Chemistry in relationships: it’s that spark, that zing that draws you to someone and makes you crave their touch. When it’s missing, we worry that something’s wrong. (And sometimes, it is). But did you know that intense chemistry can also sometimes be a relationship red flag? And that healthy, strong relationships may not always have as much sizzle?
AND it’s also possible to cultivate the chemistry you crave. Ready for more? On today’s episode, you’ll learn:
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What chemistry really is (and what it isn’t)
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How to avoid the relationship problems chemistry can create
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How to cultivate chemistry in your relationships
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And more!
Understanding chemistry and learning how to work with it can transform your relationships, and that’s why I’m so excited to share this with you. Join me, and get a fresh perspective that will open your eyes, and change the way you feel about your relationships (for the better!)
Xoxo,
P.S. — Ready to transform your relationships? Get in touch: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
So, you've got a bad boss. If you're lucky, this will be your last... but unfortunately, toxic leadership is not unheard of. Knowing the signs of a toxic boss can help you protect yourself, manage yoru expectations, and move on to a better situation when the time is right.
A toxic boss can stimy your ability to do your best work, which will not only hold back the company, it can damage your career. They can foster work environments where people feel drained, resentful, or constantly at odds with their coworkers. And when it comes to your emotional wellbeing, working for a crappy boss can really take its toll.
But help is here! Today on the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast, we're talking about how to navigate a toxic boss and even use this difficult experience to propel your career forward.
You'll learn:
- The signs of a toxic boss.
- How toxic leadership impacts you, your relationships with coworkers, and your ability to be successful in your career.
- How to deal with a bad boss.
- Growth opportunities that only come from working for a toxic manager.
All of that and more on today's show. I hope you'll join me!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — I have a collection of articles and podcasts designed to help you thrive in your career. Check it out — I made it for you!
When you're hurt or angry with your partner, it's like the love in your heart is dimmed. You can't be open with your feelings when you're nursing emotional wounds. And it's hard to receive love until you're able to forgive your partner.
But, emotional pain is always a component of long-term relationships. Part of giving your heart to someone is opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt. This can happen in big ways — like infidelity, rejection, or abandonment.
But it can also happen in small ways, like moments that left you feeling uncared for, unappreciated, or unloved. We all experience moments like these, and if we don't know how to process them, forgive, and move forward, they can damage the love we have for our partners.
So how can you forgive your partner? That's what we're talking about on today's episode of the podcast. You'll learn about how forgiveness works, what's holding you back from finding forgiveness, and how to not only "let it go," but how to use the repair process to build a deeper, more meaningful connection.
I hope you'll join me!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you are struggling to forgive your partner, that's a sign that you could really benefit from working with a good couples counselor. Schedule a free consultation with an expert on my team at Growing Self: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
Do you wish you were "good with people?" Many of us do! But we're not often taught the one skill that will not only help you connect with others, but also make you happier and more successful in every single area of your life: emotional intelligence, the key to love, happiness, and success.
Raising your emotional intelligence has all kinds of benefits, including increased:
- Contentment
- Motivation
- Adaptibility
- Resilience
- Empathy for others
- Self-Awareness
And, it will make every relationship in your life stronger. Truly, emotional intelligence is the secret sauce that makes you "good with people" — and so much more.
So, how can you increase your emotional intelligence? That's what we're talking about on today's episode!
You'll learn all about emotional intelligence: what it is, how it helps you create the life you want, and the practical strategies that help you raise your emotional intelligence, no matter where you're starting from.
I hope you'll join me.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — I have therapists on my team who specialize in emotional intelligence coaching specifically. Start with a free consultation today: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
Do you have a tough internal critic? When you are always talking to yourself in a negative, unkind way, it impacts how you feel about yourself, how you show up in your relationships with others, and how much resilience you have to achieve your goals.
Learning how to recognize your inner critic and talk back to it moves you forward. That's what we're talking about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. You'll learn:
- What the inner critic sounds like
- Where the inner critic comes from
- How self-criticism impacts your confidence and self-esteem
- How to silence your inner critic
- How to develop an "inner champion" who encourages and supports you.
- And more!
I hope this episode helps you silence your inner critic and amplify your inner champion. Because you deserve a loving, supportive relationship with YOU!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — Ready to conquer negative self-talk once and for all? Let's talk: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
Are your insecurities holding you back?
We all have things that we feel insecure about, but many people feel trapped by shame and self doubt, or like they're never quite good enough. And this can create major problems. Unchecked insecurity can keep you from taking risks, achieving your potential, getting close to others, and enjoying your life.
A little insecurity can be healthy, leading to humility and an openness to the perspectives of others. True security doesn’t come from being perfect, it comes from accepting your imperfections and loving yourself regardless.
So how can you stop being insecure, and start building self-esteem and confidence? That's what we're talking about on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast.
I hope you'll join me!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — The best way to address insecurity is by working with a good therapist or coach. Schedule your free consultation at Growing Self today.
Do you feel like you're always walking on eggshells around your partner? When you feel like you have to be extremely careful about what you say, otherwise your partner will blow up, get defensive, or feel hurt, something has to change. So what's your path forward? That's what we're talking about on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast.
You'll learn:
- What causes us to walk on eggshells in a relationship
- Why this dynamic is bad for you, your partner, and your connection
- How to communicate in a way that minimizes defensiveness
- When it's time to get help for your relationship.
I hope this episode helps you reflect on why you're feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, and some strategies for building a relationship where you can be open and authentic — because that is what you deserve.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — This is a pattern that's best tackled with help from a relationship expert. Schedule your free consulation with a Growing Self couples counselor.
Ah, your 20s... a decade full of so much promise, potential, and radical growth. And yet, as a therapist and a life coach, I know that your 20s can also be uniquely difficult, especially when you expect that they're "supposed to be" the best years of your life!
Young adults have always been challenged to explore their identities, learn about the complexities of romantic relationships, and start establishing themselves professionally. But in 2024, they're also grappling with student debt, outrageous housing costs, the mental health minefield of social media, and the weirdness of online dating. It's a lot!
To help you unpack it all, I sat down with Jemma Sbeg, host of the fantastic podcast, "The Psychology of Your 20s." Jemma is offering up her perspective and tips for making the most of this weird and wonderful time of life. I hope you'll tune in, and that you'll find our conversation enlightening and helpful.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you want a personal growth expert to walk alongside you, whether you're in your 20s or not, schedule a free consultation.
As a couples counselor, I can tell you that one of the most pernicious and common relationship patterns that couples get stuck in is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. This happens when one partner handles conflict by approaching it head-on, and the other has a tendency to pull away, shut down, or withdraw.
The more the pursuer pursues, the more the withdrawer withdraws, and the pattern can become very intense and even a little scary. The pursuer may start getting emotionally elevated, raising their voice, or even physically following their partner from room to room. The withdrawer, meanwhile, feels totally overwhelmed and unable to engage the more their partner pursues them. Nothing gets resolved, and typically, neither partner is fully aware of their own role in perpetuating the dynamic.
Luckily, this is one of those problems that is totally solvable with the help of a good marriage counselor. When you understand why this relationship pattern happens, what your role is in the dynamic, and what you can do instead, everything can shift.
On today's episode of the podcast, we're exploring how to break the pursuer-distancer pattern and create a healthier relationship where you can both feel heard, understood, and most of all, emotionally safe.
I hope you'll join me!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — Listening to a podcast is a great starting point, but it's not enough to break a deeply entrenched pursuer-distancer pattern. If you would like to put a stop to this dynamic for good, schedule a free consultation with an expert couples counselor on my team.
Breakups are always hard. But when you're completely blindsided by a breakup, moving forward can be especially tough.
It's normal to ruminate non-stop about what happened and the signs that you missed. And your ex likely didn't stick around long enough to give you answers either — if they avoided important conversations during your relationship, chances are they're really avoiding them now.
So how can you make sense of this uniquely painful experience, heal your heart, and eventually, feel safe opening yourself up to love again? That's what we're talking about on this episode of the podcast.
You'll learn about:
- Why blindsided breakups happen.
- Why they're so difficult to process.
- The path to growth and healing.
I hope you'll join me!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you want support from a true breakup recovery expert, schedule a free meeting with a clinician on my team.
🌟 Feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of life? You're not alone. Today, we're delving into the art of simplifying your life... by getting clear about your mission and purpose
Here's the truth: Simplifying isn't just about decluttering your space. It's about aligning your daily life with your core values, leading to a more fulfilling and less frazzled existence. How? That's what you'll learn in this episode!
🔹 Special Guest: Today, I'm thrilled to have Bonnie Wan, author of “The Life Brief: A Playbook for No Regrets Living,” sharing her insights with you, on how to create a life of clarity and purpose.
🔸 Key Discussions:
- Clarifying Your Values: You'll discover how to identify and focus on what truly matters to you.
- Time Management Strategies: You'll learn how to make strategic choices with your time, aligning your daily activities with your core values.
- Organizing Your Space: You'll understand the impact of your physical environment on your mental well-being and how to organize it for clarity and focus.
- Evaluating Relationships: You'll gain insights into how to nurture relationships that contribute to your happiness and well-being.
🌈 Takeaway: This episode offers practical advice and deep reflections on how to streamline your life, not just in terms of tasks and belongings, but in a way that resonates with your deepest values.
💡 Explore More: Don't miss my “Moving Forward Fearlessly” collection of articles and podcasts for more advice on living with intention.
Happy New Year!
#SimplifyYourLife #PersonalGrowth #Podcast #LifeCoaching #DesignYourLife #DrLisaMarieBobby #LoveHappinessSuccess
Are you navigating the single scene or maybe feeling a bit disheartened by relationships that just don't seem to click? You're not alone. Often, the biggest hurdle in our quest for love is the sneaky, self-limiting beliefs that quietly hold us back. These relationship myths are like invisible scripts dictating our love lives, and we've all got them.
In today's episode, we're going to uncover these hidden culprits! You'll learn how to spot them and, more importantly, how to stop them from meddling in your journey to love. To make this conversation even more exciting (and meaningful) we'll have the amazing Damona Hoffman with us. She's a true expert in the world of dating and relationships, and she's here to share her insights on why it's time to ditch those fairy-tale expectations and focus on what really matters for creating a lasting, satisfying relationship.
If one of your main life goals is to build a healthy relationship, this will be a game-changer for your love life. So tune in, get cozy, and let's dive deep into transforming your approach to love. You deserve a relationship as incredible as you are, and we're here to help you create it. Let's do this! 🌟💕
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: On the show we discussed a bunch of resources. Here's a link to a whole collection of free dating advice including a curated podcast playlist that I made for you. With love! xo
When relationships are in distress, things change. Conflict is more hurtful and less productive. Couples stop seeing each other's points of view, and stop trusting each other's good intentions. But as an experience couples counselor, I know that the biggest obstacle to healing these relationships is something else — the negative narratives that distressed couples start to believe about each other, without realizing that they're both reacting to the dynamic itself, rather than something essential about their partner.
Understanding what a distressed relationship looks and feels like is important. It can help you get help for your relationship when you need it, and it can help you see past these negative narratives, understand where they're coming from, and bridge the divide.
This podcast episode will show you the way! You'll learn why relationships enter the distress cycle, what it looks like, and what you can do if you and your partner are struggling.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Ready to meet with a relationship expert? Schedule your free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
What are you good at? Where do you shine? And how can you use your natural strengths to build a happy, fulfilling life? These are the questions you need to be asking yourself along your personal growth journey.
But all too often, we focus more on the things we're not so good at, beating ourselves up for our "shortcomings" and pouring precious time and energy into correcting them. I hope this episode convinces you that there's a better way. You can get much further in life by focusing on your strengths, and building upon them to magnify your power and potential. Join me to learn how!
Love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you would like the support of an expert who can help you harness your strengths, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
If you've been going through a rough patch in your marriage for awhile now, it's understandable if you're questioning whether you should continue fighting. But many couples get discouraged before they've had a chance to engage in the process that makes transformation possible in relationships.
If you're interested in fighting for your marriage, this episode is for you. Our relationships are the most precious things we have, and your marriage probably has more potential for growth and renewal than you realize. On this episode, I'm telling you why your marriage is worth saving, and what you can do to turn a rough patch into a new beginning. I hope you'll join me.
Love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you are living through a marriage crisis, it's important to get help from a true relationship expert. Schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
If you are a smart, growth-oriented person, the possibilities for your life are infinite. So how are you supposed to choose a life path? Figuring out what you want in life is easier said than done. It takes self-reflection, courage, and a belief in yourself, even when your choices disappoint others.
This episode will help you learn how to figure out what you want in life so that you can live a life that honors your dreams, values, and unique gifts. Join me!
Love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you'd like some expert support with finding clarity and direction in your own life, schedule a free consulation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
Trust is an essential ingredient in healthy relationships. But building trust can be easier said than done. Especially if you or your partner have been betrayed or mistreated in the past, you may have lingering trust issues that make it hard to feel secure and connected.
I created this podcast episode to help you learn how to build trust in relationships. I'm discussing the benefits of trust, what happens when trust is missing, and how you can overcome "trust issues" and build solid, trusting relationships.
Join me!
Love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you would like expert support with building or repairing trust in your relationship, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
Do you long for closer, more connected relationships? The key is emotional intimacy. But there are barriers to emotional intimacy that can keep you from forming the loving connections you crave. Learn how to address "intimacy issues," increate your capacity for intimacy within yourself, and build emotional intimacy in your most important relationships with others.
All of that and more on today's show. I hope you'll join me.
Love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you want expert support for improving the emotional intimacy in your relationships, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
Are communication issues making your relationship feel hard? Most couples who arrive in couples counseling tell me that they want to improve communication in their relationships. The tricky part is knowing what's at the root of "communication issues," which can have so many causes, from people pleasing, to emotional reactivity, to defensiveness. Usually the answer is a combination.
If you would like a new perspective on communication challenges, this episode is for you. I hope you find it helpful.
Love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you would like support from a good couples counselor to improve communciation in your relationship, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
Is your partner pulling away? It can be an unnerving experience, especially when you don't know why your partner seems checked out lately. But you can use this as an opportunity to gain clarity about how your partner is feeling in your relationship and start a conversation that brings you closer today.
Join me for a discussion all about what to do when your partner pulls away. You'll learn about some of the common reasons that people grow emotionally distant in their relationships, how to start the conversation, and how to address some of the root issues before they pose a threat to your relationship.
I hope you'll find it helpful.
Love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you are ready to get support from a really good marriage counselor, schedule a free consultation with a Growing Self couples therapist: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
Having a secure attachment style allows you to feel close and connected to others, while keeping your emotional independence and sense of self firmly intact. But if you weren't lucky enough to develop a secure attachment style as a child, how can you become securely attached as an adult?
Luckily, there are some effective strategies for "earning" secure attachment, and this episode will show you the way. I am discussing the qualities of a securely attached person and the steps you can take to address your attachment patterns and gain connection and freedom.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you would like support in becoming more securely attached, schedule a free consultation with an attachment-informed clinician on my team: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
Do you have habitual ways of showing up in your relationships that feel hard to change? We all do! Old relationship patterns are at the root of so many struggles, from dating emotionally unavailable partners, to feeling mistreated again and again. Getting clear about what your relationship patterns are is the first step in shifting them, so you can have a better experience and create the love and connection you deserve.
If you want to learn how to break free from old relationship patterns, this episode is for you! I hope you'll find it helpful.
Love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you are interested in doing this work with a Growing Self clinician, start by scheduling a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
There are few things worse than wishing you could stop ruminating about the past or worrying about the future, and not knowing how. Rumination happens when our minds aren’t at peace with not having all the answers. You’ll chew on a painful memory, a lost relationship, or an uncertain future, trying to find solve the problem or find “the answer” that will make it all make sense.
Unfortunately, there is no benefit to rumination. It's not productive problem solving. All rumination does is add to your anxiety, drain your energy, and often, make you feel bad about yourself.
So, how can you put an end to the obsessive, repetitive thoughts? This on "How to Stop Ruminating" will help! My guest is Dr. John Delony, a mental health expert, author, and host of The Dr. John Delony Show. He’s sharing some of his top tips from his own research and life experience on how to stop ruminating, once and for all.
I hope you’ll join us!
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Start your journey of growth today: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
What’s standing in between you and your most important goals? It might not be what you think.
In this episode you'll learn about the hidden, inner obstacles that most of us face, and that can become barriers to our self actualization unless we know how to handle them. Today, you'll get insight into yourself, learn how to get out of your own way, and how to make the shifts that will help you create the love, happiness, and success that you deserve — with special guest, Dr. Sophie Mort.
I hope you’ll join us!
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: I have SO much more support for your growth and personal evolution: tons of free resources, articles, and podcast playlists, all for you, on the blog at GrowingSelf.com
Is low sex drive ruining your relationship? All long term couples experience sexual dry spells, whether it's due to stress, hormonal changes, emotional disconnection, or simply being too tired to get frisky at the end of a long day (pro tip: sex does not have to happen at bed time!).
Luckily, it doesn't matter how often you're "doing it" — what matters is that you and your partner know how to navigate periods of low sex drive while keeping your relationship healthy and strong.
It's totally possible, and this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast will show you the way! My guests are Vanessa and Xander Marin, authors of "Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations that Will Transform Your Love Life." Vanessa is a sex therapist, and along with her partner Xander, she's sharing her top tips for keeping low sex drive from ruining your relationship — and for reigniting your sexual spark.
I hope you'll join us!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Ps: Ready to transform your relationship? Let's talk: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/
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Is it time to have “The Talk?” Getting into couples counseling may be the best choice you ever make for your relationship… but first, you have to talk to your partner about going to couples counseling, and that can be tricky.
This podcast is about how you can approach this conversation in a way that gives you the best shot at getting your relationship the help it needs. I hope you’ll join me!
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Post traumatic growth is a real phenomenon. After traumatic things happen to us, we don’t stay broken forever. We learn and grow from our most difficult experiences and use them to live more meaningful lives.
But all of that can feel out of reach when you’re in the depths of a traumatic loss. This episode will help you begin to move in the direction of growth and healing, so you can reap the benefits of post traumatic growth.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
You know that infidelity is survivable… but it doesn’t always feel that way when it’s happening to you. Being cheated on by someone you love and trust is a profoundly painful experience. You need some practical tools to process what happened, heal your heart, and begin moving forward again.
This episode is about the tools that will help you survive infidelity and come out the other side stronger than before. I hope you’ll join me.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
When you feel like you can’t connect deeply with someone you love, it’s painful. It’s common for people in relationships with emotionally unavailable partners to blame themselves, and believe that if they could just be perfect enough, then their emotionally unavailable partner would magically become responsive and available for the kind of relationship that they want to have.
This mindset makes you feel bad about yourself, and unfortunately, it can push your emotionally unavailable partner even further away. So what should you do? That’s what we’re exploring on this episode of the podcast. I hope it helps you see where your relationship’s growth opportunities are, and make choices that are right for you.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
When you struggle to set boundaries at work, it doesn’t just intrude on your personal life, it makes it harder for you to achieve your vision of career success. Learn how to set healthy limits with coworkers, achieve work-life balance, and deal with a boss that doesn’t respect your boundaries.
All of that and more on this episode of the podcast.
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you feel haunted by the past? Whether you’re struggling with regret, anger, or grief, having unfinished business with the past can keep you feeling stuck. But you can let go of the past and begin moving forward, and this episode will show you how.
I hope you join me for this one, all about how to let go of the past and start looking forward.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Long term relationships can get a little stale when you don’t know how to keep love alive over the long haul. It’s very common for couples to believe they’ve fallen out of love when this happens. But a stronger, more fulfilling relationship is possible, and on this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how.
I hope it gives you hope for your relationship and guidance on how to bridge the gap so you can feel in love with your partner again.
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Smart couples recognize that pregnancy is more than a growing-a-baby waiting game. It is a prime opportunity to work through important relationship issues and strengthen your relationship.
Having a baby can feel like it’s the Pregnant Lady Show, rather than an experience that you and your partner are working through together. But the journey of pregnancy, and the challenges it offers, are opportunities for growth — for both of you.
Using these moments during pregnancy will help you know how to work as a team, improve your communication, increase your emotional intimacy, support your emotional wellbeing, and lay the foundation for the happy, healthy family life you want for yourselves and your child... but only if you know how.
This episode is going to teach you how to turn the pregnancy into a positive relationship growth experience, by navigating the pregnancy experience as a team. My guests D’Anthony and Rachel Ward are experts on this subject, and today they're sharing their wisdom with you.
Join us!
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: I have so much more to support you and your family in my "Happy Families" content collection. Tap in to find expert advice from the marriage and family therapists and parenting coaches on my team, as well as curated podcast playlists just for you.
There’s a sneaky relationship killer lurking in your communication… but you’ve probably never heard of it.
Negative sentiment override happens when you get into the habit of reacting negatively to your partner because of bad past experiences, even when it’s not really called for in the present. It makes it hard to let go of the past and make positive changes for the future, and it can keep you feeling bogged down in unsatisfying relationship patterns.
In this episode, I’m teaching you what negative sentiment override is, why it happens, and how you can break the cycle for a stronger relationship.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
You know that coworker who drives you nuts? Whether you’re dealing with a controlling coworker, a deadweight, or a bully, difficult people in the workplace can drag down your job satisfaction and performance.
So what can you do? This episode is all about how you can deal with the difficult coworker in your life and continue to succeed at work, no matter what.
I hope you’ll tune in!
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you’re going through a breakup, you know that missing your Ex is one of the toughest parts of the heartbreak experience. Even if you know the relationship is ultimately not right for you, it’s normal to look back on the happy memories and feel sad that your Ex can no longer be in your life. You might even question whether breaking up was the right choice, or if you should reach out and try to be friends.
This episode will help you understand why you miss your Ex, what it means, and how you can transform those difficult moments into something that moves you forward. I hope you’ll find it helpful and healing.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
We've all been there: Your partner says something that just inflames you, and you say something you regret later. Or you instinctively defend yourself and withdraw when things get tense, rather than leaning into a healthy and productive courageous conversation.
We all know that being able to react vs. respond is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and healthy relationships. But that can be easier said than done in the middle of a heated conflict.
When you’re frustrated, hurt, or stressed, you might raise your voice, say something you don’t mean, or make an impulsive decision with long-lasting consequences. All of this is bad news for you and for your relationships.
But learning the art of being responsive versus reactive leads to deeper, healthier connections, and a life that’s directed by your true values.
That's what we're talking about on today's show. I hope you'll tune in!
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, or work WAY harder than you should to make sure they're comfy (often at the expense of your own needs), my friend, you may be in an emotionally enmeshed relationship.
In fact, over many years of experience as a couples counselor and relationship coach, I've often found that the true underlying issue behind many relationship conflicts is due to emotional enmeshment and it's sister, codependence. This creates resentment, reactivity, pursuit/withdrawal dynamics and more.
Good relationships require individuation, and a healthy self awareness of personal responsibility and healthy boundaries.
So how can you create a healthier connection? That’s what this episode is all about! I’m talking about what enmeshed relationships look like, why they’re problematic, and how you can bring your relationship back into balance if emotional enmeshment is creeping in.
I hope you’ll join me!
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you feel like you and your partner get stuck in a power struggle where you feel one way, they feel another, and you just cannot compromise?
Today's episode brings real-world relationship advice to help you communicate differently, so that you can break through the gridlock and get back on the same page.
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
When someone we love, trust, and rely on betrays us, it creates a deep, painful wound that doesn’t always heal on its own.
As a couples therapist who often works with people around heartbreak recovery after a bad breakup or divorce, and helping couples heal after infidelity, and even in my work as a dating coach, I know that betrayal trauma, or “relationship trauma,” is real, and it can linger on for months or even years without the right care, just like other kinds of trauma.
Even though relationship trauma is very common, it isn’t always recognized by our culture, or even by the people who are suffering from it. I hope this episode helps shift that for you. When you acknowledge the betrayal and how it impacted you, the door to healing and growth cracks open.
If you’ve experienced betrayal trauma, I hope listening to this episode helps you gain newfound compassion for what you’ve been through, as well as guidance and direction for how to heal and move forward.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — For more help around repairing trust and healing after wounding relationship experiences, check out my Heartbreak Recovery and Affair Recovery”collections of articles and podcasts.
Making a career transition can be a daunting task, especially if you’ve spent years building your expertise in a particular field only to discover you don’t love your work.
How can you know what career would actually feel more satisfying? If you already know where you'd like to go, how can you begin getting there?
If you are ready for a career change, this episode will give you some pointers on where to begin. It’s a conversation between myself and my colleague Susan H., M.A., LPCC, a career counselor, coach, and professional development expert on our team at Growing Self. Susan’s point of view on career change is refreshing and insightful — I hope you’ll tune in!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
growingself.com
P.S. — For more advice on changing careers with confidence, check out my “Career Clarity” collection of articles and podcasts.
Getting into couples counseling is a fantastic idea... but you have to know how to engage with the process in order to have a good experience. Unfortunately, it's very easy to make one or more of the super common mistakes that can sabotage couples counseling.
I hope this episode helps you avoid that outcome, and get the help for your relationship you need and deserve. My guest is Jenna P., a marriage counselor and relationship coach on our team at Growing Self. She’s sharing her perspective on the seven things that can sabotage couples counseling, and how to have an experience in counseling that truly benefits you and your relationship.
I hope you’ll join us.
Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — For more advice on improving your relationship, check out our “Relationship Repair” collection of articles and podcasts.
Wondering how you can help someone get help? You have the power to have a positive impact on the lives of the people you care about, and this episode will show you how.
We all will be a concerned friend or family member at some point in our lives. And while none of us has the power to rescue others, fight their battles, or override their choices, we do have an important role to play in the lives of the people we care about: holding up a mirror that reflects what we see, with compassion and honesty. That is how you help someone get help, and today, I’m talking about the best way to do that. Join me!
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — You can find more advice like this in our “personal growth” and “healthy relationships” collections of articles and podcasts. I hope you’ll check them out — they’re there for you.
Many people who are unhappy with their working lives are looking for answers. They see other people getting ahead and loving their work, and they wonder why they feel so stuck and unsatisfied. I can tell you that the missing ingredient is never some mysterious quality that makes some people shinier and more successful than others — although I know it can look that way from the outside. More often, the difference is pretty basic: Some people are skilled at professional development planning, and others aren’t yet.
In general, most of us don’t spend enough time planning our lives. We’re too frazzled by the endless to-do list they need to get through to ever zoom out and consider the big picture: Where do I want to be in ten years, and how exactly do I plan to get there? And, most important, how do the things I’m spending my time on every day fit into that plan?
If you don’t have an answer to those questions yet, this episode is for you. I hope it inspires you to begin thinking about your own career vision and how you’ll bring it to fruition. My guest is Ronni M., a career coach and counselor on our team at Growing Self. She’s sharing her own career story, as well as the framework she uses to help people like you plan and create professional lives they love.
I hope you’ll join us.
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you’d like more articles and podcasts on building your career, check out my “professional growth” collection of articles and podcasts.
Knowing how to deal with regret helps you build a life that is authentic, ethical, and meaningful. Without regret, you wouldn’t have good information about who you are, what you need, and where you have opportunities to grow.
But if you don’t know how to deal with regret in a healthy way, it’s easy to become trapped in a vortex of guilt and shame that makes you feel hopeless, defeated, or irredeemably flawed. But it’s possible to create something positive out of regret, by transforming it into an opportunity to grow and evolve.
This episode of the podcast is all about how you can do that. I hope it helps you find the opportunities in your regrets, and move forward with self-compassion and new wisdom.
Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — For more advice on making friends with dark emotions like regret, check our “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts.
Was that just a nasty fight? Or a sign that your relationship is failing?
As a longtime marriage counselor, I know that it can be hard to spot the difference. Some forms of conflict are healthy and even beneficial for relationships, while others are a signal that your emotional bond is on the rocks. You can prevent a breakup or divorce and keep your connection healthy and strong by learning what a failing relationship really looks like — and what you should be doing right now if your relationship is in trouble.
I hope this episode arms you with all the info you need to make important decisions for your relationship. Join me!
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — For more advice on navigating conflict in a way that helps your relationship grow, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts.
We all hear “you have to love yourself first.” But what if you don't know how to love yourself?
This episode is all about authentic self love: What it really means, why having compassion and care for yourself matters so much, and how to love yourself even if (and especially if) you don't always feel like it.
You are worthy of love and respect, and today's podcast will help you build your relationship... with yourself.
With love and gratitude for the gift that is YOU,
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — For even more support in creating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, check out my “cultivating self-confidence” collection. You'll find articles and advice about confidence and self-esteem, plus podcast playlists I put together for you.
Any kind of loss hurts, but the pain is prolonged when you don't know how to get closure and move forward.
Unfortunately, closure isn’t something that anyone else can give to you. It’s also not something that just happens. It's an active process that creates healing, and restores your wellbeing.
On this episode of the podcast, I’m talking about how you can do that. No matter what kind of loss you're currently dealing with, I hope the ideas I'm sharing today help you take the next step on your journey of healing. You deserve that.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — If you’d like more articles and podcast playlists on this and related topics I invite you to browse my “Healing After Heartbreak”, or "Emotional Wellness" collections.
There are few things more frustrating than trying to figure out how to deal with a defensive partner. You just want them to understand how you feel and what you need, but they’re too busy defending themselves to truly listen.
Unfortunately, defensive reactions can make it difficult to have constructive conversations. Without good communication, the systems for resolving problems in relationships begin to break down — and that’s when your relationship gets in serious trouble.
The good news: There are so many actionable strategies that work to create positive change in this dynamic. With new skills and a different perspective, you can overcome defensiveness and restore healthy communication. That's what you'll learn in today's episode!
I hope you’ll join me.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — For more advice on helping each other feel seen, heard, and understood, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts.
If you’re like most people, you're so often in your head that you feel disconnected from your life. When our minds are racing, or we're constantly distracted by, well, everything, we miss out on the best parts of our life, and our relationships.
But: you can learn how to be more present, and it doesn't involve an hour a day on a meditation pillow. In fact, your senses are powerful tools for returning to the present moment and appreciating it fully, and this episode is all about how to use them.
My guest is Gretchen Rubin, the author of several New York Times bestselling books on happiness and human nature and host of the “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” podcast. She is here to teach your what she learned about how to be more present, so you can learn how to get out of your head, and back into your life. I hope you’ll join us!
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Wouldn’t it be cool if you could just stop caring what people think?
Imagine how confident you would feel if criticism bounced off your psyche like pebbles off a suit of armor. Imagine all the mental and emotional energy you could free up if other people’s opinions stopped taking up space in your head. The fear of judgment or rejection would no longer be a concern for you. You’d be an unstoppable force, ready to conquer the world!
Of course, not caring at all about other people’s thoughts isn’t a goal you’re likely to achieve. And you wouldn’t really want to — having some sensitivity to how other people think and feel is a prerequisite for having healthy relationships. But we all need to strike a balance between concerning ourselves with what other people think, and using our own internal wisdom to tell us who we are, what’s important to us, and how we want to spend our limited time on Earth.
To strike this balance, you need to learn how to rely less on external validation. You must know how to validate yourself, so you can feel good about who you are and confident living your life based on your own values and priorities, no matter what’s going on in other people’s minds. If you struggle to validate yourself, learning how to do so may be the most important step you ever take along your journey of personal growth.
This is the kind of work that can take months or even years of therapy, but this podcast will give you some ideas about where to begin. I hope it helps you think about some areas where you might be relying a little too much on external validation, and how you can begin to shift that.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — I’ve created a library of related content, all about how you can become the best version of you. For more podcast episodes and articles, check out our “personal growth” collection.
Why are people with anxious attachment styles and avoidant attachment styles drawn to each other? Can anxious-avoidant relationships work, and most importantly, can they be healthy and satisfying?
Yes, they can. But the key is through your understanding of yourself, and of your partner. When you develop true understanding and empathy for your differences, you can create profound connection, and a genuinely secure and healing relationship for both of you.
This episode is going to show you how. If you’re in an anxious-avoidant relationship, or have been in one before, I hope it helps you understand these dynamics from a new perspective, and empowers you to move toward greater connection and security.
xoxo,
P.S. — For more free advice about how to develop secure relationships (with yourself and others), check out my “healthy relationships” collection.
Do you ever wonder why some people bounce back quickly from anything life throws at them, while others struggle mightily to get back to baseline, even after minor setbacks? The difference is resilience.
Today, you'll learn about the nature of resilience, and how you can build the “protective factors” into your life that will help you manage stress, recover from difficult experiences, and adapt to change — so you can thrive no matter what life throws at you.
Here's to growth,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — I have a library of free content available for you on becoming more resilient. Check out my “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts.
Many people find meaning, comfort, and connection through religion or a spiritual practice. But it’s also not uncommon to have negative religious experiences that can complicate your relationship with spirituality.
As kids, we all need to be encouraged and affirmed as we explore our identities and develop into our true selves. Unfortunately, many of us are subjected to guilt, shame, and pressure to conform with belief systems that aren’t authentically ours. Some children receive the message that if they think or act in ways that don’t match up with these belief systems, they’re bad people, unworthy of love within their families and communities. Some even experience physical or sexual abuse at the hands of religious leaders, which is a profoundly traumatic betrayal that leaves a painful and enduring scar.
If you’re interested in cultivating emotionally healthy spirituality in your life, especially after a negative religious experience, this episode is for you. I’m joined by my colleague Jennifer C., a therapist and life coach on our team at Growing Self. One of Jennifer’s many specialties is helping clients explore big, existential inquiries — and arrive at their own answers through a process of meaningful self-discovery.
I hope you’ll tune in.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
growingself.com
P.S. — For more information on building an emotionally healthy life, check out our “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts.
Do you feel like your partner shuts you down or tells you whatever you want to hear in order to stop a conversation that makes them feel [anxious / tense / criticized / fill in the blank] even though that is not your intention?
Or do you get emotionally flooded even *thinking* about having an honest conversation about something that is really bothering you because you worry will lead to upset feelings?
My friend: No matter what side of this you're on, this episode is for you!
If you or your partner have a tendency to avoid conflict in your relationship, this episode will help you explore why that is, why it’s a problem, and what you can do about it.
This one is important: unresolved conflict can be very damaging to relationships in the long term, and learning how to have those courageous conversations is the answer to keeping your relationship healthy and strong.
Join me!
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS — You can find more advice on building the skills to keep your relationship healthy and strong in my “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts.
Having a child is one of the coolest, most meaningful experiences a human being can have. It’s also a mind-blowingly huge responsibility. How can you decide if you want to become a parent? And if that is your heart’s desire, how can you know when you’re ready for a baby?
As a longtime marriage and family therapist, I know that many individuals and couples can remain stuck at this particular crossroads for years. It’s one thing to want a baby, but getting all of the pieces in order to make that dream a reality can be complicated. Not to mention all of the uncertainty and anxiety you may feel about this decision if you’re not sure whether you want kids (but you hear the ticking of the biological clock regardless).
If you are contemplating parenthood in the near future, this episode of the podcast will help you find clarity about your next steps. It’s a conversation between myself and my fellow Growing Self marriage counselor Brittany S., M.A., LMFT. Brittany has coached and counseled many parents and prospective parents along the journey of building a family, and today she’s sharing her guidance with you.
I hope you’ll join us.
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — I’ve created dozens of free resources that you may find helpful. You can find them in our “Happy Family” collection of articles and podcasts.
“My husband doesn’t listen to me. He just tells me whatever he thinks I want to hear so that I’ll go away and leave him alone.”
“I’m sick of not being heard in my relationship. Whenever I try to have a conversation about a problem we’re having, she just waits until it’s her turn to talk so she can tell me I’m wrong.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard complaints like these from new arrivals to couples counseling. It’s no secret that “listening to each other” is a vital skill for healthy relationships, and it certainly sounds simple enough. Yet so many of us go wrong here. Something about the way we communicate, especially during important conversations with the people we love, leaves one partner feeling unheard and the other feeling confused and defensive. When you can’t get through to your partner, it can feel like there’s no path forward, leaving you both feeling stuck and dissatisfied.
But there are some little-known principles of communication that will help you get through to your partner and overcome communication blocks in any relationship. In today’s episode, we’re sharing them with you.
My guest is Jennifer C., a marriage and family therapist on our team at Growing Self who has helped so many couples overcome this frustrating issue. We’re discussing the reasons you don’t feel listened to in your relationship, and some tips that will help you both feel heard (spoiler: Getting progressively louder is not the solution!).
I hope you’ll check it out.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
growingself.com
P.S. — If you’d like more content on strengthening your relationship through effective communication, check out our “communication that connects” collection of podcast episodes and articles.
You’ve hired the caterer, booked the venue, and spent hours curating a playlist that is danceable and family friendly, while also conveying the story of your love. You think you should be feeling excited for your wedding — you love your partner deeply and this is supposed to be the best day of your life! But instead you’re feeling a little bit nauseous, and considering possible escape routes à la Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride.”
If this is sounding familiar, then you my friend have a case of cold feet before the wedding. It’s a common occurrence, and something that premarital counselors even expect. When thoughtful, responsible people prepare to make the biggest commitment of their lives, they’re bound to feel some uncertainty and apprehension. The good news is, these thoughts and feelings probably don’t mean that you’re making a big mistake. But they’re also not something that you should ignore.
This episode of the podcast will help you get to the bottom of cold feet before your wedding, so you can gain the tools to walk forward into marriage with joy and confidence. My guest is my Growing Self colleague Brenda F., a marriage and family therapist, premarital counselor, and teacher of our “Lifetime of Love” premarital counseling class. Brenda has helped countless engaged couples address their cold feet and lay the foundation for a strong, happy marriage together. I hope our conversation will help you too.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
GrowingSelf.com
Toxic relationships are more than unhealthy. They can be an addiction.
During the early stages of romantic love, our brains light up with flashes of ecstasy and excitement. The same chemical reward systems that are implicated in a cocaine habit also get us “addicted” to romantic partners, even when they’re inconsistent, unavailable, or downright destructive to our wellbeing.
Unfortunately, toxic relationships can be even more addictive than healthy relationships. Being in a toxic relationship feels like swinging wildly between anxiety and relief, and living for honeymoon periods that feel even more blissful because of all the terrible things that are happening the rest of the time. Unlike the calm waters of a healthy relationship, the choppy waves of a toxic relationship leave you off balance, and often deeply hooked.
If you are addicted to a toxic relationship, I hope this episode of the podcast sheds some light on the dynamics at play. I’m sharing the true story of a client I worked with years ago (after changing the identifying details, of course) who was in the grips of a toxic relationship he could not seem to end, no matter how much pain it caused him and his family. Eventually he found his way out, back to true love and grace. I wish the same for you.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
growingself.com
Do you believe being single is a bad thing? Or that it’s a problem that needs to be resolved as quickly as possible?
I hope your reflexive answer to these questions is “absolutely not!” But, even if you’re not aware of it, you may have echoes of these cultural attitudes boomeranging around your brain, and they can make it hard for you to feel fulfilled and happy outside of a committed relationship.
Now, don’t get me wrong — I think loving relationships are absolutely fabulous. In fact, I’ve devoted my life to helping people create and maintain healthy relationships through services like counseling, dating coaching, and more.
But I also know that there are many people who are searching for a partner while living with a deep anxiety about their status as a single person. Many single people tell me they’re kept up at night by worries about the possibility of never finding love. Ironically, this kind of desperation can undermine your chances of building the kind of life that would make you authentically happy — and that would invite healthy love into your life in a sustainable way.
If you are single and worried about never finding a partner, I hope this episode of the podcast helps you find greater meaning and happiness. My guest is John Kim, a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything, Find Yourself First.” He’s sharing tips on being single and happy, while also making room for real love in your life. You won’t want to miss this conversation!
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
growingself.com
What is the greatest obstacle standing between you and the things you want in life?
It’s easy to believe it’s bad luck, or some personal failing, or simply the hand you were dealt at birth. But in my experience helping people overcome their personal barriers in therapy and coaching, I’ve found there’s a culprit that’s much more common, though harder to detect: your mindset.
Your mindset is like the lens you look through to view the world. While it’s invisible to you, it has a big impact on what you expect from life, how you respond to stress, and the goals that you set for yourself. If your mindset is unsupportive, self-critical, or disempowered, everything you do will be more difficult than it needs to be. You’ll have to work harder to create change, because you’ll expend a lot of your energy battling an internal gatekeeper who wants you to stay right where you are.
By changing your mindset, you can break through plateaus, get unstuck, and begin to move forward on the path to your goals. But how can you change your mindset? This episode of the podcast will show you the way!
My guest is Megan Hyatt Miller, the president and CEO of Full Focus, host of the popular business podcast “Lead to Win,” and the co-author of “Mind Your Mindset: The Science that Shows Success Starts with Your Thinking.” Megan has helped countless people achieve their definition of success by changing their mindsets, and today she’s sharing her guidance with you.
I hope you’ll join us!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
growingself.com
Your body has changed radically since the day you were born, and your mind is continually growing and changing based on your experiences. But what about your emotional world? What does it mean to become emotionally mature, and how can you build your emotional maturity?
Unlike gray hairs and forehead wrinkles, emotional maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. It’s something we have to cultivate with intention by building our self-awareness, empathy, and understanding. It’s not always easy work (in fact, our most difficult experiences are the ones that spur the greatest emotional growth), but the benefits are endless. Best of all, this work is never finished — you always have room to become more emotionally mature, and this episode of the podcast will show you how.
My guest is Dr. Harold P., D.Min., M.A., CCC, CPC, a marriage counselor, life coach, and therapist on our team at Growing Self. Harold not only helps clients build their emotional maturity (often through emotional intelligence coaching), he’s also someone who exudes emotional maturity himself, and today he’s sharing his secret with you.
I hope you’ll join us for this episode, all about becoming emotionally mature.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
growingself.com
Have you ever been told that “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it?”
As maddening as this can be to hear (especially if it’s lobbed at you in the middle of a disagreement), it’s also true: The way we deliver a message impacts the way it’s received just as much as the message itself.
In fact, most of what we communicate to the people around us is not in the form of words. We are all constantly communicating through subtle cues that we give off unintentionally, running each other’s messages through the filter of our own experiences and beliefs, then forming judgments about each other that we rarely voice out loud.
This is what’s happening when someone gives you a “bad vibe” that you can’t quite put your finger on. It’s also why two people can walk away from the same conversation with completely different interpretations of what was said. To communicate effectively and avoid the kind of miscommunication that can damage relationships, you have to consider not only the words you’re using, but the spirit behind your message and the way you’re conveying that spirit.
The skills we’re discussing in this episode are components of emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence coaching is one of the core services we offer at Growing Self. Emotional intelligence is the key to satisfying personal relationships, and emotional intelligence in the workplace is the foundation of professional success. We also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone.
While I know that many of the topics we’re discussing in this episode are of particular interest to career coaching clients, we also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone.
I hope you’ll join me for this episode, all about “How do People See You?”
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
growingself.com
Feeling invalidated is at the core of communication issues. When couples fight, they're usually fighting to be heard. Feeling shut down, or bulldozed by your partner is not just frustrating — if it happens routinely it can damage your relationship.
Today, learn why emotional invalidation happens and what you can do to stop it. By the end of the episode, you’ll have some actionable takeaways to help you feel heard, valued, and understood.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
What goals do you have for your relationship? If an answer immediately sprang to your mind, that’s fantastic. You already know what you’d like to work on with your partner, and doing that work together will help you create a stronger, happier, and more sustainable relationship.
But if you’re like most people, you might not have clear “couple goals” that you’re working toward. Even if you’re someone who sets goals for your career, your finances, and even your hobbies, you may not yet think about your relationship as an area where you can build skills, develop yourself, and work toward mastery.
That’s because even the most responsible, conscientious, and goal-oriented among us tend to be more reactive than proactive when it comes to our relationships. Much to the chagrin of every marriage counselor I know, many people believe that relationship growth work is only for couples who have significant problems. In reality, proactively working on your relationship a little bit every day is how you prevent significant problems from taking root in the first place.
Setting couple goals is a way to challenge yourselves and each other, and intentionally grow together into the best possible partners you can be. I hope this episode of the podcast gives you some insight into the kind of proactive, positive, growth-oriented relationship work that you and your partner can begin doing right now — while you’re still happy and in love and having a fabulous time together.
Joining me for this conversation is my Growing Self colleague Sara B., a couples counselor and a relationship coach on our team. Sara has helped many people create their ideal relationships, and on today’s podcast, she’s serving up some actionable advice you won’t want to miss.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Wouldn't it be amazing if you just felt genuinely happy with yourself, and your life, and like things were just the way they should be?
Contentment is more than a mood state; it’s a mindset you can cultivate. It encompasses happy feelings, but also appreciation, gratitude, satisfaction, and peace. While happiness always wants more, contentment takes pleasure in what is. If contentment had a mantra it would be this: All is well in my world and I am so grateful to be exactly where I am.
While that is truly what we all want, it can also feel anxiety provoking to embrace contentment, especially for high achievers who worry if they stop striving, they stop moving forward.
Today’s episode of the podcast is all about cultivating contentment. We’re talking about how you can take greater joy in your life exactly the way it is, while still growing, evolving, and yes, even striving for more.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
You know that it's important to stay in touch with your self by tuning into your feelings, but how? And, which ones?
Knowing how to tap into your emotions in healthy ways puts you in touch with your values, it provides empathy for others, and it helps you know who you are, what you want, and how to show up for others.
Unfortunately, most of us don’t receive much help building these skills and the result is often that we feel overwhelmed by confusing feelings... or don't feel much at all.
I hope this episode of the podcast helps you think about feeling your feelings in a new light, and gives you some fresh ideas about how you can use your emotional guidance system to create the life you want.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
How can you make a hard decision when you have no idea what the future holds?
Should you quit your job? Cut off contact with your difficult friend? Buy the condo, or the house? Marry your partner? Dump your partner?
These are all complex questions with many variables, and it can feel incredibly confusing to weigh the pros and cons of each — particularly when you know that the decision may have a big impact on your life trajectory.
Help is here. This episode of the podcast will teach you how to make hard decisions using your internal wisdom, and the incomplete information you have about the future.
Joining me are two of my Growing Self colleagues with a lot of experience with this topic. Alejandra P. is a marriage counselor on our team who helps people find clarity about their relationships, and Kristi H. is an experienced career coach and counselor who helps people navigate big, bold career changes.
If you’re facing a hard decision, listen to this episode, and get clarity and confidence about how to move forward.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you’re a hardworking, talented, and career-driven person, you probably aspire to be a leader some day. It’s easy to understand why. “Being a boss” can feel like a natural next step after years or even decades of hard work and professional achievement.
But being a good boss requires a number of skills that are separate from the ones that probably got you promoted. When you become a leader, your talents for writing code, or planning weddings, or stamping out widgets at the widget factory become insignificant overnight, and your career success begins to depend instead on how well you communicate, motivate, and connect with the hearts and minds of others.
Most people find this shift harder than they expected. They often end up feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and less sure of themselves than they felt before becoming a boss. Many seek out career counseling or leadership coaching to learn not only how to be a boss, but how to be a good boss, capable of leading a team of talented people to accomplish great things. They begin a process of personal growth that makes them more aware, more influential, and more courageous, at work and in every other area of their lives.
This episode of the podcast is for anyone who leads other people, or who hopes to someday. As a small business owner myself, I can tell you that being a good boss is not a destination, but an ongoing journey that will challenge you in unexpected ways. I hope this episode gives you some fresh ideas for where to begin.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
What hopes and dreams do you have for your kids?
Do you want them to do well in school? Have good friends who love and support them? Build a successful career doing what they love? Find a healthy, loving relationship some day and start a family of their own?
As both a marriage and family therapist and a parent myself, I can tell you that these are the dreams that most parents, including myself, have for their children. And that there’s one skill that’s essential for making all of these dreams and many others a reality: empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s emotional experience, and to connect with it from a compassionate place. Empathetic people have healthier relationships, a wider circle of support, stronger self-esteem, and greater success in every area of life. Fortunately, we all have the power to help our kids hone their empathy, and this episode of the podcast will help you do that.
My guest is Georgi B., a marriage counselor and parent coach on our team at Growing Self. Georgi is sharing some valuable parenting tips on teaching empathy to kids. You won’t want to miss this conversation — this topic is so important, and it goes so much deeper than you think!
I hope you’ll join us.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
We have all been there… witnessing our Ex move on without us. As both a therapist and breakup recovery coach who has walked with many people through the breakup recovery process, as well as a fellow human, I know that if you’re in the early stages of getting over a breakup or recovering after divorce, it can feel like a flaming knife is stabbing you in the gut when your Ex moves on with someone else. What’s worse, it can feel impossible to think about anything else.
How are you supposed to focus on your own life and your own recovery when you can’t stop imagining your Ex cuddling up with a new partner? How can you let go and move forward when you’re stuck in a painful obsession?
I created this episode about “How to Deal when Your Ex Moves On” to answer these questions and others. You’ll learn why you can’t stop thinking about your Ex’s new relationship, and the powerful cognitive skills that will help you shift your focus.
I hope you’ll join me, and that you’ll find this episode helpful in your healing process.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
“I want a divorce.”
It’s one of the most alarming sentences a married person can hear. And — in one way or another — it means that your marriage is about to change.
But it doesn’t always mean that your marriage is about to end.
When your spouse asks you for a divorce, it breaks one of two ways: it either leads to a “transformational crisis” where couples make positive and often long-overdue changes to their relationship, or it’s the beginning of the end.
I want you and your husband or wife to have the first outcome. That’s why I created this episode of the podcast for you. I wanted to give you some guidance for navigating this incredibly scary situation, based on my work with countless couples over the years who pulled their marriages back from the brink of divorce. I know from experience that it is often possible to stop a divorce and save your marriage, but only if you manage this relationship crisis effectively. My hope is that this episode of the podcast will help you do that.
Later on, I’m joined by Rich Harris, a family law attorney in the Denver area who knows a lot about the other side of this issue. Rich is offering advice about where to begin if you aren’t able to save your marriage (although his team at the Harris Law Firm has seen many couples reconcile, even after their divorce cases were well underway).
I hope this episode helps you find clarity, direction, and peace of mind.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Is untreated ADHD causing trouble in your relationship?
“My partner doesn’t listen to me. He agrees to do something, and then he ‘forgets.’ I feel like he just doesn’t care. He didn’t even bother to get me a card for our anniversary…”
Sound familiar? Many couples arrive in counseling with a list of issues like these, and no awareness of one likely culprit: ADHD. The condition not only creates setbacks at work and in school, it can cause all kinds of misunderstandings in relationships, particularly when ADHD is undiagnosed and unmanaged.
That’s why I created this episode of the podcast for you. I wanted to talk about the under-discussed impact of ADHD in relationships, so you can get the support you need if it’s becoming an issue for you and your partner.
My Guest is Dori, a couples counselor, sex therapist, and ADHD coach on our team here at Growing Self. Funny enough, this topic hits close to home for both Dori and myself…like, extremely close. Tune in for more on that!
I hope our conversation gives you a new perspective on ADHD, and how you can manage it while keeping your relationship healthy and strong.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Are there emotional vampires lurking all around you?
Unfortunately, this isn’t a problem you can solve with a garlic necklace or some holy water. An “emotional vampire” (or “energy vampire”) is a very unscientific term for a person who stirs up strong emotional reactions in others — like anger, pity, discomfort, or annoyance. Not only do they not take accountability for this, they seem to feed off of it. They drain your time, energy, and emotional wherewithal, and give you little in exchange.
If a relationship is feeling bad, it could be that you’re dealing with one of these exhausting personality types. But sometimes, it’s more about the ingredients that you’re bringing to the table (or not bringing to the table). Many people need some help telling the difference, and I created this episode about “warding off emotional vampires” to make it a little easier. You’ll learn why certain people trigger you (while other people get along with them just fine), and how you can prevent emotional vampires from bleeding you dry.
Happy Halloween,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Learning how to face your fears productively can give you clarity, direction, and — ironically — peace of mind.
No one likes to feel afraid, but fear can be a powerful tool for living the life you want to live. Fear will alert you when you’re not living in alignment with your goals and your values. If you can face your fear and take wisdom from it, you can open doors that you wouldn’t otherwise have the clarity or the motivation to open.
Today’s podcast is all about facing your fears. I’m talking about why we feel fear, how fear can illuminate what’s most important to us, and how you can take guidance from your fear to live more fully and more in alignment with your values.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Red flags in relationships aren’t always easy to spot. Even when we do pick up on them, they can be easy to dismiss. If you’re a hopeful, optimistic, generous person, you’re probably pretty good at making excuses for questionable behavior from others, and at thinking of opportunities to improve difficult situations when it would really be in your best interest to walk away.
Furthermore, you may have a hard time spotting red flags in relationships because of your own personal history. Sometimes, our past experiences can distort our natural sense of what’s good for us and what’s not, which is a problem that working with a good therapist or a qualified life coach can help you resolve. By learning to trust your own instincts and recognize red flags, you can choose healthy relationships that add joy and love to your life.
Tune into this episode to hear actionable advice on red flags in relationships, and how you can navigate them when they do arise. My guest is Dr. Paige M., a couples counselor and individual therapist on the team at Growing Self. Dr. Paige is sharing some insightful tips that can save you a lot of stress and heartache — you don’t want to miss this one.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Over the past few decades, we’ve made some huge strides toward building equality in our relationships. It’s no longer rare for a woman to be her family’s primary breadwinner, or to see a dad perusing the produce aisle with a Baby Bjorn strapped to his chest.
Yet, for many couples who arrive in couples counseling or relationship coaching, the division of household labor is still a perennial source of conflict and resentment. Many couples still fall into traditional gender roles when it comes to who’s doing the cleaning, the cooking, and the shopping, even though it’s now the norm for both partners to work full-time.
Furthermore, tasks or roles associated with “women’s work” are often viewed as being less valuable and important than activities associated with traditional male roles. Even relationships between career-focused women and stay-at-home dads can have issues with power imbalances and inequality because we value these types of work differently based on our attitudes about gender.
Relationships that feel imbalanced and unfair are not only bad for the partner who’s doing most of the daily household tasks. They’re bad for the relationship itself, and for both partners inside of it. Becoming truly equal partners is often the path to creating a happier, more connected, and more fulfilling relationship (and, interestingly, a better sex life), and that’s what we’re discussing on today’s episode of the podcast.
My guest is Kate Mangino, a gender expert, speaker, and the author of “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home.” Kate is sharing wisdom from her extensive social science research, her two decades of work within the international development sector, as well her own life and relationship, to help you find more balance and create a truly equal partnership that feels fair and fulfilling.
I hope you’ll tune in to this important conversation on equality in relationships, which not only applies to heterosexual couples, but to anyone who has some internalized gender scripts to interrogate (in other words, everyone!)
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
When you become a step-parent, you’re walking into a tricky situation. You may have the warmest feelings for your step-kids and a heartfelt desire to be a positive figure in their lives, and still find yourself thrust into the role of “wicked step-mother” (or step-father), with the pain of their parents’ broken marriage heaped onto your back… while your partner stands by helplessly.
As a longtime marriage counselor, I know blended family problems like these are common, and incredibly challenging to overcome. It’s one of the reasons I advise couples to seek blended family counseling as a preventative measure, before problems arise. I also advise taking a very thoughtful approach to blending your families, and examining your expectations for what the role of step-parent will look and feel like.
Listen to “the dos and don’ts of step-parenting” to get real-deal advice on how to avoid the most common step parenting mistakes, and learn an approach to step-parenting that helps you release unhelpful expectations so you can create a happy, harmonious blended family.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
What is your apology language? And, more importantly… what’s your partner’s?
As an experienced marriage counselor and couples therapist, I know that apologizing is an essential skill for healthy relationships.
But not all apologies are created equal. Just as partners must learn to speak each other’s love languages to help each other feel cared for, they must also learn to apologize in ways that feel meaningful to their partner and pave the way to genuine forgiveness.
Tune in to learn all about apology languages, the anatomy of a good apology, and how you can repair “relationship injuries” and get things back on track with the people you love the most.
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re covering a topic that doesn’t get nearly the attention it deserves: the unique challenges of maintaining a relationship when you or your partner are members of the military, and how you can keep your military relationship healthy and strong.
If you or your partner (or both of you!) are service members, you know that the military can feel like a mistress, always meddling on the edges of your relationship… and sometimes high-jacking it completely. No matter how in love with each other you are, or how committed to your partnership you feel, it’s hard to be moved from place to place because of distant orders that you had little or no say in. It’s hard to have a career that takes you away from your partner and your children for extended periods of time. It’s hard to take care of everything on the home front by yourself, especially if you’re stationed far away from family and friends.
And it can be especially hard to find a marriage counselor or a long-distance relationship counselor who understands these unique challenges, and how to help military couples overcome them. Luckily, we have just such an expert joining us on this episode of the podcast. Jesse S., M.S, LMFT, is a marriage counselor and relationship coach here at Growing Self. He’s also a member of the military with over two decades of service, currently serving in the Connecticut National Guard as a First Sergeant in the 141st Ground Ambulance Unit. In addition to treating bodily wounds, he’s passionate about helping other service members heal and grow as individuals, and within their relationships. Today, he’s sharing his insight and guidance with you. I hope you’ll join us!
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
When you’re crushing on somebody, you’re not dreaming about how supportive they’d be if your mother was in the hospital, or how adept they’ll be at receiving your feedback in the midst of a furious argument. No — you’re much too focused on how cute their eyes look when they smile, or how nice they smell.
That’s because we’re attracted to people based on their physical appearance, and their personalities (insofar as we can know someone’s personality within a few months of dating).
This isn’t because we’re all shallow jerks — it’s just that we’re biologically primed to hone in on the qualities that make for an excellent short-term mate (short-term as in, long enough to make a baby and keep it alive until it can walk), rather than the deep personal qualities that actually make for a good life partner.
Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, it’s to your benefit to learn about these deeper qualities, so that you can recognize them in others and cultivate them in yourself. If you can focus on character over chemistry in your relationships, you can create a partnership that’s healthy, strong, and truly built to last.
On this episode of the podcast, I’m going to tell you how. Using insight I’ve gained through working with countless couples over the years in marriage counseling and relationship coaching, I’m going to tell you what actually makes a good life partner — and how you can develop your own “good partner” skills to create better relationships.
With Love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
It’s no secret that good communication is the key ingredient to a healthy relationship. But, as we all know, couples communication can be challenging — especially when you're under stress.
When you and your partner are under stress, communication gets hard. It’s so easy to forget everything you know about active listening and “I-statements” when you’re feeling emotionally elevated, and to slip into a communication style that’s heavy on criticism, blame, and defensiveness. This tendency is totally human — but it’s also a bad habit that we all must overcome for our relationships to truly thrive.
On this episode of the podcast, we’re discussing couples communication strategies that will not only help you manage feelings of stress without damaging your relationship, but that will tap into the power of your deep love and support for each other so you can get through stressful times while strengthening your connection.
My guest is Silas H., M.S., MFTC, a couples counselor and relationship coach on our team at Growing Self. Silas has helped many couples improve their communication patterns and overcome adversity as a team, and he’s sharing his original and highly actionable advice with you today.
All of this and more is here for you. I hope you’ll join us!
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie bobby
All couples have differences, and having “spirited conversations” (aka, “conflict”) as you work towards resolving them is a normal part of every healthy relationship.
That said, there are certain types of relationship conflict and emotional experiences that you should never minimize, or underestimate the importance of.
These are the warning signs your relationship may be in real trouble, and when those are happening it's vital to deal with them. Understanding what they are can help you take positive action to repair your relationship so that you can heal your bond.
Learn about the six signs your relationship is in trouble, and what to do if they’re present, on this episode of the podcast.
Your partner in growth,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Is it hard for you to trust your partner, or feel secure with them? If you've ever caught yourself double checking them (and then wondering to yourself, "Do I have trust issues?") this podcast is for you.
We're talking about what trust issues are (and what they are not), signs of trust issues, what causes trust issues, how unresolved trust issues damage relationships, and what you can do to overcome them — so you can feel confident and secure.
Ps: Access all the resources I mention in this podcast on the blog at GrowingSelf.com!
Are you in a codependent relationship? If so you're probably feeling anxious, frustrated, and exhausted from trying to create positive change in your relationship single-handedly. (Or feeling like you're never quite good enough to meet the standards of your partner). Not fun for anyone!
On today's episode, we're taking a deep dive into codependent relationships. Listen, and learn:
- What codependent relationships are
- Why they happen
- The stages of codependency recovery
- How you can get un-fused from each other so that you can both grow and flourish.
How to stop being codependent: All for you!
xoxo,
Managing Up for Career Success
Have you ever worked in a truly terrible environment? Think back to that job now. What made it so bad?
If you’re like most people, the difference between a great job and a horrible job doesn’t have all that much to do with the work itself. Instead, it usually comes down to your relationships with your coworkers — and especially your relationship with your boss.
Having a positive, healthy relationship with your boss, based on genuine trust and respect, makes your working life so much easier, and ultimately helps you both reach your career goals.
So how can you build that kind of relationship? And how can you repair your relationship with your boss if it’s not off to a great start?
On today's episode, we are talking about “managing up,” a professional development strategy that will help you build better working relationships, find more satisfaction on the job and remove the trickiest obstacles between you and your ultimate career goals.
In this episode, we discuss…
[00:58] What Is Managing Up?
[14:19] What Managing Up Is Not
[24:15] Why Managing Up Matters
[34:53] How to Manage Up at Work
My guest is Dr. Lisa S., PhD, LPC, CCC. She is a career coach and counselor at Growing Self, as well as the past president of both the National Career Development Association and the Colorado Career Development Association. Today, she shares her insight and wisdom with you.
I hope you’ll join the “Doctors Lisa” for this lively and useful conversation about building an empowered, satisfying career by learning how to manage up.
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
No matter how secure your relationship is otherwise, it hurts when you feel sexually rejected by your partner. That’s because sexuality is vulnerable and often bound up with our feelings of love, and worthiness — particularly if one of your top love languages is physical touch.
Every long-term relationship involves some ebbs and flows in sexual desire, but how you manage those fluctuations matters — especially if you're feeling hurt, or resentful. To help you approach these conversations with vulnerability, empathy, courage, and grace, I’ve invited my colleague Dori B. to join me on this podcast episode.
Dori is a certified sex therapist and couples counselor here at Growing Self, and she’s helped countless couples navigate differences in sexual desire, while building even better relationships in the process. Today, she’s sharing her wisdom and guidance with you.
I hope you’ll join us for her warm, actionable advice about handling hurt feelings related to sex, and getting back in synch with your partner.
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
www.GrowingSelf.com
People often wonder, “Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?”
Here’s the short answer: It depends. Jealousy can be healthy when it signals that it’s time to draw your partner close in response to a real or imagined threat. This is a good thing that helps preserve and strengthen your relationship — but only if you’re able to handle jealousy in a self-aware, intentional way.
When jealousy gets out of control (particularly if it’s due to past relational trauma, rather than a current relational threat), it can be a destructive force that harms your relationship, your partner, and you.
In this episode, we’re talking about jealousy’s ancient roots, when it’s healthy and when it’s a problem, and how you can use feelings of jealousy to start important conversations, establish healthy boundaries, and strengthen your relationship.
Tune in for a discussion about:
[03:23] What is Romantic Jealousy?
[09:49] What Causes Jealousy in a Relationship?
[17:49] When Jealousy is Healthy
[23:56] What to Do When You’re Feeling Jealous
[41:56] When Jealousy Turns Abusive
[46:01] Learning from Your Jealousy
And more!
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
“Believe in yourself” is more than a soundbite. It’s a necessary ingredient in a happy, self-directed life.
It’s also easier said than done. If you (like basically everyone) have internal narratives about the things you can’t do or changes you can’t make, you’re going to need more than a pep talk or some positive affirmations to shake those narratives loose. You’re going to need a self-belief-building plan.
On this episode of the podcast, we’re discussing how to believe in yourself, and the real steps you can take to build self-confidence, self-efficacy, and self-esteem, so you can start living life by your own design.
Our guest is Elise R., M.Ed., NCC, CCC, LPCC. Elise is a therapist, life coach, and “holistic life design” expert here at Growing Self. After helping countless people build their self-belief and reach their most ambitious goals, she’s sharing her sage wisdom and actionable advice with you.
We are discussing:
- Self-efficacy
- Shifting internally
- Raising kids that believe in themselves
- Mastering experiences
- Building an empowered career
- and more!
I hope you enjoy this episode and find the power of believing in yourself! You deserve it.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Eating is one of the most basic ways we care for ourselves every day. But having an unhealthy relationship with food can leave you feeling stressed, emotionally drained, and bad about yourself, rather than nourished, energized and empowered.
Unfortunately, many of us have a fraught relationship with food. Emotional eating, shame, and anxiety around food or body image, and negative cultural messages about what we “should” be doing or how we “should” look, can get in the way of mindful, compassionate, and self-aware eating practices.
Intuitive eating is all about listening to yourself, trusting yourself, and having a positive relationship with the food that nourishes your body and brings you pleasure.
Today we're talking about how to shift from emotional to intuitive eating with an intuitive eating counselor who’s sharing some radical wisdom for making peace with food and your body. Tune in to learn all about:
[03:53] Emotional eating
[07:32] Unhealthy relationships with food
[17:06] Changing your relationship with food
[23:29] Adopting healthier coping mechanisms
And much more.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Are we a good fit? Do we have enough in common? Is my partner really “The One?”
Personality type compatibility in relationships isn’t about being alike or agreeing on everything — it’s about learning to understand your differences and use them for the benefit of each other and the relationship.
In today's episode, you’ll learn all about what really makes a couple compatible, and how you can harness your differences for a stronger relationship.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
We all dream of having a close, connected relationship that fulfills us on every level. If you're feeling lonely in a relationship, it hurts. It can be hard to know how to reconnect, especially if the distance has been growing for a while — or if negativity has crept in.
Deep connection is created through the intentional cultivation of emotional intimacy. In this episode, we’re exploring how to do that, so you can create the loving, satisfying relationship you want and deserve.
With love to you both,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
In this episode, you'll learn all about the psychology of the control freak: What drives their behavior, and how you can maintain a relationship with the control freak(s) in your life while still being authentically yourself.
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Our relationships are priceless. They can’t be bought, they can only be built. Without them, our lives would be empty. But all of that is easy to forget when you’re in the midst of a furious argument with your partner, or anyone you love. When we’re emotionally elevated, we say and do things that damage our connections with others. But it doesn’t have to be that way — conflict can be an opportunity for deeper connection and better relationships.
On today’s episode, internationally recognized marriage counselor and author Terry Real shares how to get past "you and me" to build your "we." Tune in for advice on shedding the individualist mindset and bringing more love into your life.
Made with love, for you!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
On today’s episode we’re discussing the unwelcome territory we all have to navigate eventually: life after loss.
Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a dream, a job, or a relationship, adjusting to your new reality requires a grieving process. Giving yourself permission to fully mourn heals you, and fosters new growth too.
In this episode, I'm speaking with two expert grief counselors about coping with grief and loss, finding peace, and moving forward when it feels like you can’t.
If you've experienced a loss, I'm sorry... and this one is for you.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
After a divorce or breakup, being friends with an ex can seem appealing, especially if you're co-parenting. Making the transition from partners to pals is possible. But without radical self-honesty and clear intentions, it can be challenging — and may even create new problems.
Can you be friends with your ex? If so, how do you go about this transition in a healthy way? That's what we're exploring, in this episode.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Every committed couple begins with the best of intentions, believing they’ll love each other forever.
But we all know it doesn’t always work out that way. The truth is that people often accidentally damage their relationships beyond the point of repair... without even realizing it.
Today, we’re talking about the real, hidden reasons why relationships fail, so you can take positive action now to keep yours healthy and strong.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Why do we react the way we do? Attachment styles in relationships are a powerful force. Understanding your attachment style, as well as that of your partner, can help you create a more compassionate partnership.
In this episode, you'll learn about attachment patterns, identify yours and your partner's, and how to develop healthy and secure relationship systems.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Confidence is sexy. But when you're dating —and dealing with the rejection modern dating involves — it takes a toll on your confidence. Oh the irony.
Fortunately, building confidence in dating is possible, if you know how. On this episode, we’re discussing how to build your self-confidence, bounce back from rejection, and continue to put yourself out there until you find the love you want and deserve.
All for you,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
When you change your story, you change your life. In this episode, you'll learn how to tap into your unconscious narratives, challenge them, and then rewrite your story to create the life you want.
Here's to your empowerment!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
A happy, loving, healthy relationship is the most valuable thing you can have. But so many people struggle in this area, and without understanding the signs of a healthy relationship, it’s hard to know how to begin making it better.
This podcast will teach you all about the fundamentals of healthy relationships.
FYI, this comes in two parts: First, listen to the podcast. Then, take the "How Healthy is Your Relationship" quiz, to discover the strengths and growth opportunities in yours.
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Commitment: I know the word alone is enough to send a shiver up the spine of many a listener. And for the partners of the commitment-adverse, it’s not any easier. If commitment issues are present in your relationship, it’s likely to become a sore subject. You’re probably feeling a bit rejected, and you may be wondering if there’s any way forward. On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re going to be exploring the path of dealing with commitment issues, so you can get unstuck!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa
GrowingSelf.com
We all know that procrastination is a recipe for disaster leading to stress, rushing around, and disappointing people (including yourself.) Yet the little voice that says “let’s do it later” can be hard to resist.
On today’s show I’m sharing new ideas and a fresh perspective that will help you use your natural strengths to focus on (and do!) the most important things… and stop beating yourself up about the rest.
Stop procrastinating! Listen now! ;)
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you find yourself with partners who mistreat you again and again, it’s time to explore that pattern, so you can find a healthy relationship. On today’s episode of the podcast, we’re talking about why you keep dating jerks, and the steps you can take to break free from bad relationships and find real, healthy love.
You deserve it!
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Wonderful, healthy and fun relationships can seem magical. But the truth is that awesome relationships don't happen "magically." Not at all. Long-term couples who love their relationships are simply reaping the rewards of the intentional effort they've put in to their partnerships.
Sounds easy, right?
In theory, it is. But here's the issue: No one teaches you how to have a fantastic relationship. So even though many people would love to have a stronger, more satisfying connection with their partner and would be very happy to do the working of making their good relationship great... they literally do not know what, exactly, to do differently.
The intention is there, but the knowledge is not.
To fill this knowledge gap, award-winning documentary film director Roger Nygard spent over seven years sitting down with the thought leaders in the fields of marriage counseling and couples therapy to get ALL THE ANSWERS.
The result is his film, The Truth About Marriage. And he's here on the podcast with me today to share all his insights and discoveries with YOU.
For love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Recognizing that the life you’ve created is not the one you actually want is an uncomfortable experience. But, believe it or not — it’s good. Why? It allows you to reflect, and recalibrate.
Whether you're in your 20s or your 30s having a “quarter-life crisis” is your chance to reconnect with who you are now, reimagine your future, and pivot in the direction of the life you want.
On this episode of the podcast, we’re talking about how you can use a quarter-life crisis as a launchpad for a new chapter of growth and success.
Here's to you!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Was that a compliment, or a jab? Did they really “not see” your text, or are they punishing you? On this episode of the podcast, we’re talking about how to deal with passive-aggressive people, so you can stand up for yourself with compassion and confidence.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
All for you!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Secret spending or hidden debts are a unique type of infidelity that is not often discussed. This kind of financial betrayal creates major relationship issues, and takes a special healing process to mend.
Fortunately, it is possible to save your marriage after financial infidelity, and to come through it together, stronger and more solvent than ever before. In this episode of the podcast, I’m discussing how to heal after financial infidelity, with an expert in financial counseling for couples.
I hope you listen, or share this episode with someone in your life who should!
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
We all carry around at least a little emotional baggage from past relationships. But by seeking out new, healthy experiences with safe people, we have the power to help ourselves heal and grow.
Today, we’re talking about healing relationships, and how you can create positive experiences with others that help you become a happier, healthier version of you.
Join me!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you have a hard time saying no? Do you feel guilty when you can’t do what others want? If so, you may struggle with people pleasing, a habit that can add a lot of stress to your life and resentment to your relationships.
Never fear — this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast is full of tips for how to stop saying yes to everything, and start prioritizing your own authentic wellbeing.
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
GrowingSelf.com
Join me and my pal, OK Cupid's resident dating expert Damona Hoffman, for a conversation about how to bring this authentic "new you" into your new relationships in 2022 — as well as timeless advice on creating true and lasting love in every phase of life.
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
George Floyd’s murder in 2020 sparked an outpouring of grief, and a renewed motivation to change the world for the better. But to truly fight racism we first have to look inside ourselves.
In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I'm re-releasing this episode about antiracism, and the steps you can take to create a more just, peaceful world.
Worried about how divorce will affect your kids? On today’s episode of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast, we’re talking about divorce with kids, and the best way to support your children if you're navigating the end of your marriage (or thinking about it).
I hope this episode helps you find clarity and confidence about the next best steps for you and your family.
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
I want you to be successful at creating the change you desire in this new year. So for that reason, today's episode is all about how to find and lovingly cultivate one solid keystone habit.
This surprisingly simple technique launches a chain of successes that will carry you forward. Join me and learn how to make great things happen — the easy way!
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Ready to turn the page and create a bright new reality for yourself? Whether you're ready for a new era in your career, your relationships, or a new sense of ownership in your personal narrative... today's episode is for you.
My guest today is a Jedi-caliber therapist and career counselor, on a mission to teach you how to write a new story for yourself. Ready to start your next chapter? Join us!
There's so much in store for you,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
GrowingSelf.com
Sometimes, it all seems like a losing battle: Everywhere you look, there's a new challenge or adversity that seems too big for any one of us to fix.
But the universe has an odd way of working on our side, even when we're not aware of it. Listen to this episode for a reminder of how much power you have to create positive things for yourself and others — even when you don't feel like you do.
You're already amazing.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
We’ve all heard that phrase, “Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” It may sound like a fantasy, but it really is possible to build a career that’s so in line with your true self that it doesn’t feel like work at all.
But how exactly do you do that?
On this episode of the podcast, I'm chatting with an expert career coach about finding your passion, and cultivating the mindset that leads to work you truly love.
Join us!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
It’s common to fantasize about reconnecting with an Ex: either rekindling the romance, or as friends. But should you?
Couples get back together. Past partners can be wonderful friends. But sometimes longing to reconnect with an Ex just keeps you stuck in an unhealthy attachment.
Is getting back with an Ex a good idea? Is being friends with an Ex healthy for you? When to lean in, and when to let go — listen to this episode for clarity and direction.
For you!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Having issues with each other's family of origin is one of the most common things that couples fight about, particularly around the holidays. It’s challenging to set healthy boundaries while also maintaining relationships with each other's "first family” — particularly if your in-laws are controlling or intrusive. (Or just very different from your family).
On this episode of the podcast I’m sharing tips for how to deal with in-laws to help you navigate sticky situations with diplomacy and grace, so you can enjoy your time together.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you wish you knew what’s really going on in your partner’s head, or how your coworkers actually feel about you? (Even if they aren’t consciously aware of it themselves?) Learning how to read people gives you a real advantage at work, in love, and beyond.
You can learn how to understand other’s true feelings and motivations — even if they’re different from what's being said. My guest, Dr. Dan Hill, is an expert on the art of reading people and is here today to explain how.
Join us!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Have you ever wondered why you lose it sometimes, and say things you regret later? Or why you get to a certain point where you just cannot talk anymore, and shut down? These are both examples of emotional flooding: Lashing out and withdrawing are two sides of the same coin. Both can be disastrous for your relationship.
On today’s episode we’re talking about the reality of emotional flooding, and how to manage it effectively when you’re “coming in hot.”
Join me!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Feeling invalidated is at the core of communication issues. When couples fight, they're usually fighting to be heard. Feeling shut down, or bulldozed by your partner is not just frustrating — if it happens routinely it can damage your relationship.
Today, learn why emotional invalidation happens and what you can do to stop it. By the end of the episode, you’ll have some actionable takeaways to help you feel heard, valued, and understood.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
GrowingSelf.com
What you believe about yourself holds so much power. You have the power to create a really wonderful life for yourself. Or, you can be tricked into believing the devil inside: Your self-limiting beliefs.
Self-limiting beliefs are so dangerous because they often masquerade as "truth." But buying into them only creates pain, and damages your self-esteem, your career, and your relationships.
On this episode of the podcast, I'm teaching you how to identify your limiting beliefs and overcome them, so you can get back in control.
Happy Halloween!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Your mind-body connection is powerful. Sometimes the most direct path to improving your emotional wellbeing isn't through therapy — it’s through lifestyle changes. Other times your physical health suffers because of the way you’re thinking or feeling.
The way you think, feel emotionally, and your physical wellness are all interconnected.
Tune in today to gain insight into your mind-body connection, and get actionable strategies to support every aspect of your wellness.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
It's great to work on your relationship, but sometimes people can get so over-focused on relationship problems they stop appreciating their partner’s positive qualities... to the detriment of the dynamic.
In contrast, feeling love and appreciation for your partner — as they are — is the royal road to growth and happiness for both of you.
When do you advocate for change? When do you lean into “appreciative acceptance?” That’s what we’re discussing on today’s episode!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Let’s all stop. Today, learn how to stop feeling bad about your body, and start moving towards self-compassion, appreciation for your body, and health at any size.
Join me!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Dealing with stress at work? Whether you’re working from home or back in the office, burnout and career ambivalence are rampant right now.
Help is here: On today's episode I’m visiting with an expert career coach who can help you advocate for yourself, set healthy boundaries on the job, manage work related stress and anxiety, make empowered career decisions, and, if you’re an employer, learn how to keep your people happy and healthy.
All for you!
One of the worst parts of going through a breakup or divorce is feeling consumed by thoughts about your Ex. Even if you know, intellectually, that the relationship wasn't good for you, it's still so hard to stop thinking about your Ex!
On today's show, we'll be exploring why that is, and the steps you can take to free your mind, release your attachment, and get over your Ex — once and for all.
For you!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
GrowingSelf.com
What is your love language? What’s your partner’s? If you don’t know, you may be accidentally hurting each other’s feelings, creating disconnection, and stoking resentment without even realizing it.
Understanding love languages — and acting accordingly — can change everything in your relationship for the better. Discover both of your love languages (and practical steps for unleashing all their positive power!) in this info-packed episode.
Love,
If you’re going through a particularly dark time, today’s episode is for you. While nobody chooses tragedy as a vehicle for growth, meaning making through adversity can lead not just to hope and healing — but to incredibly positive personal transformation. Just ask my guest Jennifer Sands, a 9/11 widow.
If you or someone you love could use a little “light in the darkness” right now, I hope you tune into this very special episode to hear her message (and be the messenger!)
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Are you getting pressured, guilted, or blamed into taking responsibility for other people's problems? Understanding where your sphere of personal responsibility stops, and where someone else’s starts is vital to setting healthy boundaries with clarity and confidence.
So, what is your problem? And what is someone else’s problem? Let's figure it out together, on today’s episode.
Your partner in growth,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Today: Learn how to strengthen your relationship at the deepest level using the principles of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. This evidence-based approach helps you repair your attachment bond, and actually transforms the way you both feel about each other. It's powerful stuff, and on today's episode you'll learn how to use EFT principles to stop negativity, and increase emotional connection in your relationship.
All for you!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you ever struggle with self-doubt, compare yourself to others, and wish you were more confident? These feelings block growth — and damage self-confidence too.
Today’s podcast is going to help you stop that, and learn a more effective way to build confidence in yourself — through building a healthy, emotionally safe and supportive relationship with… you.
Self confidence through self compassion: Tune in and learn how!
Your partner in growth,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Whether you’ve been married for 30 years or are just starting out, premarital counseling strategies can help you strengthen your relationship. Why? Because it’s positive: Premarital counseling works by helping couples have productive conversations proactively: before things become issues that need to be “fixed.” It’s brilliant!
You can learn how to use the principles taught in premarital counseling to strengthen your relationship — starting today. Tune in to learn how.
-Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
www.growingself.com
Your partner in growth,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
www.GrowingSelf.com
Feeling "meh" lately? If so, join me today to learn:
- What the current "science of happiness" has to say about what moves the happiness needle… and what does not.
- The biggest hidden culprit getting in between you and a joyful life
- Simple strategies to get reconnected with the real you (who IS still in there!)
- Why you can't buy happiness, but where to invest your resources to cultivate more joy
- Life hacks to make more space in your life for fun and play
I hope this discussion helps you reconnect with your joy. You deserve it.
All the best,
Who you work with really matters when it comes to outcomes in therapy. How do you tell a good therapist from a bad one? What are the subtle signs that your therapist might be nice, but ineffective or even unqualified? What are the red flags that your therapist is behaving unethically? Spilling *all* the beans on this episode, so you can make informed and empowered choices.
Warmly,
Trust: It's the glue of secure attachment that holds a relationship together. If it's broken, everything changes. How to you repair trust once it's been damaged?
That's the question we're tackling today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
You'll learn why "Sorry" isn't good enough, and you'll also learn the worst mistake you can make if you're trying to repair the trust in your marriage.
I'll also teach you the five action-steps you must take to mend trust for real, and how to use them to restore the security to your marriage.
I sincerely hope these ideas help you heal the trust in your relationship.
xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
GrowingSelf.com
I have spent years helping broken hearted people with divorce and break-up recovery counseling and coaching, and poured through oceans of research to write my book, "Exaholics: Breaking your addiction to an Ex Love." I've spent years helping my private clients heal their self esteem in the aftermath of a bad breakup, and now we're addressing it today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
On today's show I'm going to help you understand how your self esteem was damaged, and how to develop new compassion and empathy for yourself. We're also going to discuss the five steps to healing your self esteem after a break up, so that you can start putting yourself back together again.
I hope that this helps support you on your journey of growth and healing.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
There are many different types of anger that often impact our life coaching, therapy, and couples counseling clients here at Growing Self. All are different in some way, and similar in others. All are important, and deserve attention.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be sharing my best advice for how to let go of anger. We'll be discussing:
- Different types of anger
- How holding on to anger harms you, ultimately
- Strategies to work through anger, productively
- Ways to maintain a more positive emotional equilibrium
- How to find forgiveness (and still have boundaries)
I hope this podcast helps you on your path of growth and healing.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
OVERCOMING INSECURITY | Even people in long-term relationships can struggle with feelings of insecurity. While very common, being insecure in a relationship can create problems — for both of you.
Can you relate?
Join me and my colleague Georgi, a marriage counselor and family therapist who specializes in attachment theory and emotionally focused couples therapy. We're going deep into the topic of insecurity in relationships, and how to overcome it. Listen and learn more about:
- The root causes of insecurity
- The surprising ways insecurity can impact a relationship
- Practical strategies to help someone else feel more secure
- Actionable advice to help yourself feel less insecure
- How trust and security is healed and strengthened
- Concrete tools couples can use to banish insecurity from their relationship
We hope that this discussion helps you both overcome insecurity, and create the strong, happy relationship you deserve.
With love and respect,
Ps: Questions? Comments? Follow up questions regarding this topic? Join the conversation on the blog: https://www.growingself.com/stop-feeling-insecure
Life is too short to waste toiling away in a career you hate.
On this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with my colleague Dr. Kristi, an amazing online career coach on the Growing Self team who has lots of great ideas to help you get clarity about whether your current career situation can be improved, or whether it's time to call it quits and start plotting your career path pivot.
What to do when you hate your job? We have answers — join us!
Dr. Lisa
GrowingSelf.com
Are you unknowingly making one of the 12 biggest relationship mistakes? Avoiding "relationship killing behaviors" is just as important as doing the good stuff on purpose!
So today... I'm mixing it up. I decided to put together a very straightforward, extremely honest list of what NOT to do if you want to have a great relationship.
All for you!
P.S. If you're worried that some of these things are happening in your relationship, take my free "How Healthy is Your Relationship" quiz to start a productive conversation about positive changes you can both make. — LMB
Are you still beating yourself up for things you regret, or mistakes you made long ago? Good, caring people are always the hardest on themselves — but it takes a toll. On today's episode we're talking about how to forgive yourself through mindful self compassion, so that you can turn "regrets" into new opportunities for growth.
I hope these ideas help support you on your journey of growth and healing.
Your fellow traveler,
After you've lived something really painful, there will always be a need for healing in the aftermath. Therapy can really help you put yourself back together again. But it's also true that most people don't just go back to baseline. Many people actually find that, when their healing process is complete, the difficult time they weathered ultimately transformed them in really positive ways.
Learn about "post traumatic growth" on this episode of the podcast.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Preparing for Fatherhood can feel a little daunting and it's not something that we talk about enough. The transition into parenthood can be beautiful but it's also very challenging. Today, I'm joined by Jessica and Seth, marriage and family therapists here at Growing Self. We are going to be discussing the postpartum experience from both the mother's and father's sides of the experience. Join us as we discuss preparing for fatherhood!
xo,
Dr. Lisa
www.growingself.com
All couples go through a rocky period in their relationship. They may grow distant from each other and encounter problems that seem to be impossible to overcome. It is agonizing to decide whether or not to save a relationship because we never know the possibilities. How will we know when our relationship is worth saving?
I'm joined by Marriage and Family Therapist, Brittany S.. Today we are discussing healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. What to look for and how to heal.
Join us!
- Lisa Marie Bobby
www.growingself.com
Are you trying to have a relationship with a partner who avoids, defends or worse... won't talk at all? Few things are as frustrating, or as hurtful. It's hard NOT to get upset and angry when you're feeling rejected, unloved, or uncared for. The problem is that many people who clam up as a defensive strategy when things get tense don't understand how destructive their behaviors can be to your relationship.
But there is help, and there is hope. Because these types of communication problems are so common, I thought it might be helpful to you if I put together a "Communication Problems" podcast-mini series.
"Communication Issues" are the single most common presenting issue that brings couples to marriage counseling. The first thing to know about communication problems: Absolutely ALL couples struggle to communicate with each other from time to time. Just because it's happening in your relationship does not spell doom. Truthfully, by making a few positive changes in the way you interact with each other, you can avoid many communication problems -- and start enjoying each other again.
In episode 1, "Communication Problems and How To Fix Them" we discussed the most important and empowering things you can remain mindful of if you want to improve the communication in your relationship: Systems theory, and your own empowerment to affect positive change.
In episode 2, "Dealing With an Angry Partner" we addressed the oh-so-common "pursue / withdraw" dynamic that so many couples can fall in to. This idea is at the core of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy -- one of the most well researched and scientifically supported approaches to couples counseling. (And what we practice here at Growing Self!)
Specifically in episode 2, we looked at this communication pattern from the perspective of the "withdrawer" (i.e. the person in the relationship who might be perceiving their "pursuing partner" as angry or even hostile. In that episode I gave you some tips to help get back into the ring with your partner, some insight into why they may be so angry, and things that you can do to help soothe their anger and bring the peace back into your home.
In the third and final episode of our "Communication Problems" series, "Dealing With a Withdrawn Partner" we'll be looking at this from the perspective of the partner who pursues -- the one who is attempting to engage with a partner who seems emotionally distant, avoidant, and unresponsive.
If you've been feeling frustrated or angry because your partner refuses to talk to you, this one is for you. In this episode, I'm talking about what may be leading your partner to seem emotionally withdrawn, as well as things that you can do to help your partner come closer to you emotionally, and start opening up again.
We're discussing:
- The issues that may have nothing to do with you that are leading your partner to withdraw
- The biggest mistakes you can make when dealing with an avoidant-prone partner
- Strategies for dealing with your anger and / or anxiety if your partner is making you crazy
- Communication strategies to help make it easier for your partner to open up to you
- The paradoxical trick to making your partner feel more interested in coming towards you
I sincerely hope that this series helps you understand what may be happening at the root of your communication problems, as well as some real-world tips for things that can help you improve your relationship.
In part two of our "Communication Problems, and How to Fix Them" mini-podcast series, we're going be talking about how to tame the tiger glaring at you from across the living room, and bring the peace back into your home. If you haven't already, please listen to the first podcast in this series (posted last week) to learn about some of the basic concepts that we'll be building on today. Then, we'll talk about:
I sincerely hope that this communication advice helps the two of you, and makes it easier for you to talk to each other.
With love and respect,
"We have communication issues" is probably the number-one complaint of most couples coming in for marriage counseling or couples therapy.
Because this is so common, and so frustrating, I am re-releasing my three-part "communication problems" podcast series over the next couple of weeks.
Start here: Listen to this episode to learn about the root cause of communication issues, and the ideas that will help you overhaul your approach.
Next week we'll be talking about what to do if your partner's communication style is angry, hostile, or emotionally reactive.
And then in the following episode we'll be talking about how to communicate with a partner who shuts down.
I sincerely hope that these ideas help you both find your way back together again.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
We have all been through so much this past year, and are hopefully on the cusp of rebuilding. My guest today is author Eileen Hamra, who has a powerful message reminding us that within every loss are the seeds of renewal and rebirth.
She's here to share her story, and her wise advice for how to heal through grief, how to rebuild your life after setbacks, and most importantly, how to love after loss.
Join Us,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you feel stuck in a job you don't love? Or like you're moving down a path to nowhere? In this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, I am interviewing career counseling expert, Megan R. and together we will be discussing how to align your career with your passion.
Tune in to learn more about "career pathing," the types of questions that can create clarity, the mindsets of successful people, and some free "career success strategies" from an expert career coach.
Here's to your success!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
GrowingSelf.com
P.S. If you have more career questions hop on over to the post for "Career Path Passion" @ GrowingSelf.com and leave a follow up question for Megan and I in the comments section. We're listening! — LMB
Happy, healthy relationships are built on healthy boundaries. If you struggle to establish boundaries in relationships, understand your boundaries, or even define your boundaries to others, this episode is for you!
I am talking with Denver Therapist, and Boundary Expert, Kathleen Stutts and we are going to cover the basics of boundaries and then dive into the nitty-gritty of establishing your boundaries in relationships so that you too can feel empowered in your most important relationships!
Join Us!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
www.GrowingSelf.com
Here at Growing Self our therapy and life coaching clients are generally successful, high-achieving people on a path of personal growth. Because of this, I have a soft spot for the superstars, and I know that being a go-getting, productive, conscientious, high-achieving, intelligent, successful person has many, many benefits. You get things done, you're on top of it, and you are probably extremely successful in many areas of life.
And... it's probably hard for you to relax.
How to Relax When You're an Over-AchieverToday's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is just for you, my high-achieving compadre. We'll be discussing:
- The mind-body connection that makes you feel stressed out even when you're relaxing
- New ideas to help you prioritize your self-care and relaxation
- The real source of stress (it's not what you think... except when it is)
- Why "relaxing" behaviors (massages, hot baths, vacations) won't help you truly de-stress
- How to combat the stressful thinking styles that will interfere with true relaxation
- The skills and strategies that will actually help you reduce stress, relax, and restore your mind, body and soul.
I hope this discussion helps you achieve the rest and relaxation that you deserve, and that it helps you (paradoxically) become even more productive, creative, forward-thinking and successful as a result!
From me to you,
PS: Follow up questions? Click to GrowingSelf.com to ask in the comments section of this post!
Are crushes innocent, or on-ramps to an affair? Can you be "friends" with someone you have a crush on, without risking your relationship? What should you do when you're married, but have a crush on someone else? Oh, the questions!
It happens: people in happy, healthy, committed relationships can still develop crushes on others. However, smart, self-aware people in committed relationships need to not follow those feelings, but rather handle them maturely and with wisdom.
What To Do (And Not Do) When You Are Married And Have a CrushToday on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm talking all about how to handle yourself and your relationship when you have a crush on someone else. We'll be discussing:
- The mechanics of a crush; how and why crushes develop
- The difference between a crush and a platonic friendship
- Why happy, committed married people can have crushes on others
- How crushes can turn into something more serious
- How to use self awareness, integrity, and honesty to protect your marriage
- How to use your crush experience in order to add energy and intimacy into your relationship
- Warning signs that your crush is developing into something else
- Why extramarital affairs are always a bad idea, and rarely end well
- How to stop having a crush on someone else
- How to avoid embarrassment and professional ruin if you have a crush on a coworker
- How to protect your relationship and stay true to your values even when you're having feelings for another.
All this and more on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
xoxo,
GrowingSelf.com
Ps: If you're worried that your partner may have a crush on someone else, here are some other resources for you: Signs of an Emotional Affair,and How to Get Your Needs Met in a Relationship. You can also play this episode in the car with your partner and see what they'd like to share... LMB
If you're feeling a little rusty talking to people, it's time for a refresher course on how to communicate with confidence and charisma.
Today's guest knows all about how to be interesting and fun to talk to, especially under pressure. Kristen Carney is a stand-up comedian, comedy writer, and coach who's specialty is helping people be comfortable with others, create a positive impression, and be more confident in conversations.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to create "charismatic conversations" that breathe life into relationships. Join us!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
It can be hard to trust yourself, particularly around intuition. Many of us, especially women, minimize our feelings, explain away our concerns, and doubt ourselves... to our detriment.
Trusting yourself is vital to making your way confidently through the world. It's also true that not all thoughts and feelings are trustworthy. It's confusing!
Being able to tell the difference between anxiety and intuition will help you trust yourself, so that you can move forward fearlessly.
Learn how, join me!
Satisfying, stable relationships. A meaningful, prosperous career. Feeling good about yourself and your life. What do they all have in common? Emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the hidden "x-factor" that makes everything work. Without it, you can spin in frustration and failure... and never know why.
Emotional intelligence is crucial for your love, happiness and success. In today's episode, find out how your emotional intelligence skills stack up, and learn actionable strategies to improve emotional intelligence — starting today.
With love,
Are you in love with someone who is deeply in love with... themselves? It's exhausting to have a relationship with a selfish person. The good news is that there are different types of narcissists, and sometimes healing and growth is possible. (Maybe, for them, but definitely for YOU.)
I'm tackling all your questions about narcissists on this episode including how to tell if someone is a narcissist (and what type), how to avoid subconsciously perpetuating a narcissistic relationship dynamic, when hope is possible vs. when to cut your losses, and more.
Join me!
P.S. This is a VAST subject. If you have lingering questions, leave them for me in the comments section of this post.
Love is love, and the bonds of attachment transcend identity. At the same time, gay and lesbian relationships face unique challenges and stressors — from without, and from within.
On this episode of the podcast, my colleague, LGBTQ+ relationship-affirming marriage and family therapist Kensington Osmond shares compassionate strategies that promote growth and healing for gay and lesbian individuals and couples.
Empowerment, healthy-identity development, growing up gay in the context of a strict religion, dealing with a non-supportive family of origin, how unresolved internalized shame can show up in relationships — we're tackling all of it today. Join us! (And join the conversation in the comments of this post!)
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Are your subconscious "thinking traps" getting in the way of your finding the right person? On today's episode of the podcast, NPR's dating expert Damona Hoffman is here to help you get out of your own way and find the love you're looking for. Join us!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
It's effortless for kind, competent, hard-working people to say "yes" to all the demands for their time and attention. But just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
If you're not setting healthy boundaries around your time and energy, the result can be mental and emotional depletion, burnout, and disconnection from what truly matters.
On this episode of the podcast I'm talking with Becky Morrison about how to get clear about your priorities and set healthy boundaries. Learning how to (selectively!) say "yes" only to what's most important makes amazing things happen.
Learn how — join us!
Divorce is nobody's first choice. But sometimes relationships cannot be saved, and divorcing feels like the right thing to do. While divorce is always hard, having an amicable divorce is the best possible outcome — particularly if you're going to be coparenting or sharing a business for years to come.
My guest on today's episode is divorce attorney Stephanie Randall. She shares her honest advice about what getting divorced is *really* like, the biggest mistakes divorcing couples make, insight into the divorce recovery process, and drops real-world strategies for how to create an amicable divorce.
If you're considering divorce (or in the thick of one) today's episode is a must listen. Be prepared to take notes! (Or get a the show-notes with Stephanie's top takeaways here: https://www.growingself.com/amicable-divorce)
The past year has been a uniquely stressful time for couples, but it has also been offering a slew of "micro-moments" that can make or break a relationship.
Smart couples are using these opportunities to grow stronger, closer and more connected. Other couples are missing them, and their relationships are failing as a result.
Today I'm putting on my marriage counselor hat and sharing the most important things you can do to strengthen your relationship (and what to avoid at all costs) so that you can grow together instead of grow apart.
Learn how to use challenges to actually strengthen your relationship. Join me!
How about this idea for a #NewYearsGoal? Learn how to practice radical self acceptance, and love yourself, for who and what you already are.
Learning how to be okay with not being okay, have compassion for yourself and others, and grow in your authenticity may sound like the antithesis of personal development, but the opposite is true: The practice of radical acceptance can (paradoxically) lead to transformational change on every level.
Learn how to lean in, in this episode.
And happy new year!
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
On the cusp of a new year it can be easy to over-focus on constant-and-never-ending self-improvement, new goals, the next step, and all the things you have yet to achieve.
But the truth is that you have already grown so much, learned so much, and done so much. Sometimes it can be more empowering to slow down and respect the enormous amount of work you already have done rather than pushing yourself.
Amazing things happen when you learn to appreciate the strength, accomplishments, courage, growth, and wisdom you already possess. I'm walking you through how to tap into all that you are, on this episode.
You're already incredible!
xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: I've created an activity for you to journal through the questions I'm asking on today's show if you'd like. Access it here: https://www.growingself.com/learn-and-grow
In this season of gift giving, it can be easy to forget what our loved ones really want and need from us: Our unconditional love, trust, kindness, appreciation, attention, time, understanding, empathy, respect, emotional safety, and cherishing. That's what we all want! However, we cannot provide those things for anyone without first prioritizing our own wellness and personal growth.
Today's episode is all about helping you cultivate the highest and best in yourself so that you can better appreciate how much you matter, and fully embrace the amazing gift of your growth.
With love,
If you're currently single you've probably experienced first hand the new online dating reality: Dating in the pandemic age is more complex than ever. However, there are fantastic opportunities to create healthy new relationships — if you know the pitfalls to avoid.
On this episode of the podcast, get expert online dating coach advice from dating coach Markie K. She shares her top "dating advice do's and don'ts" to help you navigate the new modern dating landscape with clarity and confidence. Join us!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: Get even MORE of Markie's great dating advice on the blog at GrowingSelf.com.
Men crave emotional connection too. But our culture can lead boys and men towards toxic masculinity that impedes emotional intelligence, and damages emotional health (not to mention relationships!)
My guest today is Andrew Reiner, frequent contributor to the New York Times and the author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency.
He's generously sharing the strategies his research has uncovered for how to cultivate emotional health and connected relationships with men. If you are a man (or love one!) "What Men Secretly Want" is a must listen. Join us!
I've had many "my relationship is on the brink, what do I do?" questions from listeners lately. When one person is half out the door, standard-issue relationship advice and conventional marriage counseling approaches can make things worse.
But Discernment Counseling — a special, obscure type of couples counseling — can still save your relationship.
In today's episode we're doing a deep dive into the unique dynamics of failing relationships in order to help you use the principles of discernment counseling to potentially turn things around.
Join me!
More relationship questions? Leave them for me (and help yourself to more free resources) on the blog at GrowingSelf.com.
Were you the perfect child? The clown? The scapegoat? If you weren't who your family needed you to be, did other people fall apart?
Without self-awareness and intentional correction, dysfunctional family roles from your family of origin can sabotage your adult relationships. In this podcast episode I'm sharing strategies to help you learn how to overcome the legacy of a dysfunctional family, stop the cycle, and develop healthy relationships today.
Join me!
If you have anxiety about coronavirus, you’re not alone. Many people have been experiencing Covid anxiety, and understandably so. The virus is spreading, things are being canceled, schools and businesses are closing, and these are uncertain times.
There's lots in the news about how to protect your physical health, but not so much info about how to protect your mental health from coronavirus-related anxiety.
Help is here: On this episode I’m sharing practical strategies for how to manage Corona anxiety using helpful cognitive-behavioral strategies so that you can stay in a good place mentally and emotionally during this challenging time.
Wishing you love, happiness, success and health,
PS: In addition to the anxiety management strategies I shared on this episode I mentioned a couple of resources that you might use in addition to online therapy for anxiety.
These include:
- The book, “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns
- The book, “10 Best Ever Anxiety Management Techniques” by Dr. Margaret Wehrenberg
- The online Happiness Class: The online CBT therapy course that teaches you cognitive skills for managing anxiety as well as mindfulness strategies and emotional regulation skills.
- Mindfulness training apps, and also the mindfulness / stress management videos I have available for you on my IGTV channel @drlisamariebobby
Dr. Lisa here, doing a swan dive into your podcast feed a little early today to let you know that if you've been experiencing a resurgence of "covid anxiety" lately, you're not alone. I'm re-releasing my "How to Cope With Covid Anxiety" podcast episode for you right now, and will be back in touch later today with a new episode.
Wishing you all the best,
Long distance relationships have unique challenges, but love from a distance can work beautifully. In today's episode I'm answering your long distance relationship questions around:
- How to keep your connection strong when you're living apart
- How to manage feelings of anxiety and insecurity in a long distance relationship
- The unique stressors (and opportunities) of long distance couples
- The most important "Us" conversations all long distance couples must have
- How to cohabitate successfully after living long distance
- And more!
P.S. If you have questions about your relationship share them in the comments of the "Long Distance Relationship Questions" post so I can answer them. While you're on GrowingSelf.com, be sure check out the other articles and podcasts we have on this topic. It's all for you!
Difficult conversations are tough to have, and easy to avoid (or botch). But authentic communication is vital for healthy relationships — especially when it's about something that is really important to you. It's at times like these that productive, compassionate "critical conversations" are so crucial.
Today: Learn real-world strategies for how to have difficult conversations so that you can prevent differences from fracturing your most important relationships.
Time to embrace your shadow side: The part of yourself that is authentic, real, and needs to have a voice. It's so easy to disown parts of yourself, but until you reclaim them, you'll never be fully congruent or empowered. Shadow work helps you make contact with your whole self, and can lead to transformational growth. Learn how, on the latest episode of the podcast.
Happy Halloween!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: If you'd like to do some of the activities I shared in this episode, you can download your free "shadow work exercises" right here.
GrowingSelf.com
We can all agree that the world needs more kindness right now. But the practice of meaningful, deep kindness is more challenging than you'd think. It requires empathy, intention, mindfulness and commitment.
Yet the rewards of cultivating a kindness practice are enormous. Kindness mends stressed relationships, boosts self esteem, protects against depression and anxiety, and strengthens supportive friendships. Practicing kindness helps you as much as it helps others.
In this episode, my guest Houston Kraft, author of "Deep Kindness," shares how to have courage and be kind, and cultivate a transformational kindness practice that will lift everyone up, including you.
Tune in, and unleash the power of kindness in your life!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you've been stuck in a relationship with someone who is not treating you well, and who is causing you hurt, anxiety, pain and frustration, now is a wonderful time to consider leaving your toxic relationship behind... and creating a new chapter full of healing, health and happiness for yourself.
On this episode I'll be discussing:
- Characteristics of toxic relationships
- Why toxic relationships are so addictive
- Whether toxic relationships can be healed
- The impact of toxic relationships
- And how to end a toxic relationship, for once and for all.
If you've been stuck on the terrible roller coaster of a toxic relationship, this episode is for YOU.
All the best,
Has it felt challenging for you to get the respect you deserve on the job? Today's episode is all about helping you gain influence and power in your professional role.
My guest, executive coach and leadership coach Mory Fontinez, shares her insights for how to cultivate empowerment in the workplace — both as a striver on your way up, and as an empowering leader dedicated to cultivating talent.
Join us!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Being honest with yourself is a fundamental part of authentic personal growth... but it can be hard to do. We all have blindspots, stories we tell ourselves, and things we’re not conscious of that are holding us back.
Today's podcast with therapist and life coach Josephine Marin can help you get clarity about your authentic truth so that you can move forward fearlessly.
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you struggle to feel like you are good enough? It's not just you: Many people — no matter how successful or accomplished — still feel like they're not *quite* measuring up.
Today's episode does a deep dive into HOW to feel that you're good enough. Plus, psychologist and executive coach Dr. Lisa Orbe Austin shares how push back against self-doubt and overcome imposter syndrome.
Follow along! Text ESTEEM to 55444 to get the Self Esteem Quiz discussed in this episode.
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you are feeling increasingly overwhelmed by life and trying to figure out how you’re going to juggle a zillion different things and stay on top of it all.... this episode is for you.
In this episode, Denver psychologist Dr. Danielle Kahlo spills the beans on why conventional "how to get organized" tips never work for long, and how to instead focus on cultivating the type of "organized mindset" that makes everything else fall into place: Priorities, time, tasks, and stuff too.
Being organized makes you less stressed and anxious, it improves your relationships, and it makes you feel better about yourself and your life. Being organized is important, and it begins from within! Listen, and learn how.
xo,
If you've been feeling trapped lately, and like you don't know which way to turn — this episode is for you. We're doing a deep dive into how to get mentally and emotionally unstuck with life and career coach Elise Ross.
Listen for actionable advice and new ideas that will help you break free and start moving forward again.
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Are you holding on to resentment about hurtful things that have happened in the past? Is your partner? In today's episode, we’re talking about how to let go of resentment in your relationship, so that you can both move forward, put the past behind you, and start enjoying each other again.
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you've been feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, and that the daily grind is relentless... you are not alone. The realities "corona-life" are wearing down even the sturdiest and most productive among us.
Help is here: Today's show is all about helping you recover from burnout, reclaim control, cultivate resilience, reprioritize time and energy, and craft a sustainable "burnout prevention" plan for yourself, your career and your family.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
GrowingSelf.com
A listener asked, “I want to grow and move forward, but HOW?”
Today, I'm giving you the inside scoop — from my perspective as a therapist and life coach — into what the process of personal growth actually involves so that YOU can move forward.
We're discussing:
- The circumstances that set the stage for growth (and why now is the perfect time)
- How to transform a "breakdown" into a "breakthrough"
- Why courageously tapping into your dark emotions is essential
- What things may seem like “obstacles” but actually ARE the path forward in disguise!
- The key turning points that accelerate your growth
- Shifting from a victim mindset to one of empowerment
- How to release your participation in old patterns for good
- And more!
I hope this discussion provided you with both hope and direction as you find your own path forward. Questions or comments about this episode? Share them! "Moving Forward" @ GrowingSelf.com
xo,
How healthy is your self esteem? If don't feel good about YOU, it's hard stay in a good place and feel confident, hopeful, and effective.
In this episode, we'll explore the signs of low self esteem and its causes, and discuss the action oriented strategies that will help you feel good again.
Bonus! Text the word "ESTEEM" to 55444 to get the "How Healthy is Your Self Esteem" quiz, to see where you land on the spectrum of self esteem.
To growth!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
How do you know when it's time to break up? Knowing when to end a relationship can be confusing, especially when there are good parts — and maybe even hope for the future. Some people are clear that they're done with the relationship, but worry that the realities of single life could be harder than trudging on in the marriage.
If you're in this bind, today's episode is for you. We're tackling questions like:
- How can you get clarity and confidence around whether to end a relationship?
- What are the signs that hope and growth is still possible (even if it hasn't happened yet?)
- What are the "no-hope" red flags that you need to listen to?
- What if you want to break up, but feel guilty about it?
- What do you do if you’re unhappy in your relationship, but are facing practical realities such as co-parenting concerns or financial consequences if you separate?
All that and more, plus insights, thought provoking questions, and action steps to help you move forward one way or another, on this episode of the podcast.
xoxo,
Comments or Questions? Share them in this post @GrowingSelf.com
How do you relate to others? Are you unknowingly getting involved with people who are only going to hurt you? How do romantic partners experience you — good, bad, and ugly? How can you release self-limiting patterns in relationships so that you can create a healthy, secure, long-term connection?
Understanding your attachment style can provide you with answers to all these questions. Listen and learn about attachment styles, what they mean for you, and don't forget to text "ATTACH" to 55444 to get the Attachment Style Assessment to uncover your own patterns in relationships.
All for you,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Are you in a relationship with someone who has issues they're not getting help for? It is painful to watch someone you love struggle, and it's also frustrating when you're not getting your needs met in a relationship. How do you help someone who won't help themselves? How long do you wait? When does being "supportive" slide into being "codependent?" When do you call it quits and move on? All that and more, on this episode.
Wishing you all the best,
Are you seeking to increase your social circle with true-blue friends who have your back? (And weed out the selfish people who take more than they give?) On today's episode of the Love, Happiness & Success podcast, Val Walker is here to share expert advice for how to cultivate relationships with friends you can count on.
In this emotionally intimate interview, Val talks about the moment she realized she had "400 Friends & No One To Call" (the title of her latest book), and how it launched her intentional, successful creation of a supportive community of meaningful friendships.
Val has so much fantastic advice to share with you for how to build up a community of support for yourself. I hope you listen!
xoxo,
Most busy professionals feel they don't have the luxury to "just hang out." Yet investing in healthy friendships is one of the single most impactful things you can do to improve your mental, emotional, and even physical health.
To support YOU in your understanding of the importance of healthy friendships, and to deepen you understanding of what it really takes to build supportive relationships in your life, I’ve invited science journalist and author Lydia Denworth to speak with me about her new book, “Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond.”
She shares what her painstaking research has uncovered about why friendships are so important to us, the risks of neglecting your friendships, the impact of friendships on children and adolescents, and — perhaps most importantly — concrete strategies for how to build and nurture your friendships during social distancing.
Listen, and learn about the importance of healthy friendship and how to build strong friendship connections in your own life.
As a marriage counselor and couples therapist l know that all relationships bring a variety of challenges and opportunities for growth. At the same time, some couples — particularly those in cross-cultural relationships — feel that they have further to go in bridging the gap.
It’s very easy for couples to get entrenched in conflict rooted in a core belief of “right and wrong” when it comes to how to approach various aspects of their shared life. This can be especially true around hot-button issues such as:
- “How much influence should my mother-in-law have in our family?”
- “How do we handle money as a couple?”
- “How do we parent our children together?”
- “How do we communicate with each other when we’re stressed?”
- “Who is in charge of what, around our home?”
- “How do we handle racial prejudice directed at one of us, or our children?”
To tackle these questions, and provide some direction for how to begin building bridges to the center, I’ve asked some multicultural relationship experts to join me for this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Growing Self relationship coaches Dr. Georgiana Spradling, MFT, Tania Chikhani, M.A, and Teresa Thomas, M.A. often work with cross-cultural couples and interracial couples, and have great relationship advice for how to create peace and harmony in your gloriously diverse family.
All the best,
We are living in historic times. In the midst of a global pandemic, our country is also fighting another battle: One that seeks to shine a light on injustice and systemic racism, end abuse and discrimination of Black Americans and other people of color, and begin the hard work of healing.
This reality brings up questions that need to be answered:
- How can a person of color cope with feelings of anger and pain due to being directly impacted by (or bearing witness to) racial injustice in our society?
- What are some strategies that Black Americans can use to stay empowered in their relationships, and to make informed, affirming decisions that honor their needs and rights?
- Where do you turn for safety, support and understanding in a divided and uncertain world?
- How can people of color honor the reality of the past and present, and also remain hopeful about the future?
Growing Self therapists Teresa Thomas, M.S., and Zachary Gaiter, M.S., LPCC tackle these questions and more, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Join us!
If you're still thinking about your Ex, and wishing you could heal, let go, and move on, today's Episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is for you.
We're discussing:
- Why you can't stop thinking about your Ex
- Why understanding your biology can set you free
- What to do when you're obsessing about your Ex's new relationship
- Why anger and guilt can keep you trapped in the past
- How to let go of insecurities and jealousy about your Ex's new relationship
- How to get closure after a relationship has ended
- How to let go of a toxic relationship
- How to (authentically and honestly) work through the feelings in a healthy way
- How to use this experience as a launchpad for growth
Your partner in growth,
We all hear “You have to love yourself first.” But what if you don't know how to love yourself?
This episode is all about authentic self love: What it really means, why having compassion and care for yourself matters so much, and how to love yourself even if (and especially if) you don't always feel like it.
You are worthy of love and respect, and today's podcast will help you build your relationship... with yourself.
With love and gratitude for the gift that is YOU,
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — For even more support in creating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, check out my “cultivating self-confidence” collection. You'll find articles and advice about confidence and self-esteem, plus podcast playlists I put together for you.
Feeling Trapped?
When you're in a situation you're unhappy in but feel that the exits are blocked and that you have no good options, it's easy to feel trapped. Perhaps you're in an unhappy relationship, but can't leave. Or you feel forced to stay in a job you hate. Or your circumstances are limiting your empowerment and growth.
When change feels futile, or impossible, it's easy to feel helpless, disempowered, and trapped.
Does this sound familiar at all? If so, you're not alone. We all hit a wall sometimes. The good news is that there is a way out. Through using your creativity and giving yourself permission to entertain new thoughts, you'll either find new solutions... or inner peace.
Listen, and learn about how to get unstuck when you're feeling trapped on this episode of the podcast.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Is your partner threatening divorce? Are you? If so this is certainly a relationship crisis... but not necessarily the end. In fact, when couples are on the brink of divorce, it can be a turning point for a marriage.
On this episode, I'm sharing some from-the-heart advice learned from my years as a marriage counselor about things you can do to stop this runaway train, and have new conversations with your partner to start the process of healing.
I am also aware that there are situations where you cannot stop a divorce if your partner has made up their mind. I also have some advice for how to handle this, and offer some concrete strategies for having the healthiest and most collaborative parting as possible.
I hope that all the advice helps you find your way through this confusing, and scary time, and that the path forward is one of growth for you -- no matter how things unfold.
With love and respect,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast (as well as other episodes to come), I'm providing you with new ideas and growth activities that will help you move yourself forward on a deep level, while the world around us stops.
To begin, I'm speaking with my dear Olivia, the mastermind behind Decluttered Intentions, about simple things you can do to:
- Create organization and order in your personal space
- Cultivate spaciousness and peace inside of yourself
- Release the opportunity to bury yourself in busyness
- Understand your patterns and ways of relating to the world
- Create order in your routines
- Curate your thinking patterns in a way to create gratitude, appreciation, and contentment.
- Connect with your dreams so that you can design a sanctuary within your home that nourishes you from the inside out.
I hope that these ideas and activities help YOU use this special, quiet time to move forward on your journey of growth.
All the best,
Ps: One of the resources I mentioned in this episode is my "What's Holding You Back" assessment, that gives you insight into your personal strengths and growth opportunities in a variety of domains. Text "GROW" to 55444 if you'd like to take it. xoxo, LMB
FINDING BALANCE: We want to have everything. We want and need to have rules and structure to protect us and guide our lives. Yet we also crave freedom and independence. We long to have empathy and compassion in our relationships,but we also want to be challenged so that we can grow.
Finding Balance In All ThingsTight vs. Loose. Protective vs. Forgiving. Planning vs. Being Present. Everything we do exists on a continuum, a spectrum of finding balance between extremes so that we can create a healthy path on every level.
Dr. Michele Gelfand is the author of "Rule Makers, Rule Breakers: How Tight and Loose Cultures Wire Our World," she's been on the stage of TedEx, she's been featured on The Hidden Brain podcast, and now she's here with me to share her wisdom with YOU.
I hope her fascinating insights help you find a healthy balance in your life.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Let's face it: Couples and money is a hot-button issue for many relationships. Sooner or later, all successful long-term couples need to work together to figure out how to communicate productively about money so that they can get on the same page and create a shared financial future. This is not always easy under the best of circumstances.
Now, many couples are facing financial uncertainty or even a financial crisis (thanks coronavirus). It's more important than ever to be working as a united team around finances so that your relationship stays strong and healthy... even if your bank account takes a hit.
To help you have constructive, drama free conversations about money with your partner, I've invited my colleague Meagan Terry to give us the scoop on exactly what to do (and what NOT to do) in order to have loving, respectful, and effective conversations about finances that create unity and connection.
Meagan is a highly experienced marriage counselor who has helped countless couples stop financial conflict and get on the same page around money. Now she's here for YOU. Listen, and get her actionable tips you can start using today!
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
ADVICE FROM A CAREER COACH | In addition to everything else in your life being upended by the coronavirus pandemic, you probably have a slew of new "coronavirus career anxieties" in addition to the usual coronavirus anxiety that's buzzing inside everyone right now.
Many people are very worried about their career future right now. Many jobs have been lost to coronavirus, and with the threat of recession, there may be more layoffs to come. (Read: Coping With a Layoff) For those among us lucky enough to have stable employment, we now figure out how to maintain our professionalism via online video meetings, work from home while balancing childcare, homeschooling and more.
In times like these it's absolutely normal to be worried about work, and help is here.
Advice From a Career CoachToday I've tapped a couple of my career coaching colleagues to discuss important questions like:
- What to do if you lost your job
- How to get a bridge job right now if you need one
- How to use this time to develop yourself professionally and make long term career plans
- How to protect your long-term career goals from coronavirus, if they're getting derailed right now
- Managing anxiety about your career
- Best practices when working from home for online video meetings
- Balancing work and life when you're working from home
- And more!
Join us for some timely coronavirus career advice on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Coronavirus anxiety? Struggling with the new reality of "Corona Life?" You're not alone. I recently polled some of my tribe on Instagram to see how they were doing mentally and emotionally during the Coronavirus crisis we are all experiencing together.
In efforts to help you manage Coronavirus anxiety and cultivate emotional resilience, I am devoting this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to addressing your questions about coping with "Coronavirus Life" in order to provide new ideas and direction.
Specifically:
- "I am freaking out about Coronavirus. How do I stop worrying about getting sick? Or being worried that people I love will get Coronavirus?"
- "I'm having anxiety about separation during the Coronavirus quarantine, and I am so sad about being cut off from everyone. What do I do?"
- "What are some of the best self-care strategies for dealing with Coronavirus stress?"
- "Being cooped up at home with my spouse is taking a toll on my relationship. How do we handle the stress of this situation without damaging our relationship?"
- "I'm so worried about my financial future thanks to Coronavirus. What do I do?"
- "Coronavirus has destroyed my life. I can't deal with the uncertainty of not knowing what is happening."
I'm answering these listener questions and sharing some special, free resources for my listeners (You!!) on this episode. I hope this discussion and the resources I'm sharing helps you find new coping skills, and practices that help build a firm foundation of emotional resilience inside yourself right now.
Wishing you all the best,
Knowing how to handle inevitable issues that creep into every relationship makes all the difference in whether your relationship becomes stronger over time... or strained.
The truth is that all couples need to learn "how" to do relationships, and there are a few core skills that are essential. My guests today are expert premarital counselors who are sharing their best advice for the things every couple must do to keep their relationship strong and healthy for the long haul.
Whether you're in a newly committed relationship or have been married for years, I hope you listen to this episode!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you feel like it's hard to manage the stress of it all? If you're like so many of our high-achieving type-A life coaching and therapy clients here at Growing Self, you probably have days when you're feeling spread thin.
How do you create a sustainable way of being that allows you to not just do the things that you need to do but manage your life in such a way that you don't constantly feel like a frantic stress-ball?
My guest on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, Marilyn Paul, PhD, is here to show us how. Listen to get insights and tips, and compassionate, empowering ideas that you can use ASAP to cultivate calm and order in your life, so that you can feel genuinely stress free from the inside out.
Your partner in growth,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Super quick announcement to let you know that, due to some unforeseen technical issues, the "How Healthy is Your Relationship" Quiz I've mentioned on a number of podcasts is now available by texting RELQUIZ to 33777. The old number (345345) is no longer operational as of 2/28/20.
You can also access the quiz on the GrowingSelf.com website.
I hope this change did not create any confusion or inconvenience for you.
Okay, that's all -- I'll be back in touch with a new *actual* podcast for you on Monday! xoxo, LMB
LEAVING a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP? Or thinking about it? If so, my heart goes out to you: You've already been through the wringer. As a therapist who specializes in toxic relationship addiction, and having researched and written a breakup recovery book, I know from years of experience that when you're addicted to a toxic relationship, it messes with your mind. Toxic relationships trash your self esteem. They damage your ability to trust. But even worse, after tolerating months or even years in a toxic relationship it can make you feel like you can't even trust your own judgement anymore.
In order to provide you with the empowering support and perspective that can support YOUR growth and recovery, I've invited writer Shannon Ashley to join me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Shannon is not the type of "official" relationship expert that I often have on the show — she's so much more. She's a fellow traveler who has walked through the fire, and come out the other side. She has been able to give a voice to the experience that you're going through, and she has a unique perspective on what it really takes to heal from a toxic relationship. I'm so pleased that she's here to share her hard won wisdom with YOU today.
Wishing you all the best,
There's a unique type of existential anxiety brewing in younger professionals lately who consider their career future and wonder, "Are robots coming for my job?"
To help you move forward fearlessly into a bright professional future, I've invited future-focused career coach Nicolle Merrill to speak with us. She's here today to share her best future career advice with you, including:
- Insight into what types of future careers are more vulnerable to AI and automation than others
- How to balance passion and practicality as you're developing your career goals
- What to do if you create your ideal career... and then realize you hate your job
- How to manage anxiety about your future career
- How to develop your emotional intelligence
- How to reduce the risk when making a big career change
- The types of skill sets and personal qualities that will always be in high demand
All that and more, as we discuss YOUR career future on the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you want to create a fantastic relationship, there's one irreplaceable ingredient that you must have: Emotional safety.
If you have emotional safety everything from communication to intimacy feels so much easier. But without it, everything feels like a battle.
Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to share the secrets behind how to create emotional safety in your relationship. We'll be discussing:
- What emotional safety is, and why it's important
- How to determine if your relationship is emotionally safe or not
- How to begin increasing the emotional safety in your relationship
- Understanding what behaviors will damage emotional safety
- How to use the principles of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to improve your relationship
Happy Valentine's Day!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: If you want to take the free "How Healthy is Your Relationship" assessment I mention in this episode, text RELQUIZ to 345345 to get the link.
If you started the new year with ambitious goals and aspirations that are already on life-support, or have been abandoned altogether: CONGRATULATIONS. Only now do you have the real-world information you need to reassess your situation, gain more clarity, and tweak your approach.
To help you figure out how to achieve your most ambitious goals for real, I've invited master life coach Laurie Gerber of The Handel Group to share her tips for how to use setbacks to understand yourself more deeply, and shine a spotlight on the mental, emotional and practical strategies that will help you achieve your most ambitious goals.
Listen and learn:
- How creating multidimensional, holistic self-awareness can help you uncover blindspots that could otherwise become obstacles.
- Why the obvious path to change is often not effective (and what often unseen things actually are)
- How to get your thoughts, feelings and behavior into alignment
- Different ways of thinking that will help you stay motivated over the long haul
I hope that this conversation helps YOU dig deeper, get into alignment, and get clarity about where to refocus your energy.
PS: We discussed a number of resources in this episode. One of them is our free Ten Year Plan exercise. If you haven't done this yet, here's the link to get the pdf or access to the online version.
The path to wellness can be a long and challenging one if you're dealing with a chronic health condition... particularly one that does not have an obvious cause or simple solution. Dealing with these kinds of health issues requires an enormous amount of strength, courage, and persistence — all of which can be hard to come by when you're at a low point, physically.
If you or someone you love is going through this, help is here. My colleague at Growing Self, Amy-Noelle Shih, M.A., LPC is a holistic, empowering therapist and life coach who specializes in supporting people on their journey back to health, and is sharing her empowering advice with you on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
All for you...
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
How would you describe your relationship... with money? Secure? Anxious? Toxic? Neglected? Or... Easy?
We all carry subconscious thoughts, feelings and values around money that impact our way of relating to it. Financial therapy helps you uncover these powerful inner forces, so that you can create a healthy money mindset so that you can feel empowered and in control of your finances. Financial therapy for couples helps you stop the "money fights" and get on the same page with your partner around money.
Today's guest, financial therapist Jennifer Dunkle, is here to explain how YOU can develop a healthy money mindset — both individually, and as a couple — so that you can achieve your financial goals.
Human beings are built to bond — but we can also develop powerful bonds to unhelpful behaviors, toxic people, and even substances of abuse. Understanding the power of connection can help you break unhealthy attachments, and cultivate empowering, energizing new ones. Here's how...
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I have a special gift for both premarital couples AND couples on the brink of divorce: A special interview with Jim Sexton, author of "How to Stay in Love." Jim has a unique perspective — he has spent years working as a divorce lawyer and has sat with countless couples who are in the process of ending their marriage. Through these experiences he gained insight into the biggest mistakes couples can make,the most important things you can do to prevent a divorce, and key things that couples can do to keep their relationship healthy and strong.
I hope this episode helps you understand your marriage in a new way, and provides some direction for how to repair your bond if things have been feeling hard lately.
All the best,
It's a brand new DECADE! To celebrate, we're doing something special in this episode: I'm going to walk you, step by step, through a "growth experience" that will help you create your very own Ten Year Plan so that you have clarity about where you want to be (and how to get there!) over the next ten years.
To help you get the most out of this, I've created some free resources to assist you: Text 10YPlan to 33777 OR visit GrowingSelf.com/My-Ten-Year-Plan to get access to my (totally free) Online 10 Year Planning Tool and / or printable pdf.
Then, together, we'll walk through this powerful activity together. By the end you'll have new self-awareness, clarity about what you want, but, most importantly, knowledge about specifically what you need to do (and not do!) to achieve your ideal reality 10 years from now.
Let's do this! And HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your partner in growth,
It's so easy — especially for smart, determined, proactive and successful people — to spend a lot (a LOT) of time and energy pursuing goals that, at the end of the day, are not actually the most important or meaningful ones to them. Sounds crazy, but it's true: We're all vulnerable to absorbing messages from our families, social media, our culture, and certainly the combined efforts of many savvy marketers about what we should want. About who we should be. About what we should do with our lives.
You Are The Author of Your Own Life StoryAt the end of the day, buying in to someone else's hopes and dreams for your life can lead you down the wrong path. Even if you — by virtue of your intelligence, determination, and hard work — are successful in creating all of it and achieving the ideals that you were handed, they will still feel hollow to you. Because they were never genuinely meaningful and important to YOU. And you will have spent so much of your precious time, energy, love, and devotion to achieving goals that — at the end of the day — could have been spent creating the life and reality that was your heart's desire.
You deserve better. You deserve to own your own goals and create a destiny that will lead to your heart overflowing with authentic happiness and gratitude. You deserve, at the very end of your precious life, to have zero regrets.You deserve to feel pride and appreciation for what you have created, and what will last long after your time on this earth has passed.
How to Design Your Life Around What Matters MostTo help you create this reality — the clear-eyed pursuit and attainment of the goals that are actually the most important and precious to YOU — I have a very special gift for you. On the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I had the honor and pleasure of interviewing a very wise and insightful man, author Chris Meyer.
Chris has a fascinating story: He spent many years as the director of a funeral home. (Stay with me here!) Over the years, he sat with many families as they planned their final goodbyes. He sat with people who were dying, and grieving families, and heard their stories — their gratitude, and their regrets, and the profound insights into what really mattered.... from the perspective of looking back on their lives.
Today, he is here to share these insights directly with YOU. He is bringing you the messages from people at the end, so that YOU can design your life with intention, clarity and love, and maintain you focus on what really matters most to you.
It's a heartfelt gift for you, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. I sincerely hope that it helps you get clarity and self-awareness for how you'd like to design YOUR life as we enter into a new decade, together.
With love,
Let's face it: We all have moments. Moments when we feel (justifiably!) angry or frustrated with other people, and moments when we lose our cool.
While everyone is in agreement that there is a time and place for healthy anger, sometimes the lines can get blurred around when you're setting appropriate limits.... and when you're probably being unnecessarily aggressive about making your feelings known.
How do we find that balance? The balance between not being a pushover and having a right to your feelings, but also having compassion for other people? Especially (here's the hard part) other people who may not be behaving well themselves. It's challenging for all of us. (#lifegoals!)
The easy thing to do in the face of conflict is to lash out in anger, push people away, or freeze people out. It's much harder to stay in the ring and find a path of mutual understanding and repair.
On the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I had the great pleasure of speaking with NYC-based psychoanalyst Dr. Mark Borg about this subject, and his insights into how to lead a more compassionate life. Dr. Borg is the author of the book, "Don't Be a Dick: Change Yourself, Change Your World" and he shared thoughtful strategies for how to:
- Gain the authentic self-awareness necessary to catch yourself when you're slipping into unnecessary "dickishness"
- How to handle challenging interpersonal situations with grace and tact
- The mindset that will help you stay compassionate with people who are not behaving well
- Strategies to handle extremely triggering situations with your family around the holidays (without getting sucked into conflict)
- How to use the power of empathy for yourself, and others, in order to make the world a better place
I hope this perspective and advice helps you and the people you love.
Do you have relationship questions, dating questions, breakup questions, communication questions, therapy questions, or need to know how to handle a totally awkward family situation?
Today on the podcast we're talking about all of it: The entire show is devoted to you. Your life, your relationships, and your questions.
Specifically, we discussed:
- What if you're having an argument with your partner and need to take a break to calm down, but they keep pursuing you?
- How to handle it when you're married and have a crush on someone else? What if you have a crush on an EMPLOYEE?
- Are you dating and hearing, "I like you but just as friends" a lot? We're talking about what that might mean!
- What are some tips to handle a hard breakup or divorce when you coparent with your Ex and have to see your Ex?
- What should you do if your family members are fighting with each other and you keep getting dragged into it?
- Can you do couples therapy by video if you're in a long-distance relationship? Why might that be a good idea?
- How should you approach your partner if you think they would really benefit from individual therapy or couples counseling, but they won't go?
- And so. Much. More.
Tune in!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Divorces and breakups are difficult any time of year, but most people find that the period between Thanksgiving and Valentine's day adds an extra layer of angst and anxiety to the recovery process.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be giving you actionable advice to cope with a breakup or divorce during the holiday season. You'll learn how to take care of yourself, ways to manage your feelings, and most importantly -- how to use this time to heal, grow, and move on to a brighter future.
Ps. Don't forget to download your free "action plan" for how to stop obsessing about your Ex: www.growingself.com/holiday-breakups
Feeling judged is difficult at any time, but as we lead up to the holidays, I begin to hear from many therapy and life coaching clients that feeling judged or criticized during family gatherings creates a ton of anxiety.
On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm diving deeply into this topic, in order to help you find strategies to stop feeling judged (while you're staying true to yourself and your values).
We'll discuss:
- Why it's so important to get clear about your values before heading into emotionally fraught situations with family and in-laws
- How to decide where to be flexible and where to hold firm in your interactions with others
- How to let go of your need for approval from others
- What to prioritize in order to help yourself make decisions and be less reactive
- The secret strategy to help yourself be okay… even when others are not
- How to practice compassion for self and others
All this, and more, on this episode of the podcast.
All the best,
I often share relationship advice geared towards helping you proactively solve problems, practice good communication, and tackle tough issues before they become explosive... but that doesn't always happen. Sometimes, couples just have a terrible fight where they both say mean things to each other and feel like they damaged their relationship in the process.
Has this just happened in your relationship? Have you just had a nasty fight, and now you're looking for help to get your relationship back on track?
You're in the right place: Today I'm sharing my top tips for how to calm down, get back on track, and not just repair your relationship after a fight — but USE this experience to help your relationship grow and improve. PLUS, your questions about what to do when they're frequent fighting.
All for you!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you have a running commentary in your head about all your mistakes, faults and shortcomings?
It's so painful. It's so exhausting. It's also so common — especially in high-achieving, successful types. (Ironically). Yes, the people who seem pretty darn close to perfect in the eyes of others are often the ones struggling the most to feel peaceful and self-accepting.
Can you relate? Do you feel like you're never doing enough? Or like you have to be perfect (but even when you are, it could still be better?
If so, the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is for you. We're going to be talking about how to stop beating yourself up, even if (and especially if) you're going through life circumstances that make you more vulnerable to beating yourself up.
How to Stop Beating Yourself UpSpecifically, we're discussing:
- Why You Beat Yourself Up
- How to stop beating yourself up for mistakes
- How to stop beating yourself up for past mistakes (that feel big)
- How to stop beating yourself up over mistakes at work
- How to stop beating yourself up after a breakup
- How to stop beating yourself up for not being perfect
Listen to this episode to learn how to start pushing back against this "inner bully" so that you can cultivate self-compassion, feel less insecure, feel good about yourself, and take pride in your many accomplishments so that you can own your awesome.
You are worth it!
All the best,
PS: What's on YOUR mind these days? Have a question or a suggestion for an upcoming blog or podcast? I'm listening! Feel free to drop anything in the comments of this episode (here) or via this secure form.
Without understanding your subconscious self, it's very difficult to create real and lasting change in your life and in your relationships. You can try to make changes, but if your subconscious mind has other motivations.... it's going to win every time.
Today, we're discussing:
- Why high level "solutions" will not be effective unless you understand your subconscious self
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Why your subconscious brain can sabotage you
-
How to get insight into your subconscious mind
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How to use self-awareness to gain control over your subconscious
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Ways of strengthening your intuition, creativity and inner wisdom
All that, and more, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
BECOMING EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY: Feelings. They happen to everyone, all the time. And yet, we don't always acknowledge them or talk about our feelings, much less take guidance from our emotions.
Particularly in our culture, individuals and couples on a quest of "Happiness" can come to believe that being happy means being relatively free of dark emotions, like anger, sadness or fear. In fact, the opposite is true: Research shows that the happiest, most emotionally healthy people are actually the ones who are most comfortable with the full range of their emotions.
Emotionally healthy people tend to be both self-accepting and self-aware: They know how they feel, and they have a great deal of tolerance and self-compassion when they're not feeling so great emotionally. They don't try to avoid bad feelings, and they also know how to (gently, appropriately) support themselves through challenging times.
Emotional Health: Finding a BalanceEmotionally healthy people tend to be attuned to their emotions (and those of others). They know how to "lean in" to hard feelings with acceptance and without judgment. However, even though they're fully connected with their feelings they may not always react or take action from their emotions. A core component of authentic emotional health is knowing which feelings to listen to and which feelings to leave alone.
It can be hard to develop emotional health and learn how to stay in balance between taking wisdom from your emotions, but not always "obeying them. Learning how to tell the difference between helpful and unhelpful feelings, helps you develop self-compassion, self-understanding, and self-control.
Becoming Emotionally Healthy is a Personal Growth ProcessA key aspect of holistic personal growth is learning how to have an authentic, self-aware, and sensitive relationship with your own emotions. This kind of powerful personal growth work often addresses:
- The life experiences that shaped your emotional reality and core beliefs
- Acknowledging any unfinished business with the past
- Identifying and understanding your unique emotional triggers
- Figuring out which feelings are guiding you helpfully
- Using your emotions to connect with your hopes, dreams and values
- Pinpointing the emotions that are getting in your way
- Developing self-compassionand acceptance of feelings without judgment
- Learning how to cope with big, dark emotions in a healthy way
- Learning how to stay in balance emotionally, no matter what's going on
It's a lot! While this type of personal growth work often takes months (if not years) of focused attention in therapy or life coaching,it's so worth it. Becoming emotionally healthy is a foundational life skill for anyone on the path of self-actualization.
The Benefits of Cultivating Emotional HealthLearning how to manage your emotions skillfully allows you to have better relationships with others, feel happier, improve your self-esteem, and also create a meaningful, values-based life for yourself. It's worth talking about, and that's where we're going together today on The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
In addition to talking through all of the above, I'm answering some specific listener questions like:
- "How do I get my emotions under control and stop being so reactive?"
- "How do I stop allowing my anxiety to get in the way of my relationships?"
- "How do I feel less numb and 'blah' and more engaged with my life?"”
All for YOU, on this episode of the podcast.
See you there!
PS: Resources I mentioned on today's show include the "Happy Heart" unit of my online Happiness Class, as well as a self-soothing breathing technique I shared on IGTV.
PPS: Once again, I recorded this episode LIVE on Instagram so that I could answer some real-time listener questions. If you'd like to join next time, follow me @drlisamariebobbyand you'll see me LIVE in your stories (almost) every Monday at 12pm MT. Hope to see you there! LMB
Modern dating is complex and challenging. I've had so many listener questions about dating coming in lately, that I just had to address them on a podcast! In particular, we're diving deep and talking through some of the more complicated aspects of "dating life" that many people struggle with, like:
What to do when you're terribly sad about being single?
How do you know if you're ready to date after a bad breakup or divorce?
If you're a single parent, when should you tell the kids about your new relationship?
How do you trust a new person if you've been betrayed in the past?
All that, and more, on this episode...
PS: Do YOU have questions? Ask away!
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your life? Like you have so much to do and you're always busy, but also like you're not actually getting things done? Or, worse, are you SO busy that things are actually starting to fall through the cracks? Eek!
This is incredibly stressful, and yet so many people are struggling with it: Especially conscientious, hardworking and responsible types.
If this is a "pain point" for you, too, I hope you join me on this episode, to learn about:
- What types of core belief and approaches to life lead to feelings of overwhelm
- How perfectionism and over achievement is correlated with being LESS successful
- How stress leads to anxiety (and too much anxiety leads to paralysis)
- The type of mindset that helps you do more (and feel happier at the same time)
- How to recognize when you're spiraling into burnout and how to stop it
- How to do a "hard reset" on overwhelm and start getting things done
- How to get reconnected to your true values, goals and priorities
- What to focus on first if you're spiraling
- Strategies to help you identify and focus on what is truly important (and say buh-bye to the rest)
- Surprising tips and tricks to relax your body and mind, and enter a state of focused productivity
All for YOU, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: How well do you understand other people? How well do you understand yourself? Do you know how to handle emotionally sensitive moments?
Because emotional intelligence skills really are so important, I decided to devote an entire episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to helping you understand emotional intelligence and how to improve emotional intelligence.
Listen, and learn:
- Signs of low emotional intelligence
- Consequences of low emotional intelligence
- Why some people have higher emotional intelligence than others
- Emotional intelligence and empathy
- Why self-awareness is the key first step to developing emotional intelligence
- How to improve emotional intelligence
- How to tell if you're emotionally intelligent or not
- Different emotional intelligence quizzes and assessment strategies
- Specific exercises to improve emotional intelligence.
All the best,
Ps: Get access to the resources we discussed in this episode on the post for this episode here.
Do you ruminate? Think about things that happened in the past? Worry about what could happen in the future? Feel irritated with other people? Or struggle with the anxiety of comparing yourself with others?
There is an alternative to being at the mercy of your mercurial mind. Learning how to mindfully and with intention get in control of your inner experience can help you break free from anxiety and worry, rise above stress, attain profound levels of empathy and connection with others, and feel happier and more joyful in the process.
But how? How do we rise above the churning of our minds and our egos, to enter into a state of compassion and connection? Well, my guest on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is Preethaji, a philosopher, mystic, the author of The Four Sacred Secrets and the co-founder of the international school of self-development, the O & O Academy based in India.
Listen to this episode as Preethaji and I discuss:
- How to liberate yourself from a state of suffering
- How to find clarity and purpose within
- How to intentionally shift into a state of love, peace and calm
- How to feel more connected to others, to the universe, and to yourself
- How to transform your most important relationships through love and compassion
We're digging deep, discussing how to mindfully heal old wounds, release self-limiting old beliefs, and taking responsibility for the way you show up in the world. I posed a couple of YOUR questions to her too, and her perspective was refreshing.
I really enjoyed speaking with Preethaji, and I hope you get as much out of listening to this episode as I did in making it for you.
Your fellow traveler,
YOUR RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS, ANSWERED | Lately, I've had quite a few listeners and readers get in touch with their relationship questions. I thought I'd devote an entire episode of the podcast to answering them! Specifically, I'm offering free relationship advice around these common questions on today's episode:
- What to do when you're feeling bored in your relationship, and are concerned because you're married but have a crush on someone else.
- What to do when you and your partner have different love languages
- Whether to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't listen to you
- How to get your partner to take more initiative for household tasks
- What to do when your partner has a substance abuse problem but won't get help
- What to do when your boyfriend keeps putting off getting engaged
- How to handle it when your partner is acting like a child in the relationship
Your burning relationship questions answered, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast!
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
PS: One of the resources I mentioned to a listener's question was our "How Healthy is Your Relationship" quiz. Click the link if you'd like to take it too.
PSS: Do YOU have a question? You're welcome to ask it here on the comments section for this post: https://www.growingself.com/free-relationship-advice-from-a-marriage-counselor, or via my Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/drlisamariebobby I just might answer it on an upcoming episode! :)
THE POWER OF DECLUTTERING: Do you ever feel oppressed by all the stuff you're hanging on to? Is it hard to get organized, and stay organized? Do you feel like your life is crammed full of obligations, relationships, things — even a career — that no longer fits the person you've grown into?
Intentionally getting clear about who you are NOW, and where you want to go with your life can help you cut through all the clutter and develop an environment and a lifestyle that feels satisfying and congruent with the best parts ofyou.
True, meaningful decluttering goes much deeper than just cleaning out a closet. Decluttering and maintaining a values-based, intentional lifestyle is an exercise in personal clarity and evolution. To help YOU along your journey of renewal and growth I've invited decluttering expert Olivia Heine to join me on the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
If you're looking for some decluttering inspiration, you'll definitely want to listen to this episode. We're discussing:
- How decluttering your life can lead to emotional growth and healing
- How to get clarity about your self and your life goals, so that you know what to keep and what to let go of
- How to use the process of decluttering as a vehicle that can actually help you process unfinished emotional business from the past
- Why releasing physical possessions is often the first step in making positive changes in other parts of your life
- How to deal with tricky emotions (like guilt) that make it hard to let go of things
- How to declutter your life, your relationships, your career, and your time
- How the practice of decluttering helps you feel more confident and empowered
- How holding space in your life for the things that ARE important to you helps you create the life you want
- How to maintain an organized, intentional lifestyle long-term
- And more!
So much good stuff to share with you. Olivia and I hope this discussion helps YOU get clear about who you are, what you want.... and what it's time to release!
All the best,
Ps: Questions? Comments? Join the conversation! www.growingself.com/the-power-of-decluttering
On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm talking all about how to not JUST find your purpose and highest calling, but how to start living your life with self-awareness and intention so that you can design the reality you want. Specifically, we're discussing:
- Why your ultimate purpose in life is bigger than your career
- How to fully embrace the amount of power you already have to design the life you want
- How to uncover the unconscious beliefs and messages that have been leading to life circumstances you don't want
- Targeted questions to help you get clear about what your truth is
- The importance of deliberately living in congruence with your highest and best
- How to develop self-awareness and mindfulness strategies that will allow you to take control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors
- How living intentionally and in congruence with your values leads to authentic happiness
If you have been feeling stuck lately and are struggling to find clarity and direction in life, I hope you listen to this episode.
With love and respect,
Ps: One of the strategies I offered on this episode involves thinking about times that you experience "flow" and writing about it. You are invited to share your "flow moments" in the comments on the blog at www.GrowingSelf.com!
Did you know that right now is possibly the best time you'll have all year to make real and lasting change in your life? That's not hyperbole. In my experience as a therapist, life coach, marriage counselor, and fellow traveler on this journey of life, I have noticed that this season -- the annual transition from summer to fall -- is often when people are feeling most intrinsically motivated, and most able to make real and lasting change in their lives.
Perhaps it's a natural itch to get back to work after the languid summer season, particularly if you've done a good job of relaxing well. Perhaps it's a lifetime of major life transitions in the form of back to school experiences. For whatever reason, now is the time when you're ready to cultivate fresh new energy in your life and plant the seeds of a new chapter. Whether it's your career, your clutter, your personal habits, or your how you spend your time that is begging for re-evaluation, the time is ripe to sweep out the old and usher in the new.
On this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to be teaching you four crucial steps to practice as you harness the natural, transformational power of this season and use it to affect real and lasting change in your life. You'll learn how to access your self awareness, create intentional change, get deeper access to your core values, and make changes that last.
Here's to your liberation!
Many people get involved with therapy or life coachinghere at Growing Self in order to improve all their relationships — not just their romantic partnerships or marriages. Let's face it: Friendships can present their own unique challenges.
If this is an area of growth for you, too, you'll definitely want to listen to this episode. I'll be discussing:
- Why friendships end
- How the dynamics of friendships are similar to and different from romantic relationships
- How to mend a friendship that has been feeling strained
- What to do about toxic friendships
- How to cope if you've been ghosted by a friend
- The path of healing after an unexpected friendship loss
- How to end a friendship compassionately
- How to change a friendship if you need different boundaries with a friend
I hope these ideas help you strengthen your friendships and keep healthy people in your life!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, LP, BCC
Ps: Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Here's the link to join the discussion at GrowingSelf.com
It is vacation season, and you probably have some getaways planned. (I hope.) But if you are of the "rest is for mortals" mindset, you are not alone.
So today I'm bringing you ten tips that will help you make the most of your hard earned vacation time -- whether you travel to exotic lands or just stick around town.
We'll be discussing how to:
1) Take time off without feeling guilty about it
2) Use your vacation time intentionally and mindfully
3) Prepare to step out in such a way as to minimize "re-entry stress" upon your return
4) Set boundaries with others (and yourself) so you can relax and be present
5) Learn how to make them positive benefits of your vacation experience last, even after you're back
And much, much more -- all on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
It can feel really discouraging when you are eager to work on your relationship, and your partner is less than enthused about going to marriage counseling or relationship coaching. But know this: Every couple who gets to marriage counseling does so because one of the partners initiates it. In your relationship, that person might need to be you. And that is okay.
This episode will give you insight into what might be going on inside your partner when they say things like:
- "Things aren't that bad"
- "Marriage counseling is too expensive"
- "We don't need to tell a stranger about our problems"
- "I absolutely refuse to go to marriage counseling"
I'm sharing some tips and ideas that can help you you ease their concerns. I hope this advice helps you help YOUR partner take the first step forward with you, and start growing back together again.
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Welcoming a new baby into the world can be one of the most exciting and joyful times for a couple... and also one of the hardest. It's unfortunately very common to have marriage problems after baby. As marriage counselors and family therapists we often see that most couples spend so much time and energy preparing for the birth, and how to take care of their newborn, they neglect to think about how they'll keep their relationship strong after baby.
Because this transition to parenthood can feel so challenging for many couples, we're devoting a whole episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to supporting you through it. Marriage and family therapist and parenting coach Jessica Small will be sharing her tips for how to not just keep your relationship strong after baby, but set yourself up for success in the years to come.
Listen now to get Jessica's advice for how to:- Prepare your relationship for a baby
- Have crucial conversations that will help you work through issues as they come up
- How to support each other emotionally after having a baby
- Practice practical strategies to make things easier for both of you
- Keep a compassionate mindset
- Create a happy new chapter for your marriage
We hope that this information helps you successfully transition from being a happy couple to a happy family!
Sincerely,
Do you feel frustrated with your current job? Perhaps you generally feel good about your line of work, but want to take it to the next level. Maybe, like so many people, you're feeling a vague sense of dissatisfaction with your job: You know you want more, you know you can do more, but aren't sure which direction you should go in — much less how to make it happen.
Today, you're in for a treat. I've invited Denver career coachand leadership coach Nicholas Manning to speak with me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, and share his best advice for how to move past paralysis and stagnation, and start taking control of your career in a new way.
We're talking about many things to support your professional development, including:
- How to know it's time for a career change (and where to start)
- How to make a values-based plan for your career
- Why you're not getting promoted
- The importance of emotional intelligence at work
- Learning how to be a leader
- Coping with a bad boss
- And much more!
We help this career advice helps you make positive changes, and develop a more fulfilling and rewarding career!
Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD & Nicholas Manning, MBA
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm putting on my dating coach hat to give you some free dating advice for how to date with confidence, and hopefully find your true love this summer. I'll be discussing:
- How to date with intention, and save yourself time, energy and frustration
- How to get interesting people interested in YOU
- New relationship warning signs
- What to look for in a potential partner
- How to establish a healthy long-term relationship
If you're single and hoping to find true love this summer, you'll definitely want to listen.
Xoxo,
These days, travel is more than just taking a trip. Where you go, who you go with, and what you do when you're in complete control of your time says a lot about you. Your personality, your interests, and even your identity becomes intertwined with what you do during your leisure time.
More importantly, traveling with intention can lead to personal growth. Having new experiences, getting a fresh perspective, and putting yourself in challenging situations can help you expand: Becoming wiser, more worldly, and more resilient. Traveling well can also provide you with benefits that linger long after you get back home.
Because traveling well is such an important aspect of personal growth, I've invited travel writer Aditi Shrikant of Vox to discuss the psychological impact of travel on people, and things to consider as you're planning your summer adventure. She shares her insight into making travel meaningful, and as well as some tips to get the most personal impact from your vacation.
Your partner in adventure!
We think of the process of changing your life as a positive thing — one that is hopeful, and infused with joy. However, here's the dirt: While the results are absolutely positive, no-one ever, ever, changes because they're just so happy with their life as it currently is. No. People actually change because they are frustrated, annoyed, hurt, embarrassed, experiencing negative consequences, or just completely worn out and exhausted from living the way they have been.
It takes a brave soul to raise their hand and say, "This is what changing my life actually was like — tell my story."
It's such a treasure when that happens though. We all learn from each other, and hearing how people just like us learned, changed, grew, and evolved, creates an inspirational path that we can then follow ourselves.
Today, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast that is exactly what we are doing. My dear colleague, fellow Denver therapist and online life coach Polly Drew has an inspiring story of personal transformation to share. She talks about the change process: From her first awareness that she had a problem, to how she got the motivation to start making changes, to the support and systems she needed to put into place in order to be successful in changing her life.
We're talking all about what it takes to really change your life on this episode of the podcast.
With love,
In my role as a therapist, life coach and breakup recovery coach here at Growing Self, I have had the honor and privilege to walk along side many people as they make agonizing decisions about whether or not to stay in a relationship.
They often have deep ambivalence about the relationship: They love their person, and they acknowledge that the relationship has many good aspects, and yet they simply feel in their heart that it is not the right relationship for them.
So they stay. Sometimes, for years.
If this is familiar to you (or someone you know) this podcast is for you. In this episode I'm addressing:
- Why people get stuck in an unhappy relationship
- What goes on inside of someone in the weeks and months leading up to a breakup
- Why (and when) breaking up can be the most compassionate thing for all parties
- How to break up with someone you care about (especially if they argue with you about it)
- Underlying factors that can contribute to people having "commitment issues"
- What relationship patterns need to be addressed, lest they follow you into your next relationship
- What to discuss in couple' counseling if you want to give it one more shot
I hope this perspective helps!
Growing Self is devoted to helping you feel happier, and get better results in your relationships and your career. Over the years of being a therapist and coach I've learned that there are a couple of specific skills that, when learned, can change everything for you; you'll feel happier, less stressed, more confident, and empowered. I teach these skills to my private therapy and coaching clients, I teach them in my online Happiness Class, and I'm here today to teach them to you, too.
These strategies work for me, they work for my clients, and they'll work for you too.
Listen now, and let's get started!
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Money. Love it, hate it, it matters. Financial concerns can impact every area of your life, including your relationships, your career and even your self-esteem. Learning how to take charge of your financial success is vital to creating the life you want.
Learning how to be better with money is not just a matter of making a budget and stopping your $5 latte habit. Genuine financial success requires self-awareness, clarity about your core values, and intention -- as well as a plan. Financial management is a vital life-skill that is learned, and once you have a tool-box of strategies to manage your money you can flourish in every way.
That's why, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Profit Boss Hilary Hendershott.Hilary is a Certified Financial Planner, financial advisor and a wealth coach. She has helped many people learn how to not just manage their finances, but create genuine abundance in their lives.
She's here with actionable advice to help you:
- Gain self awareness about your patterns with money
- Stop sabotaging your financial success
- Use your core values guide your financial decisions
- Develop an intentional relationship with your money
- Guide your money, easily and effortlessly
- Create long-term financial peace
Listen to our discussion and get actionable advice from Hilary about how to start changing your relationship with money for the better, starting today.
Ps: Have a follow up question about financial success or any other Love, Happiness or Success topic? Cruise over to www.growingself.com and share it in the comments!
Wondering if you have Adult ADHD, or suspicious you do? Want to take an "Adult ADHD Test?"
Here's the first test: Does the fact that this is a podcast about ADHD rather than a written article make you feel relieved? (Because you can run / clean / drive / keep futzing around with whatever you want to instead of having to sit still for a REALLY LONG TIME (like 8 minutes) and laboriously read through an article and take a quiz?)
Ding ding!
On today's episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're talking about how to tell the difference between garden-variety disorganization and real-deal ADHD. I'll give you an "Adult ADHD Quiz" to help you determine if you might have it, or if someone you love may struggle with it. I'll also be sharing some strategies you can use to conquer Adult ADHD, and rise to your magnificent potential.
Check out the video and book resources I mentioned on the podcast at www.growingself.com/adult-adhd-test.
Learn more about Dr. Bobby, her coaching practice, and her online "Happiness Class" at www.growingself.com
(Music Credits: "Networking" by The Knife)
Generational differences in the workplace aren't something that you might always have on the top of your mind, but they can impact you more than you may realize. How you communicate, how you work with a team, your expectations about your career path, and even the way you relate to authority figures can all be connected to the point in time that your personality and professional identity were being developed.
Understanding your generational differences, particularly how they show up on-the-job, can help you not just understand yourself more deeply, but help you work more effectively with your colleagues.
Join career and leadership coaches Teena E and Markie K on this episode to gain understanding of why you are the way you are on the job, and how you can use awareness of yourself and others to create collaborative connections with your colleagues.
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
It's so, so hard to let go...
In the aftermath of a breakup or even divorce, many people continue on with their Ex in quasi-relationship "situationships." Living with their Ex, having sex with an Ex, being hang-out buddies with an Ex, or texting back and forth with an Ex are all common.
While this is understandable, it's also destructive. As a therapist, marriage counselor, and breakup recovery expert, I have had a ring-side seat to many, many relationships, divorces and breakup recovery situations. I've spoken to the broken hearted, as well as to their Exes and have learned a lot about why.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing my perspective on:
- Why people going through breakups often do self-destructive things in order to maintain their connection with their Ex
- Why having sex with an Ex is always damaging (but only to one of you)
- The power dynamics at work in every breakup
- How your Ex really feels about hooking up with you
- What post-breakup purgatory is really about… and what it does to your self esteem
- The magical thinking that people going through breakups are vulnerable to
- How to cut the cord and set yourself free
All the best,
Ps: We discussed a number of resources in this episode. Here are the links to learn more:
- The Stages of Healing From a Breakup
- Our Online Breakup Recovery and Support Group
- Heal Your Broken Heart Breakup Recovery Program
- Our Facebook group
How do you know if you're with the right person? If your relationship is good but not perfect, is that okay? How do you know if you're settling? When do you invest in a relationship, and when should you bail?
So. Many. Questions.
This angst was captured perfectly by a recent question that someone asked on our Growing Self Facebook page:
"How do you know if you should marry the guy? I’m in my mid twenties and loads of my friends are facing this question, as am I. You’ve been with them a couple years, it’s good but not perfect ... Do you break up and look for more or is he the one?"
On this episode, we're discussing how to figure out if you're compatible, how good is good enough, what things in a relationship can change (and what can't) and the surprising shift in thinking that will help you see the potential of your relationship a different way — for better or for worse.
xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Have you been daydreaming about quitting your day job and becoming self-employed? Lots of people share the fantasy of starting a business or doing their own thing, but many hit a wall when they think about how to actualize their goal of supporting themselves without a job.
If you want to get the real-deal on what it takes to become successfully self-employed, you're in for a treat. I asked an experienced freelancer, NY-based journalist Michael Stahl, how he cut the cord and started doing what he loved for a living — and found success in following his passion.
He shares his advice for how to make the transition from employee to "free" (as well as how to deal with the ensuing anxiety) on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Listen to his inspiring story and get insight on how to generate a plan, manage the anxiety, and cultivate the grit that will sustain you as you make your own way.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Love is not enough, actually. You can have an over-all great relationship with someone you love very much, and still feel like you're not really getting what you need in order to feel truly connected and cared for.
This can lead to frustrations, especially if your efforts to ask (or hint, or nag, or beg, or control, or get angry repeatedly — no judgment) never lead to real and lasting change in your relationship.
Help is here. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking to a true expert on this subject: Dr. Robert Navarra. Dr. Navarra has decades of experience as a marriage counselor, couples therapist, and addictions counselor. He trains other therapists on The Gottman Method of couples therapy— the gold standard in evidence-based couples counseling. He has also pioneered a new, evidence based method for helping couples reconnect in the aftermath of addiction.
He's here to share his insight and relationship advice with you, so that you can finally get your needs met in your relationship. Listen now, to start making positive changes today. (You might even consider listening to this episode with your partner, just in case they have some things to share too.)
Happy Valentine's Day!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Has your relationship been feeling hard lately? Arguing, bickering, sullen silences, critical comments, and rampant invalidation? If so, you're not alone. Virtually every couple has gone through rough patches like these.
Relationship problems are exhausting, but mentally and emotionally draining too. Your relationship should be a source of comfort and support, not one of stress and anxiety.
If you're normal, at a certain point, it starts to feel unsustainable to keep going as you have been, and start searching for solutions. You may even start entertaining the "final solution" of breaking up or getting divorced.
There is a path forward that can bring you two back together again. It's actually fairly simple (but not easy). Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast for advice from a marriage counselor for how YOU can get your relationship back on track.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Although many people say, "marriage is just a piece of paper that doesn't really change a relationship," as a premarital counselor (and long married person) I often smile to myself when I hear this.
What I've found to be true is that becoming engaged to marry most definitely does change a relationship, often in positive ways. Engagement also affords thoughtful couples opportunities to build their relationship's strengths, as well as take proactive action to prevent possible relationship problems in the future.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with expert premarital counselor Rachel Harder about the changes that happen in a relationship once couples get engaged, plus the skills and strategies that she teaches her premarital couples to help set them up for success.
If you're recently engaged, want to be, or know someone who is, listen to our interview to hear about the most important domains of your relationship to focus on in order to build the foundation for a happy, successful and satisfying marriage.
And, CONGRATULATIONS!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT and Rachel Harder, M.A., LMFT-C
- Self awareness -How understanding yourself, your needs, your feelings and your personal values can help you build better relationships with others.
- Emotional regulation -How being able to manage your feelings can help you communicate more effectively in relationships.
- Self respect -How having healthy self-esteem and self-love helps you have stronger and more authentic relationships.
- Assertiveness -How to develop your voice and your truth in order to communicate your needs, rights and feelings to others.
- How to improve your communication skillsby cultivating both self-expression skills as well as listening skills.
- Setting boundaries -How to set appropriate and healthy limits with others.
- How to manage conflict.
- Identifying our triggers -How to use our self-awareness, self-respect, and communication skills to avoid situations that would be bad for us and bad for our relationships.
- Empathy -Learning how to understand the needs, rights, feelings and perspectives of others, and how to use that awareness to improve communication and build better relationships.
- How to cope with relationship challengesincluding dealing with toxic people, how to deal with criticism, and what to do with bullies.
We sincerely hope that this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast helps to give you some direction for building better relationships in your life!
xo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Kathleen Carroll Stutts, M. Ed., LPC
Advice From a Life Coach: Here we are, just a week into the new year. If you're like many people, your track record on those resolutions may already be spotty. Or perhaps you've tossed the whole plan out the window already.
Fear not: Making changes is not about doing the thing perfectly every time. You don't just hop in a car, point the steering wheel in the general direction of the grocery store, and then expect to get there do you? Of course not. From the moment you pull out of the driveway you're turning, speeding up, slowing down, taking detours, stopping for gas — you adjust and flex the whole way there.
BUT. That's not to say that it isn't helpful to have tools and strategies to help you along the way. Just like you use your handy Google Map App to get you from A-Z, there are many useful tricks and life-hacks to make doing what you want to do easier than it would be if you just wandered out without a map.
Particularly if your goals for the new year involve creating a new keystone habit, and making it stick, there's an easy way and a hard way. Here at Growing Self, we're all about making growth and success as simple and painless as possible. So, here's a bonus episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to support you on your journey.
I'll be discussing:
- Useful apps and practical strategies to keep you on track
- Psychological strategies to keep you motivated.
- The mindsets that will lead you towards success... and the ones that will send you skidding off the rails
You can do this!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
When you get married or commit yourself to a long-term relationship, you're signing on to support each other through thick and thin. If you're fortunate, most of the time things are okay: the sun shines and you live in the benevolence of the universe. But not always.
Unexpected job loss, a death in the family, serious illness or infertility— these are only some of the common issues that many (most? all?) couples are going to face together at some point or another. These can be particularly challenging to cope with during the holiday season.
So, today on the show, we're going there and talking about how to negotiate these hard times successfully, as a couple.
Master marriage counselor, couples therapist, and relationship coach Meagan Terry, M.A., LMFT will be sharing her best relationship advice to help you both have greater empathy and compassion for each other when the chips are down. She'll be discussing communication strategies you can use to stay connected through hard times, and also some tips for how to support each other as individuals around things like illness, grief, and death, and infertility.
A master career coach is also sharing her best tips for how to cope with the stress of a layoff or job loss and stay connected with your partner as you go through it.
We hope that this discussion helps you find your way through this hard time together.
Yours sincerely,
In case you hadn't noticed the towering pumpkin displays in the grocery store, the catalogues and coupons clogging your mailbox, or the tinsel-spangled interiors of every store you dare step foot in... the holidays are upon us.
The holidays can be so amazing: Its the time to expand our souls, embrace generosity and good will, enjoy the warmth of our families and friends, and be grateful for the wonderful relationships in our lives. And... as you well know, holidays can also be fraught with stress, overwhelm, overspending, and tense moments with family members.
In my experience as both a marriage counselor and therapist (as well as personally) the "dark side" of the holiday experience often happens when people struggle to hold healthy boundaries.
The Usual Suspects:- Too Soft: When people are too passive and boundary-less they often wind up feeling put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by family members (or partners!) -- and resentments brew. Not fun, particularly when suppressed seething bubbles over in passive aggressive comments, or bursts out in straight up hostility.
- Too Hard: When people are too rigid with their boundaries, friends and family members may feel put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by them -- and tempers flare. It's not fun to feel like people are irritated and put off by you, and have no idea why.
- Unclear: When people struggle to hold healthy boundaries with themselves, they overcommit time and energy, have unrealistic expectations of themselves and overspend -- leaving themselves feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and emotionally (and financially) depleted by the time New Year's rolls around. Not fun at all.
Because these kinds of boundary problems are so common (and so darn avoidable, with advance planning) I thought I'd put together some holiday-specific boundary advice on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
I'm sharing some tools to help you get your boundaries "just right," and enjoy yourself this year.
I sincerely hope that it helps you avoid the pitfalls and enhance all the wonderful moments that the month ahead has to offer.
From me to you,
Lisa Marie Bobby
For those of you so deeply affected by the latest crazy-making experience in your toxic workplace that you're almost too stunned to type... For those of you sitting at your desk, cradling your head in your hands... For those of you frantically searching co-workers’ faces for clues, wondering if you’re the only one noticing the madness... This podcast is for you.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm joined by expert career and executive coach. She's sharing her best career advice for how to tell if your workplace is toxic, and if so, how to survive... and ultimately move on victoriously.
Links to the resources we discussed here: https://www.growingself.com/toxic-workplace-career-advice
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
In our hectic, demanding lives, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves: Who we are, how we feel and what we need. Even more challenging can be figuring out how to assert all-of-the-above in our relationships with others. This is particularly true if you've been existing in a toxic relationshipor codependent relationship, or navigating the aftermath of a bad breakup. In the midst of stressful circumstances, attaining empowerment can seem out of reach — especially when you've been focused outwards rather than within.
Attaining Empowerment
On today's show my colleague, therapist and life coach Teena Evert and I are talking about many of the "pieces" involved with cultivating personal empowerment, including:
- Mindful self-awareness
- Building self-loveand self-compassion
- Why building a sustainable self-care routineis key to maintaining your solid foundation
- How stress can impact your empowerment
- The need to create balance by staying aware of your feelings
- How to be assertive and set boundaries in relationships... while also being flexible
- Trusting yourself
- How to ask for what you need... while also having compassion and empathy for people you love
- Developing a sense of self worth that is independent of external validation
- How to not give your power away, blame others, or lose yourself in relationships
- How to not fear your own power
I hope our conversation gives you insight into how to begin cultivating empowerment in your life.
With love and respect,
PS: We discussed a number of resources on the show today. Find links to them here: https://www.growingself.com/self-empowerment
Are you on pins and needles, riddled with anxiety about a new relationship? You're not alone. For most of our dating coaching clients, the "dating" part is not that hard. You put a profile together, attend social functions with a smile on your face, and you're going to have opportunities. Going on an actual date or three is not the biggest deal.
What IS the biggest deal, and what our dating coaching clients really struggle with, is how to manage all the anxiety, insecurity, and angst about the unknown that comes with finding someone they really like and who they've started seeing regularly. That's when all the questions come up.
Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm tackling some of your new relationship questions in hopes of putting some of that new relationship anxiety to rest. We'll discuss:
- How to manage new relationship anxiety
- The stages of a new relationship
- New relationship questions
- When to bring up topics like dating exclusively, or how you really feel
- Things to look for that indicate red flags and / or compatibility
- When you should move forward dating someone with a history of depression or other issues (and when to fold 'em).
- What to do when someone you like hasn't called or texted in a while, or gives other signals that they might not be that into you
- How to put self-love and self-worth front and center of all new dating relationships
- How to move a new relationship forward without "scaring someone off"
All that, and more, on the podcast.
PS: Resources we discussed on the show: The How Healthy is Your Relationship Quiz, and How to Cultivate Healthy Self-Love
PPS: Do YOU have questions for me? Dating questions, or otherwise? Leave them in the comments: I read every one! :)
I get so many breakup questions on our GrowingSelf.com blog and through Facebook from broken-hearted people looking for breakup recovery advice. More than anything, they want to know how to get over a breakup. They have questions like:
"How long does it take to get over a breakup?"
"How do you get over a breakup when you live together"
"How to stop thinking about your Ex?"
"How to get over a bad breakup?"
As you know if you've ever listened to my podcast, I have a special place in my heart for people who are in the midst of a bad breakup, and I really want to help. (You can read my own horrible breakup story here.)
I thought that, instead of trying to answer so many specific breakup questions, it might be more helpful to everyone to learn more about the stages of a breakup. My hope is that in learning about the stages of a breakup, you can identify where you are in this process and get some direction for how to move past your breakup.
I also hope that learning about the stages of a breakup will provide you with guidance about how to move forward after a breakup, no matter what stage of breakup you're currently in. I'll be sharing tips on how to move through each stage of a breakup on today's show.
I hope that this breakup advice, and the breakup success stories I share help you find your way forward too.
Yours in healing,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Break up or stay together? Who hasn't wondered the same, during a seriously difficult time in their relationship? Or, entertained an even bigger question: Should you try to save a relationship? How hard should you work? Especially a relationship that has been feeling really hard and unsatisfying for a long time? How do you know when it's time to call it quits?
Because deciding whether to break up or stay together is such a hard decision, we have many questions come through from clients, listeners of our podcast, and readers of our blog wanting help in deciding if their relationship can be saved, or if it's time to throw in the towel.
They want to know things like:
- "How long should it take to see improvement in my relationship?"
- "In my heart, I don't want to be married to this person anymore. Will it ever come back?"
- "Is what I'm seeing solvable, or is this a sign we should break up?"
- "Once a cheater, always a cheater? Or can you have a good relationship after infidelity?"
- "I'm not being treated well by my boyfriend. Can this change?"
- "How do I know if I've tried hard enough to save my relationship?"
If you've been going through a hard time in your relationship that has led you to have doubts, I hope that this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast can help shed some light on signs that it's time to break up, or whether your relationship can be saved.
Sincerely,
P.S. We discussed a number of resources on this show. Here's where to find the links to all of them: https://bit.ly/2Pga85B
How to Create The Career and Life You Want
The fall season is nearly upon us, and with it comes fresh, transformational energy. If you're like many people showing up at Growing Self for life coaching, career coaching or therapy right now, it's because this is the time of year to let go of the old, get re-aquainted with yourself, and design new goals for the next chapter of your life.
To support you in your quest for personal evolution, life coach and career coach will be sharing her advice for how to move forward fearlessly in your career, your life and your relationships.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking about:
- How to organize your life around what brings you the most energy and fulfillment
- Identifying the self limiting beliefs that may be holding you back
- Avoiding the common, self-sabotaging traps of perfectionism and negative self-talk
- Resources to help you to get clear about your values and your goals
- Key skills to making good decisions about where to go next with your life
- How to transform your personal and professional relationships
Miscarriage or infertility can be very hard to talk about, and the lack of support for women and couples going through it can make it even harder to know where to go for help. For this reason, I've invited Growing Self marriage counselor, therapist, women's health and fertility expert Sonya J to join me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. We're talking about:
- What women who are grieving after pregnancy loss need from their partners, family and friends.
-
How the healthcare system fails to support the emotional needs of women and couples going through the experience of miscarriage or infertility.
- How couples are impacted by infertility and pregnancy loss, and how they can support each other through it.
- How couples can protect their sexual relationship as they are dealing with infertility.
- The difference between simple and complex grief, and how to heal emotionally after a loss.
If you've been dealing with this extremely difficult life experience, we hope that you join us and listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Sincerely,
Any good marriage counselor or couples therapist will tell you that sex isn't the ONLY thing in a great relationship. Friendship, teamwork, communication, emotional safety, respect, and appreciation are all fundamentally important too. And yet, even when all those strengths are present, if you're not connecting sexually over a long period of time... eventually lack of physical intimacy can erode even the best relationship.
To help us understand the most common sexual problems that couples encounter, and how to resolve them, I've invited expert sex therapist Dori Bagi to speak with us on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
We'll be discussing:
- Why couples often have differences in sexual desire (meaning one person wants to have sex more than the other) and what you can do about it.
- The role that pornography can play in a relationship — both positive, and negative.
- Why body image and self-esteem issues are so often at the root of sexual problems, and how you can work together as a couple to resolve them.
- Differences in the sexual response cycle between men and women, and how understanding arousal can help you both develop a stronger sexual connection.
- How to talk about your sexual relationship in a healthy and constructive way.
Hope this conversation helps you find your way back together again...
Anger Management Help
"Anger issues" are a common problem for many people, and in many relationships. So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I've enlisted the support of my colleague Dr. Georgiana, to share her expertise about anger. Dr. Georgiana is, among other things, an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Life Coach too. She specializes in helping angry people learn how to get to a better place, helps couples communicate and reduce the anger and frustration in their relationships, and I'm so pleased to have her share her "anger advice" with you today too.
We'll be talking about:
- What anger really is
- The different ways that "anger issues" can show up
- "Anger Styles:" The differences in the ways that people perceive and express anger
- Anger management strategies, and anger management techniques
- How to control anger in relationships
- How to manage your anger personally and in different situations
- How to deal with anger in other people
I hope that listening to this podcast helps you learn how to manage anger, and find inner peace — both for yourself, and in your relationship.
All the best,
Everyone has the right to growth, and to feel safe, comfortable, welcome, and understood in what should be the most healing environment of all: Therapy, life coaching or marriage counseling.
However, for African Americans, people of color, and other minority groups in the U.S., that has not always been the case. Particularly for black people, getting involved in meaningful growth work can be fraught with obstacles. The time to change that is now.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I've invited my colleagues Anastacia Sams, Teresa Thomas, and Zachary Gaiter to talk about their perspective as black therapists and black marriage counselors. We're discussing:
- The historical influences that have created feelings of stigma or unease for black people to get involved in therapy.
- How the idea of using personal growth for self improvement has not been part of black culture... And why that needs to change.
- How the legacy of racism has led to a culture of concealment about vulnerable topics among African Americans, and how this impacts both individuals and couples.
- "Black Love," the "Superwoman Syndrome," and the impact of prejudice on self-esteem, intimacy, personal responsibility, and empowerment.
- How affirming and healing it can be for black people to connect with a supportive black therapist, black life coach, or black marriage counselor who really understands them, where they come from, and how to help them grow.
We hope you join us today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Have you been considering a career change? Sometimes, the first, hardest step is getting clear about what it is that you want to do. But even with that clarity, there can be other obstacles that need to be worked through before you can find a career that you love. Questions like:
- Should I go back to school?
- How will changing careers impact my family?
- What career is congruent with who I really am?
- What am I really good at? (And can I get paid for that?)
- Should I take a leap, or should I make an incremental change?
- Should I just focus on improving the career I'm currently in?
How — Or If — To Change Careers
Today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I have the great pleasure of speaking with a master career coach, an executive coach, and a life coach. She's sharing her wisdom and experience to help you figure out if it's time to make a career change, and if so, find your ideal career and transition into a job you love.
Today, we're talking about:
- How to figure out if you're having "escape fantasies" and if so, how to avoid making mistakes in your career.
- The myth of the perfect career, vs what a realistic "career experience" should be.
- Escape fantasies vs making slight shifts
- Differences around career changes between men and women
- The utility of taking a career assessment test, or career placement test
- How to use your dark emotions to illuminate your career truth
- How to manage career challenges unique to different stages of life
No matter if you're a recent graduate looking to get clarity about what you want to do with your life, if you're in an established career that you're feeling dissatisfied and discouraged with, or if you're getting back into the workforce after taking a break, you'll definitely want to hear this great career advice.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Do you know what's standing between you and the life you want? Really?
As a life coach and therapist I regularly meet with clients who show up for counseling or coaching, certain that they know what their problem is, and what needs to be done to fix it.
Aaannnddd.... the next phase of the work in counseling or coaching is often helping people go further, and dig deeper to understand what the true source of "the problem" really is. (Hint: It is almost never what you think it is). Once that is revealed, we can then move to creating action-oriented strategies that will create meaningful and lasting change.
They go from feeling stuck, and like they're just spinning their wheels as they ineffectively chasing after what they think is the solution to the problem, to feeling like they are actually making progress.
But the first step is truly self-awareness. If you don't know what's really getting in your way, you can't possibly fix it.
Can you relate? If so, you're in luck: Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm walking you through an activity that will raise your self-awareness, and help you "get under the hood" of your inner experience.
You'll learn some new things about yourself AND get direction for how to start making changes.
Here's to growth!
Your Relationship Questions, Answered.
Today, we're answering your relationship questions in order to give you real help for your relationship. Here are some of the relationship questions I'm answering today:
Ms M asks, "How do I know whether my relationship is worth saving, or if I should let this go and move on?"
Lisa asks: "Should I stay friends with my Ex?"
Mr. T asks: "I'm shutting down with my partner. How do I stop?"
Ms. K asks: "I'm afraid that my boyfriend is emotionally unavailable due to his own issues. What do I do?"
I mentioned many resources and links in this episode. Get access to all of them on the post for this show: https://wp.me/p6UUlQ-dmt
Do you have relationship advice for these questioners or personal experiences that you can relate? Perhaps you have your own relationship questions, self-improvement questions, breakup questions, or career questions for an upcoming episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? If so, please leave them in the comments!
All the best,
How do you feel about yourself?
Are you confident in your power to make good things happen in your life?
Do you believe that you are just as good as anyone else?
Do you trust yourself?
Do you feel like you are a good person, who is worthy of love and respect?
Too many people go through periods in their lives where self-confidence feels elusive. They doubt themselves. They may feel "less than" others around them. Perhaps they don't ask for what they deserve or don't feel able to take the risks that will move them forward.
And as a result, they may settle for less in their relationships, their careers, and their lives. Self-esteem matters.
Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence, and Self-WorthFeeling good about yourself (not in a narcissistic way, but rather in a healthy, self-accepting way) is key to having a good life. Yet many people struggle with this, and it is something that we routinely address with our therapy and life coaching clients.
So, to help you cultivate healthy confidence in your own life, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm joined by two of my colleagues, Anastacia Sams, M.A., LMFTC and Kathleen Stutts, M.Ed., LPCC, both of whom are experts in helping people heal, grow, and restore their optimism about themselves.
We're talking about how to improve your self-esteem, how to create self-confidence, how to cultivate healthy self-worth, and most importantly, how to use the healing power of self-acceptance to (paradoxically) create real and lasting change in your life.
We hope this exploration helps YOU on your path of growth and healing, too.
Yes, modern dating can be challenging. For as constantly-connected as we all are digitally, it can still be hard to establish a genuine connection with someone new — let alone someone who's a good match for you. Whether you've been doing online dating, or spending lots of time out and about chatting up attractive strangers you know that dating in this day and age can be daunting.
And... I also want you to know that dating, with intention, courage and strategy, also works. There are many great people out there, just like you, who are looking for love — and finding it. Modern dating can and does lead to love.
But there are questions about dating that need to be answered first. Namely, what's the difference between the type of people that modern dating seems to work for, and those for whom love is always elusive? What are the changes that you need to make in your dating approach to get better results?
So Why Am I Still Single?To get to the bottom of this, I've asked the person who understands the realities of modern dating better than anyone: Brian Howie, to join me on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Brian is the founder, host and agent provocateur of The Great Love Debate.
All over the world, Brian has been amassing single men and women together in the same room (often with some relationship and dating experts thrown in) and then sparking passionate conversations between them all about what is either leading to (or getting in the way of) love and connection.
Through these debates, Brian has gained a unique perspective into modern dating as well as a remarkable insight into the specific things that both men and women are unintentionally doing that either sabotage their chances of creating a meaningful new relationship.... or lead them into the arms of "the one."
Listen to his expert advice, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Oh yes. In fact, long-distance relationships can have strengths over in-person relationships, and be a wonderful experience for everyone involved. However, to have a successful long-distance relationship, you need to be mindful of a few key factors in order to help you both feel loved, secure and connected although the miles keep you apart.
To talk all about how to make long distance relationships work, I've enlisted the support of long-distance relationship expert Brogan Crosby, M.S., LMFTC.
We're talking about:
- Why long-distance couples can actually have strengths and advantages over other couples, especially when one or both partners are ambitious and career-focused.
- Some of the unique challenges that long-distance couples face and how to overcome them.
- What the most important factors in making long distance relationships work are, and how you can mindfully incorporate certain strategies to keep your connection strong.
- Strategies to use during the transitional period when you shift from a long-distance relationship to living together (or nearby).
Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, and learn how to make your long-distance relationship thrive.
All the best,
There are false myths about men that are unhelpful to everyone; themselves, the people who love them, and their relationships. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, our mission is to understand men and "the male experience," especially when it comes to self-development. To this end, I've enlisted the support of my fellow couples counselors, therapists and life coaches, Zachary Gaiter, and Seth Bender
Here are just some of the questions about men we're discussing:- Why can it be so hard to get men to open up?
- Is it true that men are less likely to get involved in personal growth work, or want to pursue couples counseling?
- How can women help the men in their lives get help if they're worried about them?
- What are some things that men need to figure out, that women never even think about?
- What are some of the things that men really need their partners to know, but might not know how to say?
- What is the difference between a "guy" and a "man," in terms of male identity development?
- And what are some of the unique situations that men may be struggling with, but that never even get discussed?
All here for you, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you've been on the modern dating scene for any time at all, you've probably become aware that the way people connect with each other is changing. Old "rules of dating" that we could once take for granted are no longer the norm. In fact, dating advice from just a few years ago might now steer you in the wrong direction if you're looking for love.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm joined by Match.com's lead researcher and scientific advisor Dr. Helen Fisher, as well as Denver dating coach Markie Keelan, to talk about their latest dating advice and how you can make it work for you.
Here are just some of the dating questions we're discussing:
- What does it mean when someone you like disappears, only to show up again weeks or months later?
- How do a significant percentage of long-term relationships start these days? (Hint: Not with a first date!)
- How can you tell if you're in a "situationship" that's going to turn into a real relationship? (Or not).
- Why does keeping your options open sometimes reduce the chance of finding authentic intimacy?
- How is the evolving political landscape impacting the way people behave when they're dating?
- Why are some parts of the country notorious for "Ghosts, Zombies and Breadcrumbs" - and what you can do to avoid this trap?
All for you, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
I know it sounds hard to believe, but you can heal after infidelity, and stay together. You may not ever "get over" an affair, but you can certainly heal your relationship. It is also possible to rebuild the trust after infidelity.
However.... getting past infidelity is an active process, for both partners. Time alone does not heal an affair. You cannot just "get over" infidelity. After you've been betrayed, you can't just flip a switch and put the past in the past, and trust your partner again. But you can heal, and you can trust again... when you're both doing the work of recovery, together.
Real Advice For Rebuilding Trust and Security, After An AffairOn this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm sharing the ten crucial steps that every couple must take in order to repair their relationship after infidelity. I hope that this discussion creates a road-map for you to follow, as you work to reclaim your relationship, your trust, and your sense of security after an affair.
With love and respect,
For years now, it's been a personal passion of mine to help people recover from heartbreak. I know that when you're going through a bad breakup or divorce, it can be absolutely overwhelming emotionally. Most people describe feeling "obsessed" with matters related to their breakup: Thinking about their Ex, or plagued with incessant thoughts about what went wrong in their relationship, why the breakup happened, what it means about them, and — most importantly — when they'll ever feel better.
For many people dealing with heartbreak, the unanswered questions, or confusion about what to do in different situations, are on their minds constantly. I get many questions from people in the process of trying to get over heartbreak, and I thought I'd take the opportunity to answer some of them today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
We'll be talking through the following breakup questions:
Listen now to get some advice for how to cope with a breakup, get your confidence and self esteem back, start feeling like yourself again. If YOU have a question for an upcoming episode of the podcast, you can leave it in the comments section of this post, or call 720-433-1110 to leave me a voicemail that I may use on an upcoming episode.
In the meantime, take care...
P.S. Did you know that I host a free, online breakup support group on Facebook? This is not a therapy group, but simply a space for you to connect with other people going through a painful breakup. Breakups can be so isolating, but you don't have to go through this alone. This group is a secret, private group, so no one can see that you're a member except other members, and your posts will only be viewable to the group. If you'd like to join, please message me via Facebook, and we'll add you to the group.
How to Stop Self-Sabotage From Derailing Your Goals.
Do you ever feel like your own worst enemy? Or feel frustrated that, despite having the best of intentions, you can't seem to actualize your goals?
What I've learned from many years as a life coach and therapist is that when people fail it is NOT because of lack of motivation, or determination, or willpower. Most of the time it is because people are unintentionally sabotaging their own success... from day one.The worst part is that they usually have no idea that they're even doing it.
The antidote is having awareness about the subtle forces that will pull you off track every time, and the practices that will help you stay on course.
Using the six strategies I'll be teaching you about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast will help you stop unintentionally sabotaging your success, and set you up to achieve your most important goals in 2018.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
This is a sacred time of year, no matter what your beliefs. Spiritual traditions of every flavor honor this special season. Even if you have no spiritual belief system it's still a time for reflection, generosity and new resolutions. It's a time of year for gratitude, showing others how much you love them, and thinking about who you want to grow into as the next year spins into focus -- for everyone.
It's also the perfect time to cultivate the practice of unconditional love.
In the near future, you will likely have fork-in-the-road moments with friends, family, your kids, siblings, and your partner, in all their disappointing, annoying, frustrating, and hurtful humanity. At these moments you can choose judgment or empathy; contempt or compassion; anger or acceptance; grudge-holding or forgiveness.
Its easy to love when your ego is stroked, when you feel gratified, and when you're awash in pleasurable "loving" feelings. But the heart of every religion teaches us that our purpose here is something else: To love when it’s hard.
It can be challenging to stay compassionate and understanding with people who behave badly. The grand, beautiful paradox of this time of year is that -- with all it's unique stressors -- you will have many opportunities to practice staying soft and loving in the face of challenging relational moments.
Accept the Challenge of Unconditional LoveChoosing love even when it's hard feels selfless, but truthfully, you're the one who wins. Choosing love expands your soul, softens your spirit, and makes you a happier person. In giving love, you receive it -- whether or not anyone else participates.
Learning how to do this will not only help others, make you feel good, improve your relationships, and contribute to world peace... it will help you grow into the self-actualized, "best self" that you were meant to be.
With love to you,
The Season For Unconditional Love: Listen NowMusic Credits: The Kronos Quartet, Black Angels: "Spem in Alium"
P.S. Are you on the Love, Happiness and Success Express? Sign up on my website and I'll send you a monthly roundup with the latest from the blog.
In the months leading up to the holidays, and in the months after, many people struggle with "dark emotions" such as depression, grief, and sadness. There are many reasons for this, including the reality of Seasonal Affective Disorder, changes to many people's health and nutrition habits in the wintertime, and the fact that for many people the holiday season often brings with it unique stressors and emotional triggers. Many people dealing with hard life transitions like a breakup or divorce struggle during their first holiday alone. For others, bittersweet memories of years past and lost loved ones infuse the season with feelings of grief and loss.
All these experiences are normal, and natural. Many, many people are dealing with these feelings privately as they go through the motions of making merry. However, because these extremely common feelings are not often discussed publicly, many people experiencing them can feel isolated as a result.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're breaking the silence and talking openly about this common experience, and how to move past it. We'll be discussing how to deal with dark emotions in a healthy way: when to lean into painful feelings, and how to work through them productively. We'll talk about the difference between situational depression and the symptoms of major depressive disorder, how to get a handle on seasonal affective disorder, how to work through the stages of grief, and the natural remedies for depression that can help you feel healthier and happier.
Wishing you all the best on your journey of growth and healing,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
As a life coach who specializes in helping people grow and make positive changes in their lives, I'm well aware that every new year brings with it a wonderful opportunity to take stock of your life, get connected with your core values, get re-focused on your goals, and craft a plan to achieve them. Most people have a renewed sense of hope and motivation around their New Year's resolutions, which — when given the right tools — increases their chances of being successful in achieving big, positive changes.
But it can be hard to set (much less achieve) your New Year's goals. Many times people make New Year's resolution lists that are not tied to their deepest values, meaning they list the things they think they should want — or that other people want them to do. These are never successful, because they're not tied to your authentic wants and needs. Other times, people do have clarity about what they want to achieve, but their "grand plans" fall apart because their aspirations are not tied to a concrete, doable action plan.
But neither of those sad fates will happen to you.
Because today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is all about supporting you in your New Year's resolutions success. I'll be walking you through my "Start Your New Year Strong" free mini life coaching session so that YOU can get clarity about what you want for yourself over this next year, and also make a concrete plan for how to create it.
Note: This is an "active" podcast meaning that I'll be walking you through some exercises to gain self awareness and make specific plans. Before you start listening, please click on this link to download the free pdf worksheet so that you can do these exercises with me today.
You Have The Power to Make Amazing Things Happen in Your LifeI'm excited to share this activity with you. My hope is that you'll leave our time together feeling inspired, energized, and with some tools and concrete new strategies to help you make great things happen for yourself in 2018.
With love and respect,
Ahoy there! As I'm sure you're well aware, the holidays are fast approaching. If you're like many (most?) of our life coaching, therapy, and marriage counseling clients, over the past few weeks you've probably had lots of questions on your mind about how to handle this time of year - especially when it comes to managing your most important family relationships.
While family holidays have the potential to be fun and meaningful opportunities for connection, they can also be fraught with delicate and/or infuriating interpersonal dilemmas for many people. You want to have close relationships with your family or in-laws, and at the same time, it can feel very challenging to navigate the high-intensity holiday season without your family pushing your buttons, and firing off your emotional triggers.
Because of having had bad experiences in holidays past, many people can spend weeks, if not months, leading up to the holidays in a state of "holiday anxiety." We have had a number of thoughtful and heartfelt questions come in recently from our listeners, readers, and clients about how to handle various relationship situations over the holidays.
As a little holiday "care package" for them and for you, I'll be putting on my family therapist hat and addressing them on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Here are some of the questions our listeners (and clients) have been asking lately. I chose these questions in particular because I think that so many people can relate to them...
Grandparents Not Respecting Parents"Dr. Lisa, I love my husband's family. They are so kind, and generous with us. At the same time, I feel that they do not respect our (especially my) authority as parents. In our home we have expectations for our kid's behavior, and also set limits around things like junk food. I feel that my husband's parents disregard these completely, even when we directly ask them to. The grandparents are overstepping boundaries. In particular, my mother in law is controlling and overbearing. It doesn't matter what I say or how I feel. My husband tells me that it's just the way she is and to go along with it. But I am so frustrated when I'm around her. I need him to set boundaries with his family and he won't. I need to be setting boundaries for grandparents. We are going to be staying with them for a week. Help!"
How Do I Deal With My Judgmental Family"How do I deal with nosy questions? Even if they are well-meaning, I feel like my family does not get me at all, and like they're always judging me and my choices."
Spending Christmas Alone After Divorce"This is my first holiday after my divorce, and I feel really sad. All I can think about are holidays I had with my Ex. My friends are busy with their families. I feel lonely. I think I am starting to get "holiday depression" over it. What do I do?"
Toxic Parents: Do I Avoid My Family Over the Holidays?"I want to have a good relationship with my family, but over the years I have become aware that I have toxic parents. I believe they may even be narcissistic parents. Both of my parents are critical and judgmental of me. My mother can literally be abusive towards me. She is also completely codependent. I have dealt with it in the past by avoiding family gatherings, and avoiding my family during the holidays. My friends have told me I should cut off family entirely, and honestly I have considered cutting family out of my life. I don't want to do that, but I don't know what else to do to protect myself from my toxic family."
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"My parents are the nicest people ever but they drive me crazy. My mom is constantly complaining about her health, and then I watch her sit on her butt all day and eat junk food. She is seriously overweight, has high blood pressure, is pre-diabetic, and will not do anything about it. My father constantly interrupts people. He drinks too much. He talks with his mouth full. My parents are not in a great place financially, and spend way too much money on our kids during the holidays and they make bad financial choices in general. I am literally embarassed by my parents. I want to help them but when I say anything they shut me down. All my "holiday stress" is tied to my frustrating family. How do I deal with this?"
I answer all these questions on today's podcast. Listen, and get some advice for how to manage all of these challenging family situations with love, compassion, tolerance and strength. Do you have follow up questions for me? Or comments? Please share them on the blog!
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. Here's a link if you want to check out one of the resources discussed on today's show. Crucial Conversations; Tools For Talking When the Stakes Are High, by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler
As a breakup expert and dating coach, I know all too well that many single people — particularly newly single people — often dread the holiday season, envisioning themselves enduring the upcoming string of holiday celebrations without a +1. But truly, there is no need to worry about feeling lonely during the holidays. If you're single, and want to be in a new relationship, the holiday season is actually a fantastic, highly advantageous time for you to connect with a new love.
Why is dating during the holidays such a great time to launch a beautiful new relationship? Three main reasons:
1. You have the opportunity to meet more people in person, because of all the holiday gatherings and events happening at this time of year.
2. Many, many other singles (fun, beautiful, desirable, successful singles just like you) are also feeling motivated to connect right now and are putting themselves out there too. But there's more: Match.com consistently finds that the Sunday after New Year's is the single most popular day for people to create new online dating profiles. They see a 30-40% increase in their membership on that one day alone. If you get your act together now, you'll have the pick of the litter come January.
3. Possibly most importantly, you have a legitimate reason to wear sequins, sparkles, and / or hilariously ugly holiday sweaters. (All of which are fantastic conversation starters, making it extremely easy for anyone to start up a conversation with you.)
You could totally walk up to this guy and talk to him about his bells and puff-balls. Or maybe just give him a hug.
In short: If you've been sitting on the sidelines, feeling discouraged about the dating game, now's the time to get off the bench and take another swing at finding love. And today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is going to help you do just that.
Free Advice From a Dating CoachThere are just a few keys to successful dating: Clarity, Chemistry, Connection, and Evaluation. We're going to be talking about each of these today to get you prepared to be your best self as you head into this sparkling season, ripe with potential for new love.
I'll be putting on my "dating coach" hat to give you some advice on how to get clear about who you want to meet, and how to attract them. We'll also be discussing the all-important "chemistry factor" and what YOU need to be thinking about and doing to wow all the attractive new people you're about to meet, and leave them wanting more of you.
Additionally, we'll be talking about how to make the most of all your opportunities for connection. You'll have natural "IRL" opportunties this season, in the form of parties and holiday events, as well as the chance to freshen up your online dating profile. Because your photos will make-or-break your success with online dating, I've invited professional portrait photographer Kelly Weaver (who specializes in online dating profile photos) to give you her top tips for getting some fantastic new photos for your profile.
After that, we'll also be discussing the downsides of being so gorgeous and irresistible, which is how to competently handle all the attention you're getting — not to mention the sheer volume of messages and invitations you might be flooded with. No really, having a solid plan in place to manage all the back-and-forth without acquiring a bunch of pen-pals, and quickly figure out who's a good fit for you and who's not will help you focus your energy on the people who are a match for you.
Lot's to learn about dating during the holidays, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Listen now...
xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Ps: Do you have a follow up question or comment related to this podcast? Join the conversation!
Like so many of you, I too was shocked and horrified by the events of last week when so many innocent lives were taken in the Las Vegas shooting. Among other things, it led me to scrap last Monday's podcast plans and create this one for you instead: Some advice for how to deal mentally and emotionally when terrible things happen.
I hate it that we live in a world where this even needs to be addressed, but it does. Together, over the past years, we've been through so much. Shootings. Natural disasters. Terrorist Attacks. War. Human Suffering. In our day-to-day lives we're all under assault; choking down an endless barrage of information about all the latest horrors ... but with no guidance for how to cope with it all, emotionally.
Death is the only wise advisor that we have. -- Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan
Our counseling and coaching clients here at Growing Self have the luxury of being able to process all of it, and get actionable advice for how to manage the grief, the fear, and the anger. And most importantly, our clients have support in channeling all those dark feelings into something positive and empowering.
I believe that you deserve the same. So today, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I thought I'd offer you some of the same ideas we've been teaching our private clients lately about how to cope, during these dark times.
Listen now, and learn:
- Strategies for dealing with grief and horror in the days after a tragedy
- Ways to regain your sense of empowerment, safety, and control
- How to use difficult times to get clarity about your core values
- Anxiety management tips to ground yourself
- Inspiration for how to be a force of good in the world
Theses ideas help me personally, they help our clients, and I sincerely hope that they help you, too.
With love and respect,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If so, you're not alone.
You'd be surprised at how many people come to us for life coaching, breakup recovery, individual therapy, or dating coaching hoping to achieve one goal: Having a healthy relationship. (And how to stop getting involved in unhealthy ones).
They show up to therapy or life coaching because they have, over time (or after the latest heartbreaking breakup) become aware that they are engaging in "non-ideal relationship patterns," over and over again. They keep getting involved with narcissists, or people who treat them badly. They keep choosing emotionally unavailable men, or aggressive / controlling women. Whatever the sad pattern is, they want it to stop.
Above all else, they want to work on themselves to heal, grow, and ensure that NEXT time they get involved with someone they can love and be loved in a healthy relationship with a good person. And so we dig in.
Identifying Your Blind SpotsThe first stop in figuring out why you keep choosing the wrong man or wrong woman is uncovering what unconscious motivations are driving your choices. Getting outside help in understanding your toxic relationship patterns can be a wise move, because of the entirely subconscious nature of the problem. You don't consciously choose bad relationships -- no one does. You choose what feel in the moment, are good relationships.... and then wind up having bad experiences. (That are often mysteriously, eerily similar to the past experiences you thought you were trying to avoid).
Unhealthy relationship patterns can happen for many reasons. Sometimes it's old, unfinished emotional business from the past. Other times, your self-esteem or feelings of self-worth can get in the way. Yet other times, the root of the problem is imbedded in way you communicate or set boundaries with others. Because you are a complex, unique, individual, your truth will not be exactly the same as everyone else's.
Avoiding Toxic RelationshipsHowever, there is one very common thing that most people have done at least once, and which will almost always lead to heartbreak: Falling victim to "Black Hat Love." Learning how to spot the one fatal factor that makes you most vulnerable to getting involved in toxic relationships can help you stop the madness, and finally create the happy, healthy relationship you're longing for.
And that's what I'll be teaching you about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Have follow up questions for me? Leave them in the comments @ https://wp.me/p6UUlQ-92A
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
"And the greatest of these is love."
Did you know that opposites really do attract - but only sometimes? Do you know what love has in common with addiction? Or how anti-depressants can interfere with your relationships? Or the difference between love and attachment? How about the kinds of personality combinations that create lasting love, versus lots of conflict?
I didn't either, until I discovered the research of Dr. Helen Fisher.
Through decades of research as a biological anthropologist, Dr. Fisher has uncovered the ancient secrets of love. Her groundbreaking work has revealed just how old, powerful, and biologically-based romantic love is through brain-image scanning.
For example, the drive for love lives in the same part of your brain as the drive for water and warmth. You know how, when you've been in love, it's totally consumed you? You're not imagining it: She's shown that your brain is actually wired that way.
There's more: Through her work with Match.com and Chemistry.com Dr. Fisher has collected data from literally millions of people, and shown how your biologically based personality style determines your ideal lover. She has also helped us understand the biological basis of sex and love addiction, and the mechanisms at work in love, lust, and attachment.
She's given TED talks, written books, published articles in peer-reviewed journals: And now she's here talking to you, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Listen now, and learn the truth about love from the expert: Dr. Helen Fisher.
All the best,
Many people think that the most natural time to make big changes to their lives is around the New Year. Many people flock to life coaching around then, to help them actualize their resolutions. But, as a life coach, I'm going to let you in on a little-known secret: While the turn of the year is certainly a poetic time for transitions, there's actually one that's more powerful and effective if you really want to make change in your life.
And that time is now.
Why? Think about it: For all of your formative years, your life had a natural rhythm built around the school year. Summer was a time of self discovery and expansion. You got to step out of the daily grind for a little while, have new experiences, focus on relationships, and generally relax.
Then as every new school year began, you had a new opportunity, and a new beginning. Your clothing and school supplies were freshened. Plans were made. Intentions were set. And you got clean slate on which to reinvent yourself, define your new identity, and create a different reality with each passing year.
And most years, you succeeded, didn't you? You moved forward. You grew and changed. You were able to manifest a new incarnation of yourself. Every year was a chapter in the ever-evolving story of you.
This cycle was repeated over and over and over from the time you were a small child, until well into your twenties and beyond. Our work and vacation seasons still follow this natural order. If you're a parent, you're reliving something similar with your children now. This natural cycle of growth and regeneration is now pretty much hard-wired into your system -- even if you're not in school anymore.
However, many adults are no longer consciously aware of the ebb and flow of this seasonal growth energy in their lives. They just move from season to season without thinking too much about it. Sadly, they miss the opportunity for reflection transformation that this time of year affords.
But today I'm here to help you learn how to through fully and intentionally harness the power of this special time, and take advantage of it. By deliberately using the psychological and emotional forces that become available to you during this unique time of year, you can make important and lasting change in your life.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be walking you through some new ideas and activities that will help you give your entire life a makeover. To start, you'll learn how to begin the process of shedding the old, and embracing the new. We'll cover how to de-clutter and re-organize your relationships, your habits, the way you're managing your time, your energy, and yourself.
You'll learn how to take stock of different areas of your life to figure out what's working for you, what's worth building on, and what it's time to release. I'll give you some strategies to help you reflect and gain self awareness around the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that need to be released.
Then we'll talk about how to craft a plan for this chapter of your life, that includes setting the goals and making the daily changes that will help you create the life you want.
You deserve all the love, happiness and success in the world, and I sincerely hope that these ideas help you create it.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
www.growingself.com
Everyone needs relationship advice sometimes, and it can be hard to know where to go for trustworthy advice that will help you repair your relationship. (Sadly, much of what you find online is not evidence-based). One of the most meaningful things I do in my role here as a marriage counselor and relationship coach is putting lots of free information out into the world, in hopes that it connects with you at your time of need. Today, I'm making a show of it. Literally.
I have people from all over the world get in touch with me, asking fantastic (and heartfelt) relationship questions. I want you to know and I get all these questions. I've been listening to you, and hearing what you're looking for help with.
Today, I'm here with answers. I've picked a handful of a few of the most frequent types of relationship questions I commonly hear, and am addressing them personally on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
On today's show I'm dishing out some real relationship advice that answers listener questions, like:
- "How to I manage my own 'baggage' in such a way as to not negatively impact my relationship?"
- "Should I let a relationship go, or give it another try?"
- "My husband is totally withdrawing and won't talk to me -- what do I do?"
- "We are fighting about everything: Kids, communication, finances, and more. How do we even start repairing this?"
I bet you can relate to some of these, and if so I hope that my perspective finds the two of you help you find your way back together again.
Do you have a question for an upcoming episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? Leave it in the comments of this episode -- I might use them on a "Relationship Questions, Round 2" podcast soon!
xoxo,
www.growingself.com
In this day and age it's harder than ever to trust your own ideas, believe in yourself, and actualize a self-directed vision.
Why? There are many forces at work in our culture that make us question whether we're measuring up. Not least of these is our consumption of social media -- the never-ending digital conveyor belt of information about all the amazing things our friends and acquaintances are doing with their lives, in vivid color. Vacations, milestones, weddings, births, and promotions are artfully showcased to enviable perfection. When you're constantly confronted with semi-histrionic proclamations about the magnificence of what other people are doing, your own life can feel less-than in comparison. (Listen to "Schadenfacebook" on The Hidden Brain Podcast.)
But when you're measuring yourself by someone else's yardstick, it takes a toll. For starters, it creates anxiety and insecurity. It can also lead you to begin crafting your life to garner the approval and admiration of others. When that happens, you become disconnected from your vision, your truth, and your personal power. When the positive affirmation of other people starts to feel really important, it can lead to a downward spiral in your feelings of intrinsic self worth.
What Happens When You Lose YourselfBecoming overly focused on how you compare to others makes you vulnerable to all sorts of problems.
For example, you might find it increasingly hard to make decisions without second guessing yourself. It can feel hard to persist in the face of adversity when you're not certain about who you are, and what you want. When you need people to treat you a certain way so that you can feel okay about yourself, your relationships can suffer. You may feel increasingly out of touch with who you are, and what makes you authentically happy.
Worst yet, being other-focused may lead you to (ironically) become less able to create the kind of successful life you want... leading to even more anxiety and dissatisfaction with your current reality, and more dependent on the opinions of others to feel okay about yourself. (Check out "Why Gen Y Millenials Are So Unhappy" on the Wait But Why blog.)
Here's a poignant note on exactly this subject that I recently received from a listener of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast:
"Dear Dr. Lisa,
Recently I am trying to consciously make time to work on building cognitive skills and self awareness with the tips and lessons you share in your classes, blogs and podcasts, and also from feedback I get from [the coach I'm working with @ Growing Self.]
[Through my personal growth work] I found out that one of my unhealthy thinking habits is "comparing myself with others". I was comparing myself with my boyfriend, my friends, and this was so on "auto-pilot" most of the time, I wasn't even so aware about it.
Since I could always easily find what I was lacking when I did comparisons, it brought me many problems. I was always lacking confidence, I was always seeing proof of my shortcomings and reasons about why I shouldn't/counldn't do something, and I always struggled with anxiety and uneasiness. It was most painful when I felt inferior than others in things I value most. (Being compassionate, intelligent etc.)
Also, I realized that deep in my mind I used comparisons to feel good about myself, like comparing my achievements to others' and assuring myself that I'm doing great, which is maybe not so bad and what people naturally do, but it could make me feel guilty or empty at times.
I was in this unhealthy, unhelpful place for a very long time. I'm still working on this, but I felt very liberated after I learned that these unhelpful thinking patterns can be shifted with effort to more productive ones, and that people have different natural talents and strengths and it's okay to accept myself as who I am. It was almost a surprise to know that there is actually a way to be happier.
I would be interested if you could do a podcast or write an article about comparisons someday, if you have anything to share about this topic."
Sincerely,
- H
Oh yes, dear H, I do. I have quite a lot to share on this topic, actually.
In my day-to-day role as a therapist and life coach here at Growing Self, I talk to many, many people who express the same anxiety and heartache that you expressed in your letter. You would not believe how many gorgeous, healthy, blazingly intelligent, high achieving and objectively successful people feel the same way about themselves and their lives.
No matter what they do, they harbor gnawing anxiety that it's not enough. Their accomplishments are quickly disregarded in favor of the next amazing thing they should be doing. Their feelings about themselves rise and fall based on what others think of them. And when they do experience inevitable disappointments and setbacks, they are vulnerable to depression.
Not fun.
So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be tackling this subject. We're going to be talking all about the insidious emotional toll comparing yourself to others can take, and how to combat it by learning how to believe in yourself instead.
We'll be talking about how to affirm yourself, trust in yourself, strengthen yourself, develop your self awareness, plug holes in your vulnerabilities, and be empowered to create a life that is genuinely meaningful and satisfying to you.
Today's journey will begin by a little rock history lesson, featuring a band called Death.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Most people who want more out of life seek out counseling or coaching because they are not willing to settle. They want to make a positive change in their lives, their careers, in their relationships, or in themselves, but have run out of ideas. They have tried everything that they, personally, know how to do to improve the situation... and it hasn't worked. They feel stuck.
If you've been feeling this way lately, I want you to know that 1) you're not alone, and that 2) I'm going to help you with this. Like right now.
Here's the big secret to getting unstuck: Self awareness. What nobody realizes, before entering personal growth work, is that "the problem" they've been trying to fix is not actually what needs their attention. Focusing on the circumstance, or the situation, is not going to move the needle for you. The answer is not outside. It's inside. Only when you identify the unconscious, inner obstacles that have been getting in your way will you start to move meaningfully forward.
Until that happens, you'll spin. (And seethe. And beat yourself up. And get increasingly frustrated.)
As frustrating and uncomfortable as this stuck place is, can be it's really an amazing opportunity in disguise. Why? Because it's often feeling ABSOLUTELY FED UP WITH STUCK-NESS that launches people into the life-changing journey of growth and soul-expansion that would not have been possible otherwise.
Often, this journey carries people through places inside themselves that they'd never even imagined existed. As people move towards empowerment, towards designing their lives, and towards "creating change" they often discover that the path is one of growth. Of personal evolution. Of compassion. Of self actualization. Sometimes, even one of healing.
This is a beautiful experience and one I believe passionately that everyone deserves. So on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm actually going to give you a "Master Class" of the main ideas that all our counseling and coaching clients arrive upon, eventually: The path to creating change outside yourself starts from within. Only by uncovering the inner, hidden obstacles that have been holding you back will you be able to move forward and create meaningful and lasting change in your life, your career, your relationships... and in yourself.
Self awareness is the first step of personal transformation. Only when you understand yourself, and the unconscious obstacles you've been wrestling with, can you make the changes that will actually help you break free.
How to Cultivate Self Awareness:Step 1: Listen to the podcast to learn about the "four domains of stuck-ness" that people often get trapped by. See which resonates with you!
Step 2: Click here to take the "What's Holding You Back" quiz to find out which of these domains is the most powerful in your life.
Step 3: Then use your newfound self-awareness to take positive, and most importantly effective, action.
Step 4: Share your experiences in the comments on http://www.growingself.com/break-free/ We all learn and grow from our connections with each other, after all... (I'll even go first).
xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If so, you're normal. As a therapist, family therapist, and life coach I know that many, if not most, people in their twenties, thirties, and forties are still working through different aspects of their relationships with their parents. This doesn't mean rehashing the past, but rather letting go of old baggage so that you can move forward into the life you design.
Though this work can be challenging, it can also be absolutely necessary for you to re-define your relationships with your family of origin as you grow into your happiest, healthiest, "best self." Understanding how you relate/d to your family can also be profoundly important to understanding how you relate to your spouse and children.
Sometimes, this work involves healing, and forgiving your parents for things that happened in the past. You may need to learn how to establish healthy adult relationships with your parents, as you create your own family. Or, you might need to set new boundaries with your parents, and release the responsibility and guilt your're carrying.
It's a lot, and for many this type of work can feel very "big" and overwhelming. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to be talking you through some really common "parent problems" that adults face, and give you some tips for how to resolve them successfully. This episode might be helpful to you if you have:
Yes, these are deep topics, but ones I know that so many of you can relate to. I hope that the advice I share here can help you to not just create healthier and happier relationships with your parents, but can launch you on your own empowering journey of healing and growth.
May peace be with you,
As I've written about (passionately!) in previous posts, there are specific things that smart couples do -- right from the start of their relationship -- to set themselves up for a happy, healthy, successful marriages.
Step one? Relationship education. Regrettably, no one explicitly teaches you how to have good relationships. We all muddle through, learning from our mistakes, and breaking some things in the process. But your marriage is much to important to wander blindly through. The quality of your marriage is the center of the life you'll build. Don't take chances. Do it right. Believe it or not, there is actually an instruction manual!
What we know from research is that couples who engage in high-quality marriage education programs either before they get married or in the first few years of marriage have much better outcomes than couples who don't: Lower divorce rates, higher marital satisfaction, and a stronger partnership.
You can achieve this too, by investing in your relationship, and educating yourself.
Why does this help? Because proactive couples on a positive trajectory who learn ahead of time how to handle inevitable issues, how to communicate, and how to keep their love alive prevent relationship problems from happening in the first place.
Our Wedding Present to YouIf you are getting married this year (or even if you jumped the broom a few years ago) I am here today, to support YOU in creating an amazing, strong, enduring marriage by providing you with loads of free information. I want you to have everything you need to be happy and successful in your relationship for years to come!
Specifically, today, I have two "marriage education" presents for you.
Free Premarital Counseling AdviceThe first: I have enlisted the support of one of our resident premarital counseling experts, Meagan Terry, M.A., LMFT. Meagan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, an emotional intelligence and communication coach, trained by the federal reserve to do financial counseling with couples, AND she teaches our Lifetime of Love Premarital and Relationship Class.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Meagan will be SPILLING THE BEANS about the kinds of skills and strategies couples need to learn to create a lifetime of love together.
Listen to our interview and learn the kinds of things you and your sweetie can start doing now to ensure that your relationship stays strong. You'll also get some insight in to the skills and strategies she teaches her premarital couples to help them get on the same page around finances, sexuality, priorities, and more.
Ask a Wedding ExpertThe second wedding present I have for you: We are co-hosting a super-fun happy hour event at our Denver office on Wednesday May the 10th called "Ask The Wedding Experts."
If you are planning a wedding, this is your big chance to mix and mingle in a casual setting with wedding professionals (like master wedding planner Laura Peterson of L Elizabeth Events) who are ready to share their wisdom around things like:
- How to pull off amazing wedding without breaking the bank, and stretch your wedding-budget dollars.
- "DIY dazzler or disaster?" - The projects that are worth (or not) the effort.
- Wedding day Do's & Don'ts to keep your special day running smoothly.
- Styling tips to help your day (and your photos) to reflect what is most authentic an beautiful about your love.
- And of course, Growing Self premarital counselors will be on hand to help with tricky family situations, communication tips, boundary setting, and more.
This event is FREE. If you'd like to attend in person, register now so we know to save some champagne for you.
And, because so many of our online premarital counseling clients are outside of Denver, you can still get the scoop. Email me with your questions, OR leave your questions as comments in this post.
I will ask our panel of wedding experts your questions on your behalf, and I will post their answers for you in an upcoming blog post. Get your questions to me by 5/9, and then stay tuned for the answers!
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
The only thing worse than going through a breakup or a divorce, in my opinion, is the mental and emotional fallout that comes after. Most people dealing with a split are consumed by unanswerable questions, replaying events in their minds, and trying to make sense of what happened. They also often worry about how they'll ever get over it... and when they'll stop feeling so terrible.
Since I do so much work around breakup recovery I often have people get in touch with me with questions, and for help in dealing with a bad breakup. But I recently had a listener of my Love, Happiness and Success Podcast get in touch with me in the most unique way. She had read my book, "Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love" but had some additional questions about how to get over some of the most common (and frankly, hardest) aspects of breakup recovery. But instead of just emailing she recorded her questions into the sweetest video, and shared it with me.
As I watched her ask her heartfelt questions it I thought of all the other people who were probably going through the exact same things. I got back in touch with her to see if it was okay to use her recording in an upcoming episode of the podcast so that my listeners (and YOU) could also benefit from hearing the answers. She was kind enough to let me share them, and today's podcast is the result.
So if you're also going through a breakup and also wondering...
- How do I let go of the guilt and regrets I have about this relationship?
- How do I repair my self esteem after being rejected?
- How do I deal with seeing my Ex's friends out?
- How do I cope with being "blindsided" by a break up?
- Will I ever feel hopeful and excited about finding a new love?
... you'll definitely want to tune into this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
I hope our conversation helps you find your way towards growth and recovery too.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
What's the only thing better than free dating advice??
Evidence-Based Free Dating AdviceValentine's Day is once again upon us. If you're single and ready to meet your soul mate, I have a special present for you on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Some fantastic evidence-based dating advice from relationship researcher, and Match.com scientific advisor Dr. Justin Garcia.
Dr. Garcia, along with evolutionary biologist Dr. Helen Fisher, have just released their latest batch of research from their ongoing "Singles in America" research study. They have some fascinating new data about what singles are really looking for, what's most important to them, and what some of their biggest turn-off's are. His dating advice can help you seriously "up your game" when it comes to dating.
No doubt modern dating can be challenging, but as with all things knowledge is power. If you educate yourself about the realities of the dating game, learn how to play up your most attractive qualities, and are mindful of the common dating mistakes that can turn people off you've already got a huge advantage.
Random dating research tidbits that can make or break a first date:Did you know that 66% of all singles surveyed reported that having their date send a text while they were together was a major turn off? That number gets bumped up to 75% if you answer a call while you're out! And you won't even believe what your dates really think about your cracked phone screen...
Listen to my interview with Dr. Garcia to learn:
- What do men really think about women who are go-getters?
- What are modern singles really looking for in a partner?
- What people really think about first-date s-e-x?
- And so much more...
You'll get great love advice and learn the easy things you can do (or even more importantly -- avoid doing!) to increase the odds that next Valentine's Day you'll be snuggling with your sweetie. If you'd like even more specific advice to help you master the art of modern dating, get instant access to our new "Find The One" online dating coaching program.
xoxo, LMB
www.growingself.com
Today on the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast I'm putting on my Life Coach hat: I'm going to teach you a totally different way of thinking about "success" that will help you clarify your values, focus your energy on what's really important, and help you make massive progress towards the things you want most in life.
Sounds bold, I know, but this is a system I use all the time with great results -- both with my clients, and myself. Today I'm going to be teaching it to you, too. (Psst. Have you subscribed to the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast yet? Subscribe to get the latest episodes in your feed, and while you're there leave a review!)
New Year's Resolutions Don't WorkI felt compelled to share this to you because I know that you -- like all of us -- probably have high hopes for the coming year. And there's nothing worse than making big plans for change... only to feel like a "failure" before February even rears it's heart-spangled self.
What we know from research (click here to review the Stanford study on New Year's resolutions) is that only 8% of Americans achieve their New Years resolutions. Pretty grim. That's 92% of people feeling like they missed the mark.
So What Will Actually Help You Achieve Your Goals?In order to understand what will work, we have to first understand what traditional New Years resolutions are lacking, and why they fizzle fast.
It's because even the most heartfelt resolutions are often disconnected from the things that will get you real results: Your values, your time, and your energy. It's one thing to set a goal. Goals are great, and give us a direction to move towards. But making things happen in your life is altogether different than "achieving goals." To hike up the tallest mountain, you have to stay on the path. The right path. If your only focus is the mountain peak, it's pretty easy to wander off into the bushes that are right in front of you.
Here's A Simple System That Will Move You Forward, Meaningfully.This podcast is a New Year's gift to you. I'll be teaching you the system I use, and that I use with many of my clients to help them refocus, recenter, and kindle a motivational fire under them. It will help you not just start the New Year off on the right foot, but help you get on the right path for the long haul.
And - FYI - If you happen to be reading this AFTER the New Year, that is great too. This approach is a life-skill that you can use any time of the year to get re-focused, re-centered, and re-energized. Walk through the activities any time you're feeling like you need to get back on track.
Because I'm all about making things easy and effective I even made you a worksheet so that you can work along with me during the podcast, and do the activities I'll be walking you through. Get it through this link: www.growingself.com/start-strong.
Learn more about any of the other tools, free information, online classes and programs I referenced on my website: www.growingself.com.
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Even if the holiday season usually delights you, it's hard to be cheerful when you're consumed by painful memories of holidays past. The first year post-breakup, or post-divorce, can be especially traumatic. Everything reminds you of your Ex, and the fact that you are not together anymore. Thinking about the ice skating rink that you held hands at last year, how you're going to explain this to your anxious Grandma, or even the sight of sparkling lights is enough to throw you into a heavy state of sadness.
The holiday season can also feel particularly lonely if you're nursing a broken heart. Emotional pain feels isolating and difficult to share when it seems like everyone else is happy and having a good time. And of course the last thing you want to do is go to a party when 1) you need to fake cheerful "okay-ness" and / or 2) you're worried about running into your Ex or their friends. That's not even taking into consideration how challenging it is for the newly single to to negotiate high impact social situations without their usual "plus 1."
In short: this time of year makes a hard situation feel even harder.
If you're like most people in this position you probably have lots of questions: "How should I handle myself in certain situations?" "Should I even try to go to parties this year, or should I lay low?" "How do I take care of myself?" and "Will this loneliness and pain ever end?"
Truthfully, the answers to those questions are not always easy or simple. The answers really depend on where you are in the breakup recovery process. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to walk you through the stages of healing after a breakup, and show you how to actually use the opportunity of this challenging time of year to move your "heartbreak healing process" forward more quickly.
Not only will your "what to do" questions be answered, but you'll also get a good roadmap for the recovery process ahead. I hope that this information will help you invest in yourself, and make the coming year a fresh, positive new chapter of your life.
All the best to you,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Having your dream crushed can leave you sitting in emotional rubble, feeling disempowered and confused.
Our disappointments have many faces: Causes, or candidates, you believe in get creamed. The most interesting first date you've had in a long time ghosts out. You realize that your partner is never actually going to change. The pink lines of the pregnancy test fade away, and the bleeding begins. Bad things happen to good people. People fail you.
If you get in the ring of life, sooner or later, you're going to take a gut punch.
So how do you keep going? We know that grit — the ability to get back up and continue plodding forward despite adversity — is the ultimate key to success. But It’s hard to maintain your hope and motivation when reality slams the door in your face.
If you've suffered with disappointment lately, here are three ideas that can help, plus the one thing you should definitely avoid doing.
I hope it helps you find peace, strengthen your resolve, and turn your face towards future.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Really smart, creative, and thoughtful people have many strengths. They can plan things in advance, avoid potential pitfalls, and envision their future reality. Vividly. However one thing I have learned from my years of experience as a therapist and life coach is that all these positive attributes, when left unsupervised, can also create boatloads of anxiety.
Overthinking and Indecision = DisempowermentWhen you anticipate possible problems you feel constricted. When you plan every step you often encounter roadblocks. When you want to make the "right" decision before taking action, you invest more time and energy in to thinking than into doing. At these times it's easy to become riddled with uncertainty, and decide before you even try that things aren't even worth doing.
Slam! Analysis paralysis has clamped down on your life, and stopped you from living courageously.
The result? A safe life... But a smaller life.
Authentic Happiness Requires RiskOne of the core skills of authentically happy people that I discuss at length in my online Happiness Class is the ability to take measured risks. Why is the ability to try new things related to happiness? Because when you take action to bring your life into alignment with your core values, it gets better. Another component of fearless living is being able to handle uncertainty or adversity with confidence and competence. That means your happiness is still intact, even when things go differently than you'd hoped. That's true resilience.
Being resilient and trusting yourself means that it's safe to take chances. When you're able to fearlessly try new things, your world expands. When you give yourself permission to take action, you get to learn and grow no matter what. Not knowing exactly what is going to happen next adds sparkle and excitement to your life. When your life gets bigger and more interesting, so do you.
Fearless Living Nourishes Your RelationshipFurthermore, novelty and learning new things are core ingredients to having a fresh, fun long term relationship. When your life atrophies, so does your partnership. If you want to have an interesting relationship, you need to have an interesting life. Plus, there is nothing sexier than a passionate person who is enthusiastic and confident. When you set aside anxieties and allow yourself to live fearlessly, you nourish both yourself and your relationship.
5 Steps to Stop Worrying and Start Living FearlesslyOn today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm giving you the scoop on how to release worry from your life, feel more confident in your decisions, strengthen your sense of competence and resilience, and cultivate fearlessness in your own life. Listen now, and learn all about the care and feeding of your inner tiger.
xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
"Dark emotions" are not just normal and healthy parts of life, they are also essential to personal growth. Feeling unhappy is often the catalyst for making positive changes in your life. There is light and dark in all things. Experiencing grief, sadness, disappointment, hurt, and regret - unpleasant though they may be - are part of being a whole person.
Furthermore, listening to those hard feelings and taking guidance from them can help you understand yourself, your core needs, and your values more clearly. Even though they don't feel good in the moment, dark emotions are not just healthy... they are valuable. When you listen to those feelings instead of dismissing them as "bad," you have the chance to heal and grow.
What is Depression?Depression is different from the pain of a "growth moment." Depression is not motivating, instructive or valuable. It's an illness.
Depression is a mood state that impacts the way you think, feel, and behave. Unlike the dark emotions that are connected to growth opportunities, depression is not productive or constructive. In fact, depression can be a serious illness that needs to be treated and relieved before meaningful personal growth is possible.
On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm taking you inside depression, so you can understand what it is -- and what it is not. I'll help you identify the symptoms of depression in yourself or your loved one.
Depression Management StrategiesWe'll also talk about what to do if you think you have depression so that you can create a practical strategy for conquering it. We'll talk about natural remedies for depression, cognitive behavioral therapy, and when medication for depression is the best idea. I'll also discuss what to do if you suspect that your partner or loved one is depressed, and how you can help them recover.
Depression exists on a spectrum from mild to serious. One thing I discuss on the podcast is that when depression becomes very serious, it can become life threatening. Here are links to get emergency help if you or your loved one are in real trouble and need help immediately:
Colorado Crisis Hotline: 1-844-493-8255
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
I hope this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast helps you identify what's going on in your life, and whether you're dealing with depression or a "growth opportunity." If you do believe that depression is gaining power in your life, I hope this discussion provides you with both hope (as depression is very treatable) as well as actionable steps you can start taking today.
Lisa Marie Bobby
As a therapist, people share their deepest feelings and fears with me. What I've been hearing a lot lately is about is how disconnected and alone many of my clients feel, even though they may have contact with dozens upon dozens of people a day. Ironic, right?
But there is such a difference between knowing people, and truly being known. Having contacts is not the same as having authentic connection. Many people with dozens of "friends" are still craving actual friendships where they feel known, valued, and understood.
I'm a marriage counselor first, so my podcast and blog often does skew on the side of discussing your relationship with your "primary attachment" (that's shrink-speak for "significant other."). However having meaningful friendships and close connections in your life is just as important to your over all happiness and well being as the state of your marriage. In fact, having close friends that you trust and who you can be emotionally intimate with can buffer you from the rest of life's ups and downs.
But, creating and maintaining authentic connection and friendship can be challenging. This is especially true as people move out of their twenties, and into their thirties and beyond. For one thing, it's harder to meet people when you're not going out all the time. Secondly, it's challenging to spend time with the friends you have when everyone is stretched so thin between their careers, their families, making time for their spouse, and just keeping their lives in order. It's about the best we can do to comment on each other's posts once in a while.
How to Have More Friendship in Your LifeTo discuss this issue that affects so many people, and get some practical tips on how to cultivate authentic friendship in your life, I have enlisted the support of an expert: one of MY oldest and dearest friends, Amy Rocen. Amy is not a therapist or a life coach, but of all the people I have ever met - personally or professionally - she is truly an authority on making and keeping good friends.
She's graciously agreed to discuss her "friendship super power with me" on this edition of the Love, Happiness & Success podcast. We're going to be talking about the things that she and I have done to keep our friendship strong and emotionally intimate for over twenty years.
Amy is also going to be sharing her tips for how to connect with new people, as well as her perspective on how to keep a rich and full life of meaningful relationships through the ups and downs of time.
Many people show up for dating coaching, life coaching or even marriage counseling with a lot of angst around these unanswered questions. People who are dating can wonder if they've found "the one." Premarital couples sometimes worry whether they're compatible enough to get married. And even married or long time partnered people can wonder if their relationship issues are due to their being too different. (Or having "perpetual problems" as marriage and family researcher Dr. John Gottman likes to call it).
I'm simply glad that people are asking these kinds of relationship questions. After all, who you choose to marry is going to have a greater impact on the quality of your life and your long term happiness than just about anything else.
And it's also true that everyone is a mixed bag, with aspects to them that are both delightful and frustrating as all get out. So how do you determine what is a relationship red flag, or sign that you're fundamentally incompatible? How to you figure out what differences are okay? When do opposites not just attract, but actually strengthen a partnership? When can you have big differences, and yet still be highly compatible soul mates?
The answers might surprise you! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to talk through all these questions with you. To do this though, I need to wear three hats.
Relationship Compatibility in MarriageFirst, I'm going to put on my marriage counselor cape hat and talk about the most common culprits that make married couples wonder if they are compatible or not. Listen and learn what (frustrating!) differences might actually be strengths for your relationship, and what differences are harder to overcome. I'll also give you tips for how to build bridges to the center, and appreciate each other for who you are. Want to see an example of this in action? Check out my recent post: "How Jenny and Greg Fixed Their Relationship."
Finding Your SoulmateNext I'm putting on my dating coach wizard hat to talk about the serious business of finding your soul mate. Dating is all about "auditioning" people and getting to know them over time. I'll share the down low on the biggest mistake I see dating people make, and how it can impair their ability to find a true soul mate. If you are on the dating market, I'll help you understand what's important to look for in a potential partner, and what is NOT as important when you're looking for love. I'm also sharing some practical steps you can take to make sure that you're finding a good match in terms of both character and chemistry.
For Premarital CouplesLastly, I'm sharing my advice as a premarital counselor. If you're planning a wedding with some lingering questions on your mind, you'll want to check out the case example I shared about what it looks like when someone is NOT asking the right questions leading up to marriage. The best time to prevent potential pitfalls is before the wedding. It's essential to have serious conversations about your personalities, hopes and dreams, and expectations prior to the "I Do's." Why? First of all, it's enormously helpful to get on the same page and identify potential problems before you're married. But an even bigger reason? Because the one of the most serious red flags for a relationship is not being able to talk through important things respectfully. If you are literally not able to have "Who are we, what do we each want, and how are we going to get on the same page?" conversations together, you might want to slow down.
Relationship Compatibility TestOne of the resources I talked through on the show is Dr. Helen Fisher's personality test. If you would like to take it for yourself (and / or ask your partner to) you can find it here: http://bit.ly/2cOmEX6. For more information about the ideas behind Dr. Fisher's compatibility quiz and how they impact people in relationships, I highly recommend her book, "Why Him, Why Her."
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
www.growingself.com
As a Denver marriage counselor for over a decade, I've had an up close, front-row seat to all aspects of the tragedy of infidelity. I know with certainty that being involved in an affair is one of the most traumatic and damaging things that someone can live through.
When feelings of lust and romantic infatuation overwhelm someone's core values, commitment and good judgment, families can be shattered, and lives are often ruined. In the aftermath of infidelity, everyone involved is left feeling emotionally bankrupt and broken, and with unanswered questions blaring in their heads.
This podcast is my attempt to answer some of them:
- Why do affairs happen?
- Why does infidelity happen in even happy marriages?
- Why is everyone in a love triangle profoundly damaged by the experience?
- What are the early signs that an affair is simmering?
- Most importantly: How do you even begin to recover, not just your relationship, but yourself in the aftermath of an affair?
Affairs, like any other type of cancer or addiction, throw off lots of red flags and warning signs in the early stages. If you know what to look for you can check yourself, and / or protect your marriage. Early intervention is key, and I'll show you what to watch out for to prevent the nightmare of an affair from unfolding in your life.
Rebuilding a Marriage After the AffairIf you are in a marriage that has been shattered by an affair, I want you to know that hope, healing and forgiveness are possible. An affair does not necessarily mean that divorce is around the corner. While it is hard work to rebuild trust in the aftermath of an affair under the guidance of a competent marriage counselor many couples are able to not just heal from infidelity, but create a stronger and more satisfying relationship than ever before. I'll share the key ingredient to help you start growing back together again.
Healing After BetrayalBeing cheated on, lied to, and betrayed by your number-one person cuts deeply into soft places that are hard to heal. Recovery involves repairing your self esteem, working through grief and anger, and learning how to trust again -- both other people, and often yourself. I'll give you some tips for how to understand what happened, and protect yourself from future betrayals.
Forgiving the UnforgivableFurthermore, hope and recovery is also possible for The Other and The Occupied -- the people who did terrible things over the course of an affair that they now feel ashamed about. No one gets out of a love triangle unscathed. When betrayals happen in the context of a toxic relationship, everyone involved is emotionally wounded in the process. Abandoning your values, and feeling that you've allowed yourself to be degraded by an affair can leave your self-respect mangled, and damage your trust in yourself -- not to mention your trust in others. The silver lining: We'll be talking about how such unique pain brings with it an equally unique opportunity to learn, grow, and become a better, healthier, more powerful person because of it.
Recovering From InfidelityOn this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we are descending into the darkness of infidelity together, so that you can understand how and why affairs start, how to prevent affairs from happening, and how to rebuild your life if you have been through any aspect of this experience.
I sincerely hope it helps you on your journey of growth and healing.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Music Credits of this episode: PJ Harvey: Dry and To Bring You My Love (Albums)
Feeling disconnected sexually is one of the first signs that a relationship may be heading for trouble. But it can be a difficult topic for couples to address openly, even in marriage counseling. Despite feeling sadness, rejection, pressure, or frustration around sexuality, many couples feel inhibited from discussing it with each other: It just feels too vulnerable.
So they avoid the conversation. Over time, unfortunately, they often become increasingly disconnected -- both sexually and emotionally -- as a result. Don't let this happen to your relationship. It's time to fearlessly face your sexual relationship, and start having the open conversations that will help not just restore your sex life, but restore the emotional intimacy and positivity to your relationship again.
Be honest: Is your sex life withering? Has it been weeks, months or even years since you and your partner had a meaningful, let alone erotic, sexual experience together? Does sex feel more like another obligation as opposed to a pleasurable point of connection? Are you starting to feel more like room-mates or buddies than lovers?
If so, you're not alone. Many busy, high achieving couples start to lose their sexual connection over time as the "stuff of life" starts taking priority over sexual intimacy. Keeping eroticism and passion alive in long term relationships requires effort and intention, but unfortunately it's one of the easiest things to put off. Many couples let it go for too long, and over time start to experience negative consequences in many different areas of their relationship as a result.
The good news is that intimacy and desire can be restored.You can have a vibrant, enjoyable sexual connection again. The first step on this journey is educating yourself and learning new ideas that will help you address the core issues affecting most dissatisfying sexual relationships.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm offering my best advice on how to:
- Stop neglecting your sexual relationship
- Have time and energy to invest in your erotic connection
- Increase your (and / or your partner's) sexual desire
- Use your sexual relationship as a vehicle for personal growth
Listen, and learn how to banish "sexual apathy" from taking over your marriage, and what new research on sexuality and desire shows about how to bring sexual energy back to life -- both in yourself, and in your partnership.
I hope this information helps you start to find your way back together again.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Are you ready for fancy dresses, impromptu family reunions, teary toasts, and inebriated aunts doing embarrassing things on the dance floor? Yes, it's wedding season, y'all. While most of the time on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we talk about how to have a great relationship, today, in honor of wedding season, we're talking about the art and craft of weddings themselves.
Why? For the last few months we've had droves of young couples at Growing Self preparing themselves to have fantastic marriages, through either our "I Do!" premarital counseling program, or our Denver premarital counseling class, "A Lifetime of Love." It's inspiring to see so many smart couples who are heading off potential problems by doing premarital counseling so I decided to make you all a little wedding present.
If you're not getting married yourself this year, it's highly likely that you'll be a guest at a wedding. And that comes with it's own set of challenges. Anytime far-flung extended family and friends come together for an alcohol infused weekend, drama can ensue. How do you support your loved one who is getting married while setting healthy boundaries, and still have a good time in the process?
Whether you are gearing up for a large scale traditional wedding, an intimate gathering to formalize your partnership, weddings are a big deal. A marriage is an incredibly meaningful and important day, and it can be uniquely stressful to plan and prepare for. On this episode of the podcast I've invited Laura Pearson, founder of L Elizabeth Events, to share some of the things she's learned from her 10 years of experience as a Denver wedding planner. Some of the questions I've asked her on your behalf:
- What are some of the biggest mistakes engaged couples make?
- What's the secret to enjoying your wedding, instead of being a stress-case?
- How do you handle intrusive parents?
- What can you do to make your wedding more enjoyable and meaningful for your guests?
- As a guest, what do you need to do to support your friend or family member on their big day?
Listen Now!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
www.growingself.com
Nothing can quite prepare you for the realities of parenthood. Life with babies and small children is, for most couples, a total shock to the system. As joyful and meaningful as this stage of life is, it can be very difficult. If you aren't thoughtful and intentional about what you're doing, parenthood can quickly become a chaotic, frustrating experience -- and take a huge toll on your marriage.
As a marriage counselor, I'm always thrilled when smart, proactive couples show up for premarital counseling. My only wish is that more would show up for "pre-baby counseling." Because having a baby is a much bigger deal, emotionally and relationally, than getting hitched. Unfortunately, there is no such thing. Do a quick google search and about the only thing you find about "preparing for a baby" has to do with fitness, nutrition, and the ocean of baby-gear that you could acquire.
Having kids changes everything, but it's hard to imagine what those changes will be until you actually do it. Most couples experience challenges that never occurred to them were even possible, while they were spending leisurely days shopping for baby furniture and talking about how much fun family fishing trips will be. (Or were consumed with riding the rollercoaster of protracted infertility).
From the first day that little bundle is home, they are both faced with needing to make major changes around everything from they way they communicate, to expectations about what should be happening, to a higher need for teamwork, to establishing new systems so everything runs smoothly, to what role they each take with each other and as parents. Sprinkle in some anxiety, post part depression, sleep deprivation, no game plan, and a screaming baby and it can get tense pretty fast.
It's a major life transition, and a lot to deal with. And if you just let it go, and hope for the best it's quite possible to become a statistical average and not enjoy the experience that that much. Research on marital satisfaction over the family life cycle has shown that there is a trend towards lower enjoyment of married life after having kids.
Here's the depressing graph: www.growingself.com/parenting-without-losing-your-mind-yourself-or-your-marriage
Parenting Together CAN Be JoyfulThat graph does not have to be YOUR reality. You are not a statistical average. You are a person with free will, choices, and you're already taking control over the situation by educating yourself. You get to be in charge of your life, and your family experience.
I'm here as a wife, mom, and marriage and family therapist to tell you that life with kids doesn't have to be difficult, and it does not need to negatively impact your marriage. In fact, if you put even half as much time into figuring out your post-baby game plan (and your own personal growth opportunities) as you do into childbirth preparation classes you can avoid many of the most common pitfalls of new parents.
Embracing the opportunities to grow that this phase of life offers will expand you. Parenthood is truly a vehicle to personal evolution. Even more importantly, when you intentionally grow skills in a few key areas you can cultivate a stronger marriage than you had pre-baby: You can have better communication, stronger agreement, more teamwork, and more fun than ever before. Except that it can be even more meaningful, important, and love drenched -- and probably messier -- that you ever imagined.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be sharing some tips about where to where to start if you want to have a peaceful home, a strong marriage, great communication, easy kids, be on the same page with your partner, and have a shared vision for your family that is rooted in your core values.
All the best,
Sometimes Leaping ForwardRequires Letting Go...
As a Life Coach and Executive Coach I talk to a lot of drivengo-getters. My clients often have an insatiable appetite forconstant-and-never-ending growth, achievement, andself-improvement. They are truly amazing, talented, and incrediblysuccessful people with an unquenchable thirst for forward progressand success. Does this sound like you, too? First of all: Thankyou. The world as we know it exists because of peoplelike you. Your motivation, your drive, your vision, and youroptimism are the psychic fuel that runs the engines of ourcivilization. Thank you for being you.
And... If you are like most strong,naturally driven and forward-focused people there are also not-funtimes when your motivation leaves the building, your energyflags, your focus becomes diffuse, and your wheels spin. And spin.And spin. And for naturally focused, driven, achievement orientedpeople that "down time" can be a very anxiety provoking experience.In fact, many of my Life Coaching and Executive Coaching clients show up for help when theyhave this experience, because they feel like something is wrong.They've lost their sparkle, and their clear sense ofpurpose.
There is a novel solution torecharge your passion, restore your creativity, and usher in a newphase of productivity and purpose. But the paradoxical remedy mightsurprise you.
What to Do When YourGet-Up-And-Go Has Got-Up-And-Went:Listen now...
Music Credits: I Live inThe Springtime, by The Lemon Drops
I've been a marriage counselor for a long time. My experience has taught me that when both people in a relationship are committed to doing what it takes to improve it, relationships can nearly always be made whole. Even better, most couples can use their troubles as a launching pad for amazing new growth. At the end of the process, believe it or not, they often describe feeling grateful for the problems that brought them into marriage counseling because their transformation would not have been possible without them. That's the happy ending.
And. Not all relationships can be saved. Not all relationships should be saved. When one or both partners have simply stopped believing that the other person can be who they want or need them to be, and the costs of staying outweigh the benefits, relationships end. Often, in the aftermath, one partner will be left alone on my therapy-couch. Then we do the work of recovery together.
That's how I accidentally became a break up expert. (And a dating coach, incidentally).
What I learned through this work is that people can suffer for a very long time; stuck on an Ex who will never love them the way they need to be loved. I also learned that attachments don't just turn off like a switch. Breaking your bond to another person is very hard work, and it must be intentional. Time does not heal. Time + intentional effort + self awareness sure can though.
When I realized how many people are suffering, and feeling so helpless to extract themselves from unhealthy emotional attachments, I became a passionate advocate for people on the path of recovery from failed relationships. So much so that I wrote a book on the subject, "Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love," and I developed my online breakup recovery program, "Heal Your Broken Heart." Since then I've been getting lots of questions from readers and listeners. Today, I decided to devote a podcast to answering them.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're talking all about breakups -- particularly how to deal with the hardest parts, and serious dilemmas like:
- How do you know when a relationship is really over, or whether it's worth trying again?
- How to handle friends and family who may be getting frustrated with you in an on-again, off-again type situation? Or how to set boundaries with well-meaning people who have very definite ideas about how you should handle things, when you feel differently?
- How to deal with the enormous emotional pain of a breakup?
- How to cope with regret over the mistakes you made that may have led to the ending of your relationship?
So if you've been stuck on your Ex for too long, and wondering how to let go, listen to this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to get some new ideas and guidance for how to let go and move on --- for good.
All the best,
www.growingself.com
Valentine's Day can be a fun, romantic day. But it can also leave people feeling exquisitely lonely -- especially, believe it or not, if they are in long-term relationships. We've all heard the arguments that Valentine's Day is a manufactured holiday, designed to manipulate people into spending their money. But what I have found to be more true is that people love to love. They love to celebrate their love. They love to feel cherished and appreciated. And they really want to feel loved, celebrated, cherished, and appreciated on Valentine's Day -- by the person who means more to them than anyone else in the world.
Particularly when relationships have been feeling challenging, many people hope that Valentine's Day can be a day for recognition, reconnection, and reunion. That the love that launched their life together can be breathed back into a cozy fire by a little effort and specialness. (And it certainly can).
And... many married people have hopes that do not come to fruition on Valentine's Day. Instead of feeling like they day was a celebration of their love for each other:
They don't feel loved and cherished.
Or
They don't feel valued and respected.
Or
They don't feel known, or understood.
Or
They are frustrated by radically different ideas of what would be fun / meaningful to do on Valentine's Day.
Or
They try to have a good time, but old friction points, conflicts, and resentments bubble up to spoil it.
Ick.
When these things happen couples can feel very, very lonely on THE DAY that it seems like everyone else in the world is celebrating their love. Even if things are "good-enough" most of the time, and longing for connection is lost in the day-to-day flurry of must-do activities and chores, a lonely Valentine's Day can still feel like a real blow.
It's hard to live through this, but here is the good news: Being dissatisfied with the way things are is the definition of motivation. All couples have ups and downs. Being more aware of your feelings is the first step towards making positive changes in your life, and in your relationship.
Are YOU feeling ready to make changes? Do you want to feel connected, and in-love again? Help is here: On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing my top 10 tips to help you re-establish your romantic connection.
Feeling Lonely In Your Marriage? 10 Tips To Reconnect. Listen Now.Music Credits: "Valentine," by The Losers
If so, you're not alone. Fights about money -- how to spend it, how to save it, and how to make it -- are common battlegrounds in a marriage. Why so much drama? Money is emotionally laden for most people. Money is ultimately a symbol that can mean security, freedom, pleasure, power, love, and more. When it means different things to two people in a relationship -- look out. The sparks fly when couples have different values around money.
"He's a cheapskate." (Translation: I don't feel loved.)
"She spends every dime." (Translation: Doesn't she care about our security? Or how hard I work?)
"All he/she does is work." (Translation: I don't feel important.)
"I can't believe you spent so much on _____." (Translation: I don't understand you.)
"Where did it all go??" (Translation: This is scary. I feel alone in this.)
When left unchecked, "money issues" can bloom into very ugly emotional dynamics: Power struggles. Hiding spending, or debt. Negative beliefs about each other's character. Increasing hostility and emotional distance. Money problems must be resolved.
Get on The Same Page About FinancesThe good news is that creating agreement and teamwork around finances is a solvable problem. All couples have to work through differences around money as part of growing together. This doesn't have to be stressful or conflictual. It's just a matter of learning new skills -- together.
In fact, the most successful couples have developed a set of skills about how to manage money together. (Just like they have learned about other critical relationship skills). Learning how to talk about money, make a plan for money, and support each other's financial hopes and dreams is one of the cornerstones of a happy healthy marriage.
Financial Counseling For CouplesOn today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm so pleased to be speaking with expert couples financial counselor Jeff Motske on this subject. Jeff is the author of Couples Guide to Financial Compatibility, and the host of the "Declare Your Financial Freedom" radio show. Listen to our interview to learn how to:
- How to use Jeff's free online quiz: War of the Wallets to learn more about each other's "money personality"
- Have productive conversations about money
- How to create a workable budget
- How to develop a "solid financial house" together
- And how to set yourself financially free, as a couple.
Financial Counseling For Couples: Listen Now
Profiles that don't get any attention.
Endless texting that doesn't go anywhere.
First dates that fizzle.
It's hard to avoid all the potential pitfalls on your own. It's anxiety provoking to put yourself out there and either hear chirping crickets, or endure a series disappointing experiences. There is a reason why dating coaching has become a multi-million dollar industry in the last few years -- NOBODY knows what they are doing when it comes to online dating. That's why so many people are turning to dating coaching experts to help them figure it out.
As we've discussed on previous podcasts, for successful online dating you need to have CLARITY, INTENTION, and a darn good STRATEGY. There's no better person to take online dating advice from my guest on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: The world-famous online dating coach Julie Spira.
For over 20 years, Julie Spira has been helping singles find love online. She teaches singles how to shorten their search, so they can ride into the digital sunset together. She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Julie is a frequent guest in the media for online and mobile dating advice. She’s appeared in over 650 stories including ABC, BBC, CBS, CNN, FOX, NBC, NPR, Good Morning America, Elle, Glamour, Men’s Health, New York Times, Washington Post, and USAToday. Follow her on Twitter, @JulieSpira, where she tweets about dating and love.
She’s here as our guest today to talk about the hot topic of online dating and mobile dating apps and the new audio book version of her bestseller.
Listen to our interview and hear Julie's top tips about how to make your online profile irresistible, convert first texts into first dates, and connect with the love you're looking for. Want more of Julie's tips? Links to her website are in our show notes for this episode: www.growingself.com/the-secret-to-finding-love-online-with-julie-spira
The Secret to Finding Love Online, with Julie Spira: Listen Now
Do you ever get frustrated with yourself for not doing the things you know you should do? Of course! We all know how incredibly hard it can be to stay motivated, and stay on track for the long haul.
You only need to look at what a huge industry Life Coaching has become to see how many hundreds of thousands of people are enlisting the support of a coach to help them stay motivated, stay accountable, and make things happen. There is a reason why people reach out to life coaches: It can be tough to stay on track and follow through when you're going it alone.
However, there are things that you can do on your own to take charge of your life, and achieve your goals. In particular, when you get in control of your mind you can transcend limitations and overcome obstacles that may have seemed insurmountable before.
Your Mind + Body connection is undeniably powerful. Research consistently shows the impact that your physical health, diet, exercise and sleep habits has on your mood and on the way you think. But it works the other way too -- cognitive approaches to therapy have been found by research to be the most consistently effective way of improving your mood, feeling better, sleeping better, and getting better results.
[Tweet "When you get in control of your thoughts, you get in control of your life. "]
Learn How to Get In Control Of Your MindBeing able to harness the power of your mind isn't about luck or magic. Just like happiness is learned you can also learn how to use simple skills and strategies to build your motivation, resist the temptations that will lure you off track, and achieve your goals.
My guest on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, Sir John Hargrave, is here to teach you how. Sir John is the author of Mindhacking: How to Change Your Mind For Good in 21 Days. I spoke with Sir John a few months ago before he released his book. In our "Mindhacking: Reprogram Your Brain" podcast he discussed tools and tips you can use to "debug" your brain and straighten out your thinking process.
Today, he's back to share his latest adventures and advice with us. To prove how powerful his mind control techniques are, Sir John just undertook a 21 day fast. He's here today to speak with us about the mental ju-jitsu he used on himself to accomplish this goal. He's sharing his insights with you, so YOU can use similar strategies to make things happen in your own life.
Listen to Sir John's great, specific advice and learn how to increase your motivation, your focus, and your sense of control. Learn more about Sir John and his book, his program, and his latest adventures in mind control at www.mindhacki.ng
Take Control of Your Life: Listen Now(Was this helpful? If so please be sure to review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast on iTunes. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on upcoming episodes!)
Here's some free advice from a Life Coach: Setting goals and making plans are necessary to achieve your dreams. But your success will ultimately hinge upon your ability to do what you know you need to do consistently. And -- here's the hard part -- even when you don't feel like it.
One of the biggest things the Life Coaches do, as a matter of fact, is help people stay motivated. Having an accountability partner, and someone expecting you to do your homework rallies your motivation. Something about doing things "just for yourself" leaves you vulnerable to the opposite of motivation -- which is being comfy, and indulging instant gratification. (Trust me, I know -- it happens to me too).
If you're like most people, it's a challenge to stay motivated for the long term. Even though we logically know what needs to happen, it's like there's this imp that pulls us off track. "The Imp" loves being comfy. It wants to do whatever feels good right now. It whispers excuses in your ears like, "Just watch one more episode" when you know you need to go to bed. It promises, "We'll exercise tomorrow!" when know you need to get your butt to the gym instead of tapping-to-snooze nine more times.
And -- as you know -- it is very, very powerful.
If you're like most people you started the new year with some firm plans in place. You were ready for a fresh start. You were hopeful about making positive changes this year. And, if you're like most people, since then you've had time to notice the war inside of you that happens when you are trying to stay motivated: Your head pulling you in one direction, and "The Imp" pulling you in another. If you're like most people, "The Imp" has had a few wins since New Year's Eve... and may even be well on it's way to throttling your motivation back into apathetic acceptance of the status quo.
In other words: You're already in the danger zone.
Developing a new kind of relationship with the forces inside of you and learning how to keep your motivation strong (and your "Imp" in it's place) is absolutely crucial if you want to make things happen in your life. It's the core of the work you do in Love, Life or Career Coaching. (Read: What's the difference between Life Coaching and Therapy?)
We started this year off by reflecting on your strengths and accomplishments, connecting with your core values, and thinking about what kinds of positive action would actually move the needle for you this year. (Missed it? Listen to the "Start 2016 Strong" podcast, and don't forget to sign up for your self-study worksheet.)
Now it's time to work on building the motivation that will actually get you there. On episode 64 of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm discussing how to get a handle on instant gratification, and how to keep your motivation firmly in charge.
How to Stay Motivated: Listen Now
While you're on iTunes listening, don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast. Also, if you like the it would mean the world to me if you left a review saying so -- YOUR support is what helps this show grow!
Now, let's talk: Self awareness is key to mastering motivation. What's your first clue that Instant Gratification is taking over? How do YOU get motivation back in charge? Discussion time is in the comments! www.growingself.com/how-to-stay-motivated
(Music Credits: Ray Rude, "Transform")
You're not alone. Many people feel worse about themselves and their lives after logging into Facebook or Instagram.
Engagement rings, new babies, new houses, envious vacations, and tales of spouses doing eye-mistingly touching things scroll up endlessly. You should be happy for your friends, right? That their lives are so wonderful and amazing is a glorious thing, right? But it still makes your stomach tighten into a fist as you think of your own diamond-less, baby-less life. You can't help but comparing your house to theirs, your vacation to theirs, and... worst of all... your partner to theirs.
- Like how he surprised her with five hundred cheerios arranged on the table to say, "I love you!" and a serenade of "You Are My Sunshine" by their three young children when she walked in for breakfast -- just because!
- Like how she orchestrated a multi-day treasure hunt involving GPS, clues handed by anonymous "strangers" and a midnight trip on a crosstown bus cumulating in the discovery of front row concert tickets for him to see his idol live on stage, only to be met there by the two best friends she'd arranged to fly in from each coast for the event.
- Like how your partner can't even be bothered to pick up a cheerio off the floor and couldn't pick your best friend out of a line up -- even if you could tear him away from the Xbox.
In short: More people than you'd expect feel like taking a Xanax and / or fire-bombing their lives after a ten minute Facebook session.
How do I know this? Because I am a therapist and life coach, and people tell me their secrets. My clients are some of the most poised, socially savvy, outwardly successful, wealthy, and gorgeous people you'll ever meet. But they don't feel that way when they are looking at Facebook. They feel like they are failing at life, and it makes them anxious as hell. (And that's not just my opinion: Research links the use of Facebook to increased feelings of depression).
Even worse, their social media and the assumptions they make about others because of it can actually create more distance and separation in their lives. Feeling anxious and self-conscious about their own life and achievements pressures people into image management. Increasingly careful about what they share they start to feel more isolated instead of more connected.
The net result? They feel anxious, dissatisfied with their lives, and lonely. (And like there is something terribly wrong with them because of this). As Brene Brown so beautifully outlined for the world in her TED Talk, "The Power of Vulnerability" shame leads us to hide, and disconnect in efforts to protect ourselves. The anxiety generating machine of Facebook then, ironically, becomes the antitheses of the connection it was intended to create.
How to Feel More Connected, and Less Anxious About Social MediaToday on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing some insights with you that will help ease your anxiety over social media and restore the connection in your life. We'll be talking about a marvelous theory posed by Tim Urban in his blog "Wait But Why" about why social media makes people unhappy, as well as how the culture of curation is eroding authenticity and vulnerability.
I'll be sharing a cautionary tale from my own life about the potential for tragedy from taking Facebook at face value. Lastly, I'll be sharing some actionable ideas that will help you stop judging your own life, and restore your bond to the people you care about.
Ready to change your relationship with social media? You might also enjoy this article from the Huffington Post : 7 Types Of People You Should Unfriend On Facebook ASAP
Listen now: Is Social Media Making You Sad? (Episode 64 of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast)Music Credits: Public Image, LTD, "Public Image"
(And while you're there, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review -- your support means the world to me!)
Now, let's get real. In the podcast, in the spirit of "radical authenticity" I shared a story about how a close friend and I became disconnected from each other during a time that we really needed each other because of the pitfalls of social media. Has there been a time in your life that social media got in the way of your connection, or made you feel "less than?" If so please share in the comments at this link: http://www.growingself.com/is-social-media-making-you-sad/
It will help others feel less alone. xo, Lisa
http://www.growingself.com
Does your relationship have a holiday hangover? Memories of the holiday meals and sparkly presents are fading into the distance. The brown pine needles have been vacuumed from the rug. But the hurt feelings, resentments, and disappointments? Hoo boy! NOW is the time of year when it finally feels safe to talk about the hard things that have happened over the last few months.
Holidays are wonderful, and there is lots to love. But they are also stressful, and they put uniquely difficult stressors on relationships. The cracks in every relationship strain around things like money, in-laws, setting limits with the kids, "being thoughtful," who might be drinking too much or flirting with a certain someone at a holiday party, or all the unhelpful ways people cope with stress. Over the holidays, pressure gets put on all those cracks at the same time.
People cope the best they can. Many people, as they go through the holidays, say to themselves: "Just get through it, get through it, get through it." The holidays are supposed to be happy right? So people keep the lid on the hard stuff. They smile when they feel like screaming, they stuff the disappointments, and they endure the annoyances. Silently. With mounting bitterness.
As any marriage counselor worth their salt will tell you, stuffing things only makes them fester and grow like warty mushrooms of resentment on your heart. So by the time you arrive in January, what you've been holding on to for the past month or two may feel like a really. big. deal.
Furthermore, nobody wants to open up a bunch or hard stuff right before the holidays. Certainly nobody wants to talk about breaking up. Couples who weren't in a great place even before the holidays start to feel squeamish about dealing directly with their problems before all the family events and vacation plans. Married people "don't want to scar their kids by ruining Christmas." So they wait, stuffing their feelings and biding their time until the ball drops on a New Year. A new start. A new life.
And then they blindside their partners with talk of breaking up, or the "big D" in January.
Do Not Be Afraid of The January Relationship CrisisSeriously. Use it to your advantage.
- Use it as an opportunity to resolve issues, and make the changes that need to be made: This can be a "fresh start" for your relationship, just like your other goals and hopes for the new year.
- Now is the time for a fresh start for your relationship: Talk about the things you haven't been talking about. If you can't talk about them productively, that's normal too -- that's what marriage counselors and relationship coaches are here for. Get in touch and we can help you communicate, reconnect, and work through it productively.
- Show your partner how much you love them by staying calm, and letting them know you're willing to work on it. Practice listening non-defensively, and responding to their requests. Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to work through it with them.
- Educate yourself: I am re-releasing the podcast I created last year on this subject, "The January Relationship Crisis." (Now #63). Listen to it to get deeper insight into what's going on, and how you can work together to reconnect. While you're there, browse around the other relationship podcasts I've made to learn more. (And if you like the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast please subscribe and leave a review!!)
- Use the resources available to you: Sign up to get my free relationship advice freebie (www.growingself.com/avoid-january-breakups) and then check back here over the next few weeks for new posts on "How to Get Your Unwilling Partner to Go To Marriage Counseling," "How to Deal With a Partner Who Shuts Down," and "How to Deal With a Partner Who is Always Angry." (Don't miss these posts: Sign up for our monthly round up at the top right of my blog page (www.growingself.com) and I'll send them to you next month).
2016 could be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship. Facing challenges fearlessly, as a couple, is what will create a stronger, deeper connection than ever before. No one wants relationships to be over: They want them to be better. Embrace the "January Relationship Crisis." This could be your chance to take your relationship to the next level.
Happy New Year!
-- Lisa
Podcast Music Credits: Ty Segall, "So Alone"
You're in luck. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm interviewing Denver Dating Coach Jessica Small about things that you can do to attract a happy new relationship into your life.
Jessica is an expert Dating Coach and the instructor of our strategic dating coaching class: Let Love In. She's chock full of great advice that you can put into practice right now to get better results in your dating life. She's even tackling some of your biggest dating questions like:
1) What's the biggest dating mistake you're making -- the one that happens before you even go out on a first date?
2) What are things you can do to make it a great first date... that leaves them wanting more of you?
3) How can putting a priority on "chemistry" distract you from the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship?
4) What's going on with people who just "disappear" after the first date?
Get Jessica's best dating coaching advice and learn how to connect with the one you've been waiting for in 2016.
Learn more about Jessica on our website: www.growingself.com. Interested in Jessica's dating coaching class? Learn more about "Let Love In" -- it starts on January 11th!
Is Your Relationship Just... Off?
Have you been feeling worried about your relationship? Are you feeling resentful, or angry with your partner? Are you feeling hurt, or shut out? Do you feel like the person who should be your number one fan has recently turned into a source of pain and frustration?
If so, you're not alone. All couples go through ups and downs, and drifting apart (and then coming back together again) is what it means to be in a long term relationship. But it still feels yucky when it's happening. And if disconnection and negativity has been going on for awhile, it can begin to make you feel worried that there may be more serious problems under the surface.
Furthermore, it's hard to know how to reconnect when negativity has taken hold of your relationship. Every time you try to reach out and patch things up, it seems like a new hurt or disappointment is always bubbling up to the surface. It's enough to make you start to feel helpless.
I'm here to help, and give you advice for how to get back on track with each other.
And listen -- I don't want to scare you -- but the time to act is now. January is the most common time of year for breakups and divorces. People can grit their teeth and endure things to "get through the holidays" and then fueled by hopeful resolutions for a happier new year sweep a relationship out right along with the tinsel lint and brown pine needles.
My very first piece of advice? If you're really worried about your relationship, pay attention to your intuition. Do things now to help show your partner that it can get better. Your putting effort and energy into your relationship NOW gives you the opportunity to turn things around before one of you starts to lose hope.
Let's Talk About How To Fix Your Relationship
On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm putting on my Marriage Counselor hat, and will be giving you some advice that will help you figure out whether this "rough patch" is an indication of something serious (or not) and what you can do to get things back on track.
We're discussing the most common types of relationship disconnections, and some actionable advice that you can use in each situation to begin establishing open lines of communication, repairing hurt feelings, and solving problems together.
I'll also be following up over the next few weeks with two "Communication 101" guides that will help you handle a partner who tends to withdraw and avoid talking about things, plus a tutorial on what to do with a partner who seems angry or critical.
Don't miss them: Sign up for the Love, Happiness and Success Express to get a round-up from the blog once a month! Sign up at www.growingself.com
What To Do When You're Worried About Your Relationship: Listen Now
Next week: Unconditional love -- what it means, and how to cultivate it in your life.
Deciding to reach out for professional help is a big decision, and I know it's not one you take lightly. In fact, if you're like most people you've probably been working for a long time to NOT get involved in Marriage Counseling, Therapy or Life Coaching, and instead been doing everything you can think of to help yourself: Reading books, trying different things, seeking advice from friends.
But there comes a point where you've done everything that you know how to do on your own and you just feel stuck. The things you're trying to do just aren't working (or, not for long anyway). Or maybe you've had people encouraging you to "talk to someone." Maybe you've been inspired by someone else's successful work in counseling or coaching, and are hopeful that you could get good results too. But where to even start finding the right person? The sheer volume of options you have can be overwhelming.
So now you're cruising around therapist's websites and self-help blogs, looking for direction. Welcome. I'm glad you've found this post. I'm glad you're doing your research. Because, in my opinion, one of the worst things that can happen is for someone like you to be so brave, muster up your resolve, and finally reach out for help... only to connect with the wrong person.
What's Worse Than Not Getting Help? Reaching Out To The Wrong Person.It happens. Too often, actually. And the outcomes can be worse than not getting help at all. When people muster up their courage, and finally reach out, only to have an (at best) unhelpful or (at worst) bad experience, it has negative consequences. Not just because they didn't get the help they were looking for, but because it may lead them to believe that there is no help for them. Even more tragically, many couples seek counseling from a person who isn't qualified, and then when couples counseling isn't successful think that their relationship can't be repaired (and subsequently get divorced.) Yet another reason why finding the right kind of help is extremely important.
You Don't Go To a Cardiologist For a Broken Leg, Either.I think one reason for this is that there is a big gap between the kind of help people really need, and the kind that they think they need. I have people from all over reach out to me asking questions, and advice. (Do you have a question for me to answer on my blog or podcast? I'd love to hear from you: email me). Recently I've had several people get in touch with me asking for help in how to manage pretty major issues -- major depressive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, substance abuse problems. Many of these questions would end with something along the lines of, "Yeah, so I was thinking it might be time for me to see a life coach..." Life Coach! Really??
It's becoming increasingly clear to me that many people don't understand the difference between a life coach and a therapist, what kind of help is appropriate for certain issues, or how to get connected with the right person to solve a particular problem.
Knowledge Is PowerSo on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm here to help you understand what your options for help are, when NOT to go to a life coach, when life coaching is a great choice, what kind of therapist can help you fix your relationship (and who can't), where to go for medication, and how to get connected with a good, caring (and qualified!) therapist in your area. I'm throwing in some emergency resources too, just for good measure.
All the best,
Is It Time To Get Help? Do It Right. Listen Now.More questions about counseling, coaching or marriage counseling? Visit www.growingself.com, and read more on the "questions about___" pages.
Heal Your Broken Heart
It's a bit embarrassing for me to say this, as a marriage counselor, but I know a lot about how to help you recover after your breakup. In fact, I've worked with many people as they walked through the anguish of rejection and loss. I've walked alongside countless clients as they manage the anxiety, the depression and the obsessions that always come after a cherished relationship is severed. I've even written a book on the subject of how to recover after a breakup.
I know what you're thinking: "She must be the WORST marriage counselor ever."
The truth is that many, if not most relationships can be mended if both people are willing to try. But the fact is that if one person is simply done, the best marriage counselor in the world can't put it back together. In these situations the best we can often do is provide comfort, support and guidance to the person who is left sitting on the therapy-couch, alone.
And that is exactly what I've done for many, many people over the years. Now, I'm something of an expert on the subject of how to recover from a breakup. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be sharing with you what I've learned about why it's so hard to get over your Ex, why most people feel like they are going crazy after their relationship ends, and simple things that you can do to help yourself recover from a breakup.
Because I have a book coming out on this subject in November called, "EXaholic: Breaking Your Addiction to Your EX Love" I'll be discussing this topic over the next month or so. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter, "The Love, Happiness & Success Express" if you want to get a round-up of all the articles send to you. Sign up on my website: www.growingself.com.
All the best to you on your journey,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, BCC
How To Recover From Your Breakup: Listen Now
Help For Your Relationship
I've spent a decade as a Denver marriage counselor -- and I've been married for nearly twenty years myself. I've learned a thing or two about relationships, along the way. I frequently have people email me with various relationship dilemmas, and I've had listeners of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast from all over the world get in touch with me regarding their relationship questions. I thought I'd address a few of them on today's podcast.
Advice From A Marriage Counselor: Your Relationship Questions, Answered."How do I bring up delicate topics with my partner? (Like their bad breath, or their weight?)"
"What do I do if I don't like my partner's friends?"
"How important is it for me to feel 'butterflies' for my partner? If I don't, is there a problem?"
"How fast should relationships move, in the beginning?"
"What's a warning sign of a toxic relationship?"
"What do I do if I want to move forward, but my partner doesn't?"
I'll be discussing all these questions, and more, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Are there questions that you have? Let me know, either in the comments below or by contacting me through my website: www.growingself.com I'll be glad to answer them in an article, on an upcoming podcast!
Listen Now.
(Music Credits: The Last Shadow Puppets, "My Mistakes Were Made For You.")
Every good life coach and therapist knows that, for many of our clients, finding forgiveness can be an incredibly important and powerfully healing part of the personal transformation process. This is true for both individuals, and for relationships. Holding on to anger -- either towards yourself or someone else -- will only hold you back, and create more problems for you.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going there. I'll be talking about how to release anger, find forgiveness... and set yourself free.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
(Music Credits: "The Fog," by The Amazing)
Despite the best of intentions, some marriages just don't work out. Many, if not most, people do go on to find love again, and eventually remarry. It's not uncommon at all for second marriages to involve children from previous relationships, creating step-families or "blended families."
Here's the deal: You can fall in love with your dream-partner, and have an amazing relationship. You can laugh, be best friends, be romantically compatible, love all the same things, communicate beautifully... and still have an extremely difficult time weathering the ups and downs of (normal and expected) blended family problems. I say "normal and expected" because there is always friction as people are learning how to live with each other and love each other. Blended families have more friction because they involve more people. Sometimes, it's a lot of friction before you get things worked out.
In fact, most couples are absolutely shocked at just how hard the experience of creating a blended family can be.
Furthermore, it's really almost impossible to know, in advance of your remarriage, what the "hotspots" and triggers for with each other and your respective kids are going to be before you all begin living under the same roof. While premarital counseling can help prepare your blended family for success, you often just can't anticipate what problems are going to come up until you do it.
So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm discussing the factors that lead to blended family problems, and how you can circumvent them (or repair them, if you're already going through this). By understanding the emotional dynamics at work in your blended family, and having a plan for how to negotiate them, you can create a happy, supportive and peaceful blended family experience. Really!
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Sir John Hargrave about his new book, "Mindhacking." In it, Sir John takes a fresh and funny look at how our thoughts determine both our emotions, and our reality.
Mindhacking is based on tried and true methods for learning how to create a "Happy Mind" -- Cognitive Therapy and Mindfulness Training. Both are reliable, helpful strategies that have been used by decades by life coaches and therapists. But Sir John uses the metaphor of computer programming to understand how to reprogram your brain to get better outcomes.
I really enjoyed talking with Sir John about his ideas, as we share so many of the same evidence-based views on how people change:
• How self awareness of your "old patterns" is the first step in creating new ones
• How essential mindfulness skills are to feeling happy and well
• And how learning how to shift your thoughts allows you to create healthy new feelings AND behaviors.
So listen to our conversation and learn how to improve your mental focus, "debug your mind" of problematic thoughts, and create your very own Reality Distortion Field -- just like Steve Jobs!
Learn more about Sir John Hargrave and Mindhacking on his website: www.mindhacki.ng
Click here to pre-order your copy of Mindhacking (Due out in January)
Find out more about Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and her Online Counseling and Life Coaching practice, or sign up for The Happiness Class at www.growingself.com.
SO many of our therapy or life coaching clients come to us with one core wish: To be happy. No matter what their current concerns, obstacles, or challenges, the hope of happiness is always the shining star that pulls them forward into life coaching. But sometimes it can be hard to know what being happy actually means. Truthfully, "happiness" means different things to different people.
Learning about other people who have followed their heartfelt values into genuinely happy lives can inspire us to do the same. The stories of others can light a lamp on our own path, and our own possibilities. Even if your values may be different, knowing that other people have taken bold action to create a meaning and joy can light a spark of inspiration for you to do some deep reflecting on what makes you happy -- and how you might take action to make big changes too.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm talking to a couple of Nomadic Souls who have discovered that for them, happiness is very much a journey rather than a destination. Listen to my interview with full-time travelers Kimberly Travaglino (Founder of Full-time Families) and Clementine Bakstein about how they and their families found happiness, meaning, and connection by following their values down the never-ending road.
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
People start coaching or counseling eager to jump in and make new things happen. That is admirable, and enthusiasm is certainly the catalyst for great things. We must have hope in order to even try to change.
We all start out with grand plans and make sweeping, dramatic gestures to mark our transition into a better life: Buying personal productivity solutions, new workout clothes, cutting up all the credit cards, throwing away the half eaten bags of Ruffles, making solemn promises to be nicer to your partner, or flushing the cigarettes down the toilet. Things are going to be different now. These rituals of change feel like the door to a new life, and we feel very pleased with ourselves for several days.
But then.... it gets frustrating. Things get hard, get annoying, get boring, or we get upset and sure enough -- snap right back into our old patterns. It's easy to feel discouraged and get tricked into believing that you can't do it.
But you can, my friend. You most certainly can.
You can have it all. You can have better relationships, loose weight, save money, achieve your goals, be healthier, sleep better and feel happer.
Your ability to change your life is the same as everyone else's. What is the key to making lasting change? Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and find out.
xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
The Secret To Changing Anything. (And Everything.) Listen Now.Music Credits: Echo and the Bunnymen
Like this podcast? Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes!
Have you ever wondered what mistakes you might be making in your relationship? Or why new relationships seem to fizzle before they get off the ground? Relationship Expert and Dating Coach Stephan Lebossier is not afraid to tell you exactly what the problem is, and how to fix it.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm asking Stephan all your burning questions: What are some of the biggest mistakes men and women make in relationships? How can you become more attractive? What do you need to do to establish trust in a relationship? How can you open yourself up to love again, when you've been hurt in the past?
His answers might surprise you!
Get Ready For Love: Listen Now
Questions? Comments? Ideas for the next show? Get in touch! www.growingself.com
The pressure to be perfect infuses every aspect of our lives: From our homes to our jobs to our appearance to our kids we can feel driven to perform perfectly. Trying to do your best and excel is not a bad thing in itself. The problem arises when anything LESS than perfection is unacceptable.
Of course we understand intellectually that being perfect all the time is impossible. But that doesn't change the grinding feelings of anxiety, failure and fear of judgment that rear up when we don't live up to our own expectations.
If you are vulnerable to perfectionism you run yourself absolutely ragged attempting to live up to some impossible standard. But then messy, freewheeling life inevitably sideswipes your efforts. Your dinner party fails to meet your Pinterest-worthy standards, your garden is a weedy mess, your kids are grubby, or you're late again... and a black hole of guilt and shame rises up inside you, making it difficult to enjoy the beauty and goodness that also exists in your imperfect world.
Many people who struggle perfectionism are incredibly competent, thoughtful, and thorough in everything that they do. However they can put SO much time and energy over-focusing on small details, it can make even the simplest projects seem overwhelming. The result, ironically, is procrastination, which leads to not having enough time to do a good job, which leads to more imperfection and feelings of shame and failure.
If perfectionism gets too powerful it can lead to total avoidance of tasks: Piles of unfolded laundry, tons of clutter, unfinished household projects, and even serious problems at work or school are the hallmarks of a severe case of perfectionism.
3 Keys to Overcoming PerfectionismThe good news? Perfectionism CAN be overcome. I know this, because in addition to working with many people who have struggled with and conquered perfectionism, I'm a perfectionist (in recovery) myself.
This episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is all about how to help you overcome the anxiety and self-judgment that leads to perfectionism, and start enjoying you're life again. (And being more successful, productive and effective in the process). Listen and learn the three new ideas that will help you overcome perfectionism:
Can you relate to perfectionism? Is it something that you're currently struggling with, or something that you've already overcome? Either way, I hope you share your story in the comment section of this post!
http://www.growingself.com/overcoming-perfectionism/
-- xo, Lisa Marie
Any Life Coach or Career Coach worth their salt will tell you that part of making great things happen in your life depends on your ability to be organized, at least to a degree. You may be blazingly talented and creative but if you can't manage your self, your possessions, your tasks and your time well enough, you are going to flounder.
Learning how to get organized and stay that way is a foundational life skill: Your ability to keep your self together is the platform from which you build great things -- occupationally, creatively, and relationally. (Don't even ask me how many marriage counseling sessions I've sat in where the focus of the entire conversation was around one person's inability to get places on time).
Furthermore, when you're disorganized it makes you feel anxious and out of control. Small tasks that should be easy start to feel hard because you can't find basic tools to accomplish them. (Like a stamp ...Or your shoes.) Little things become big things, procrastination carries you away, and all of a sudden you feel overwhelmed.
Help is here. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with expert professional organizer Lisa Woodruff of Organize 365. She has lots of practical tools and tips to help you get your life back together again, plus a great plan for helping you stay in a good place long term.
Hope it helps!
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
More from the blog: www.drlisamariebobby.com
How to Get Organized: Listen Now. (Music Credits: James Kibbie)
We toss around the phrases like "I'm stressed out" so easily, glibly, like it's a little thing of small consequence. But, as you know if you've been living with chronic stress for a long time, or if you've ever been through serious-for-real burn-out, it's kind of a big deal.
“Burning out” is the layperson’s term for the physical, emotional, and cognitive consequences of chronic stress. Understanding what it does to you, and why it's important to change, can help motivate you to reclaim your life.
Chronic stress can affect everything in your life, from the way you think, to the way you feel physically and emotionally, to your relationships.
This episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is devoted to helping you learn what chronic stress and burnout is, whether you might be suffering with it, and most importantly -- what to do to help yourself recover.
You'll learn not just stress management techniques, but a new way of thinking and taking care of yourself that will help you become more resilient... and effective. -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
How to Deal With Stress and Burnout: Listen Now
Feeling kind of "meh" lately? Feeling unmotivated and kind of negative about everything? You're not alone. As winter drags on (and on) it's the most normal thing in the world to be feeling kind of blah... and even for the dark tendrils of depression to snake their way around you.
Help is here! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking about natural remedies for depression.
If you're like lots of people, you're hopeful that there could be natural or home remedies that can help you fight back against depression. And you're right. While sometimes therapy and medication are necessary to recover from Major Depressive Disorder, there are also fast, cheap, and relatively easy things that you can start doing today to start recovering from depression (and protect yourself from having it come back in the future).
Natural Remedies For Depression: Listen Now!
Feeling happy is what it's all about. But sometimes, it can be hard to muster up good feelings. On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm sharing some simple tips that you can start using today to help you feel happier and more satisfied with your life -- as is. #Mindfulness #Gratitude #Happiness
Valentine's Day is a troublemaker. Yes, it can be fun and sweet and sexy, but it can also be a pain in the ass. Frankly, Valentine's Day can create drama coming and going -- people are anxious about how things are going to be received ahead of it, and then if someone's Valentine's Day dreams are dashed relationships need to recover in the aftermath.
So I decided to make a podcast talking about the potential pitfalls of Valentine's Day: Anxiety and Expectations, and how to negotiate them in order to have a genuinely happy day with each other this year.
Listen, and learn how to take your power back from V-Day, how to manage anxiety around gift-giving, how to create a Valentine's Experience for your honey that WILL be successful, and how to manage any hurt feelings you might harbor if your day didn't live up to your hopes.
With lots of love to you this Valentine's Day -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Life, Love, and Comedy, With Denver's Empty Girlfriend
On the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I had the most delightful time talking with Denver comedians Hayley Driscoll and Christie Bucle about their take on life, love, and how they keep things real with their podcast Empty Girlfriend.
Listen now and get fresh insights on how to use humor to take your power back in challenging situations, how to use your voice to shine a light on subjects that might otherwise stay hidden in darkness, and how to use transparency and authenticity to create connection with others.
Is your marriage still recovering from the holidays? Have your conflicts felt especially nasty lately? Are you feeling particularly anxious or grim about the state of your marriage right now?
If so you are not alone. Right now marriage counselors everywhere are being flooded by couples in crisis. Why is there such a big uptick in who reach out for marriage counseling after the holidays?
1) We think of the holidays as being happy times for a family, but in truth they can put an enormous strain on a relationship. There are just SO many things to fight about!
2) Negative memory priming.
3) New Year's Resolutions. "I'm not living like this for one more year."
4) January is the most common month for people to file for divorce.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm talking about why this time of year is so darn hard for couples, and what you can do to put your marriage back together again and make 2015 a year of Love, Happiness and Success for both of you. .
--- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Happy New Year! This is a wonderful, introspective time and a beautful opportunity for reflecting on what you've learned from the last year. Just like you clean your house and clear out old stuff at the end of the year in order to have a fresh start, now is a great time for doing a little mental and emotional house-cleaning too.
So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing a strategy that I teach my private Life Coaching clients about how to uncover the things that they learned from this past year.
This simple exercise will help you gain awareness on what it is that you need to say goodbye to, in order to say hello to the Love, Happiness and Success you're resolving for in 2015.
Listen now.
Mindfulness: The ability to stay grounded in the current moment, and simply be present with whatever is happening. So simple, yet so hard. What's easy? Getting swept away by distractions, thoughts, feelings, daydreams, and worries about things that might happen. When we live in our heads, which most of us do most of the time, we're not really here. And that's too bad, because the world is a beautiful place.
Our ambient stress and future-focus is even more pronounced in the weeks leading up to the holiday season, so I thought that this would be a good time to revisit some simple mindfulness skills that will help you be able to slow down, breathe, and enjoy this special time of year.
My guest on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast today is Dr. Peggy Sheehan. She's a Denver-based physician who teaches John Kabat Zinn's Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program through Kaiser Permanente, as well as a spiritual director of the Zen Center of Denver. She knows a lot about mindfulness: The benefits of the practice, and everyday practices that will help you to slow down, and be more peaceful and present with your life. Today, she's sharing her wisdom with you.
The holidays are upon us! Time for turkey, presents, and LOTS of time with your family. The counseling and coaching sessions I'm having with my Denver clients recently have focused on how to handle "family time."
The truth is that everyone wants to have a happy holiday with their family. It's also true that many people look forward to time with their parents with a mixture of excitement... and apprehension. Particularly during the holidays, with all the forced together-time, it's easy for tensions to flare and wreck a nice day pretty fast.
So today I'm re-issuing the "How to Deal With Difficult Parents" edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, in order to remind you of the mindset to cultivate in order to genuinely appreciate your parents for who they are, and have a good time together.
I hope these ideas help you have a happy holiday. And Happy Thanksgiving! xo, Lisa
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Do your parents make you crazy? You're not alone! Even as adults, our parents can have a unique ability to trigger familiar old frustrations, hurts and resentments. Or maybe they're just annoying. Maybe, as in my own case, you're still a little upset with your mother for not being Hillary Clinton.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I talk about how to deal with your parents, as an adult. Listen, and learn why you get so triggered by your parents, and the steps to create a healthy, peaceful and reality-based relationship with the parents you have.
We'll talk about the stages that we all move through on the path of "individuation" including disillusionment, distance, healing / growing, and reclaiming. You'll learn how to shift from being a child in relation to your parents, to an adult. Finally, you'll learn how to appreciate your parents for who they are, forgive past mistakes, set healthy boundaries, and start actually enjoying your relationship with them. Listen now....
"Follow your feelings" is the punchline of countless self-help books, and the focus of many therapy sessions. We can spend years in therapy or counseling learning how to respect and obey our emotional guidance system, which will often lead you in the right direction. But the truth is that not all feelings are the same. Sometimes, listening to your emotions will absolutely wreck your life. How do you tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy feelings?
Healthy emotions are like your sense of smell. They provide you with information about the world, about yourselves, and other peoeple. Your feelings help you make decisions, and know when to move closer to something (or protect yourself).
At the same time, we're all vulnerable to unhealthy feelings: Feelings that are rooted in depression, anxiety, low self esteem, trauma or impulsivity. And if we listen to those feelings we will almost invariably experience negative consequences.
But the big problem is that our feelings always feel true, no matter if they are "healthy" or "unhealthy." It's therefore very difficult to differentiate between feelings that we should respect and obey, or feelings that we should over-ride.
On today's episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking all about feelings - and how you can determine which ones to listen to and which ones to let go of.
It is 1:19am. You have to be up and at ‘em at 5:30am. I don’t have to remind you of this. I’m sure you are very, very well aware that you are awake, as the minutes drip by. As a matter of fact, I’m sure it’s all you can think about.
And this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is for you, my dear insomniac.
Sleep. It’s so important. It is quite literally a foundational building block for a healthy and happy life. And yet when we need it most is when it is most rebellious and oppositional. When we're lying awake at night we're like anxious parents of teenagers waiting up in a dark living room, thinking "Where the hell is Sleep? It needs to get it's butt home so we can both get some rest."
I don’t know exactly where your Sleep has run off to. It might be careening around with a carload friends playing mailbox baseball in the middle of the night, or hanging out in someone’s smokey rec room listening to ancient Black Sabbath records in the dark, but figuring out where it’s gone is not why we’re here today.
What we're here to talk about how to create the ideal conditions in both your body and mind to make it want to come back home again. And turn out the lights. And carry you both into dreamland. Listen now, to this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast -- and get some rest.
Can you have a passionate marriage? Or is it the eventual fate of all couples to be as bored and put off by each other as they are attached? Many couples arrive in marriage counseling really worried that the fact they’re feeling “meh” about each other is a sign that something is very wrong in their relationship. They think that they’ve "Fallen Out of Love," and that this is a reason to end their relationship.
In fact, nothing could be further from the truth: This moment is when real growth, passion and intimacy can begin.
And my purpose for making this particular podcast today is to help you understand what’s going on in the "falling out of love" phenomena. I'll also give you some strategies about how to bring the sparkle back that may surprise you. (I can promise you that the punchline of this podcast is not going to be to have a date night and buy some lingerie.) We go deeper than that on the love, happiness and success podcast. I’m going to talk to you about what you need to do, and really, who you need to become, in order to wantto have a date night and go buy some lingerie.
Listen now, to "How To Rekindle The Passion" on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Is there hope for your relationship, or is it time to cut your losses?
To have some ambivalence about a relationship can be normal, depending on what's going on. If you've been going through a rough patch (as all couples sometimes do) it can be easy to ruminate about all the aspects of your partner that you don’t like, and fantasize about what your life would be like without them. And then when you two repair the wound caused by the fight and you can let it go and start appreciating them again, and feel just as sure about things as ever.
But when you have repeated negative interactions over a period of time it starts to chip away at your commitment, and your trust. If problems keep coming up it can be easy to feel hopeless that things will ever improve. You may start to wonder if what you’re experiencing in your relationship is a solvable problem, or if it’s just the way that things are. (And if it's the latter, that it's a long-term reality you may unwilling to accept).
That pushes you into a space of indecision: Do you break up, or do you stay together?
Not knowing whether to stay or to go is absolutely agonizing. On the one hand you can look at your relationship and see all the positive aspects of it. You look at your partner sometime and still see how attractive they are to you, or you have a few good days or weeks together it feels like things are getting better again. But then something crappy happens again and you wonder if the negative aspects of your relationship are deal breakers. It's exhausting -- for both of you.
On todays episode of the love, happiness and success podcast I’ll be talking about different common relationship situations and whether they are "solvable problems" or not. I'll share with you what I see, as a marriage counselor, as being deal breakers for a couple versus "growth moments" for a couple -- plus some direction about what to do with each.
Listen Now:
Every one likes to toss around the phrase, "Get Over It." If you've been going through the pain of a loss you may desperately want to "Get Over It." But how does one actually accomplish such a thing?
I've been a therapist in Denver for a long time, and have done my share of grief counseling. I know that wishing and praying to feel better, or anesthetizing yourself with booze or busy-ness does not work -- for long, anyway. Unfortunately the only way to the other side is through the process of grieving.
I also know from my years as a therapist that there are many different kinds of losses that deserve the respect of grieving. Whether you are dealing with the a death, or a more subtle, hidden loss like the of a cherished relationship, a miscarriage, a pet’s death, a move, the loss of a dream, or the end of an era in your life: You need to grieve. It’s necessary in order to heal and move on.
Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to teach you about the step-by-step process of grieving. Listen, and learn how to help yourself "Get Over It" in a healthy, and authentic way.
The only way out is through. Listen now to learn how to "Get Over It," and move on to the next chapter of your life.
Could there be a "magic bullet" to creating the positive outcomes you desire? Well, kind of...
We all want the good stuff: Health, happiness, secure relationships, a meaningful career and money in the bank. The billion-dollar self help industry is evidence enough that we’re seeking solutions to make things happen. But — what if we’ve been wasting our energy chasing after "tools?" What if by focusing our efforts on only one or two core skills: Grit and Self Control, we can create the life we want?
That’s what new research is suggesting. About ten years ago, Dr. Angela Duckworth started with one simple question: Why do some kids do better than others in school? Her subsequent research blew the top off our traditional understanding about why some kids succeed while others fail. To sum up the findings, it’s not about intelligence, socio-economic status, or environment. Kids who did well academically did so because they persevered through adversity, and were able to control short term impulses in favor of long term goals.
In recent years, Dr. Duckworth and her fellow researchers have been extending her original research, and seeking to understand the relationships between Grit, Self-Control, and a host of positive outcomes. It seems that everything from stable marriages, to feeling happy to financial security can be mediated by these variables.
Kind of a big deal.
So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m so honored to be speaking with David Meketon a former teacher and school administrator who works with Dr. Duckworth. He’s going to be talking more about the research behind Grit and Self Control, and also provide us with some practical strategies that we can use to develop these qualities in ourselves.
Believe it or not, most relationships are actually pretty resilient -- as long as we're getting a few very basic emotional needs met. If not... look out. And what it takes to have a great relationship may surprise you: It's almost certainly not what you've been fighting about. At least, not on the surface anyway.
The strength of your marriage isn't measured by whether or not you have conflict or even big noisy fights. The health of your relationship isn't determined by "communication skills" or whether or not you say please and thank you, or use a pleasant "tone." It doesn't matter how similar you are, whether you want the same things out of life, have sex often enough, or have an equitable household chore plan worked out.
The health, strength and sustainability depend on whether or not you are making The 5 Biggest Relationship Mistakes:
1) Empathic Failure
2) Not asking for authentic needs to be met in a way that your partner can hear them
3) Not being responsive
4) Being self-focused
5) Not getting help if any of the above are missing
On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll walk you through each of these "Big 5" relationship mistakes and give you some real world examples of how to do things differently. If you can shift your behaviors in these five areas, you'll be well on your way to repairing your love and bringing peace back to your home.
Are you really worried about someone in your life? Are you being negatively impacted by the consequences of someone else's behavior? Few things are more frustrating than seeing someone you love suffering, spinning out of control, and unable or unwilling to get help. What to do?
On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you how to avoid the biggest mistake you can make in this situation, and the surprising way to not just help-- but get your inner peace back.
We'll talk about what it really means to "help" someone versus accidentally enable them to persist in their problems. You'll learn about how to avoid damaging your relationship with your loved one, and how to avoid the power struggle of co-dependency.
By shifting your definition of what it means to help, you'll learn how to regain control of the situation. Getting clear about your boundaries, your values, and the one thing you really have power over (you) you'll start helping your loved one develop the authentic, inner motivation they need to make lasting change.
The road to recovery is hard, but when you learn how to stop controlling, stop being upset, and start giving people the kind of help they really need you can change from being an accidental obstacle to recovery, to a catalyst for their growth.
Lastly, I'll be giving you some practical steps for how to help yourself during your loved one's change process. -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
The songs that Kurt taught us: You have more power than you know to help others, heal yourself, and generally make the world a better place. Everything you need to do this is inside of you right now: Peace, Love & Empathy.
Your personal experience of the world is the doorway to connecting with others. Through understanding yourself, you can understand others. And that kind of compassion has the power to change everything. Compassion is the force that can bring connection to conflict, bring peace to pain, and bring meaning to suffering.
This is not a new idea. Teachers, Civil Activists, Saints and Prophets have been pointing their flashlights in this direction since the beginning of time. But today I'd like to share with you some personal insight into the life of a person who some people consider a modern-day prophet -- Kurt Cobain -- in order to teach you how to apply these ideas in your own life.
Listen, and learn how the power of empathy and compassion creates connection and meaning that transcends even a life... and the simple ideas you can practice that will help you shine your own light of love out into the world.
If you are looking for love, you have a better chance of finding the right person through an app on your iPhone than you do loitering around local watering holes. There are tens of thousands of eligible singles in Denver alone, and they have thoughtfully curated themselves to show you who they are before you even talk. You can flip through possibilities like you were flipping radio channels, until you find the perfect one. So easy, right?
Well, theoretically. But the truth is that even the process of setting up a profile can be anxiety provoking. What picture do you use? What do you say? How do you set yourself apart without being weird? What if no-one gets in touch? What if they do but you don't like them? Agh! It's enough to make you scrap it all and just go back to standing around bars on Saturday nights.
Help has arrived. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with the wonderful Bela Ghandi -- dating coach and online image consultant, and founder of Smart Dating Academy. You may have caught snippets of her dating wisdom from her appearances on the Steve Harvey Show. But if you missed it, listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and learn how to WIN online dating!
We all want to have good relationships -- our connections with others are central to authentic happiness.
But the dark side of having a vibrant life with lots of people in it is that sometimes we feel imposed upon, hassled, crowded and disappointed by the people we’re trying to have relationships with. And thats where boundaries come in.
As important as it is to be generous, and empathic, and loving towards others, if we aren’t mindful of our own boundaries and healthy limits we can give too much. The truth is that not everyone is a safe person for us to be emotionally close to, and to sacrifice for. But how to you figure out where to draw that line?
Setting and maintaining boundaries is a complex process, with many aspects to it. On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm teaching you the first step in creating and maintaining healthy boundaries: Getting to know who you're dealing with. Only then can you figure out what boundaries are appropriate.
This is a technique I teach my private clients all the time. It will help you figure out what stage of relationship you are in, when you should keep your guard up, and when to feel okay about relaxing your boundaries.
I'm a big fan of feelings. Feelings carry important information. Feelings help us understand ourselves and other people, and feelings can help guide our lives. However, some kinds of feelings are more complicated than others. Sometimes we need to figure out if our feelings are worth listening to and taking guidance from, or if we need to override them order to be our best selves.
Guilt is one of those potentially confusing feelings. Some "flavors" of guilt are good; they help us be better people. Some flavors of guilt can trap us in bad situations; stealing our voices and our power. How can you tell which guilt you should listen to, and which you should push away?
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast you'll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt, as well as a practical, powerful strategy you can use to say goodbye to unhealthy guilt for good.
Feeling connected to other people is one of the most important factors in how happy people feel. Humans are social animals, and that’s true whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. We need each other.
And social media relationships don’t count, from a happiness perspective. While actual, real world lets-hang-out relationships are strongly associated with happiness and perceived wellbeing, the opposite is true for Facebook relationships. People who spend more time on Facebook tend to be less happy, more lonely, and generally sadder than people who spent less time on it. A phone call will do much more for your mood than a scroll through your news-feed.
But the truth is that connecting with others can feel challenging sometimes, especially in adulthood. Even for people who made friends effortlessly as kids or young adults can struggle to find new relationships as life evolves. I talk to people all the time who are attractive, smart and interesting — and who still feel really lonely and isolated sometimes.
So on this edition of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast we're going to tackle this problem (and lick it's face until it giggles): How to make more (real) friends.
As a marriage counselor, I've learned through the years that there are fundamental differences between relationships that end, and ones that are reparable. And as sad as it is to work with couples who ultimately decide to split, in many cases it's really a good thing for both partners.
Of course break-ups are sad, and hard. There is loss, and grieving to do when your heart is broken. It's especially difficult if you're not the one who called things off. You have the right to be sad and hurt. And, I'd also like to offer you some perspective on why this break up may actually have been a good thing.
Key points:
1) There was an unsolvable problem.
2) Your break-up saved you from a life of misery.
3) Your failed relationship changed your life for the better.
Do you enjoy the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? If so, please say so in the reviews and subscribe! Also, don't forget to check out my website, www.drlisabobby.com for more Love, Happiness and Success articles and advice, and to take my free online "Happiness Class." -- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Ahhh Anxiety. The sleepless nights. The pit in your stomach. The worries, ever swirling. Anxiety is the experience of being traumatized by bad things happening… before they actually happen.On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to teach you how to stop mentally time traveling into DOOM, and restore your sense of inner peace.
First, I'll help you understand what anxiety is, and the mind-body connection that keeps you trapped in it's clutches. Then, I'll be teaching you my four favorite techniques for stopping it. They're all mindfulness based, and in my experience very effective. They work for my clients, and they work for me. I have every confidence that they'll help you, too.
Key Points:
1) Anxiety = A Time Traveling Mind
2) The Mind-Body Connection, and Cycle of Fear
3) Anchor Yourself in The Present
4) Define the Explosion
5) Solve Solvable Problems
6) Relax Your Body, to Relax Your Mind
Getting married is not about the ring or the clothes or the party. All that fades away. I can barely remember my own wedding. But the connection, love, and friendship I have with my husband is priceless beyond measure. My marriage is the foundation of my entire life. You deserve to have this too.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'll be sharing the three essential ingredients you need to create a lifetime of happiness together.
Listen now...
Call it a funk, a rut, a rough-patch — there are just times when you just don’t feel like yourself. We all go through it.
Maybe you’re more tired than usual, or crankier. Maybe you’re buzzing through your days with a low-grade ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach, or feeling more negative and down on yourself than usual. Maybe you’re feeling more sensitive to slights, or feeling lonely — even when you're around people.
You're not "Depressed with a capital D" but you just don't feel great.
What to do? How do you start to shake off the “Yuck” and reconnect with your sense of wellbeing?
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you how to "Loose the Blues."
Listen Now:
Having ambivalence about your relationship sometimes is completely normal.
You have a fight. Maybe a few fights. You go through a period where you both feel disconnected. Kids, jobs, cleaning bathrooms, the dandelions in the front lawn -- virtually everything seems like it's more of a priority than your marriage.
All relationships have ebbs and flows. Disconnection and reconnection is simply the experience of being in a long term relationship. But sometimes ... it is hard to reconnect. Particularly if toxic negativity begins to color your interactions.
When attachment stretches thin and you can't remember the last time you laughed together, it's normal to wonder if you ever will again. When negative experiences with your partner start to outnumber the good ones, it's normal to wonder if you've arrived at the "end of the line."
Is Divorce the Solution?Not necessarily. Feeling upset and scared about your marriage are exactly the feelings that prompt couples to start marriage counseling. Being unhappy with the situation creates the motivation that you need to do the difficult work of growing back together again. And in my experience, when couples have a will to repair the relationship there is always a way.
But sometimes, people begin to fantasize about divorce. They don't know how to resolve their relationship problems, and divorcing feels like the only solution. When divorce starts to feel like the glowing, open door to freedom and happiness -- your relationship is in trouble.
And of course, I understand there are situations where you may not have a choice: Your partner unilaterally moves towards the door, or perhaps there are such unhealthy and toxic things going on in a marriage that divorcing is genuinely the only reasonable option.
Let's Get Real.If you are toeing up to the edge of this precipice, or perhaps already starting to go through the searing process of taking a marriage apart: This podcast is for you.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Pro Divorce Mediator Denisa Tova about things to think about if you're on the fence about divorcing, and also practical strategies for creating the best possible outcomes if you decide to move forward with divorce.
Main Points:
1) How to tell the difference between "solvable problems" between you and your partner, and situations where divorce is really the best choice.
2) The mindset you need to foster to create a healthy divorce experience.
3) Practical strategies for how to have a civilized, collaborative divorce instead of an ugly, angry one.
Listen Now:Are you a superstar in the eyes of others? Do you work hard, do amazing things, and seem to have it all?
And yet.... walk daily with this gnawing sense that you are failing?
You just want to be happy. You hope that the "next thing" will bring happiness. But it always feels like you’re not doing enough, you’ve missed an opportunity, or that you're not achieving your goals. All your successes are not enough to prop up your self-esteem. You may even worry that these "failures" are due to your own short comings.
Here's the deal: Ambition is widely regarded as being a positive force in our lives. But ambition becomes a problem when it is rooted in fear, and a belief that links happiness to achievement.
On today's edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'll help you understand how to get off the never-ending treadmill of "More" -- and start appreciating how amazing you actually are.
Listen Now.(Music Credits: “The Gummi Bears of Failure," by Paneye.)
Do you hate to meditate? Does the idea of sitting on a little pillow with your eyes shut, sweeping stray thoughts out of your head over and over again, make you feel antsy?
Me too.
And yet, Mindfulness - the art of being present -- is the key to a happy and healthy life.
You don't have to meditate in order to practice mindfulness.
In fact, you can be more connected with the present moment all of the time. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm teaching you how!
You'll learn easy, concrete tools to be more mindful. You'll also learn how to use the skill of mindfulness to feel more calm, happier, more productive, and have better relationships with others.
And if your busy mind is keeping you awake, be sure to download the Free Bonus Sleeping Meditations I mentioned on the show, at www.drlisabobby.com/sleep.
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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a Marriage Counselor, Life Coach and Psychologist. Learn more about her private practice at www.growingself.com, and follow her blog at www.drlisabobby.com.
Few things are more frustrating than being exhausted, but unable to sleep. And it's hard to be happy when sleep is a stranger. Not getting enough sleep makes it hard to think straight. It makes us irritable and more prone to anxiety and depression. Sleep is kind of a big deal.
So on this this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going to tackle insomnia and wrestle it into unconsciousness. You'll learn everything you need to know about how to get more sleep and better sleep. I'll teach you easy Cognitive-Behavioral tricks you can use to fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go.
I've even created some special bonus items for you. Once you're done learning about how to Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep, you can go to my website: www.drlisabobby.com/sleep to download some free relaxation recordings I made just for you. Think of them as an "auditory sleeping pill." Just don't listen while operating heavy machinery! :) -- Lisa
Have you ever worried that you and your partner are just too different?
If so, you're not alone. In fact, all couples need to find common ground around their differences. It's simply the relationship experience: We're not married to ourselves. We're with someone who is a unique individual with their own needs, feelings, hopes and dreams -- many of which may be different from our own.
That's not just okay, it's completely normal. Where couples run into trouble is when they get "polarized," or entrenched in extreme positions on an issue. Things become black and white, and power struggles or arguments ensue.
On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be showing you the way back to connection.
On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you a sequence of three simple steps that will help you fight Depression and lift your mood.
If you've been feeling down, stressed or worried lately this podcast will help you shift your perspective, and start feeling better fast. But even if you are in a good place today I hope you still listen. Learning these key skills – particularly when you're already feeling solid – will help you stay even keeled no matter what life throws at you.
Do you have too much on your plate? Are you struggling to figure out how in the world you're going to get everything done? On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby addresses the common experience of feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed by life. Dr. Bobby will teach you five practical, real-world strategies that you can start using today to feel more peaceful and productive.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Marriage Counselor, Life Coach and Therapist, will teach you an easy formula to turn any conflict with your partner into a "bonding moment" that will strengthen your marriage. You can stop fighting, improve your communication skills, and start understanding each other. Improve your relationship today. Listen now!