what is happening while giving them a moment to make the best decision about the situation instead of just reacting.
For complete show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/observe-and-describe/
If you need help with implementing Observe and Describe, join the Smarter Parenting Club.
In this special episode, Siope Kinikini discusses how parents can help their children navigate what is happening in the world.
Giving your kids the tools they need to handle what they are hearing, seeing, and experiencing is vital. When kids have tools, they can thrive and make a difference, despite what is happening around them. These tools will be one of the most important things you can do as a parent.
Children will have a lot of feelings about what is going on and the skill of Effective Communication allows them to process and express those feelings in a healthy way. Siope Kinikini gives you three essential things to do that will make this communication effective and powerful.
Take a listen. And then listen again and again and involve your kids.
For full show notes and more information about Effective Communication, visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
It’s never been easier to get parenting help from the comfort of your own home. Join the Smarter Parenting Club and let Siope Kinikini help you find solutions. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
When dealing with frustrating situations where our kids misbehave, it can be easy to become emotionally engaged and default to yelling, annoyance, or anger. When we respond that way, it only makes the situation worse and often creates additional problems.
Wouldn’t you like something that would keep you from becoming engaged in that way? What if we told you a simple skill could help?
The skill of Observe and Describe is something that you can do today. Instead of engaging in your child’s negative behavior, you observe what is happening and calmly state what you see without judgment. For example, if your child is rolling their eyes and making faces at you, you would say, “You are rolling your eyes and making faces at me.” When you state just the facts, it allows your child to understand what they are doing. It also keeps you from getting emotional.
Remaining calm allows you to lead the dance instead of reacting to the situation. How powerful is that? Powerful. By changing how we respond to situations, we change the outcome and improve our relationships.
We teach our kids that there is a better way to respond that doesn’t have to be driven by emotions.
Observe and Describe can be used on everybody we have interactions with.
You can find the skill on the Smarter Parenting website. https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/observe-and-describe/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Struggling to figure out why kids act the way they do? Join the Smarter Parenting Club. These Parenting Coaching sessions are a safe place where you will get answers.
https://club.smarterparenting.com/ In today’s episode, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini continues the discussion of The ABC’s of Behavior and how it can help you create a happier family life.
When you can understand why behavior happens, it is easier to take steps to prevent it. Sometimes though, it can be hard to figure out why behavior happens. In those cases, Siope Kinikini recommends looking at five things that could have contributed to the meltdown.
Are they sleepy? Are they getting enough good sleep? Are they hungry? Are they eating a healthy diet? Do they have a disability? Was there a change in their environment? Was there an interruption to their schedule?
Understanding that these things could lead to tantrums allows you to make changes before the tantrums even happen.
If they’re tired, you could have them do quiet time, nap, or watch a TV show. If they are hungry, you could give them a snack and set up a snack schedule. If they have a hard time processing things due to a disability, you could provide them with space and understanding that allows them not to become overwhelmed. If there is a change in the environment, you can acknowledge that it can be difficult and help prepare them before changes happen. If there’s an interruption to the schedule, you can reduce interruptions, set a timer for transitions, or finish certain tasks.
All of these things take less work and energy than dealing with a tantrum once it’s begun and allows you to have the energy to spend on creating a relationship. If you’re not spending as much time dealing with tantrums, you can play a game, or read a book, or go out with friends.
The ABC’s of Behavior is incredibly powerful in helping you understand your child. It’s even more powerful when applied to yourself. You can use the ABC’s of Behavior to determine how you react to certain behaviors and what you can do to change it, you will be happier and more in control of situations.
Applying the ABC’s of Behavior to ourselves can be uncomfortable. If you are struggling to figure out your antecedents, join the Smarter Parenting Club. Our coaching sessions are a judgment-free zone where we help you figure out individual solutions.
https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For complete show notes and transcript visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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Do you know why your kid acts up? Understanding why they do allows you to intervene and address behaviors beforehand.
When our kids act up, we become so focused on the behavior and outcome that we often forget that something happened before the behavior to cause it.
Are they tired? Are they worried? Are they hungry? Was someone being mean?
Being able to focus on things that happen beforehand and addressing them is incredibly powerful. It sends a message to our child that we care about figuring out what is happening in their life and not just about punishing them.
The way to figure out what happened that contributes to a behavior is by using the ABC’s of Behavior.
The A stands for antecedent. This is what happened beforehand that contributed to the behavior. There can be multiple antecedents that contribute to specific behavior.
The B stands for behavior. This is the behavior your child is doing. This behavior can be good or bad.
The C stands for consequence. The consequence is what happens after the behavior.
Sometimes the antecedent may be clear, like when their sibling takes their toys. In other situations, it may not be so obvious. An antecedent can happen hours or even days beforehand. There can also be multiple antecedents that contribute to a behavior.
The more you can focus on addressing antecedents, the more behavior will decrease. For example, if you know that your child refuses to do their homework when they are hungry, you can easily prevent the issue by making sure they have a snack before beginning.
Using the ABC’s of Behavior will make your life easier. In general, it takes less work to address behaviors in the antecedent stage than in the consequence stage.
Join the Smarter Parenting Club where we can help you figure out antecedents and how you can address and prevent them.
Let us help you figure out how to use Effective Negative Consequences—join the Smarter Parenting club.
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Figuring out how to give Effective Negative Consequences can be tricky as many parents struggle with implementing all five elements that make a consequence successful.
The goal of a consequence is to teach them what they should have done instead and to encourage them not to repeat the negative behavior.
Consequences are only so successful and should not be a parent's sole focus when it comes to changing behavior. Parents that focus exclusively on consequences will damage their relationship with their child long-term.
In addition to consequences, parents should be looking for ways to acknowledge and increase positive behaviors. Focusing on the good can be hard for so many parents because when our children are misbehaving it’s hard to recognize that they are doing anything right. Or we feel that by rewarding them instead of punishing them, they will not learn their lesson.
Using Effective Positive Rewards in conjunction with Effective Negative Consequences allows for positive and sustainable change as kids tend to be more motivated by positive interactions than negative interactions.
Effective Negative Consequences has its place and should be given when the behavior warrants.
Knowing when to use Effective Negative Consequence and Effective Positive Rewards takes some skill and understanding. If you are struggling to figure when to use Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards, sign-up for coaching within the Smarter Parenting Club. During a Parenting Coaching session, we can discuss your unique situation and come up with individualized answers that fit you and your child.
https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Struggling with giving consequences? Join the Smarter Parenting Club.
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Parents often give a lot of consequences, but consequences are not always the best way to change behavior.
While consequences have their place, there are limitations to the effectiveness of consequences to change a child’s behavior. In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shares with parents what those limitations are and what they can do instead.
If parents only use consequences, it could create this environment where they internalize the negative behavior and believe that the reason they are getting all these consequences is because they are bad.
The best way to create long-last change is to focus on the positive things that your child is doing by creating an environment where we can recognize kids for what they do well and reward them when they do. For many parents, this is a mind-shift that takes some getting used too, but creating an environment where you have more positive interactions than negative with your kids will strengthen your relationship and create a happier home environment. Focusing on positives helps a child reach their full potential.
Giving kids rewards and consequences isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Children learn at different rates, and what works for one child will not work for others. It’s okay to switch up the rewards or consequences to fit your child and their needs.
Figuring out what behavior we can reward our children for and what action needs a consequence can be tricky. We encourage you to sign up for a free Parenting Coaching session where we can help you work through your specific situation and individual needs.
Our coaching sessions will help you get to where you want to be faster as they show parents exactly what to do. If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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When a child is acting up, parents want to know how to give a consequence that works. But, usually, what they want to know is how do they provide a punishment that will stop the behavior. There is a difference between consequences and punishments. Punishments are meant to scare a child into doing what you want, while consequences are meant to help a child make better choices.
Learning how to give consequences that reduce a child’s behavior doesn’t always come easy. The reason that the consequences don’t work is that parents don’t understand how consequences can be used to help a child make a better choice, and so give consequences that don’t matter to a child. Consequences work when they show a child what they gain by reducing the behavior.
Five proven elements make consequences work. If a consequence isn’t working to reduce a child’s negative behavior, it’s because one of the elements isn’t working and needs to be modified. The skill of Effective Negative Consequences shows what those five elements are and how parents can use them to find success to change behavior.
The five elements of Effective Negative Consequences are:
- Immediate
- Degree/size
- Consistent
- Important
- Varied
In this episode, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, shows parents that when they can use the five elements of Effective Negative Consequences, they will find success in helping their child make positive changes.
Our coaching sessions will help you get to where you want to be faster as they show parents exactly what to do. If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club and learn how Preventive Teaching can help you find more clarity and time while reducing stress and frustration.
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Parents only have so much time and energy in a day. Preventive Teaching helps parents use their time and energy wisely instead of spending it addressing and fixing problems. This keeps parents from feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
When parents use the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching, they can address problems before they become bigger—the bigger the problem the more energy required to deal with it. By addressing them before they get out of hand, parents have the energy to spend on things that enrich and rejuvenate them; activities such as reading a book, meeting up with friends, going for a walk, exercising, or watching TV.
When parents aren’t spending their time dealing with negative behaviors, they can channel that energy into building a stronger relationship with their child, which is incredible. Instead of fights over homework or chores, you’re able to spend that time talking, playing a game together, going for a walk, what will that do for your family?
We can tell you what it will do. It will increase cooperation, understanding, empathy, and trust. Your child will start to see that you have their best interest at heart and that you are there to help them be better. They will see you as an ally and not as a foe.
We love Preventive Teaching for what it gives parents. By making small changes and addressing problems before they start, you and your kids will gain so much. If you haven't listened to episodes 80 and 81, we recommend you do as they will help you understand what you will gain from using Preventive Teaching.
If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Let ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini help you be the parent you want to be. Join the Smarter Parenting Club.
https://club.smarterparenting.com/
The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching isn’t just for kids; they are FAMILY skills.
In part two of our Preventive Teaching journey with Dawn, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini teaches how behavior skills are just as powerful when parents apply them to themselves. That’s the strength of the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model. The behavior skills can be applied to kids; the behavior skills can be applied to adults. It doesn’t matter. They will work.
The goal of Preventive Teaching is to help prepare us for situations that may arise. If we do the prep work before we cook, or paint, or pack for a vacation, the actual cooking, painting, and packing are easier.
In Dawn’s case, Preventive Teaching helped her deal with a self-soothing behavior from her son that annoyed her and lead to decreased patience and increased frustration.
Because the self-soothing behavior wasn’t going to go away, Dawn needed ways to prevent her reaction to it. She didn’t want to be this parent who was frustrated and upset every time the behavior happened. With guidance from Siope Kinikini, she implemented strategies that allowed her to remain focused and calm when the behavior was happening.
Implementing Preventive Teaching helped her be a better parent. It helped her be the parent she wanted to be.
Admitting that we need help because our children’s behaviors are beyond our abilities doesn’t mean that we are a bad parent or that we don’t love them. Understanding that you need help is a sign of just how much you do love your children. When we are in the thick of a parenting struggle, it can be hard to see solutions or improvements. We need someone else to offer us guidance and reassurance. That’s what a Parenting Coach does. From their unique position outside of the problem, they can guide you. They help you see what needs to change and gives you to behavior skills you to make the change happen. They will encourage you when it gets tough or overwhelming. They are your ally in parenting. They want you and your family to improve!
Parenting Coaching helps parents set goals for their specific needs and situations. It is very individualized and customized to your family.
It can be scary to admit that you need help, and we applaud parents who do. These coaching sessions will help you get to where you want to be faster. They will remove the trial and error that can be frustrating and exhausting. If you’re ready to move your family forward, join the Smarter Parenting club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Let us help you take Preventive Teaching to the next level. Join the Smarter Parenting Club.
https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Do you feel frustrated with your child’s behavior? Do you find yourself reacting to situations in a way where you feel like you’re a terrible parent? Do you wish there was a better way that would help you be the parent you want to be?
The magic tool is the Teaching-Family Model. The Teaching-Family Model has incredible power to show you how to become the parent you want to be!
When parents have skills and tools, they can be proactive instead of reactive. When a parent is proactive, they are in charge and can guide their child’s behavior. When a parent is reactive, the child is actually in charge, and we’re just reacting to their behavior. When we are proactive, we can reduce feelings of frustration. We can spend less time dealing with problems. We can help our kids successfully navigate the world. We can put our time and energy into strengthening relationships.
For parents who are always feeling frustrated, Preventive Teaching is life-saver.
Parents can regain control. Preventive Teaching helps families prevent problems before they arise as it allows parents to teach expectations in a way a child understands.
This idea is so important. Many parents believe that children should know how to act how they want them to act. Spoiler alert; They don’t. Children need to be taught and they need to be taught at their level.
At their level means keeping it doable for them. It means breaking it down into steps and practicing with them until they can do it before adding more steps. Our goal is to help them find success.
By teaching what it is we want, and then making sure they can do what it is we want, parents can reduce the majority of the problems they face.
Preventive Teaching is used on behaviors both big and small. While Preventive Teaching requires work at the beginning, the payoff is less work down the road.
In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shows parents how to reduce those feelings of frustration by making meaningful changes in how they teach their children. There’s no better time than now to become a proactive parent instead of a reactive parent. Doing so will change the trajectory of your family.
For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Let us guide you on how to make Role-playing effective for your family. Join the Smarter Parenting Club!
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If you want a behavior to stick, you have to Role-play again and again until that behavior becomes ingrained in your child. While the idea of Role-playing continually may sound overwhelming, we can promise that doing it will pay off huge for your child.
Role-playing helps your child transition ideas from the abstract to the concrete. It moves them from just hearing something to understanding something.
Cued practice allows you to see if your child can apply what they have practiced in real life. Cued practice is when you tell your child you will be practicing at a later time to see how much they understand. It takes a lot of practice to change behavior and your child may struggle in the cued practices. That’s to be expected. Praise them for what they did well and then continue practicing. They will get it eventually.
Role-playing is so essential that it is used in every behavior skill taught on Smarter Parenting. We recommend getting a good handle on what Role-playing is and how you use it.
If you haven’t checked out the Role-playing skill lesson page, we advocate that you do. There you will find a video lesson that walks you through the steps as well as resources that will help you teach the skill to your child. The more comfortable you are with the behavior skill of Role-playing the easier it will be to teach your children how to Role-play.
https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/role-playing/
ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini has discussed the importance of Role-playing in previous podcast episodes. We recommend listening to them again.
Ep #71: Changing the brain through Role-playing
Ep #48: What it takes to change behavior
Ep #13: Why practice leads to success
We know that Role-playing can feel awkward at times. Stick with it. It will get better and it will change your family. Start by Role-playing situations that are comfortable before moving up to more difficult situations. We can’t stress enough how much power there is in Role-playing. For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Creating a growth mindset for kids is one of the greatest things parents can teach their kids. A growth mindset is helping kids understand expectations while allowing them not to be perfect. Effective Praise helps parents do just that as it shows a child what they are doing well and why continuing that behavior would be beneficial to them.
Harnessing the power of praise isn’t just for when kids are doing it all right as parents’ expectations don’t always match their child’s ability. By using Praise Approximations, parents are able to meet them where they are at, which encourages kids to grow and learn even when they fall short of parents’ expectations.
Praise Approximations are especially helpful when kids are throwing a tantrum or feel overwhelmed as they help pull kids out of what is happening and gives them an off-ramp for their feelings.
Effective Praise, and Praise Expectations, are powerful tools to help teach our kids. We recommend listening to podcast #76,77 to learn more about how Effective Praise creates a growth mindset for kids.
Sign up for a free 15-minute mini-session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
To learn more about Effective Praise visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
As parents, we may love our child, but not always like them. We may think they are a “bad” kid who only does wrong. We may believe that the only way to change them is by punishing them.
While this type of thinking is common, it isn’t helpful and will end up doing incredible damage to our relationship with them.
We get that some children can be hard. They know how to push our buttons. Once we start seeing the bad in our children, it can be easy to continue to see all they are doing wrong.
Learning how to parent isn’t easy. The good news is that the behavior skills taught on Smarter Parenting have been proven to repair relationships.
In today’s podcast, Eric Bjorklund talks about how the skills of Smarter Parenting and the Teaching-Family Model changed how he parented and how those changes made an incredible difference in the relationship with his son.
Before Eric started using the skills of the Teaching-Family Model, he didn’t like his kid with ADHD. All he could see where the “bad” things his child was doing. He thought that he could make his child good by “punishing them.” What it was doing was creating barriers between him and his child, and he didn’t like where it was going.
By learning Effective Praise, he was able to see the good in his child. Once he started seeing the good, he started liking his child. That shift set his relationship with his child on a new and positive path.
You can come to learn to like your child!
If you need guidance on how to do it, reach out to Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini; he can show you how to turn around your relationships.
Sign up for a free 15-minute mini-session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
To learn more about Effective Praise visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Giving Effective Praise is one of the best things parents can do to improve behavior.
What is Effective Praise? Effective Praise is specific (not general) praise that allows a child to know exactly what they did well and a reason why they should continue that specific behavior.
An example of Effective Praise would be, “I am so proud of you for putting away your backpack. When you put away your backpack, I don’t have to interrupt your playtime to have you put it away.”
General praise, on the other hand, doesn’t help a child understand what they did well and why they should continue doing it. General praise sounds like “Good job.” “I’m proud of you!” “You did awesome.”
It can be challenging to switch from general praise to Effective Praise, but doing so will pay big dividends.
When you use Effective Praise, you are building self-esteem in kids as it gives them the confidence to continue to grow and learn. Effective Praise can be used for any positive behavior. Effective Praise can be especially helpful during a tantrum as it allows parents to focus on the positive and deescalate the situation.
Giving Effective Praise takes work to become natural. When it does, you will find yourself creating a stronger bond with your children.
Visit SmarterParenting.com for the Effective Praise lesson video: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Dealing with angry outbursts or tantrums can be frustrating and exhausting.
The skill of Correcting Behaviors helps parents respond to negative behavior in a way that keeps the problem from escalating.
Correcting Behaviors gives parents the steps they need to help their child understand what is happening and gives them a way to channel their anger or frustration.
Children have outbursts or tantrums because they are feeling large emotions and don’t know how to process them. Common emotions that lead to outbursts include being frustrated, worried, scared, tired, hungry, or overwhelmed.
An angry outburst or a tantrum is your child’s way of letting you know they need help to deal with their emotions. Instead of making the problem worse, using Correcting Behaviors gives a child an off-ramp for their behaviors and emotions.
The steps of Correcting Behavior are:
Get your child's attention
Express empathy
Describe the negative behavior
Deliver a consequence for that behavior
Describe what you want instead
Give a meaningful reason why they should do the new behavior
Role-play the new behavior until the child is comfortable
In this episode we walk through how to teach these steps to families. When making behavior changes most parents think that they’ll find the most success by focusing on changing their child. In reality, the greatest change happens when the parent first makes changes. By changing one part of the system (how a parent responds) the entire system changes.
Learning behavior skills isn’t a quick fix, but it is a lasting fix.
To learn the skill of Correcting Behaviors, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/correcting-behaviors/
For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
In episode 74, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini talks with Dr. Gray and Dr. Crohan about the importance of getting the right diagnosis and how behavior skills can help kids with ADHD.
Preventing temper tantrums is a question that ADHD Smarter Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini is asked frequently during coaching sessions.
While there are many behavior skills on Smarter Parenting that can address tantrum behavior, the best way to deal with temper tantrums is to prevent them from happening using the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching.
The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching helps a child understand what they need to do in a specific situation. Knowing what to do beforehand allows a child to make corrections and deal with emotions and frustrations before they get out of control. Preventive Teaching gives your child confidence that they can handle any situation.
When teaching the skill of Preventive Teaching, you need to focus on what you want their child to do and not what you don’t want their child to do. Focusing on what we want a child to do, helps our child rewire their brain, and adopt the new positive behavior. Talking about a new behavior isn’t enough. The real change comes when we Role-play or practice. We recommend that parents practice the new behavior as many times as needed until both you and the child are confident in your ability to do it.
Using Preventive Teaching to stop tantrums before they start isn’t a quick fix. It’s a lasting fix that will take time and effort to implement but will pay huge dividends. Preventing temper tantrums will change the dynamic of your family and improve your relationship.
If you are looking for specific help for tantrums, sign up for a free mini-coaching session. During the session, our ADHD Parenting coach Siope Kinikini will be able to dive deeper into the situation and will give you tailored information that will help your family find success. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/
For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
A lot of how we communicate is done by nonverbal communication. How we position our bodies, how we use or arms, or our facial expressions all send a message to those we are communicating with.
Understanding how we are communicating nonverbally goes a long way in increasing our relationship with our children. This is especially important when we're having difficult conversations as our nonverbal communication can be making the situation worse.
Things like standing over our child, or facing our child, or standing too close, can send signals of dominance or aggression, especially if feelings are running high. Parents can get a good idea of how a child is feeling by watching their nonverbal communication. Are their arms folded? Are they moving away?
When parents have a grasp of nonverbal communication and the importance of body language, they can focus on shifting problems and difficult conversations "in front of you." What do we mean by this? When we shift our body language, we can shift the message we are sending our child. Instead of a problem being between us and hurting our relationship, the problem is in front of us. Now, together we can solve the problem, and the problem won't damage our relationship. That is powerful!
The behavior skill of Effective Communication on SmarterParenting.com helps parents increase their communication skills.
We offer free 15-minute parenting coaching mini-session to help parents with nonverbal communication. Don’t put off healing your family! Sign-up today. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/
For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Rewiring the brain through Role-playing may seem like science fiction, but it's not. Learning rewires the brain. Kids can learn new things if a parent will be consistent and deliberate in their teaching and use of Role-plays.
Role-playing, or practicing, helps a child work at a behavior until it becomes second nature. Parents can Role-play almost anything, including behavior you want changed or preparing for future events.
When a child practices a behavior, it helps strengthen the connections in their brain—the stronger a connection, the higher their ability to perform the behavior without effort.
Parents always want to know how to rewire the brain. There are six things we recommend:
First, Role-play with your child at a neutral time. The goal of Role-playing is to help strengthen the connections in your child's brain. It's harder to strengthen those connections when your child is distracted. Practicing at a neutral time allows your child to focus on the new behavior.
Second, start small. Role-playing can be challenging for a child. Starting with something little that they can find success with gives them confidence that they can do Role-plays.
Third, take breaks. Role-playing for success means practicing behavior multiple times. Practice. Take a break. Practice. Take a break. By practicing and taking a break, it allows you to see if your child has incorporated what you’re practicing or if they're still struggling with it.
Fourth, help your child visualize the Role-play. Visualization is a powerful tool for children as it helps them make sense of the world around them and makes those connections more firm.
Fifth, integrate their senses. The more senses you're able to incorporate, the more they're able to remember it.
Sixth, reverse Role-play. In reverse Role-plays, a parent Role-plays the behavior they want. This allows a child to see exactly what action you expect.
Role-plays are powerful in rewiring your child's brain and helping them find success.
When you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted with parenting, what you want is parenting solutions. You want something that can help your family heal and move forward. The behavior skills on Smarter Parenting is what families need.
The reason we are feeling overwhelmed all the time is that parenting is challenging, and because we love our kids, we want what is best for them. Parents don’t always know how to do that.
Some simple tips can help overwhelmed parents.
- Remember: It’s because we love our kids and want what’s best that we feel frustrated.
- Vent: It’s okay to discuss our frustration, and then we need to figure out how to use our frustration to help our kids.
- Focus on the big picture: Determine what the ultimate goal we want is. Then using behavior skills, set up small steps to get there.
- Be okay with slow progress: Change isn’t going to happen overnight--and that’s okay. Celebrate small victories and remember that small steps lead to something significant over time.
The behavior skills on Smarter Parenting help parents take their feelings of frustration and start working towards healing. Each behavior has steps that allow parents to know exactly how to respond to a situation.
If you are a parent who is feeling overwhelmed all the time, join the Smarter Parenting Club. With the club, you can get specific answers to your family’s problems. Don’t put off healing your family. Sign-up today. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/
For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
When parents in pain reach out to ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, he gives them the following four things to do. When we are overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next, it is so helpful to have someone give us some concrete things to do that allow us to address the problems and find solutions that work for our family.
The four things are: slow down and identify fears, focus on what we can control, build the relationship, teach the behavior skills
Parenting from a place of fear isn’t productive. It’s easy to get caught up in our fears of what may happen that they drive all our reactions. Slowing down and identify the fears we have for our child allows us to attach behavior skills. Behavior skills give us a road map and help alleviate the unknowns and our responses to them. Sometimes we get so caught up in what is happening and our fears for what may happen.
Focus on what we can control as there is a lot in parenting we can’t control. We can’t always control how our child behaves or reacts. We can’t control how others will respond to our child’s behavior. What we can control is how we act. We can control our responses and our stress level. It also may mean changing expectations or routines to better work with what we can control.
Focus on the relationship instead of your child's negative behavior. While this may seem counter-intuitive to many parents who are struggling, what we focus on is what grows. If we only focus on their negative behavior, we actually may be making the behavior worse. Focusing on the relationship gives you a long-term focus. All skills of the Teaching-Family Model are focused on building and strengthening relationships. You can create connections by reminiscing on memories, spending time together, taking the time to listen, doing an activity they’d like to do, etc. Focusing on the relationship does not need to involve a lot of money or resources. A lot of progress can be made with simple one-on-one activities.
Teach the skills the way they should be taught. Just talking about the skills with our kids isn’t enough--we have to practice. Role-playing is a vital component in bringing about the change you want. If your child isn’t adapting a skill, increase your Role-play.
No matter what a parent is facing, this advice is relevant to parents of kids of all ages and all behavior problems.
If you are a parent in pain, join the Smarter Parenting Club. You can get specific answers to your family’s problems. Don’t put off healing your family. Sign-up today. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/
One of the hardest things for most parents is following through with consequences. Parents have difficulty following through with consequences for several reasons. They forgot. They had no intention of ever following through (and the kid knows it). They choose a consequence that is unrealistic for them to do.
Jonathan Mendoza from Catholic Charities in Hawaii talking about the importance of Following Instructions and consequences for kids with ADHD. Children with ADHD struggle to connect their actions with positive or negative behavior, so parents need to focus on teaching cause and effect, and that’s done by rewarding good behavior or being consistent in following through with consequences.
When parents are consistent in rewarding behavior or following through with consequences, it helps a child connect their actions with the outcome. The behavior skill of Following Instructions is a great way to help a child learn how to connect their behavior to outcomes.
We recommend that when parents start teaching Following Instructions, they begin small. Give your child small tasks that they need to accomplish. If they finish the job, immediately give them a little reward. The reward can be things like words of praise, a hug or high five, a sticker, or a small piece of candy. If the child doesn’t follow the instruction, immediately give them a consequence. The consequence could be something like losing playtime or tablet time, earning an extra chore, or timeout. What rewards or consequences you give your child will be different as you know what will work best for your child and your situation.
When a child has mastered Following Instructions for little things, it is easier for them to do it with big things.
It can be hard to be consistent in giving consequences or rewards, but it will make such a difference in your family. When you are consistent your child views you as fair and someone they can trust.
To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/
For more information about how Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
If you are looking for specific help in knowing when to teach behavioral skills, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Lasting change in behavior doesn’t just happen. Creating lasting change is not a quick-fix. Change requires a parent to be consistent over and over as consistency creates change. When changing a child’s behavior, remember that small, daily improvements lead to long-term success.
Success in parenting requires parents to take an honest look at their strengths and weaknesses. For most parents, success will come when they can focus on their strengths and know what they can realistically do. Setting goals that you won’t be able to follow through creates frustration for you and your child and will put a strain on your relationship.
If you set goals that are dependent on your child doing a specific behavior every time, you’re destined to be frustrated and not find success. When setting goals, parents should always focus on setting goals for things they can control. You may not be able to control how your child will react, but you can control what you will do.
When focusing on things to change, start with one behavior. Once you and your child has mastered that behavior, then add another behavior. The first change usually takes the longest for your child to implement, so don’t give up if the change isn’t happening as quickly as you’d like. Each change you implement after the first will be easier for you and your child.
We won’t be perfect parents, but we can be consistent parents in changing a child’s behavior. Success is not having your child behave the way you want them to act; success is being able to follow through every time no matter how your child reacts.
When you are consistent, it tells your child that they matter as the child doesn’t have to “guess” at they’ll get in trouble for or what they won’t. Consistency will help you and your child build a healthy relationship. Being consistent also prepares them to navigate the world without your help as it shows them that the world has rules that need to be followed.
To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/
For more information about how Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
If you are looking for specific help in knowing how to teach behavioral skills, join the Smarter Parenting Club.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make in teaching behavioral skills is when they are teaching them. When a child or parent is upset, frustrated, or angry, that is the worst time for parents to be teaching a new behavior skill. If parents continually insist on teaching at times when a child isn't calm, it can damage the relationship.
If you want your child to get the most out of your teaching, parents need to be teaching at a neutral time. A neutral time means a time when you or your child aren't distracted, a time when they are calm and able to learn. Teaching behavior skills is all about helping kids learn and grow, and when you teach at a neutral time, you are encouraging them to find success. You show that you are concerned about what is happening in their life, which strengthens the relationship.
When teaching a new behavior skill, we recommend that parents teach the behavior skill long before it will be a problem and then Role-play with their child until they can do it on their own. By practicing it over and over until they are comfortable, your child understands what they need to do and has confidence they can do it.
For example, if your child has difficulty putting away their toys before bed, don't teach them the skill at bedtime. Instead, practice the skill with them multiple times throughout the day and showing them precisely what they need to do at bedtime by modeling what they need to do. Or, if they have difficulty turning off their video game, don't start teaching them to turn off their game when they are in the middle of a game. Instead, practice with them at a time when they aren't distracted by the game.
For things that are difficult for a child to do, it never hurts to reward a child for practicing. If they practice picking up their toys, they can earn five more minutes of playtime at bedtime. Or if they practice turning off their game, they can receive extra playtime.
When teaching our children, it's helpful to self-evaluate where we are. If we are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, we won't be effective in our teaching. Have you ever come home from work and see a backpack on the table instead of on a hook and get incredibly frustrated? It happens, and parents need to find things that allow them to bring their stress levels down before addressing the issue. It could be taking a walk or counting to ten. Then, once we are calm, we can better address the situation and to teach our child.
Children feel our stress and frustration and often respond in kind. On the other hand, if we are calm, our children will model that behavior.
The goal of teaching behavioral skills is changing a child's behavior to help them navigate the world without our help. Teaching at a neutral time will help you achieve this goal.
To learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/
For more information about how Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
If you are looking for specific help, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
When parents reward kids when the Follow Instructions, they encourage their child to repeat the behavior.
Rewarding a child doesn’t have to be costly or involved. Sometimes the most effective rewards are one-on-one time with mom or dad, getting a hug or high five, or choosing a family activity.
Different rewards will motivate different kids, and those rewards will change as the child gets older.
We always recommend involving kids in rewards as it allows them to know you’re focused on building the relationship sometimes though kids can ask for rewards that don’t match the behavior or aren’t things that parents can do.
As a parent, you can help guide them to rewards that would work. Have them write out a list of rewards they would like. Then decided what rewards you think are doable. It may take a bunch of back and forth to get to rewards that both you and your child think are fair.
Different kids may want a different reward on different days for the same behavior. Having a list of three or four rewards they can choose from is helpful as it reduces discussion and makes it easier to follow through.
Teaching kids to Follow Instructions is such an important part of helping children learn to navigate the world.
To learn more about Following Instructions visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/following-instructions/
To learn more about the agencies worldwide that are using the Teaching-Family Model visit: https://www.teaching-family.org/
For more information about how Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Increasing our teaching interactions means that we are both teaching new behavior skills and reinforcing those skills that have already been taught.
If we only teach behavior skills but don’t show our kids how to use those skills in their everyday situations, they won’t be effective. They need to learn how to apply what they have learned when they are upset, frustrated, or happy.
Teaching opportunities apply to every member of the family. While we may be teaching a specific behavior to one child, we should be helping all members of the family deal/cope/or help with that behavior skill. We may be teaching one child to reduce negative behaviors while preparing the rest of the family to use Effective Communication to describe how those negative behaviors make them feel.
The more parents can involve all members of the family in teaching and using skills; the more successful your child will be.
For more information about how Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com
https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/
Raising kids today has its challenges, which is why Parenting Skills are essential. Parenting Skills give parents and kids the tools they need to navigate the world around them successfully.
Parents face different challenges than previous generations. There are more pressures when it comes to school, work, and family, and many parents know that there is needs to be a better way to raise their kids than how they were raised.
Parenting Skills found on Smarter Parenting help families work together to build a strong connection and to solve problems. Parenting Skills help parents teach their children to make better decisions, prevent problems, give praise, and improve communication.
Parenting skills prepare kids for being adults and work for children of all ages and are adaptable as your children grow. Putting effort in when your children are little, will provide returns as your child grows.
We have a parental responsibility to reach out and to get the help we need. If you need assistance, we invite you to find help. Our Parenting Coaching process will allow you to talk to a coach who can give your family precise information tailored to your family. We also invite you to visit SmarterParenting.com and learn the parenting skills of the Teaching-Family Model.
If you want a better relationship with your child, you have to learn Parenting Skills. They are crucial for establishing trust and building strong bonds.
For Parenting Skills visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
When negative behaviors happen, parents have a choice. They can teach to the behavior, or they can react.
When a parent reacts, they are swayed by the child and their emotions. Parents get pulled into their child’s tantrum or bad behavior. As the child continually increases their negative behavior, parents have to increase their response, escalating the situation.
When a parent teaches to negative behavior, they are the ones to guide the child. You can remain consistent and not be drawn into your child’s tantrum. Instead of escalating the situation, you can help them deescalate the situation.
Teaching, instead of reacting, requires a parent to be aware of their limits and knowing at what point they will step in to deescalate the situation. The lower your tolerance for behaviors is, the better off your child will be as it’s easier to step in and make correcting when the behavior is small versus stepping in when the behavior is massive.
The behavior skill of Smarter Parenting and the Teaching-Family Model allow you to teach to any situation as they give you the steps--and the words--parents need to reduce behaviors, so they can teach. You can find more about the behavior skills of Smarter Parenting by listening to podcasts 46-57 or by visiting the Smarter Parenting website.
Having behavior tools at your disposal is comforting as it allows you to remain in control.
If you’re having difficulty understanding what behavior skill to use in what situation, join the Smarter Parenting Club. We will be able to help you apply the skills to your specific situation and come up with solutions that will help your child. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For more show notes and transcript, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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In Episode 61, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini talks with Kurt Furnham from Thornwell in South Carolina about how he teaches the behavior skill of Following Instructions and the importance of Following Instructions.
Thornwell is part of the Teaching-Family Association and uses the Teaching-Family Model in their residential and in-home programs.
In all of the Teaching-Family Association programs, teaching Following Instructions will be one of the first skills a child or family learn. If a child is not able to Follow Instructions, they will not be successful with the other behavior skills as all include an element of Following Instructions.
Getting kids to Follow Instructions seems is essential as they will use this skill for their whole life. They will use it when they cook a recipe, assemble a piece of furniture, do a project at work, or go through airport security. Once mastered Following Instructions become a regular part of our day.
Kurt Fulhman talks about what he has found to be successful in teaching Following Instructions to dysfunctional populations.
His first recommendation is to make it part of the daily routine and daily expectations. Following Instructions can be incorporated into chores, schedules, family traditions, meals, homework, etc. Even getting dressed can involve Following Instructions. Creating daily routines that include Following Instructions will decrease frustration and increase closeness.
Second, when incorporating Following Instructions into your daily routine, don’t make it too complicated. Start with small tasks and by giving short instructions. When a child has mastered that, continue to add additional jobs and directions.
Third, children who have never had to Follow Instructions may want to power struggle or argue. The advice: disengage until they can follow the instructions. Disengaging will allowing them to see the importance of Following Instructions and that Following Instructions benefits them.
For more information about Following Instructions, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/following-instructions/
When giving Effective Negative Consequences, there are things that parents should never use as these are basic rights that children are entitled too. They are common sense things but include access to healthy foods, clothing, education, safety, shelter, and sleep.
When giving effective consequences, it’s essential to make sure you are not infringing on their rights. Taking away fundamental rights will create considerable problems in your relationships and could have other, unforeseen, consequences.
There are things that kids would like to tell you are basic rights that aren’t. Access to cell phones, video games, computer time, time with friends, use of the car, fancy clothing, or junk food are not basic rights. Those things are privileges and absolutely could be used as an Effective Negative Consequence.
This means you can’t withhold dinner, which is a basic right, but you could withhold a dessert or treat as those aren’t basic rights.
When making Consequences Effective, it’s important to use the five components of the behavior skill of Effective Negative Consequences. We discussed the five components in Episode #55. We discussed the five components of Effective Positive Rewards in Episode #56. Review those podcasts if you need help making rewards or consequences effective.
While Effective Negative Consequences are valid and needed, parents will find that Effective Positive Rewards is more powerful in increasing positive behavior.
Every time a parent gives a child a consequence, they are creating a divide between their themself and their child. Shifting from a negative mind frame (Effective Negative Consequences) to a positive mind frame (Effective Positive Rewards) will be more beneficial in increasing positive behavior.
Effective Positive Rewards shows a child what they can gain by behaving a certain way, and that is much more powerful than what they could lose.
For example, if your child struggles with doing their homework, telling them they could earn 30 minutes of screen time is more effective than saying they’d lose 30 minutes of screen time.
Effective Positive Rewards helps a child take ownership of their behavior, especially if they have a say in what rewards they can earn.
Many parents have found our free Behavior Contract to be effective in giving child ownership of their behavior as it spells out the four rewards or the one consequence a child could earn.
It will take an effort to move from a mind-frame of consequences to rewards, but we promise that it will be worth the effort.
For questions about making rewards or consequences effective in your situation, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/
Understanding the ADHD Parenting Coaching process helps parents understand the value they'd receive from a ADHD Coaching session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
An ADHD parenting session is all about helping parents find tailored solutions for the behavior challenges their family is facing. Is your family struggling with communication and misunderstandings? Is your family deal with defiance or anger? Is your family grappling with a lack of trust or respect?
No matter what issue you want to fix, a lot can be accomplished in a coaching session.
Once a parent signs-up for a parenting coaching session, they’ll receive a questionnaire about issues they are dealing with. This allows Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini to come up with three to four parenting techniques using the behavioral skills of the Teaching-Family Model.
A Parenting Coaching session is not to shame you or to make you feel hopeless in your ability. It’s just the opposite. Using behavioral skills for families gives parents hope and confidence, they can heal and elevate their family.
Parenting Coaching is only available through the Smarter Parenting Club. Sign-up today. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
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The Teaching-Family Model is all about changing child behavior by creating healthy relationships that encourage teaching and growth.
What is the Teaching-Family Model? The Teaching-Family Model is an evidence-based model to create change. The Teaching-Family Model started in the 1950s by researchers at Kanas State who set out to see what successful parents did and if that could be replicated. What they discovered is that parenting and behavior skills could be taught and be effective. The Teaching-Family Model is used by agencies around the world in group homes, foster care, in-home services, schools, and various other agencies that work with families and children.
The Teaching-Family Model focuses on what it takes to build strong relationships as they found that when relationships are healthy, correction and change are possible. All behavior skills found in the Teaching-Family Model and on SmarterParenting.com, all include an element of relationship-building--even the ones geared toward correcting negative behaviors.
The ultimate goal of all behavior skills is to build strong relationships while changing behavior! The Teaching-Family Model has changed so many families and can change yours if you’re willing to put the time and effort in!
You are not alone! SmarterParenting is here to help you deal with the challenges your family faces. Sign-up for a free 15-minute mini-coaching session today where we can talk specifically about what your family needs and what behavior skills will help you!
To learn more about the agencies worldwide that are using the Teaching-Family Model visit: https://www.teaching-family.org/
For more information about how Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com
https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club: https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Help the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast continue. Donate today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/donate-now/
It’s essential for kids to learn Accepting No Answers as life is more comfortable when they can do so. Getting “No” answers is a part of life as “Nos” can come from a boss, teacher, family member, friend, or parent.
Saying no to kids is an integral part of establishing boundaries with kids as “no” answers help keep them from danger and teaches them self-mastery.
Parents saying no can be pretty frustrating for kids, especially if they feel that they hear “No” a lot. It’s why we recommend doing two things. First, is telling kids yes as often as possible. Don’t use “No” for something that you could say yes to. Sometimes we say “No” because it’s easier, but that doesn’t always mean that it’s right.
The second recommendation is to Role-play situations you know will be difficult for your child to Accept No Answers until they are comfortable with receiving a “no” answer. For some children, it may require them to practice Accepting No ten, twenty, or thirty times. That is okay. Sometimes hard things need extra time. Eventually, your child will get to a point where they can accept the no answer without throwing a tantrum, whining, or complaining.
There are only two steps to Accepting No. Step one: Show respect by acknowledging each other. Step two: The child says, “Okay,” and calmly accepts the “No” answer. That’s it. The power of this behavior skills lies in Role-playing situations that are difficult for your child.
This skill works on children of all ages. Many parents will find that this skill may be easier to teach to teenagers than to younger children, with teenagers being able to grasp the power of the skill with little effort.
The purpose of Accepting No answers is not to create children who can’t think for themselves. Instead, it’s to help them learn self-mastery, especially when dealing with disappointment.
There may be times when a child may not like the “No” answer they receive. Using the skill of Disagreeing Appropriately, they can state their feelings on the matter after they Accept No calmly.
The behavior skill of Accepting No Answers is coming to Smarter Parenting in 2021. Stay tuned!
For more information about the behavior skills taught on Smarter Parenting, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com
https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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Parents can change behavior either by reducing bad behavior using Effective Negative Consequences or by positive reinforcement using Effective Positive Rewards.
These two behavior skills are mirror skills and use the same five elements to be successful. For many parents, it’s easier to give a consequence than it is to give positive rewards. Giving positive rewards is more effective long-term in shaping your child’s behavior.
We encourage every parent to learn how to successfully use Effective Positive Rewards for behavior modification.
Rewarding your child for positive behavior will give your child confidence and encourage them to learn and grow.
What makes a reward effective? Using the five components: immediacy, size/degree, consistency, important, and varied; of the behavior skill Effective Positive Rewards allows parents to use primary reinforcers to encourage better behavior.
Immediacy means that the positive reward should be given as close to the positive behavior so they can connect their positive action with the reward.
Degree/size means that the consequence should match the behavior. This one is difficult for a lot of parents as we tend to give rewards that are disproportional to the positive behavior.
Consistent means giving a reward every time a positive behavior happens. Consistency is very comforting to children as it teaches them that they can trust you and that you’re seeing and acknowledging what they are doing well.
Important means that the reward needs to matter to your child. If you are giving rewards that don’t mean a thing to your child, they aren’t motivated to improve their behavior. By using primary reinforces that matter, your child is more likely to continue positive behavior. What matters to each child will be different and may take some trial in finding out precisely what is essential to them.
Varied means that you should give a variety of positive rewards. If parents give the same reward for all behaviors, the reward loses its effectiveness over time.
Increasing positive behavior with Effective Positive Rewards requires parents to understand what makes a reward effective, but also how to use the behavior skill Effective Negative Consequences. Rewards and consequences go hand and hand, and parents need to understand both to be effective.
Visit Episode 55, for the discussion on Effective Negative Consequences.
For more information about Effective Positive Rewards, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com
https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
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Consequences for bad behavior are a part of life. Learning how to give a consequence that will reduce your child’s negative behaviors takes some learning as most of the consequences parents give aren’t effective.
Giving Effective Negative Consequences reduces problems and allows parents to teach instead of punishing.
What makes a consequence effective? Using the five components: immediacy, size/degree, consistency, important, and varied; of the behavior skill Effective Negative helps parents give consequences for kids that work to reduce negative behavior and family stress.
Immediacy means that the consequence should be given as close to the negative behavior as possible so they can connect their negative action with the consequence.
Degree/size means that the consequence should match the behavior. This one is difficult for a lot of parents as we tend to give consequences that are disproportional to the negative behavior.
Consistent means giving a consequence every time a negative behavior happens. Consistency is very comforting to children as it teaches them that they can trust you and that you’re disappointed in their behavior and not in them.
Important means that the consequence needs to matter to your child. If you are giving consequences that don’t mean a thing to your child, they aren’t motivated to change their behavior. By giving consequences that matter, your child is more likely to stop the negative behavior. What matters to each child will be different and may take some trial in finding out precisely what is essential to them.
Varied means that you should give a variety of consequences. If parents give the same consequence for all behaviors, the consequence loses its effectiveness over time. By using a variety of consequences, you are ensuring that they are all valid.
Reducing bad behavior with Effective Negative Consequences requires parents to not only understand what makes a consequence effective but also how to use the behavior skill of Effective Positive Rewards in conjunction with Effective Negative Consequences. In the next podcast, Episode 56 will discuss Effective Positive Rewards. Rewards and consequences go hand and hand, and parents need to understand both to be effective.
For more information about consequences for kids and making consequences effective, visit the episode podcast page on SmarterParenting.com
https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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Teaching kids to make better decisions is possible and can be taught.
Often kids make decisions based on emotions, which doesn’t always lead to the best choices. When they make decisions based on emotions, they aren’t always able to see the whole picture.
Using the SODAS Method helps in the decision making process as it shows kids they don’t need to make decisions based on emotions. By working through all the steps, children can see they have options and what is positive and negative about their options.
SODAS is an acronym. SODAS stands for Situations, Options, Disadvantages, Advantages, and Solution.
For each situation, have them come up with three options. Then for each of the three options have them come up with three advantages and three disadvantages. Then looking at their options, they can come up with a solution.
If they aren’t able to come up with a solution, have them come up with new options and do the process again.
The decision making process can be used for almost any situation and can work with children of all ages.
Watch the behavior skill video on SmarterParenting.com to see how the behavior skill works. https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/decision-making-sodas-method/
For full podcast transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
The importance of Following Instructions can not be stressed enough. The ability to Follow Instructions is something that every person needs to know how to do if they want to be successful in life.
The behavior skill of Following Instructions found on SmarterParenting.com shows parents and children how to be successful in following instructions they receive.
When parents teach Following Instructions they need to be aware of their expectations. When expectations aren't matched to our child's ability, it leads to frustration for all.
Our expectations should be different for a five-year-old and a fifteen-year-old. Meeting them at their ability level sets them up for greater success.
The four steps of Following Instructions are:
First, get the child's attention
Second, give a clear, detailed, descriptive instruction
Third, the child says, "Okay" and immediately does it
Fourth, child returns and reports when the task is finished
Four simple steps. There is excellent power if learning how to do them.
When learning the skill of Following Instructions, we recommend doing the following.
First, incorporate Role-plays and reverse Role-plays. Role-plays allow your child to get a sense of what it is you're asking them to do by having them giving and following instructions. Role-plays are what make any skill successful as it's in the practicing that children understand and learn the skill.
Second, break down your expectations into clear instructions. If you want your child to clean their room, break it down into all the tasks you want accomplished. The more detailed you're able to be in your instructions, the better your child can accomplish the task. If you want your child to pick up their dirty clothes, put them in their hamper, and bring their hamper to the laundry room, that's what you need to tell them to do. If you tell them, "pick up your clothes," don't be surprised if that's all they do even though your expectations were for them to bring it to the laundry room.
Third, praise them when they do it. Praise is a great motivator and will encourage them to continue doing the task.
Every child can find success with Following Instructions!
Watch the behavior skill video on SmarterParenting.com to see how the behavior skill works. https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/following-instructions/
For full podcast transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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The best time to correct bad behavior is as soon as possible. The behavior skill of Correcting Behaviors shows parents how.
When our children do something wrong, it’s easy to get upset or frustrated. Getting angry or frustrated is the worst thing you can do as it shifts the focus and makes teaching more difficult. Using the steps of Correcting Behaviors allows a parent to fix negative behavior without being drawn into the emotion as the steps give you a guide to follow.
Parents find it especially helpful to use the words, “You have earned a consequence,” and “What you should have done is” as those words keep you from being drawn into the emotion of the situation.
Children will want to draw us into the emotion piece or to get us to focus on something else. Stick with the steps to address the original behavior. Continue to address the original behavior until they have complied with what was asked of them. The only time to discuss something other than the original behavior is if their new behavior is a danger to themselves or others.
When the environment around them doesn’t influence a child, they are going to grow into successful adults.
The child behavior management strategies of Correcting Behaviors help parents correct and teach through practice. When a child understands what they should have done instead and then practices that behavior, it is influential in assisting children in changing their negative behavior.
Practicing is an essential step in fixing negative behavior as children don’t always know what they should be doing instead. By having them practice the new behavior, they are more likely to repeat the positive reaction the next time they are in that situation.
Correcting Behavior is a vital skill that all parents need to master.
Watch the behavior skill video on SmarterParenting.com to see how the behavior skill works. https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/correcting-behaviors/
For full podcast transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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One of the best things parents can do in preparing kids for success is to use the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching. Preventive Teaching is just like it sounds. We are preventing problems ahead of time by teaching what behavior we expect. Preventive Teaching is used to address both negative and positive behavior.
Preparing a child for new situations is very comforting as it signals that you are watching out for them and giving them what they need to handle unfamiliar situations. Children need help, especially when dealing with new situations. Using Preventive Teaching allows them to not be fearful and to find success.
Preventive Teaching is used to address all sorts of situations and outcomes.
Preventive Teaching focuses on what you want your child to be doing instead of what you don’t want your child to be doing. It’s a positive behavior management system. When we point out all the “Don’ts,” we are focusing on the behavior we don’t want. If we want our child to stop throwing legos, telling them, “Don’t throw legos,” is not as effective as, “We need to keep the legos in our hands when playing with them.” While both do the same thing, the latter focuses on the positive behavior that you want to be repeated.
Preventive Teaching is powerful and positive as it teaches children how to achieve success in a proactive way. This allows parents to address behavior effectively, whether that’s in the antecedent, behavior, or consequence stage.
Preventing problems takes less work than dealing with significant behavior issues.
Learn Preventive Teaching by visiting Smarter Parenting: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/preventive-teaching/
For full show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
One of the best things parents can do to improve their child’s behavior is to give Effective Praise. Changing behavior through praise is effective and powerful as it promotes a growth mindset for kids.
Adults and kids alike
There is a difference between general praise and the behavior skill of Effective Praise. Effective Praise gives your child a specific reason for their positive behavior AND a motivation why they should repeat the action.
When parents combine specific behavior and motivation, they are helping their child gain confidence in their ability to behave well.
General praise looks like, “Good job.” Or, “I’m so proud of you.” Statements like that don’t tell your child why you’re proud of them or what they did well.
Effective Praise would look like, “Great job for putting your backpack away without asking. When you put your backpack away, you’re able to find it in the morning without looking all over for it, and that allows you to be first to the bus stop and gives you more time to play with your friends.”
Effective Praise allows your child to know exactly what behavior they did well, putting away their backpack, and gives them a reason to continue the behavior, getting to the bus first and playing with their friends. Children are concrete thinkers. Having specifics is extremely helpful for them.
The hardest element of giving Effective Praise is finding a reason that is meaningful to your child to continue the behavior. Children are more likely to repeat the behavior if they understand they will be getting something out of it. Often, we give reasons that are meaningful to us and not meaningful to them. As you consistently praise your child, you will see improvements.
Effective Praise should be given any time a child is doing something well--whether that is big or small. When children have a lot of behavior issues, it can be challenging to find something to praise. No child is so bad that there isn’t something that can’t be praised. It may be small, but it’s there. It could be something like giving you eye contact, looking up from their phone, or putting their clothes on the chair instead of the floor.
Whatever it is, praise them for it. When you praise for small things, the big things will start improving too.
The power of praise should not be overlooked. On the Smarter Parenting website, you can find the behavior skill of Effective Praise. We challenge you to watch it and then to start using it in your family. Using it will change the whole dynamic of your family.
Changing behavior through praise will be one of the best gifts you give your family.
Learn the skill of Effective Praise here: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/effective-praise/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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We communicate daily. We don’t always communicate effectively.
The importance of communication skills cannot be overlooked. When we use Effective Communication with our kids, we create a compound effect that helps our children throughout their lives.
Effective Communication is more than just the words we speak. It’s how we get our message across. It’s our voice tone, our body language, our actions, etc. We can improve our communication skills by using the steps of Effective Communication.
Effective Communication allows us to monitor our non-verbal cues and helps our child feel understood. When we use Effective Communication, we know what we heard is what they were trying to say — removing so much of the “miscommunication”.
When a child feels heard, even if we don’t always agree with what they’re saying, it goes a long way to strengthen and build our relationship. It also gives them confidence that they can express themselves in any situation, without getting frustrated or angry. Effective Communication is a skill, and you can learn how to communicate with your child better by visiting https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/effective-communication/
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Do you want to know the secret of changing behavior? It’s Role-playing! We can’t stress enough how powerful Role-plays are in improving your child’s behavior and preparing them for new situations!
What is a Role-play? It is just like it sounds. It’s where you and your child accept a role to practice new behavior. Role-playing allows your child to see what is required of them and gives them to the ability to practice it over and over until they’ve mastered it. Role-plays work on kids of all ages and can be used to practice almost any situation.
Role-plays do not have to be complicated. Adding too many elements to a Role-play reduces its successfulness. Especially for kids with ADHD, it’s better to do multiple small Role-plays than one large Role-play.
When using Role-playing, we recommend the following.
First, Role-play at a neutral time. When you Role-play at a neutral time, your child is better able to learn the new behavior. If they are distracted or frustrated, they are less likely to be successful in learning a new behavior.
Second, Role-play multiple times. It’s been proven that repetition is essential when it comes to learning new behavior. It’s vital to practice numerous times throughout the day to make sure your child has mastered the new behavior.
Third, do reverse Role-plays. Reverse-Role play is where you and your child switch roles. Changing roles allows you to show them what you expect of them. You can also show them what they are doing incorrectly. Reverse Role-plays teach them greater empathy as it helps them better understand what they’re doing and how that behavior makes others feel.
Children learn through play. Role-play allows you to take what is already second nature to them and apply it to new situations and behavior. It’s especially helpful if you’re funny or silly as it makes Role-plays seem more like play than learning.
Without Role-playing it is almost impossible to change behavior. Children need that practice.To learn more about Role-playing visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/role-playing/
The ability to observe and describe behavior is a foundational skill used in every lesson taught through Smarter Parenting, and therefore an essential one to master.
Observe and Describe is exactly what it sounds like. You observe what is happening, and then you describe what you see. Describing behavior can be used for both positive and negative situations.
Using descriptive words (instead of being vague or labeling) is helpful since it keeps the focus on the behavior. This removes the emotion that often comes with negative behavior, it allows for more clear communication, and it helps keep the situation from escalating.
Children with ADHD especially have a hard time connecting their behavior with what is happening. Using Observe and Describe helps them connect their behavior to what you want or don’t want.
Explaining behavior without emotion gives parents options for how to respond. It’s hard for children to argue with what is happening when parents describe what they witnessed.
Parents that master Observe and Describe find that their relationships improve and feelings of frustration and helplessness decrease. We can’t stress enough how important it is to master Observe and Describe.
To learn more about Observe and Describe visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/observe-and-describe/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
The ABC’s of Behavior is a powerful tool in helping understand behavior and why it happens. Understanding what causes challenging behavior and what to do once it begins gives parents a better way to handle problems. This in turn strengthens the relationship we have with our child. It also teaches them how to successfully navigate the world around them without our help.
The ABC’s of Behavior is an acronym. It stands for Antecedent, Behavior, and Consequence.
Antecedent means what happened before the behavior. It requires us looking at what happened 30 seconds, 5 minutes, or even an hour or two beforehand. The goal with the antecedent is to understand what the catalyst was for the behavior. Did they get in trouble at school? Did they miss a nap or snack? Did they break a favorite toy? Did someone say something mean to them? When we understand what caused the behavior, we can give them tools to either prevent or better handle the problem when it or something similar reoccurs.
Behavior is what is happening. Behavior could mean sulking, throwing things, yelling, or being angry. Behavior is what we want to prevent, change, or fix. Addressing behavior at this stage is less effective than addressing it before it becomes a problem.
Consequence is what happens after the behavior. What consequence(s) or reward(s) did they receive? We may be reinforcing negative behaviors by giving a reward instead of a consequence. If we reward our child with a sucker after a tantrum, we reinforce that throwing a tantrum is the way to get a sucker. Consequences should match the behavior and should teach and not punish a child.
The ABC’s of Behavior is one of the skills of the Teaching-Family Model. The Teaching-Family Model is one of the most highly researched evidence-based treatment methods in the world. It has been used since the 1960s by practitioners all over the world because it works!
For more information about the ABC’s of Behavior and the rest of the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/view/the-abcs-of-behavior/ For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast
The Teaching-Family Model incorporates quality components into each behavior skills to bring about change in your child while strengthening relationships. Quality components are the ability to recognize the quality of what we're doing when it comes to the interactions with our child to get the outcome we want.
Not all the interactions we have with our children are quality. Sometimes our voice tone isn't appropriate. Sometimes our body language may be threatening. Sometimes we assume our children hear us or understand what we mean.
The Teaching-Family has built-in checking to make sure we're using quality components. Along the way, it requires us to evaluate how we are doing? Are we using an appropriate voice tone? Are we teaching each of the steps? Is our child internalizing the steps of the skills?
It's these built-in quality components where the real power of the Teaching-Family Model lies. Quality components are there to strengthen and build relationships and to give parents the parental guidance they need.
While using quality components may sound overwhelming, it's not. Quality components become second nature as you use the behavior skills found on Smarter Parenting. Any parent willing to spend the time to learn the behavior skills will see change. Behavior skills work! Using behavior skills will make your life easier as they will give you the tools you need to raise successful children.
Using the five elements of the Teaching-Family Model truly is the roadmap your family needs to begin seeing change today!
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
To learn the behavior skills of Smarter Parenting visit:https://www.smarterparenting.com/
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Before being able to teach behavior skills effectively, parents need to ask, "Where am I emotionally?" Understanding where they are emotionally is vital in teaching your kids. Remember, our first role is parents as teachers. If we are frustrated, angry, upset, or stressed, we aren't effective in helping our children change their negative behavior.
Parents need to take time to make sure they are emotionally aware. It can be difficult when we are dealing with situations that can be stressful. It may mean taking a few minutes to decompress, allowing yourself a treat, breathing exercises, or going for a walk, etc. Each of us will have a different way to regulate.
Asking ourselves, "Where am I emotionally?" allows us to approach teaching behavior skills without the emotions that would sabotage and to be aware of what behavior skill we need to teach our child. Being calm allows us to walk our children through the steps of behavior skills. It's using the steps where change happens. If you want to be successful in changing negative behavior for positive behavior, you have to use the steps of the behavior skills found on SmarterParenting.com. We can't stress enough that change happens when using the steps. Learn the steps of the behavior skills if you want to see change happen in your family.
Raising children isn't easy. Children have their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Dealing with those can be hard if we aren't emotionally aware of where they and we are. If we are angry, stressed, or frustrated, often we pass those feelings onto our children and make the situation worse. The same goes for our children. Understanding where our children are emotionally makes teaching behavior skills more successful. If they are frustrated, angry, or upset, they won't be in a place to learn or make changes.
Learning behavior skills require patience, but the payoffs hard massive. The behavior skills found on Smarter Parenting help parents make the changes: https://www.smarterparenting.com/lesson/
Need help implementing behavior skills? Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Today’s podcast covers the when pillar. In implementing new teaching, parents ask, “When is a good time to teach behavior skills to address problems?? The answer: As soon as possible.
The object of any corrective teaching is to bring a child back to a non-escalated state as quickly as possible.
By teaching to the negative behavior as soon as possible, you keep the problem from escalating. The longer you wait until you address the behavior, the more work you have to do to correct their behavior.
Each of us has a tolerance level of what behaviors we will accept before intervening. For some parents, they have a very low tolerance level and step in very early on to address problems. For other parents, they have a very high tolerance level and will only step in after things have gotten way out of hand.
We should work to have low tolerance levels as having low tolerance levels makes life more comfortable and improve relationships with our kids.
What does this acttually look like?
Your son is playing with your daughter, and she takes his toy. Because you have a low tolerance level, you would intervene at this point and work to deescalate the situation.
What if you don’t step in? Think of what happens next. Your daughter has taken another toy. Now your son is not only crying, but he’s also starting yelling and getting angry. He tries to grab the toy from his sister. She’s teasing him and holding the toy away. His frustrating level has now reached a breaking point, and he starts hitting his sister.
Do you see how much more corrective you need to do to address the situation because you waited to step in?
How long will parents need to teach new behaviors? As long as it takes. There is no magic formula as you’re working with children who have their own thoughts, feelings, and personalities. It may be frustrating if the change is slow. Keep at it. Eventually, you will see a return on your investment.
The behavior skills that parents need to teach their children come from the Teaching-Family Model and can be found on SmarterParenting.com.
For full show notes and transcripts visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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The third element of ADHD Parenting Coaching is what. What should I teach to help my kids be successful and create a better family life? The answer to the question is simple. Parents should be teaching behavior skills. Behavior skills set expectations and allow families to build strong bonds. Behavior skills make parents’ lives more comfortable as they reduce frustration, anger, and feelings of hopelessness.
In the 1960s, 20 million dollars of research was done into successful parenting techniques. The study found was that successful parents did very similar things. Sometimes parents understood what they were doing, and other times they didn’t. Researchers determined that parents could be taught how to be successful parents and the behavior skills of
Teaching-Family Model was born. The behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model are parenting guides that give parents the steps and words they need to implement the skill successfully.
Each behavior skill is on SmarterParenting.com is broken down into concrete steps. These steps help parents know what to do and how to do it. Each behavior skills creates a different outcome.
For almost 60 years, parents, teachers, therapists, and other personnel have used the Teaching-Family Model to help kids and families find success. It works! Studies have confirmed that teaching behavior skills are possible and create favorable outcomes.
The goal of using behavior skills is to teach your child how to navigate the world without you. The steps of the skills are pretty straightforward. Sometimes parents struggle in the implementation of them and need some help with parenting skills
ADHD Parenting Coaching allows our ADHD expert, Siope Kinikini, to look at your family's needs and determine a tailored action plan.
Sign-up for a free 15-minute mini-session and watch the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model transform your life.
For full show notes and transcripts visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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ADHD parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, is often asked how he coaches parents and families. In episode 41, he walks through what an ADHD Parenting Coaching session looks like using the five elements of the Teaching-Family Model. The five elements of the Teaching-Family Model are: What, where, how, when and Many parents ask, “What do I do” but that question is too open to be useful. The first element, “What skills am I going to use?” allows parents to start looking specifically at issues and find solutions. Element two is, “Where am I teaching this?” A parent needs to look at where in their schedule would teaching be most effective. It also means looking at where is my child’s understanding and teaching to that to create success. Element three is, “How do I teach?” The behavior skills on Smarter Parenting answer how as they have specific steps that outline how parents should respond. These steps take out the guess-work and help parents focus on repairing relationships. Element four is, “When do I know if they understand?” It will take some time, which is why Role-playing or practicing is vital to help them learn new behaviors. You’ll know they understand what you’re teaching when they’re able to do it multiple times on their own. Lastly, element five is “The Why.” Why are we so passionate about helping families? We want to strengthen families and show parents how to raise kids that can navigate the world around them. The behavior skills taught on Smarter Parenting helps parents accomplish these five elements. Which, in turn, reduces stress and anger and improves communication and relationships. Sometimes we all need a parenting friend to help us. If you need some individualized help, we would love to help with ADHD Parenting Coaching. Where we will go into details with the problems your family is facing and determine an individual course of action that will allow you to get the outcomes you want. We want all parents to be able to take advantage of the opportunity to be coached and offer free 15-minute mini-session.
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There is no shame in having an ADHD Parenting Coach. We recommend getting ADHD Parenting Coaching long before issues become significant problems.
What is a parenting coach? A parenting coach is an objective person who can give you parenting skills and help you find positive parenting solutions to the challenges your family is facing. Our parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, will guide and encourage you. He will point out what you are doing well and ways you can harness your strengths. He is not there to shame you or make you feel bad. Our end goal with an ADHD Parenting Coaching session is to help heal and elevate your family using the elements of the Teaching-Family Model.
All parents could use a parenting coach as raising kids, whether they have ADHD or not, is tough. We believe in the power of a parenting coaching session and offer free 15-minute mini-sessions to help you see how much an ADHD Parenting Coach can help. Sign-up today and let our master teacher help your family.
For a free 15-minute mini-session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching
For full show notes and transcript: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
ADHD parenting burnout is real. As parents, we want to be there for our child. Often that comes at the expense of our health and ability. By giving your child your all, you become a less effective parent.
Parents need to take precautions to avoid ADHD fatigue and to acknowledge when they are feeling overwhelmed or dealing with parenting stress. ADHD parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, shares five solutions that will help all parents avoid burnout and be the parent they want to be.
The five solutions are: set boundaries, prioritize self-care, find a support group, understand ADHD diagnosis, and establish traditions.
The most important thing a parent can do to avoid ADHD parenting burnout is to establish boundaries. Boundaries are necessary. Boundaries help us establish expectations and expectations equal happiness. Happiness is the ultimate goal as it means we are doing our job as parents and providing our kids the love and support they need.
We know it can be hard to establish boundaries with a child with ADHD because they need us more than other children. They need more reminders to do things. They need more instructions, which is exactly why they need boundaries. They need to learn how to function in the world without you. Boundaries teach them how to. Boundaries will change as they grow, and it’s okay to adjust those boundaries as this happens to prevent ADHD parenting burnout.
Part of establishing boundaries is prioritizing your self-care. That means setting boundaries on time and things that are yours. Whether that’s exercising, taking a bath, reading a book, or eating ice cream they don’t have access to, find those things that allow you to recharge and feel fulfilled.
Many parents feel guilty about having self-care routines. Don’t! Your capacity to care for your kid with ADHD has a direct correlation to your self-care. You can not be “on” 24/7 without eventually reaching a breaking point as always being “on” creates anxiety and frustration.
Each parent’s self-care will look different so find what works for you. We know that finding time for self-care can be challenging. It’s okay to schedule your self-care. For some parents, it may be 30 minutes all at once. For others, that time may be broken up into small increments throughout the day.
Third, have a support system you can turn to when you’re feeling overwhelmed or dealing with parenting stress. Being a parent of a child with ADHD can feel very isolating as not everybody can understand the challenges you and your child face. Find someone who does, whether this is a friend, family member, or a support group online.
Sometimes our need for support may extend beyond a friend or support group, which is why we offer ADHD Parenting Coaching. During this time, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, can focus on the unique challenges your family is facing and provide tailored solutions that will improve your family.
Fourth, learn about ADHD. This one may seem out of place, but the more you can understand ADHD, the better able you are to understand your child. When you can understand your child, you have greater empathy, and that allows you to put behaviors into perspective and better manage expectations as to what is realistic and what is. When we don’t have realistic expectations, it can increase levels of frustration and anger as reality doesn’t match the expectation we’ve set.
Lastly, establish traditions. Traditions build relationships and show your child that you are on their side. Traditions don’t have to be elaborate or costly. They need to work for you and your child. Having your child establish traditions allows them to have a say, which allows for greater buy-in. If a tradition isn’t working, don’t force your child to participate. Remember, the purpose of a tradition is to strengthen bonds and forcing participation doesn’t do that. Adapt and grow with traditions as your child grows.
We want all parents of ADHD children to avoid the ADHD parenting burnout. We would love to hear the ways you prevent burnout so we can share with other parents who are feeling overwhelmed. Send your ideas to info@smarterparenting.com.
For show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
It is not uncommon for an ADHD and anxiety diagnosis to go hand-in-hand. Multiple diagnoses are called comorbidity. According to the Depression and Anxiety Association of America, 50% of all people with ADHD are also diagnosed with anxiety.
Understanding the likelihood of ADHD and comorbidity allows parents to understand the suggested treatment options better. Especially, when they may focus on treating something other than ADHD first. Your child's doctor will create a treatment plan based on what they feel is the most pressing issue. It is always important to be honest with your child's doctors about all the behaviors you are seeing.
Dealing with ADHD and anxiety can be tricky as often the ADHD or anxiety treatment can increase their feelings of nervousness and worry. We tell parents that it may get worse before it gets better as your child is learning to cope with the changes. Don't give up if it's hard. It also may take some time as adjustments may need to be implemented slowly to keep your child from being too overwhelmed. Your child's doctor will be able to help you work through these challenges.
Having both ADHD and anxiety can increase the feelings of frustration and anger for a child as they often feel like they can't manage either one. Their inability to pay attention often leads to anxiety over not getting tasks done, fear of getting in trouble, or fear of being called to answer a question but what questions was asked.
The behavior skill of Observe and Describe found on SmarterParenting.com, teaches strategies for dealing with anxiety as it allows a child to learn how to identify and process what they are thinking in an impartial and detached way. The basic principle of Observe and Describe is that you observe what is happening, and then you describe what you see. It's taking a mental picture and then describing what is happening in the picture. This process is especially helpful for children with ADHD and Anxiety as it allows them to filter out all the distractions and better focus on what is important.
We want to help your family! We know that dealing with ADHD and anxiety can be overwhelming. We offer ADHD Parenting Coaching that allows focussing on your and your child's specific needs and finding tailored solutions. We are giving away free 15-minute coaching mini-sessions with our ADHD behavioral expert, Siope Kinikini. You'll be amazed at how much insight you'll gain from having an ADHD behavior specialist working with your family.
For full show notes and resources visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
When it comes to ADHD and diet, there is a lot of conflicting information about food children should or shouldn’t avoid.
Always consult your child’s doctor when it comes to making any changes to your child’s diet. Remember that each child will respond differently to changes in diets, so involving your child’s doctor is vital.
We are are not recommending one type of diet over another. We do advocating ADHD healthy eating and eating as natural as possible as all doctors agree that eating healthier is best. Food such as fruits and vegetables, nuts, healthy oils and grains, and foods that are rich in protein.
Healthy foods are more comfortable for the body to digest and our bodies the nutrients they need and help them perform at an optimal level.
An ADHD diet for kids based around food that allows them to perform at their optimal level helps them better handle behavior problems, which makes sense if you think about it. All kids tend to have less capacity to deal with things when they are tired or hungry.
Many kids with ADHD already have reduced capacity to focus and handle everyday tasks. Feeding them the wrong types of food can create additional behavior problems. Watch your children for food that may increase their negative behaviors. Help them either learn how to avoid those foods or to deal with the increased behaviors.
As you try to introduce new foods, don’t make it a battle. Slowly add new foods and give your child a choice. Don’t make it seem like they have no say or control over what they are eating.
If you have a super picky eater, try to figure out why they have such aversions to foods. Is it a sensory issue? Is it a texture issue? Do they have another issue such as Autism? This understanding will help you better address the underlying issue.
Diet is not a cure-all for ADHD, but it can help to better deal with the symptoms of ADHD.
For complete show notes on ADHD and diet visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model to help parents in strengthening relationships. It’s the “why” of what we do. We want all families to be happy, healthy, and prosperous and to reinforce positive relationships. When strengthening relationships is the goal, doing the work is easy as we understand the purpose.
Learning how to be successful is a skill that families can learn. The Teaching-Family Model gives parents concrete steps that can be used over and over to get the desired results. The Teaching-Family Model teaches parents how to harness success and strengthen relationships and is used by agencies around the world.
The Teaching-Family Model is a specific Behavior Model that helps parents in raising kids so that they can navigate the world successfully as the role of parents is to teach our kids how to function without us.
The five elements of the Teaching-Family Model helps parents understand the Why, When, What, Where, and How.
The Why is the relationships portion. We teach behavior skills because we want to build and maintain strong relationships. The why changes our focus as we ask ourselves, “Is this strengthening or damaging our relationship?”
When tells us when we should be teaching the skills for the learning to be most optimal.
What is the actual steps of the skills. It’s dong the skill “recipe” so we can get the desired outcome.
Where is understanding the relationship and where you and your child are emotionally.
How is Role-playing and is doing the skill. Role-play is practicing so that kids can understand and do the steps of the “recipe.”
Sometimes we need a little help in putting together the five elements of the Teaching-Family Model. That’s where ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini can help. Using the five elements of the Teaching-Family Model, he will show you what your family needs to do in strengthening relationships.
For a free 15-minute mini-session sign-up today! https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
Learn more about the 5 elements of Teaching-Family Model by visiting Smarter Parenting https://www.smarterparenting.com
Getting daily reports about your child with ADHD's constant behavioral problems at school can be frustrating for many parents. These persistent reports of ADHD behavior problems often make us defensive and contribute to feelings of frustration and failure. We may feel that the teachers "have it out for our kid" and that they are being mistreated.
If you are dealing with a situation where you're receiving constant feedback from your child's teacher, especially if that feedback is mostly negative, we recommend doing the following things to help you and your child's teacher improve communication and find success.
First, remain calm and take a step back. Remember that email can mask the true meaning of what someone is trying to say as it can't convey body language or emotion. It can be easy to misinterpret what your child's teaching is trying to say, and that can inflame the situation or add to your stress level. Keeping calm will allow you to begin addressing what's happening positively. Understand that your child may exhibit different behavior problems at school than they do at home and that your child's behavior may make it difficult for them to do their job.
Second, determine what information you need from your child's teacher and how often. For some parents receiving a daily report may be too much, and a weekly report would be better. Other parents having a daily report is beneficial. In addition to determining how frequently you need the report, figure out how detailed you need the information to be. Do you need a summary of every negative behavior or would a checklist of frequency be enough?
Third, set up a face-to-face meeting with your child's teacher to discuss expectations for daily reports. Your child's teachers may think that you want detailed reports. We HIGHLY recommend that you do the meeting face-to-face as it allows you to improve communication and come up with solutions that are focused on helping your child.
Fourth, establish a behavior treatment plan. Getting all this information isn't help if there isn't a plan to address it. Determine consequences and rewards for specific behaviors. Discuss what you're doing at home with behavior skills and invite them to learn the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting so that you're both working together.
Fifth, ask for positive information. When children are continually acting up, it can be hard to remember to find the good. All children need praise and encouragement that they are doing things well. Praising positive behavior is one of the quickest ways to reduce negative behaviors and increase good behavior. Ask your child's teacher to include x number of positive things that your child did in the reports. Doing so will help them better see the good things your child does do! Learn more about how to use praise to improve behavior on SmarterParenting.com.
Remember, the goal is to find a way for you and your child's teacher to work together to help your child find success with their behavior problems at school.
For full show notes and transcripts visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Children having ADHD and other issues together occurs frequently. Having multiple problems is called comorbidity.
ADHD and comorbidity are frequently manifested in behavioral issues, issues with peers, learning disorders, increased risk of injury, anxiety, depression, or conduct disorders such as ODD.
Understanding ADHD diagnosis and additional issues are crucial for parents. It helps them have realistic views of treatments and what their child is going through. It also helps them better engage with their children.
Parents should report all behavior to their child’s doctors as that information will be important in determining the best treatment course. Doctors will decide what to treat first based on the exhibited behaviors. They may recommend treating one of the other issues before focusing on your child’s ADHD symptoms.
More information about ADHD and other issues is on SmarterParenting.com.
Dealing with ADHD alone can be challenging, but dealing with multiple issues at once can be overwhelming for many parents. It can lead to feelings of hopelessness when dealing with ADHD and other issues.
The behavior skills on Smarter Parenting help parents deal with their feeling of hopelessness as it provides parents the tools and resources they need, including coaching. Our ADHD parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, is available to help parents gain clarity and get real solutions for problems. Sign-up for a free 15-minute coaching mini-session. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
For full show notes and transcript visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-and-other-issues/
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In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses the book, ADHD Does Not Exist by Richard Saul.
The idea that ADHD does not exist is a polarizing statement for many, which is why we wanted to review it. We wanted to understand why he was drawing that conclusion and what we could learn from him.
In the last 20 years, there has been a considerable increase in children and adults diagnosed with ADHD and being prescribed medication. Behavioral neurologist Richard Saul wanted to understand the rise and what it meant.
Leading Richard Saul to believe that there are symptoms that look like ADHD that aren’t ADHD and the importance of getting the correct diagnosis. If the diagnosis is wrong, you could be giving your child something that makes their symptoms worse.
His big push is to take a look at the ADHD symptoms and to rule out other issues that could be presenting the same symptomology before diving directly into an ADHD diagnosis and medication. For example, trauma or sleep issues have many similar symptoms to ADHD.
Understanding an ADHD diagnosis allows parents to include behavioral treatment for ADHD that gives kids the tools they need to addresses the symptoms.
It’s okay to get multiple perspectives and to continue to do so as your child grows to address the symptoms they are exhibiting.
We do not believe that ADHD does not exist. We know that it does.
We do agree that parents, and clinicians, need to be careful of jumping directly to an ADHD diagnosis and medication without taking a good look at all the symptomology and ruling out all possibilities. We also agree that behavioral interventions are a vital part of a child’s ADHD treatment plan has it helps them learn to deal with symptoms.
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For full transcript and show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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Understanding different learning styles allows you to teach your child in a way that makes the most sense to them. Different types of learners need different things to be successful. It’s important to encourage your child to develop learning strategies that work for them.
While there is some variation in learning styles, we are focusing on the VARK categorization. V stands for visual. A for aural or auditory, R is for a read or write. K is for kinesthetic.
Children can have more than one learning style, but they tend to favor one over the rest.
Children who are visual learners learn best through a visual representation of information. They like the data presented in diagrams, maps, graphs, charts, flow charts. For kids who are visual learners, they do well with visual instructions, so things like a chore chart or expectations chart work well for them.
Children who are aural or auditory learners learn best from lectures, group discussions, radio, and from conversations. For kids who are auditory learns, they do well with verbal instructions.
Children who are read/write learners learn best from text-based input/output, such as writing things down or reading lists and charts. For kids who are read/write learners, they do well when they can write down instructions or read instructions.
Children who are kinesthetic learners learn best when they are moving. For kids who are kinesthetic, they do well when they can add movement to what they are learning, such as playing with a toy or taking a walk.
Often ADHD children struggle with learning because we are presenting information in a style that doesn’t work for them. You’ll be able to determine which style they prefer by observing when they are successful learning information. Once you understanding which learning style your child with ADHD prefers, you can then present information using that style. Presenting information in a learning style they prefer will allow you to spend less time giving instructions while finding greater success.
You can also help them find strategies for different learning styles that aren’t their preferred learning style.
Stuck on determining which learning style your child prefers? Join the Smarter Parenting Club and our ADHD Parenting Coach can help you find real and doable learning style strategies. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full notes and transcripts visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club. The Smarter Parenting Club is a place where you can find exclusive content and a parenting community. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
The elements taught on Smarter Parenting helps parents how to teach an inattentive child how to be successful.
While many parents focus on the hyperactivity part of ADHD, it can be easy for the inattentive symptoms to be overlooked. ADHD inattentive type symptoms include becoming distracted, trouble concentrating, becoming bored quickly, difficulty learning or organizing new information, frequently daydreaming, difficulty following instructions, seems not to listen when spoken to directly, and creating more mistakes.
Understanding inattentive ADHD symptoms allow you to keep your cool and to apply inattentive strategies.
Children who have inattentiveness ADHD have difficulty focusing because they are focusing on everything at once. They have no idea how to filter out all the information they are receiving. As such, they have difficulty paying attention or Following Instructions even when directly talked to. It can be frustrating if you’re talking to them, and it feels like they are ignoring you.
Parents can help guide their children to focus on what they need to focus on by being specific is what you want them to do. For example, you can tell them to focus on the tone of your voice or to make a particular breathing pattern.
Doing those things allows your child to see that they have the ability to focus on one thing instead of being bombarded by multiple items at once.
Inattentive children also have a harder time following verbal commands, so giving them visual cue or lists are more effective.
On the Smarter Parenting website, you’ll find visual chore charts that can be modified to help walk your child through multiple tasks.
Move-along chore chart: knight
Move-along chore chart: princess
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Many parents view consequences and punishments as the same thing. They aren’t. Punishments are meant to cause harm and to scare your child into doing what you want them to do. A consequence, on the other hand, is intended to teach your child.
While punishments work short term, they damage the relationship long-term. Your child will come to fear you as punishments are generally personal and are often meant to humiliate. Consequences build the relationship with your child as your child understands that you’re disappointed in their behavior and not in them. Consequences occur naturally, are part of daily life, and are positive discipline for kids.
What do consequences versus punishments look like? Let’s say your child broke a plate. A punishment would be to break your child’s favorite toy. A consequence would be that your child would have to clean up the plate and do extra chores as restitution.
Kids need consequences. Consequences help them navigate the world and allow them to take responsibility for their actions. If parents don’t teach their children consequences, the world will.
When ADHD children aren’t doing what they should be, it can be easy to go straight to punishment mode as we want/need our child to behave.
Parents need to parent. They need to set healthy boundaries for their child and then follow through with consequences when those expectations aren’t met. Consistency is so important when it comes to following through with consequences.
Parents need to teach a child how to prevent problems.
For almost 50 years, Utah Youth Village has used the elements of the Teaching-Family Model to help parents better understand teaching versus punishing. Even with the most challenging kids, consequences work better than punishments in changing behavior, and teaching works better than consequences.
Teaching your child what they should do when they should do next time is forward-thinking. It helps them see they have options when it comes to behavior.
Teaching models good behavior. Teaching is positive. Teaching is empowering as it gives them options.
When you teach your child what they should do, you’re helping them avoid negative consequences. When they don’t feel like they are getting trouble all the time, it increases their self-worth.
The best way to decrease the number of consequences you give is to focus on the positive using Effective Positive Rewards. Effective Positive Rewards gives children an incentive to behave better. Effective Positive Rewards can be used for improvement--no matter how small. Effective Positive Rewards doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. Often something little as getting a sticker, being able to read a book with mom or dad, or five extra minutes on devices, will be motivating to behave better.
When parents understand the difference between teaching versus punishing they can build relationships and set their child up for success.
For full show notes and transcript visit:https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Successful parents all do the same things. In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini shares the practical parenting skills that successful parents have mastered.
Raising successful kids is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned. The behavior skills taught on Smarter Parenting are the building blocks parents need to master if they want to build a strong relationship with their child.
Parents who raise healthy and successful children recognize that their job is to help their child learn to function without them.
The first thing parents do when raising successful kids is setting boundaries and allow for those boundaries to change as children grow. Children need boundaries. Boundaries help them navigate the world. As they grow, those boundaries change. The limits they needed at three are not the same as those at 16. Successful parents recognize that and allow their children to make decisions as they grow.
Allowing children the freedom to make decisions helps them be able to transition to adulthood. They feel confident in their ability to make decisions and their ability to live without you.
Each child will progress at a different rate, and the freedom you offered one child at a specific age may not work for another child.
Second, successful parents are consistent. Consistency means following through with whatever rules you have established in your home. This means being consistent with both rewards and consequences.
When you are consistent, it allows your child to trust you as you provided stability. When they trust you, you can build a relationship, and that leads to success for kids.
Parents can still be consistent even they allow their children more freedom.
As you apply these parenting strategies, you will help your child gain independence and the confidence they need to navigate life successfully.
If you’re needing help in learning effective parenting skills, Smarter Parenting offers parenting coaching. This coaching is done for the privacy of your home and helps you come up with a plan of action that is specific to your family!
Start becoming a successful parent today. Sign-up for a free mini-session. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching
Smarter Parenting is a division of Utah Youth Village. Utah Youth Village has helped thousands of families learn the behavior skills needed to be successful. Learn more about Utah Youth Village and it's programs to help families here: http://www.youthvillage.org/theme/default/about-the-village/
Many children with ADHD also have other issues. This is called comorbidity. It may mean that they suffer from ADHD and depression, or ADHD and anxiety.
Understanding that your child may be suffering from more than one issue is helpful as your doctor or therapist may recommend treatment for those issues. You may feel that taking time to treat another issue means your child may not be getting the ADHD help they need.
When a doctor or therapist sees a client, they look at all the issues and will make recommendations on the issue they think need to be addressed first. The recommendation to deal with another issue first does not mean that help for ADHD is being put on the shelf. By focusing on the issue that is causing the most difficulty in everyday life and creating change in that area, you’ll notice that an improvement in all behavior.
It’s always important to make sure you and your therapist/doctor are on the same page with treatment and why that treatment is recommended. It’s not helpful if a therapist or doctor isn’t keeping parents informed of what they are working on. Or if a parent isn’t open about what is happening at home.
Because ADHD and depression occur together frequently, it’s important to know what depression in children looks like as symptoms of depression may manifest differently in children than in adults. When a child is unable to function in school or at home, it can lead to feelings of depression and self-esteem issues. Having depression awareness will allow parents to take a look at their actions and if they are making the situation worse.
Parents have options when dealing with ADHD and depression. The behavior skills on Smarter Parenting are one facet of help available to parents.
For additional information about ADHD and depression or full show notes, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
The ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcasts will be released twice a week on Monday and Wednesday until the end of 2019.
In 2017, a study was published in The Lancet Psychiatry Journal about differences in the ADHD brain. By studying those with ADHD and those without ADHD, researchers found small differences in brain mass between adults and kids with ADHD and those without ADHD. The difference was most noticeable in kids and less noticeable in adults. Knowing this information is a significant first step to understanding ADHD even better.
Their findings suggested that ADHD is a disorder of the brain with delays in the development of specific brain regions. This may account for why kids with ADHD tend to act out and have difficulty with being able to control their behavior.
Behavioral strategies for ADHD allows kids to learn specific tools that will enable them to manage their ADHD symptoms. Neuroplasticity of the brain, or being able to train the brain, is possible. Some things can be done to strengthen the ADHD brain and make it stronger, including behavior skills. ADHD behavior management strategies should include the behavior skills taught on SmarterParenting.com.
If ADHD is a disorder of the brain, why aren’t we able to better study or diagnosis it through a test? An MRI only shows a snapshot of what is happening in the brain at that moment. Which doesn’t always give a complete picture of behavior. An ADHD diagnosis is made only after behavior is observed over an amount of time, and that behavior meets criteria.
This study is exciting research for ADHD and a great beginning to understanding better how the ADHD brain works.
Retraining your child with ADHD brain can be frustrating. Having an ADHD Parenting Coaching allows for clarity and helps you feel confident in what you’re doing. For a limited time, we are offering free 15-minute mini-sessions. Sign-up today.
For full show transcript visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching
Beginning September 23, we will release two podcasts a week on Monday and Wednesday through the end of 2019. We look forward to bringing you more ADHD content!
Confidence to follow through. What does that mean? Parenting is challenging, and it can be difficult to have confidence in our abilities. If you’ve ever asked yourself: Am I doing the right thing? Why isn’t this working? I feel so overwhelmed I don’t what to do?
First of all, you’re not alone. Second, our goal at Smarter Parenting is to give you parenting help. We want to provide you with confidence in your ability to handle any behaviors and create a better family life.
Without a proper structure, we will all burn out or become overwhelmed. Parenting skills give parents the structure they need to cope with. But more importantly, it gives you confidence that you can handle any behavior.
One of the hardest things for any parent is being able to follow through. We either overpromise (if you do x you’ll get y). Or, we give consequences that we aren’t able to follow through with (you’re grounded until you’re 18).
When you have the confidence to follow through, you’ll set the expectations for your child. Children thrive on knowing what is expected of them.
Having confidence is not always having the answer. Instead, it’s moving towards what you need for your child. It means evaluating what you’re doing and determining what is working and what isn’t and what adjustments need to be made.
ADHD Parenting Coaching is the parental guidance you’re looking for. Our trained coaches know the struggles you’re working through and know what tools you need to have confidence in your parenting abilities.
Start becoming confident in your parenting today. Sign-up for our ADHD Parenting Coaching. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching
For full show notes, visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/category/podcasts/adhd-podcasts/
There are multiple ADHD treatment options. Understanding what they are and why they are being recommended is helpful as treatment courses are set.
When ADHD treatment options are present, it can be easy to dismiss individual options. We strongly advocate that you keep an open mind to any recommended treatment options. Treatment for ADHD could include medication, therapy, and ADHD behavior intervention, such as learning behavior or social skills.
Because every child is unique and responds to medication differently, we are not here to give medical advice. We are here to walk you through therapy and ADHD behavior interventions that help kids with ADHD.
Helping kids with ADHD may involve therapy. For many parents, therapy may seem scary or unfamiliar, or a label they don’t want for their child as therapy has gotten an undeserved bad rap. Treating ADHD should be a whole-body process, including taking care of our mental health. Therapy allows a child to discuss how ADHD affects them, what their environment is like, and thoughts and feelings. They learn how they respond to certain stimuli and what they can do to work through things healthily.
Social or behavioral skills is another route that a doctor may recommend. Behavioral or social skills are skills that are implemented in the home and is a team effort between parents, caretakers, and the child. The skills we teach on Smarter Parenting are social and behavioral skills and are most effective when everybody is on the same page in their use.
If you are using behavior skills and aren’t seeing the change you expect, it’s probably because a component needs to be modified. An ADHD Parenting Coach can help you find clarity in what needs to be modified. An ADHD Parenting Coach can take a look at the big picture and help you see areas that need improvement while giving you confidence in your abilities.
ADHD Parenting Coaching can be transforming and help you create the family you want. Sign-up for an individualized ADHD Parenting Coaching session today and take advantage of our free 15-minute mini-sessions. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
When deciding treatment for your ADHD child, it’s vital to keep an open mind when it comes to all ADHD treatment options. The goal of your doctors is to help your child be healthy and happy.
Wanting what is best for our child is normal. Chasing “normal” with ADHD child can often be a frustrating endeavor as our “normal expectations” may not be realistic or helpful for our child. When children don’t hit the “milestones” we expect, it can be frustrating and can damage our relationship.
We can do a disservice to our child when we compare them to other children, even to other kids with ADHD. When we compare our child with ADHD, we can fail to see the milestone they do accomplishment.
Using the ADHD behavior skill of Effective Praise will help recognize what they are doing well and to tell them. When you recognize what they’re doing well, it gives them confidence in their abilities.
Chasing normal with our ADHD child means setting new and realistic goals based on their strengths and not on some predetermined path. Our goal as parents is to help them on their path and to give them the skills they need to be successful long-term.
To help parents, Smarter Parenting has launched ADHD Parenting Coaching. ADHD Parenting Coaching is one-on-one video coaching done from the comfort of your home--no need to go anywhere. An ADHD Parenting Coach can help with challenging behavior, point out your strengths, and help you set realistic expectations for your ADHD child.
For a limited time, Smarter Parenting is offering free 15-minute mini-sessions. Even in 15-minutes you can get incredible insight and help. Sign-up https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
At the Qualtrics conference in March 2019, Oprah stated that the secret to her success was setting realistic intentions. The thought behind setting intentions for the day is that before you do anything else, you decided the intention or goal, that you want for the day. By setting intentions for the day it allows you to have a mind-shift, and the energy to focus as everything you do is now seen through that intention.
The power of intention is that it gives you control over the day. Instead of waking up and picking up your phone and instantly feeling like a failure because your life doesn’t look like another’s, you’re able to tell the world what you expect from it rather than the other way around. It’s a simple thing, but it allows you to set boundaries and practice self-care, which leads to confident living.
As an ADHD parent, it can feel overwhelming to think about setting realistic intentions for the day as it’s one more thing we have to do. This simple exercise can help you deal with all the pressures you face. It gives you a “game plan” of sorts and helps you mentally prepare for everything that is on your plate. When you feel rejuvenated, you’re able to handle the day more effectively. It’s when we’re tired and overwhelmed that everything seems so much worse as we don’t have the energy to handle it. Taking time for yourself is essential and does not make you a bad parent (even if you feel like it does).
Successful parents are those who have found a way to balance their self-care with what their child needs.
Setting intentions is a lot like the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching. Preventive Teaching is all about preparing your child for what they may encounter by setting realistic expectations for their behavior.
We want you to try setting daily intentions for one week. These intentions don’t have to be large or take up a ton of time. It can be as simple as, “How do I want to feel at the end of the day? What do I need to do to feel that way?” So, if at the end of the day you want to feel calm, then you’ll need to add small activities (away from your phone) to your day that allows you to feel that way. It may be taking a bath, eating a favorite treat, going for a walk, having lunch with a friend, or taking a small nap.
We can’t stress it enough. There is power in setting daily intentions. Trust us when we say that doing this small thing can have a significant impact on the relationships you have.
Mastering ADHD behavior skills gives parents the tools they need to handle any behavior situation. Behavior intervention strategies are essential components of ADHD management and make your life easier. They will allow you to feel like you have control, no matter what comes your way.
When you have mastered the basics, you’re able to improvise and create solutions even if you’ve never been in that situation before.
In 1975, pianist Keith Jarrett arrived for a concert in Koln Germany. Instead of finding a concert piano for him to play, he found a practice piano that wasn’t working correctly and was out of tune. Jarrett stated he wouldn’t play on that instrument because of his limitations. After a lot of pleadings by the stage manager, he agreed to do the concert. Jarrett recorded the concert. At the end of the concert, he received a standing ovation. The album of the concert became one of the best-selling albums of that year.
He was successful because he not only knew the basics, but because he had mastered the basics. He knew the limitations of the piano and what he would need to do to overcome those limitations to create something incredible.
Having the basics down gives you power as it allows you to remain in control and not get flustered when things don’t like we expected or imagined.
Behavior skills are an essential part of your child’s ADHD treatment plan. Behavioral therapy for ADHD kids helps them learn to recognize and overcome their shortcomings in a way that allows them to create something incredible and successful. Much like Keith Jarrett was able to do in Koln.
SmarterParenting.com teaches behavior intervention strategies called behavior skills. Each skill taught in video lesson form. Watching the video isn’t enough to master the skill; the skill must be practiced and practiced often.
As busy parents, it can be hard to find time to learn new behavior. Even small investments will eventually have long-term payoffs when it comes to mastering ADHD behavior skills. There are multiple ways to integrate ADHD behavior skills in everyday life. You can practice in the car, or while you're getting ready, or around the dinner table.
The goal with behavioral therapy for ADHD is to give you the tools so that you feel confident in handling anything that comes your way. Are they throwing a tantrum? Are they defiant? Those behaviors don’t scare you as you’ve got a toolbox full of tools that you feel confident in using.
In episode 21, ADHD Parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, talks about ADHD and caretaker fatigue.
Caretaker fatigue is real, especially when parenting an ADHD child as they have so much energy. Having to be always “on” to deal with all that energy can be draining-emotionally, physically, mentally. Being “on” will eventually take its toll, so it’s important for parents to avoid the ADHD burn-out by practicing self-care.
Many parents feel guilty for practicing self-care, but practicing self-care is not selfish.
If you don’t feel like you have time to practice self-care, that is exactly when you need to. We know finding the time to practice self-care between school, work, family, and extracurricular activities are hard, and adding one more thing to the plate may seem overwhelming. But when you are operating at half-capacity, it becomes harder to deal with their behaviors.
By taking care of yourself first, you have the ability to provide the best care for your child, which we know is what you want to do.
Our first recommendation for self-care is to find someone you can talk to and who will listen. Whether that is a support group for parents of ADHD child, a family member, or a friend, whomever you choose, make sure they will listen without giving a lot of opinions, and only when you ask for it.
Our second recommendation for self-care is to take a break and find something that rejuvenates you. It doesn’t need to be time-intensive or requires a lot of stuff. It could be making yourself a cup of tea, a bubble bath, reading a book, take a short break, or take a nap.
Taking a break doesn’t have to happen just once a day. You can set up small breaks throughout the day.
Our third recommendation is to get enough sleep. Without sleep, your ability to help your child is greatly diminished as you have nothing to give them.
Our fourth recommendation is to have regular check-ups with your doctor. Being an ADHD mom is hard and regularly checking in with your doctor allows you to evaluate your mood and what is going on. This is one area where we tend to be terrible at. We take our kids to the doctors, but often we put off going ourselves.
We encourage you this week to find a few ways that you can add self-care and avoid ADHD and caretaker fatigue and ADHD burnout.
If you have any great self-care ideas that you’d like to share with other ADHD parents, please send us a message. Smarterparenting@smarterparenting.com
Parenting is hard, and all of us could use a little parental guidance! We are so excited to announce that we’re doing online parenting coaching!
The power of a parenting coaching session lies in having a behavior specialist listening and giving you specific positive parenting solutions for your child and family.
Online coaching sessions are done in the privacy of your own home and at a time that works for you.
We know that many worldwide are searching for parenting skills, and by offering online coaching, we can reach struggling families no matter where they are.
Not only is there power in a parenting coaching session, but there’s also a lot that people can learn from watching other parents being coached. Being able to watch parenting coaching sessions will be part of the ADHD Parenting Club that Smarter Parenting will be launching in the fall of 2019.
The first 15-minute online coaching session is free. If you want to continue getting parental guidance through online coaching, there will be a charge.
Sign-up today and begin utilizing the power of a parenting coaching session!
In episode 18, ADHD parenting coach discusses the FDA’s approval of eTNS device to treat ADHD. It has been approved to treat children from 7 to 12 who have been diagnosed with ADHD and are not currently on ADHD medication.
Carlos Peña, Ph.D., director of the Division of Neurological and Physical Medicine Devices in the FDA’s Center for Devices and Radiological Health, said of the device in the press release. “This new device offers a safe, non-drug option for treatment of ADHD in pediatric patients through the use of mild nerve stimulation, a first of its kind. Today’s action reflects our deep commitment to working with device manufacturers to advance the development of pediatric medical devices so that children have access to innovative, safe and effective medical devices that meet their unique needs.” (https://www.medpagetoday.com/neurology/adhd-add/79346)
The eTNS (external Trigeminal Nerve Stimulation) system is a nerve stimulation treatment that delivers low-level stimulation to branches of the trigeminal nerve. The pulse is delivered via a patch on the child’s forehead.
The belief is that by stimulating the Trigeminal nerve, signals are sent to the brain controlling the areas that control function, which is one of the areas in which ADHD children struggle.
According to the manufacturer, the device is as big as a cell phone, and the treatment is administered overnight. It is not currently covered by insurance and costs about $1,000.
When new ADHD treatment options become available, it’s easy to get really excited about what the new treatment means. One of the concerns with the approval of the eTNS is that we don’t know the long-term effects of the device.
The trial period of this device was only four weeks and involved roughly 60 kids. They did see a reduction in treating ADHD with minimal side effects. With that length and sample size, we don’t know what long-term effects of sending electrical pulses to the brain will be.
This new device is just one of the non-medication treatment options available to ADHD children. Other options include the behavior skills available on Smarter Parenting.
Confirmation bias is our tendency to cherry-pick information that confirms our existing beliefs or ideas. Everyone has confirmation bias as everyone has different life experiences that shape how they view the world. It is why two different people can look at the same situation and draw two different conclusions.
It is easy to experience confirmation bias with an ADHD diagnosis. What we mean is that we will highlight any behavior that we believe confirms ADHD symptoms, while ignoring those things that don’t fit into our belief. It’s human nature to seek out those things that confirm our beliefs.
Because of this, we recommend starting with a pediatrician instead of going straight to a specialist as a specialist may see an ADHD diagnosis because they are looking for an ADHD diagnosis. A pediatrician sees a lot of different children behavior and is able to rule out behaviors and diagnosis instead of ruling in a diagnosis.
Confirmation bias can be dangerous once you have an ADHD diagnosis as it’s easy to view the world through the diagnosis. Especially if you believe the diagnosis means your child won’t be able to be successful.
When parenting kids with ADHD, it’s important to step back and look at what you believe so you can challenge it. Challenging beliefs allows you to look at situations from a mind-frame of how can I help or how can I be resourceful in helping my child. One of the reasons people go to therapy is that one of the purposes of therapy is to help us challenge our thinking and our confirmation bias.
Challenging our confirmation bias is something that we need to do continually as our kids grow and change--and so do we. When we challenge our confirmation bias, we can improve. Helping our children grow and change is one of our duties as parents.
Parenting a child with ADHD is possible when we challenge our confirmation bias of what an ADHD diagnosis means.
For full show transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Do you think your child has ADHD but Is it ADHD or dental issues? In today’s episode, we talk with Dr. John Peterson about dental problems mimicking ADHD and options parents have for improving their child’s overall well-being using The Healthy Start system.
Many children suffer from sleep apnea and other sleeping issues. These sleeping issues can mimic the symptoms of ADHD. Sleep apnea in children can manifest as poor school performance, lack of focus, anxiety, headaches, allergies, and behavioral issues. A good night's sleep is so important, but especially for children as lack of sleep can make other matters worse, such as their ability to make good decisions or to control their emotions.
Does ADHD cause sleep problems? Because ADHD and sleep issues often go hand-in-hand, many blame their child’s ADHD for their difficulty falling or staying asleep. From the data collected by the Healthy Start system, it’s difficult to tell the difference between children with ADHD and children with sleep apnea.
When the cause of the miserable night’s sleep is addressed, many children see a reduction in ADHD symptoms and behaviors by treating the underlying cause of these issues.
Often, things like grinding our teeth, inattentiveness, or anger are the manifestation of underlying issues.
The Healthy Start system believes that it’s better to guide teeth into place while they’re growing than to fix the teeth after they’re already established. While the general age is between 6-12, children as young as 2 or 3 can benefit from the Healthy Start system.
The Healthy Start system has also helped children who wet the bed because the part of the brain that controls our bladder also controls our sleep. So if our body is having issues sleeping, our brain will be focusing on that and will not be monitoring our bladder.
For many children getting a sleep study done when they start to exhibit ADHD symptoms can help a doctor determine if they really have ADHD or are suffering from sleeping issues.
For more information on the Healthy Start System visit:
For full show transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club and learn additional strategies to help kids become successful. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
One of the biggest questions we get is how to help ADHD kids focus. As a parent, it can be incredibly frustrating to have to give the same instruction over and over again. Or to watch them not be able to accomplish simple tasks because they’re constantly being distracted.
In episode 15, ADHD coach Siope Kinikini shares five different refocus activities for children with ADHD. These activities are things that require limited prep and are things that a child can do on their own to focus.
How to help a child with ADHD refocus is to understand what’s going in their brain. Children with ADHD often struggle with being able to think in terms of the future. They often think in terms of now. This means they are easily distracted by what is happening to them right that moment or what they want right now. Because of that, they have a hard time with delayed gratification. It is why your child's focus is always shifting as new “nows” are continually presenting themselves.
Because they have a short attention span, ADHD kids are easily prone to boredom which can be frustrating for them as they’re not able to be fully present to what is happening around them. It’s why it’s essential for them to have ADHD coping skills.
These five activities help ADHD kids focus.
Isometric exercises Isometric exercises are activities that involve pushing or pulling movement and focusing on that movement. These exercises can be done sitting down or standing up. Some isometric exercises include pushing hands or knees together, or pushing your hands into a desk, table or your legs. There are tons of different isometric activities for children with ADHD
Stress ball or fidget toys ADHD kids do well with tactile refocus activities. This includes things like stress balls or fidget spinners. You can easily make stress balls out of balloons and beans, rice, sugar. Etc. Just fill the balloon with the ingredient and tie it off.
Give them a challenge This one is especially good for school time as a way to excite their brains so that they won’t be bored. The idea is to give them a challenge that would make doing a task more difficult which would require increased focus. For example, if they’re right-handed, have them write with their left hand. Once they have completed it, then have them switch to another challenge. The goal is for them to find small things that help them to refocus.
Mindfulness Mindfulness is a great way to focus for kids as it helps them reset by being aware of what their body is doing. Some mindfulness ideas are to close their eyes and take a deep breath. Or to count backward while breathing out.
Focus on a specific color or thing This one is great as it turns focusing into a game. When your child starts to feel their attention slipping, have them close their eyes and pick on one thing to focus on when they open their eyes. This could be a color or an object.
The purpose of all these refocus strategies is to give a child a purpose in their distraction instead of being distracted by everything thing,
Being able to refocus gives your child power as they learn that they do have control over their body and their thoughts. We can't wait to hear how these were able to help ADHD kids focus better.
The compound effect of behavior skills does exist. Thousands of families have seen how using one behavior skill then another behavior skill has a compound effect to reduce behavior problems and increase feelings of trust and love.
When implementing new behavior skills for kids you will not see the compound effect of changing behavior overnight, but you will see them. Some families see small changes in a few weeks, where other families have to work on it for months before they notice those same changes. That’s okay. Each family and each child is different and will learn and progress at different rates.
This is especially true for a child with ADHD who make need longer to grasp a concept or an idea.
Investing the time to change your child’s behavior is just like investing in your 401K. You know if that if you are consistent in contributing just a little to your 401 K eventually you’ll that little effort will have a big pay-off. The same principle applies to your child.
Your objective is to make small incremental changes that have a lasting impact. Those changes will come if you are consistent in using behavior skills for kids. Sometimes you won’t be able to notice those changes until you reflect back on where you are now vs. where you were when you started.
Your child may still tantrum when told no. Instead of having an hour-long tantrum that involved violence to others they may now only tantrum for 15 minutes and not resort to violence. While it may not feel like a win because they are still tantruming, it is! Their ability to reduce their length of tantrums and better control their emotions shows the compound effects of behavior skills to improve life.
This is especially true in behavior management. When you are changing behavior, you will notice that the compound effect of behavior skills is far-reaching. You will hear your children use their behavior skills on their siblings, their friends, and even strangers.
One of the biggest responsibilities of a parent is of parents as teachers. You are here to help guide, shape, and encourage your child. Children don’t always know how to handle the world, so it’s up to you to show them how. It’s okay for your child to be angry, sad, or disappointed. What is not okay is how they respond to those feelings of anger, sadness, or disappointment.
Behavior problems don’t have to be a constant struggle. There is a better way. It’s using the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model. When used together, they will have a compound effect on your child and your relationship and will help them find success.
As every actor, musician, or athlete knows, practice leads to success. In today’s podcast, ADHD parenting coach, Siope Kinikini discusses the fifth element of the Teaching-Family Model, Role-playing.
Role-playing is one of the most important, but often overlooked, tool in raising successful kids. Role-playing allows a child to practice new behavior over and over again until they feel confident in handling whatever situation they are placed in. When children have confidence in their ability to handle situations because they’ve practiced it, you’re allowing them to make better decisions and to take responsibility for the decisions they are making.
We offer parental guidance when we encourage our children to practice reading or homework, or piano over and over again so they can master it. Mastering behavior is no different. We can shape new behaviors by Role-playing new behavior.
What happens to the brain when we learn something new is that new pathways are created. The more we repeat the action--whether that’s the piano or Role-playing--the stronger those pathways become until the new action becomes second nature in our brains.
Because children are learning how to navigate the world, they need a lot of practice, especially when it comes to behavior. The Teaching-Family Model is different than other behavior models in that the parent will model the behavior first. This modeling is useful in helping kids navigate life as they see how it’s done and aren’t left to guess what they should be doing. By structuring Role-plays, you are helping your child understand the importance of practicing while keeping them from getting too overwhelmed with all they are learning.
The behavior skill of Role-playing shows you what elements should be included to make Role-plays successful. Visit Smarter Parenting.com to watch the Role-playing skills lesson.
Children don’t always like to practice. Turning Role-plays into a game is one of the best ways to get your child motivated to practice as games and activities don’t always feel like practicing. For example, playing the game Simon Says is a way to Role-play. In the game, you’re practicing both the skill of Effective Communication aka listening and Following Instructions. We'd wager you child wouldn't even recognize that they're Role-playing.
Role-plays don’t have to be huge productions to be successful. What makes Role-plays successful is their repetition.
Remember, practice leads to success!
In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini talks about how quality components are the strength of the Teaching-Family Model and how to teach behavior skills.
We firmly believe that how to teach behavior skills is an individualized process. We want parents and families to find and use what works for them. What works for you to teach your child may not work for someone else. It’s okay to be flexible and to remember that you can make changes.
There are steps that parents as teachers can utilize when it comes to teaching behavior skills so that they get the desired result. Parents need to understand the elements of the Teaching-Family Model before they’re able to teach behavior skills to their child. As a parent, your job is to guide them and encourage them while showing them how to do it.
You are the expert for your child as you know your child the best and how you need to approach teaching behavior skills. You’ve been there through their highs and their lows.
Working with a young child is different than working with a teenager. The elements of the Teaching-Family Model allow you to make adjustments for age difference or when something isn’t working for your child.
Working with your ADHD child will require a different approach, but what you teach them will be the same. The quality component of being able to adjust to your child’s need is what will make you successful. When you adapt your teaching to your child’s need, you are strengthening your relationship as your child will know that you’re concerned with them and their needs.
Part of teaching behavior skills is being aware of your approach. Are you using a pleasant voice? Are you clear in your instructions? Are you giving simple enough instructions? You model the behavior you want in your child. If you want them to be calm, you need to be calm. If you want them to give you eye contact, you need to get down on their level and give them eye contact.
How to teach behavior skills isn’t as scary as you may think it is. We’ve seen other parents do this and have complete confidence that you can do it too!
What is the Teaching-Family Model is a common question that we get asked frequently? The Teaching-Family Model is an evidence-based behavioral approach that’s been used by professionals and families for over fifty years. It's helped thousands of children and to empower families by teaching them how to be successful.
The elements of the Teaching-Family Model that ADHD parenting coach Siope Kinikini teaches in the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcasts, have been proven to give parents and tools they need to help their children navigate life in a healthy way.
In the 1960s, a group of psychologists (Elaine and Elery Phillips, Dean Fixsen, Montrose Wolf, Gary Timbers) were interested in how better help troubled children and juvenile offenders in group home settings. They wanted to know what made families successful and if they could replicate what they did.
As they implement specific behavior skills in group homes, they found these children had fewer run-ins with the law, reduced dropout rates, with improved grades and attendance.
They realized they could teach anybody how to be a successful parent by teaching specific behavior skills, and the Teaching-Family Model was born. Utah Youth Village, the parent company of Smarter Parenting, was an early adopter of the Teaching-Family Model. Using the Teaching-Family Model, Utah Youth Village's programs have provided relief and healing to thousands of families.
The Teaching-Family Model shows parents how to best deal with challenging behavior in a way that strengthens, teaches, and builds relationships instead of tearing down relationships.
The Teaching-Family Model views children’s behavior problems as stemming from their lack of essential interpersonal relationships and skills.
The Teaching-Family Model reduces feelings of anger and frustration as it gives you the blueprint for dealing with their behavior. The Teaching-Family Model removes the emotion from the situation. It allows your child take responsibility for their actions as it shows them they have something to gain by improving their behavior.
Thousands and thousands of parents, grandparents, caregivers, and teachers with problems big and small, have used the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model to help their child be successful.
Parents have used the Teaching-Family Model because they want to reduce episodes of tantrums, angry outbursts, lying, and fights every time they ask their child to do something. Parents used it because they don’t want to be that parent who screams or yells all the time. Parents use it because they want to feel like they have control. Parents use it because they want their child not to be defined by their diagnosis. Parents use it because they found that it works.
What is the Teaching-Family Model? The Teaching-Family Model is change. The Teaching-Family Model is proven. The Teaching-Family Model works. We know the Teaching-Family Model works because we have seen first-hand its impact on families.
Smarter Parenting is a division of Utah Youth Village. Learn more about the Utah Youth Village and the Teaching-Family Model and how it helps families visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/team/
The Teaching-Family Model and therapy go hand-in-hand in helping families regain control.
In Episode 10, ADHD parenting coach Siope Kinikini, talks with therapist Jesse Heaton and how he uses Smarter Parenting to help support his ADHD clients.
Smarter Parenting is a division of Utah Youth Village. Utah Youth Village is dedicated to helping families learn the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model. Utah Youth Village has changed the lives of thousands of families.
The most effective behavior management plans involve both therapy and behavior skills at home. A therapist will only work with your child for a few hours during a therapy session, and why valuable, they can’t address everything.
Using behavior skills in conjunction with therapy, allows you to continue to address what they are working on at home. It also gives you and your therapist the same language that reduces confusion and ensures that all are on the same page. This can be especially helpful for your child as they know both you and their therapist will be using the same words and instructions.
Therapy helps your child understand what they are feeling and how to express those feelings appropriately.
Often the behavior issues you see at home, your child doesn’t show at therapy. Be open with your therapist about what behaviors you are seeing and what is their triggers. The behavior skills of Effective Communication and Observe and Describe are especially helpful.
Using the Teaching-Family Model and therapy together will bring significant changes as you consistently use the behavior skills with your child at home.
As an ADHD parent, one of the most hurtful statements someone can say to you is, “Is it ADHD or bad parenting?” In that statement, whether, it’s a family member, a friend, or a stranger, they minimize the diagnosis of your child and the struggles of parents dealing with ADHD. It makes it feel like you can’t do anything right, and you’re all alone in parenting an ADHD child.
As someone who has ADHD, I find it mind-blowing when someone feels the need to tell me that ADHD doesn’t exist. ADHD is not a “made-up diagnosis.” ADHD is a real disorder that is recognized by the American Psychological Association and comes with real symptoms and behavior. ADHD behavior has been studied since the late 1800s.
To those who say we’ve gone overboard in the ADHD diagnosis, there is some truth in that. An ADHD diagnosis requires a child to exhibit specific behavior and to be diagnosed by a medical professional, but sometimes a parent or a teacher gives a child the “diagnosis” of ADHD. While well-meaning, it serves to bolster the opinion of those who don’t believe that ADHD is real or that it’s just bad parenting.
If you believe your child may have ADHD, it’s essential to make sure they get a diagnosis from a medical professional.
While ADHD behavior can be made worse by inconsistent parenting, bad parenting doesn’t cause your child to have ADHD. Having a child who acts up doesn’t make you a bad parent (though we know there are days when you feel like it does).
The reason many believe ADHD is due to bad parents is that the symptoms of ADHD make ADHD discipline more difficult. ADHD children don’t always behave in like other children.
The parenting skills we reference in these podcasts will help you handle your child’s behavior in a positive way. As you feel confident in your ability to manage your child’s behavior, you’ll be better prepared to handle the hurtful comment of “Is it ADHD or bad parenting?”
Parents dealing with ADHD don’t need the blame game. They need people to believe them. They need support. They need resources. Parenting an ADHD child requires you to become an advocate for your child and to help bring ADHD awareness to family and friends on what ADHD behavior and diagnosis mean.
Subscribe to the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast.
In podcast #8, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, discusses five things that ADHD parents don’t need to hear.
We know receiving unsolicited advice is a problem for many ADHD parents. It seems as soon as someone knows your child has ADHD the comments start. “Don’t worry; they’ll outgrow ADHD.” “They don’t have ADHD; they’re a troublemaker.” “Your child gets unfair advantage because of ‘ADHD.’” Or “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you say it is.”
In many cases, the person making the comment doesn’t understand the devastating impact their words have. They think they’re being helpful or supportive. In reality, they’re doing the opposite. They’re making ADHD parents feel judged, isolated, and overwhelmed.
When speaking to a parent of ADHD child, please don’t say the following five things to them.
First, ADHD doesn’t exist. Second, Everybody has ADHD. Third, ADHD is new, and now everybody has it. Fourth, I would never medicate my child. Fifth, ADHD is an excuse for bad parenting.
First, ADHD doesn’t exist. This is hurtful to parents because it does exist, and many parents would rather their child didn’t have ADHD. To get an ADHD diagnosis it has to be diagnosed by a medical professional, the child has to meet specific criteria, and it’s a lengthy and rigorous process to get a diagnosis as other issues have to be ruled out.
Second, everybody has ADHD. When you say this, it minimizes the struggles that parents and child face when dealing with ADHD. Like any other diagnosis, ADHD exists on a scale from mild to severe. Your experience with ADHD may not be the same as other parents. You may have a mild form of ADHD that was reasonably easy to handle, but that may not be the case for every parent you’re talking to.
Third, ADHD is new, and everybody has it. ADHD has been around for a long time and has a lot of research into what it is and the best ways to treat it.
Fourth, I would never medicate my child.
This statement is full of judgment and may come across that you’re better than they are. The decision to medicate a child isn’t taken lightly and often comes at the recommendation of the child’s physician as medication may be the best course for that child.
Fifth, ADHD is an excuse for bad parenting. There is never a time or place for this statement. When you say this to a parent, you’re essentially telling them that they’re inept and not able to be a good parent. Which can be devastating to a parent who is doing everything they can to help their child. Remember that ADHD is a medical diagnosis, much like cancer is.
What ADHD parents need is someone to be a listening ear. They need someone to encourage them and to be there for them. They are already struggling with feelings of failure and inadequacy, and hurtful comments don’t help. You don’t understand the challenges they may be facing in raising their child.
Remember that ADHD parents don’t need to hear negative comments. Parenting is hard enough, so please, please be kind when talking to any parent.
ADHD and anger issues often go hand in hand, and dealing with it is a significant stress for most parents. ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, helps parents understand the real reason behind their child’s anger and gives ADHD strategies for dealing.
How to deal with a child with anger issues is a question that Siope is frequently asked. Parents want to know how to deal with the situation without it blowing up even more. But more than that, they want to know how to reduce future episodes of ADHD and aggression by doing things that help diffuse the situation instead of inflaming it.
The best way to deal with anger issues to understand what is happening in your child’s body when they are angry. The ADHD strategy that has worked well for countless families is to know why we get angry. We get angry because what you want or hoped for didn’t happen the way you wanted it to happen. Think about that. Anger stems because someone’s behavior or actions didn’t go how we wanted them to go, and we become frustrated.
Understanding anger means understanding how you arrive at that emotion. This understanding is crucial when talking to your child with ADHD. Most ADHD children are already working on something that has a level of frustration for them. What do we mean by this? Your child may already be working on sitting still, paying attention, not talking, focusing on what is being said. They know they need to work on these things as they're constantly being told. They’re already feeling anxious and frustrated as they’re trying hard to fulfill what we’ve asked them to do and they’re struggling to do it. So when we add another instruction on that, bam, they’re even more frustrated, and that frustration often manifests as anger.
While we may look at a small instruction as “no big deal.” It’s a “huge deal” to them. It means that they’re feeling anger/frustration on multiple things and the last instruction happened to be the instruction that pushed them over the edge.
Understanding this principle will help you be able to teach them about what is happening with their body and how to deal in a more positive way when an expectation isn’t met. Disappointment is part of life, but our goal is to teach them how to deal with ADHD anger management in a better way.
The problem most parents face is being able to break down complicated feelings or ideas so that their children understand. This knowledge is especially difficult with very young children. It is why breaking things down into small instructions is important. It helps them not feel overwhelmed and frustrated. How to calm a child with ADHD who is in the middle of an angry outburst it to remember three things. First, remain calm as it will help to deescalate the situation. Second, stay focused. Third, be consistent.
ADHD and anger issues are manageable if you apply the ADHD strategies learned in this podcast.
Join the Smarter Parenting Club and we can help you with individual strategies for dealing with your child's anger. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
I hear from parents how difficult parenting ADHD child is. They tell me that they want their child to be normal and successful. Instead, they feel judged, isolated, frustrated, overwhelmed, and often, like they’ve failed their child.
Parents, I can not say this loudly enough; you are not failing your child. Your stress, worry, and frustration is evidence that you are doing your best to help them.
Raising a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD requires a mind shift. If you have the same expectations for your ADHD as you do for your other child, you are setting yourself up for failure. It’s normal to want your ADHD child to act, think, and behave a certain way, but the truth is they won’t. That disconnect between how you want them to act and how they act is where that isolation, frustration, and exhaustion starts.
All parents have unrealistic expectations for their child. That is completely normal. As a parent, our expectations for ADHD child is that expect them to be “just like everybody else” that we aren’t able to meet them where they are.
What do we mean by that? It means that we need to take a step back and have realistic expectations based on their ability. Instead of wanting our child to sit still for 30 minutes and become frustrated when they don’t, we set an expectation that is achievable for our child. Which may only be 2, 3, or 10 minutes. When our child becomes restless after 2,3, or 10 minutes we don’t become all stressed and upset. That was what we expected they’d do, and we’re already prepared to handle it.
We’re telling you not to have expectations, instead, we’re wanting you to focus on helping your child move forward and improve where they’re at now. It’s meeting them at their level. We talked in greater detail about changing our thoughts in episode 1. We recommend you listen to it if you’re having trouble changing expectations for your ADHD child.
How to help a child with ADHD is to not compare them to other children and to focus on having realistic expectations of what they can do. As you believe in them and meet them where they are at, you are giving your child the tools they need to be successful as they will feel less judged and less pressure to be something they’re not.
By empowering ADHD parents with the mind frame to change the expectations for ADHD child, Siope Kinikini shows families how they can heal.
Visit the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast homepage: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Today you’re in for a treat as professional parent Tanya Stevenson shares the ADHD strategies she has used in working with challenging children. As a professionally trained parent in a group home setting, Tanya and her husband have parented countless kids with severe ADHD behavior. She’s dealt with hours-long tantrums and knows the frustration of kids not wanting to do their chores or get up in the morning. She 100% supports your caffeine addiction and believes it’s important for parents to have ADHD coping skills.
Many would say she’s crazy for continuing working with ADHD children, but she’s seen the success and long-term changes children can make because of the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model.
You don’t have to be a professional parent to learn to parent like one. Let that sink in. You can learn to be the best possible parent to your ADHD child when you put in the time and effort into learning behavior skills that will make a difference.
Like we referenced in podcast #1, ADHD interventions require you to change your expectations. We recommend going back and listening to it. For example, when working with ADHD kids, your new expectation may be giving your child 100 instructions instead of 10. Mentally preparing for 100 allows you not to get frustrated at number 11, or 68, or 83, or 99.
When you switch your expectations, you are focused on helping your child learn. It will take patience and effort, but implementing ADHD strategies will have great pay-offs.
No one is born knowing exactly how to parent. Join Siope and Tanya as they talk about how to deal with ADHD in a healthy and positive way by utilizing ADHD strategies that will empower you to be the best possible parent.
There is hope at the end of the tunnel for kids with ADHD. ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, shares his journey with ADHD. When you’re dealing with challenging ADHD behavior, it can be hard to believe your child can be like others. An ADHD diagnosis seems isolating and stressful.
Siope was diagnosed with ADHD as a child in elementary school. Siope knew something was different when he couldn’t function like other in elementary school. Parent-teacher conferences were difficult for his parents as his teachers constantly harped on his inability to focus and function and labeled him defiant and lazy. Getting told these things from adults made it hard for him to build self-esteem and enjoy the learning process in school. Based on what he was hearing, he didn’t think he’d be successful, and that was difficult.
In college, he learned to view his ADHD as strengths and to harness those strengths. In college, he learned particular skills that allowed him to manage his ADHD and set goals that he could accomplish. He has continued to find long-term success as he’s managed his ADHD.
While many see ADHD diagnosis as a bad thing, Siope saw it as a blessing. Join Siope as he shares his experience with ADHD and gives you the hope that you can be successful in your ADHD parenting.
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/my-adhd-journey/
Getting an ADHD diagnosis for your child is hard. Knowing what ADHD resources are available is one the ways to cope with ADHD behavior as it gives us a feeling of control in situations we feel are out of our control. Finding ADHD resources online can be overwhelming as there is a lot of out there, and it’s hard to know who are the ADHD specialists. Will their suggestion work for my child?
As an ADHD parent, you deal with different challenges and will know better than anyone where your child falls on the ADHD spectrum. Based on your research, you will start to apply things you think will work based on what you have researched. You may notice changes for awhile, but then your child may stop responding, and you feel like it didn’t work so back to studying you go.
Instead of picking one or two things from various approaches, Smarter Parenting is a comprehensive ADHD behavior plan. This comprehensive approach allows for greater success as it teaches you how to handle all stages of behavior, from preventing problems in helping children understand consequences.
Join ADHD specialist Siope Kinikini as he helps you understand why using the Teaching-Family Model will be the ADHD resource your family needs.
Full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/finding-adhd-resources/
The Smarter Parenting Club helps parents navigate their parenting journey. Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Behavior interventions or medication is a polarizing topic. Many believe that ADHD drugs are the cure-all for negative ADHD behaviors and that by giving their child ADHD medication, their child will be “normal.” There may be times when medication has its place in ADHD treatment, but it is not the cure-all. Parents need to be aware of the downsides of drugs and have an honest conversation with their doctor as they determine what ADHD treatment is best for their child.
No matter what you decide to do with medication, behavior interventions should always be part of your child’s ADHD treatment plan. Behavior modification will give your child the tools for long-term success. Behavior modification will allow your child to understand how to behave in various situations, reducing problem behavior.
Join ADHD Parenting Coach Siope as he shows you how to invest in changing your mindset and more quickly create the life you want for your ADHD child and your family.
Full show notes and transcript visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/what-is-best-behavior-interventions-or-medications/
Smarterparenting.com is excited to introduce the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast and the Smarter Parenting Club.
ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, shows parents how to help a child with ADHD transform their mindset to empower their child to find long-term success. Transforming ADHD parent mindset means transforming your expectations. When you transform your expectations you view your child’s ADHD diagnosis as a positive instead of a negative. Transforming ADHD parent mindset will take work but will produce the results you want in your life. Want less stress? Want stronger relationships? Want your child to be successful? All are possible when you transform your mindset.
Will there be challenges in raising an ADHD child? Yes. Raising an ADHD child is difficult because your child’s brain works differently, which will require you to do things differently. It will take effort not to become frustrated when your child's behavior is challenging. It will take effort not to judge or compare your ADHD child. It will take an effort to focus on their positives and not their negatives. It will take effort not to let ADHD become a label for them to hide behind.
Empowering ADHD child happens when you teach them behavior skills. Many parents struggle believing that their child can improve or change. Children can change when you give them the skills they need to be successful. When you transform your mindset, you won’t have to worry about the impact of ADHD on future success for your child because you’ll know that they can be successful!
Join Siope as he shows you how to invest in changing your mindset and more quickly create the life you want for your ADHD child and your family.
Full show notes and transcript: https://www.smarterparenting.com/transforming-adhd-parent-mindset/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club and get exclusive parenting resources and help. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
